H1N1 chewed me up and spit me out!  I know it's been a lot worse for some people, but I've been sick for a month!  My weight was as low as 263, but has settled at about 265 now that I'm able to eat again.  Not a good way to lose weight.  I also haven't been able to work out because of respiratory infection.  I'm so happy to be alive!  I'm glad I only had to visit the emergency room once for a breathing treatment.  For the most part I was able to suffer quietly at home.

My comfy jeans are a little too baggy now to be comfortable.  I'm going to try the two pair I bought that were a little tight - maybe tomorrow.  I know I need to post a picture.     

I've been sick for so long it's weird to be well.  I've also been overweight so long that it's weird to have more energy and feel better in that sense too.  People who say they are happily morbidly obese are full of it!!!  They are either lying to themselves, or have just forgotten what it is like to feel good.  I'd forgotten.  I looked at people and wondered how they had so much energy to just do everyday things like cleaning, shopping, even taking a trip.  I was so exhausted by everything I did at 300 pounds that I just quit doing anything at all.  Now that the weight is coming off it's like a blindfold has been ripped off my face and I can see how miserable my existence has really been.  I just got used to the pain.  I got used to acting like a senior citizen in bad health (I'm only 36!).  How does a person get used to such an way of life?  I'm working to find out so I don't do it again. 

It's not O.K. to weigh 300 pounds.  It tears your body up!  It's just not healthy.  I'm on a journey to find healthy and I'm taking it day by day and one choice at a time.  I try not to get too overwhelmed with the damage I've done to my body.  It's something I face every day in the mirror as I watch my skin start to sag and I see the stretch marks.  I'm horrified and elated all at the same time and that's a lot to deal with.  I see a therapist once a week to keep me balanced.  Thank goodness for therapy!  This isn't easy.  It's hard work to change.  I'm scared every day that I will start drinking Coke again and eating french fries like there is no tomorrow, but then I think of my new found energy and my kids and I know I can't go back to 300 pounds.

It's been a rough month, but I'm halfway to the 250s!  Here's to 265!  I feel great!!!