I cannot believe the crap that’s on TV these days.  For years and years I avoided TV like the plague and I was okay with that.  Not watching TV made for longer days where I got so much more accomplished and got a lot more books read.  When I moved in with my husband, TV became part of my life again.  At first, I couldn’t get enough of some shows.  I wished that CSI came on everyday until I got burnt out on it.  Then I was completely enamored by Big Brother until another season of the show started up and I felt guilty watching a whole new crew living in a house where my old TV friends were just months earlier.  I felt like I was cheating on the old cast.  I’m at the point where I don’t care what’s on the TV.  I hand my husband the remote, let him pick what ever he wants to watch, lay my head on his lap and try not to fall asleep.

 When I’m home alone, I’ll turn on the TV from time to time and scroll through the menu of what’s on.  What I’ve come to realize is that I’m some how missing out on being on TV.  Everyone has a show of their own.  Anyone can have their own series.  Now I’m trying to figure out how I can have my own.

 Having a baby is about the closest thing I can think of to get me on TV.  Tons of pregnant women are letting their babies births open for public viewing despite the fact that the producers fuzz out the, well, fuzz.  A lot of the footage seems to be home video (yes, I’ve checked the show out) and self-interviews.  I’m good at talking to myself, so what’s the difference if I plop a camera in front of me.

 After I have the baby (that I can’t even conceive) I can move to another show called Bringing Home Baby.  That show just shows the typical life of how a new mother’s life is.  When I had my daughter, no one was interested in my two o’clock feedings or the postpartum depression.  No one saw the sausage links of dirty diapers that I pulled out of the Diaper Genie.  No one cared.  Instead of being on TV to document all of the messy moments of that time in my life, I kept a journal and started a baby book.

 Then, after that baby, if I could just pop out seven or eighteen more, I would be a huge TV sensation.  Kate can do it.  The Duggars can do it.  My patience, however, could not.  Those families, in my opinion, have it made.  Kate and her little clan are constantly being given these special little gifts anywhere from little play houses for the kids to motorcycles and scooters from Orange County Choppers.  The Duggars are always going on special trips where they are greeted with what seems like a cult following.  How can all of those kids get enough attention from their parents when there are so many of them?  It seems like the older girls are doing a lot of the parenting while Mrs. Duggar deals with the newest addition.  I have three kids but I don’t see a camera crew knocking down my door.

 If I were a little (or a lot) shorter, I’d be guaranteed a spot on TV.  There are at least three shows that I can think of that follow the everyday lives of little people (is that the right terminology these days?).  There’s little people on a farm, little people doctors, and little people who rescue pit bulls.  If we are supposed to look past people’s differences, then why are these people’s differences being accentuated by having their own shows?  Are people just this curious and voyeuristic that they need to see how short people get stuff out of the top shelf of a closet or press the pedals of a car?  Come on.  These people are just like us for the most part.

 Are you thinking about filing for bankruptcy?  There’s a show for that, too.  My husband lost his job in April but still, no camera crew.  Downsizing is hitting too close to home for so many Americans these days so why would we want to watch it on TV?  Isn’t TV supposed to take you away from the hassle and stress of everyday life?  I don’t want to watch parents have to tell kids that they have to be pulled from their extra-curricular activities.  My kids didn’t go to camp this summer but I didn’t broadcast that all over the world (or maybe I just did).  My kids got cheaper, poor quality school uniforms this year and it broke my heart because they could tell the difference.  We haven’t filed for bankruptcy, so maybe that’s the missing element that is keeping us away from a major television network.

 Got bugs?  Billy will kill them for you.  Want to see an alligator meet it’s demise?  Those shows are being filmed in my backyard so I know camera crews are down here somewhere.  Just not here.

 When I brought my complaint to my husband about us not having our own show, he took my face into his hands and said, “Baby?  We can’t have our own show.  No one wants to see Couch Potato Porn.”  Point taken.  I’ll just watch other people’s lives go on as I stop mine to watch theirs.