1. men Won't STOP for directions

While no longer as common a grievance since the advent of GPS, this still remains the second most divisive issue between the sexes, right behind allegiance to The Three Stooges.  We don't need directions because we're only temporarily lost, and if we keep driving, we'll end up somewhere we know.  Furthermore, stopping to ask directions from some Freddy Krueger look-alike could well lead to a secluded cul-de-sac where we'll be decapitated and our brains scooped out with a grapefruit spoon.  When that happens, "I told you so" is of little consolation.

2. Men don't show their emotions.

Utter nonsense.  Listen to your average man assembling a barbecue grill; what comes out of his mouth would make the Marquis de Sade blush.  And it's not just rage - I've yet to meet the man who didn't bawl unashamedly at the end of Old Yeller or Brian's Song.

3. All men want is sex...

There's no question that men have a powerful libido, but once it's satisfied, the urge for sleep is even stronger.  Men also sublimate their desires when appropriate, such as funerals and the playoffs.  A man watching the Super Bowl is as celibate as a harem eunuch and will not compromise his virtue even when tempted with naked mud wrestling.  He is, however, open to sex at halftime.

4. ...AND YET men are clueless in bed

We're not uncaring or uninterested, but simply befuddled.  The only requirement for male sexual arousal is consciousness whereas a woman needs a precise combination of wine, flowers, music, theatrical lighting, proper ambient temperature, and declarations of undying fealty followed by a lengthy, arcane, and often capricious system of physical stimulation.  I think the frequency of solar flares is also involved. Yet we try our best and get no credit for our efforts.  Men have spent more years looking for the clitoris than the British spent searching for the source of the Nile.  Just where the hell is that thing anyway?

5. Men hog the TV Remote

Giving a woman the remote is like letting a five-year old drive your Camry; you're just not going to end up where you want.  A man scans the channels with an open mind, democratically stopping at every sporting event and martial arts film for his partner's approval before moving on. A woman, heedless of her man's opinion, will tenaciously latch onto some Home & Garden Channel snooze-fest while ignoring more intellectually challenging shows about catching giant catfish or cutting diesel locomotives into scrap.

6. Men don't do their share of house work

Men are more than willing to do housework but see no point of doing it until necessary.  You don't really need to do laundry more than once every few months when you're reduced to wearing lederhosen and mukluks to work.  Likewise, dishes need only be washed when the sink is overflowing and the CDC has sent in a HAZMAT team to investigate.

7. Men don't put down the toilet seat

The usual rationale is that the down position serves two purposes for women, the raised position only one for men, and majority rules.  This principle may be fine for parliamentary debate but is hardly pertinent to bodily functions.  By their own reckoning, women are more observant than men and thus more likely to spot a misaligned commode.  Men, particularly when hungover, are woefully inattentive and not apt to notice a restricted target area. This, combined with a limited sense of direction and faulty aim, can result in extensive collateral damage.  So the real question is, why do women refuse to put the seat back up?

8. Men are terrified of commitment

The exact opposite is true.  Men will commit to just about anything with a zeal that borders on lunacy and is undiminished by reason or evidence of malfeasance.   Sports teams, cars, beer, razors - once a man has pledged his devotion, he will not change his mind at gunpoint.  Women, however, are notoriously fickle and will change their loyalty on the mere basis of logic, economics, or aesthetics.  Why would a man commit to such an unstable creature?