Spoiler Alert: The following quiz is intended for mature audiences who have seen “Prometheus.” Immature audiences and those who haven’t seen the movie are welcome to take the quiz, but don’t say we didn’t warn you.
Choose the correct answer:
1) The creature who drinks the Kool-Aid in the beginning looks exactly like: A) God. B) Woody Harrelson. C) Woody Harrelson on steroids. D) Lindsay Lohan on steroids
2) This creature, whoever he looks like, drinks something from a stone Thermos and gets A) smashed B) an upset stomach C) which he trades for a headache D) seriously deconstructed.
3) The point of this scene is A) I dunno B) to see what makes Woody Harrelson tick C) to set the stage for the rest of the movie D) I still dunno.
4) The robot David kills time onboard Prometheus by watching what famous film set in the desert? A) “Dune” B) “Lawrence of Arabia” C) “The Flight of the Phoenix” D) “The Snowball Express.”
5) The point of this scene is to remind you what a great actor A) Kyle MacLachlan is B) Peter O’Toole is C) Jimmy Stewart is D) Dean Jones is.
6) Robots in the future will be easily identifiable because they’ll all be A) effete B) duplicitous C) easily decapitated D) dead ringers for Dean Jones.
7) How many crew men and women are onboard the Prometheus? A) 17 B) 38 C) God knows D) I’m waiting for the director’s cut to find out.
8) We know Vickers isn’t a robot because A) her real name is “Jonesy” B) no self-respecting robot would wear that outfit C) she doesn’t look a bit like Dean Jones D) she doesn’t know who Steven Stills is.
9) Name the Prometheus’s three main crewmen: A) Parsley, Sage and Rosemary B) Tinkers, Evers, & Chance C) Curly, Larry, & Jerome D) Emerson, Lake & Palmer.
10) The whole point of Prometheus’s trip is to A) weaponize Charlize Theron B) Charlize Idris Elba, C) clear up Weyland’s nasty skin condition D) confront God and beg forgiveness for “Kingdom of Heaven”
11) The actress who plays Elizabeth Shaw is A) Noomi Rapace B) Rooney Mara C) Mooney Noomi Rooni D) Harry Dean Stanton.
12) When Elizabeth performs her c-section, the surgery pod provides what unusual service? A) a free 30-day supply of morning-after pills B) a stern lecture on the dangers of inter-species sex C) dissolving metal sutures D) a pack of newborn face-hugger Huggies.
13) The first thing the god Harrelson does upon waking from hyper-sleep is A) vomit B) ask for a Slurpee, extra-extra large C) hit the snooze button D) look for his slippers.
14) That big-ass thing the god Harrelson sits behind at the end of the movie is supposed to be A) a planet killer B) an alien Breathalyzer C) the gun that gave us The Big Bang D) a spam gun aimed directly at Open Salon.
T15) After seeing “Prometheus,” you’ll never again confuse Ridley Scott with A) Tony Scott B) Gordon Scott C) George C. Scott D) the guy who made “Alien.”
The answers to these and all similar questions can be found at the bottom of the stairs of a long-forgotten delicatessen on the planet Moony-Moolah, in the Alpha Centauri system.