Searching the Darkness

Exploring the Nature of Self

jennipenni

jennipenni
Location
Arizona,
Birthday
March 11

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Salon.com
NOVEMBER 16, 2012 8:23PM

The Usefulness of Cliches

One instant can change a person's life forever.  It's a cliche, but if you are addicted to drugs and alcohol, cliches begin to define your life.  Easy does it. One day at a time. Live and let live. Let go and let God.

I hit rock bottom.

Arizona has some of… Read full post »

AUGUST 7, 2012 4:11PM

Anomie

Anomie: A lack of communal values or standards to help an individual define his or her place within society

I know this definition--not because I have a BS in sociology, and it is one of the main elements of Durkheim's contributions to the field--no, I know this because a professor… Read full post »

My uncle owns a gun store. In front of his store stands a large sign in the shape of a heart with the phrase, "guns save lives" written in red letters and lit up from within the giant organ for all to see.
 
When I was seven, a neighbor… Read full post »
JULY 31, 2012 1:12AM

Crazy?????

I have bipolar disorder. I have borderline personality disorder. I have an eating disorder.  I have whatever psychiatric diagnosis someone with a doctorate in the field of head shrinking can write on my chart.

My question--are we really all that mentally ill, or nothing more than individuals wit… Read full post »

"Bitch!"

That word, directed at me in the middle of a crowded hall at my junior high, made my face hot while simultaneously turning the rest of my body to ice.  I darted into class, my heart racing, fumbling to find my place in the latest Stephen King novel, a sanctuary… Read full post »

I may be one of the few to find the cover of the upcoming issue of Time magazine, featuring Jamie Lynne Grumet breastfeeding her three year old son while he stands next to her on a chair, liberating.  Yes, Time Magazine chose the exact pose to illustrate the height of the… Read full post »

MAY 5, 2012 5:28PM

If You Think I'm Sexy....

We have reached a new pinnacle in our puritanical obsession with sex. D'Avonte Meadows, a first grader living in Aurora, Colorado, has received a three day expulsion from Sable Elementary School  for singing, "I'm sexy and I know it," to a fellow first grade girl in the lunch line.  Apparen… Read full post »

MAY 3, 2012 1:39PM

American Pie

 

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I am a part of the 99%. 

At least I am here—in the U.S.

 If I were to expand the concept to a macro scale and look at where I stand in the global community, the math would be quite… Read full post »

MAY 1, 2012 6:52PM

Awww, HBO, Say It Ain't So...

My reaction to the news that HBO will not be going through with a series based on Jonathan Franzen's spectacular novel, 'The Corrections," was bitter disappointment.

I've been an avid reader since childhood, but by this stage in my life, few writers come along, anymore, with the ability to evoke such… Read full post »

Reading about the less than honorable discharge of Sgt. Gary Stein from the Marine Corps this morning on Yahoo, leaves me in a psychological quandry.  Stein will be discharched from  the Marine Corps with a loss of most benefits following his posts on Facebook, criticizing President Obama.&/… Read full post »

 “I love the fact that there are also women out there that don’t have a choice and they must go to work and they still have to raise the kids……Thank goodness that we value those people, too..”

This latest quote from Ann Romney illustrates just how out of touch shRead full post »

APRIL 23, 2012 10:27PM

Who Really Suffers From Amnesia?

Yesterday, in his column for the New York Times, Paul Krugman asked just how stupid Mitt Romney thinks the American people are.  Krugman was referring to the most recent Romney gaffe, where he blamed the shut-down of a drywall factory in Ohio on the Obama administration, when, in fact, the facto/… Read full post »

APRIL 20, 2012 12:13PM

Why I Hate Ann Romney

Yesterday, as I chased my four and half year-old through piles of toys and clothes to get him ready for preschool,  I thought about Ann Romney. 

I started out as a stay at home mom, but by the time our little guy reached three, finances had become a major concern,… Read full post »

“Oh, my god-what happened to Betty?” my shocked husband asks, as we watch the former Mrs. Draper during the opening scenes of the second episode of season five’s, Mad Men, unsuccessfully enlist the aid of her two older children, Sally and Henry, to zip her into a meta/… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
MARCH 29, 2012 5:05PM

Pre-existing Condition

I am mentally ill.  At least this has been my label--my diagnosis has gradually evolved  from anorexia, to bulimia, to eating disordered non-specified with depression, to bipolar to borderline personality disorder. 

 At the age of 12, I was hospitalized.  After spen… Read full post »

MARCH 29, 2012 1:54PM

To the Daughter of Dara-Lynn Weiss

Dear Bea,

My mother put me on a 1,000 calorie diet at the age of eleven.  She had struggled with an eating disorder for as long as I could remember,  and I had witnessed numerous fad diets, exercise regimens, and my mother's preoccupation with her own weight, but I had never… Read full post »

MARCH 21, 2012 7:12PM

Skin

My earliest memory is of my brother.  He is sitting on my lap, and I am whispering the story of "Little Red Riding Hood" into his ear.  I hold him tight. He smells good-- like baby lotion and sour milk. His hair is soft and warm and  slightly damp with sweat against my… Read full post »

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MARCH 20, 2012 6:32PM

One hour session

I'm in therapy, once more.  Every fifteen minutes, I glance at the clock on the table across from me to see how much time is left.  I always stop the session before my therapist: I am afraid of appearing too needy, of going off on an emotional tangent-only to be stopped short… Read full post »

MARCH 17, 2012 10:30AM

The Looking Glass

"I will not eat," she says,

As she examines her gaunt frame

In the looking glass of her mind.

Like Alice,

She wants to shrink--disappear

So she ignores folds of hungry flesh

Hung from bones like meat hooks.

Her skeleton beckons--

Perfection.

Her breasts, ripe figs no longer

They… Read full post »

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