some people drink the grape
some stomp
while others live in the chilly cob webbed cellars
in which the grapes maturesour sweet or bitterall together ... a humorous vignette ...
French Wines Under The Feet
A One Act Socio-Political Comedy
by Jeseppi Trade Wildfeather
in three scenes:
"Tasters" -Two sophisticates, Madame Madame Du Bonsiorchek,
a Zza- Zza Gabor clone, argues with her escort, Monsieur Petimental,
at a wine tasting event somewhere in the world.
"The Stompers" -Two humble grape stompers, squishing grapes in a round calf high vat press their views.
"The Cellars" -Inside the lush Chateau, the traditional count and countess of an ancient estate tell the seller's side of the grapes, the stompers and the wine.
Scene One
The Tasters
The Tasters
Madame Du Bonsiorchek.
[tastes] Mmmm ...This is definitely Chateau du Cavalmard 27.
Monsieur Petimentál.
mmmm- yes-I think you are right. But, I am certain you mean 37.
Mdm. D.
No Monsieur. 27. Can’t you taste the leather?
Mn. P.
No madam. There isn’t the slightest hint of leather in this wine. And so, given this unique bouquet, it is obvious that it was made during the ownership of the Count du Cavalmard. His workers were too poor to have sandals, and so, ... 37!
Mdm D.
Are you telling me that I, Madame Du Bonsiorchek, do not know leather?
Mn. P.
Oh, nonono-0h! ... I am not saying you do not know leather, I am simply saying there is no leather in this wine.
Mdm D.
What do you know about wine? When I found you were on a park bench painting frozen pigeons in Cracow drinking Thunderbird out of a paper bag trying to stay warm.
Mn P.
What difference does that make? The true artist was found.
Mdm D.
All you ever painted were pigeons.
Mn P.
I beg your pardon I was known for my pigeons.
Mdm D.
Yes, by the police. You offended so many people they threw you in jail to get you off the streets.
Mn P.
Well, my offensive pigeons are what made my book famous.
Mdm D.
What book? You call that a book! You didn’t know anything about pigeons, and you knew less about wine.
Mn P.
The book says that the taste of leather can tell you the exact year of a fine wine.
Mdm D.
Whose book ... your book ... French Wines Under the Feet? They burned your book! Your book got us thrown out of the country. Believe me there is leather in this wine. Take another taste.
Mn P.
Oh, so now you are giving over to insults. You know Petimentál need only taste once.
Mdm D.
You have never once tasted a good wine. Years of Thunderbird and Ripple have destroyed you. I, on the other hand, with my delicate rich and sensitive taste buds can detect the slightest hint of leather. I might even be able to tell you the brand of sandal worn by the beggars that stomped the grapes.
Mr P.
They don't wear sandals to stomp grapes!
Mdm D.
Of course you fool, they take them off!
Mr P.
Exactly. And that is the very reason why this is 37. The ph is too alkaline for stompers to have had been wearing sandals.
[points to page]
Mdm D.
If you insist on using your own book as a reference to your stupidity, permit me to point out an exception to your theory about this wine.
[fumbles through pages] Here it is on page 8 in the beginning of the last chapter.
It reads:
“The absence of the scent of leather does not always suggest that leather sandals were not worn. In 1937, fine French wines suffered a distinct loss in quality when the majority of stompers went over to wearing rubber thongs."
... and thus giving rise to the writing of your stupid book, ‘French wines Under The Feet!’”
[Monsieur Petimentál has been trumped, and is left with a look of exasperation, while the dominant Madame Du Bonsiorchek throws her nose up in the air, tosses the book and walks away."]
End of scene one.
Scene Two:
The Stompers
You are invited to continue reading the play at:
Utterly Inane, Wildfeather's sprawling, non-commercial, multi-blog studio: The Naked Underground.
TIP:
Enter the amount, and click "Tip" to submit!
bluesurly
Critical Mess
Gordon Osmond
dynomyte
marytkelly
Sandra Stephens
Salon.com
Comments