Are you bored by your current gym routines?  Do your old Nautilus or Cybex circuits leave you yawning as well as sweating?  Has your motivation for spinning and Pilates diminished along with your waistline?  Fear not, intrepid workout warrior, for there's a new fitness program out that will not only tone your body but also prepare you for a role if they ever remake Yojimbo or Seven Samurai.  Welcome to Forza.

Forza, the Italian word for strength, uses the principles of classic Japanese sword fighting and blendes it into "a full-body workout that burns calories, builds upper-body and core strength, and tones leg muscles," according to the Forza website.  "Students use wooden swords to perform basic strike movements, which are combined into easy and then gradually challenging routines."

According to Forza's creator, Ilaria Montagnani, in a recent New York Times article “The most important part of the workout is the mind workout.  It is a focusing workout.”  This makes sense to those of us who watch samurai movies, since it might be a harder sell if you concentrate on the decapitation elements, or the thrust-through-the heart-causing-a-geyser-of-blood exercises.  Forza also beats the tedium and endless repetition of actual Kendo practice where hours, days, and even months are spent just learning how to draw your sword properly.  Like Tae Bo and other such routines, Forza will give you the body and aura of a warrior without having to actually fight or even muss your hair, the best of all worlds for the fashionable gym goer.

Of course, like all fitness fads, Forza will only have a limited run before another craze hits.  Like Step Aerobics and Jazzercise, it will eventually be consigned to the used towel hamper of history, only to be seen on late night infomercials and at shopping center demos.  And what new programs will be giving you shin splints in the future?  Your dogged reporter has spent the last fifteen minutes uncovering the latest martial arts and military-based exercise systems that will have you at the Chiropractor in no time.

THE GREEK PHALANX WORKOUT

The Greek city-states of the ancient world stayed in shape using this proven battle formation, and so can you.  Participants wear the full sixty-pound complement of Hoplite armor and form in ranks with their shields interlocked and lances pointing forward.   The class will then quickstep march in a straight line until class ends or they encounter a Persian army.  Excellent for conditioning and upper body strength.

Rhythmic JOUSTING

Also known as "Spearing to the Oldies," Rhythmic Jousting combines the best of medieval horseback combat and '50s doo-wop music.  Participants alternately ride or help push two rolling hobby horses towards one another and attempt to dislodge their opponents with giant Q-tips, all the while keeping time to various Platters and Coasters hits.  The round robin contest continues until a champion is crowned "Duke of Earl."

MERCENARY AEROBICS

During the Renaissance, the great Italian cities defended themselves by hiring armies from the north countries to do their fighting for them.  In this updated version, you pay a fee to have a specially trained fitness professional do the workout on your behalf while you claim the health benefits.  Do not shortchange your surrogate, however, as he is then within his rights to sack your home and carry off your children.

CHORUS LINE KICK BOXING

This is the perfect exercise for those of you who like their Broadway show tunes mixed with Tae Kwon Do.  Two chorus lines advance on each other with Rockette-like precision and attempt to take down their opponents with high kicks until "one singular sensation" remains standing.

MOB RULES!

Are you fed up with loud tyrannical class instructors and their impossible standards?  Then you'll love this free-form approach to fitness where you and your oppressed brethren overthrow the existing order, stringing up the old regime on chin-up bars, and running wildly and destructively through the gym until the place is wrecked.  The session ends when the crowd drops from exhaustion or the National Guard is called in to break it up.