Had one response (to my last post) of deep concern regarding my potential psychological state.
This is what I know: today it is raining and I'm currently in downtown Houston, if a car crash takes me on my drive home, I am confident Josie will be fine, that she is loved and will be provided for. It is not my responsibility, nor should it be, to dictate every element of her life for the next 15+ years, therefore surrendering myself to the tyranny of never being a "good enough" mom. I cannot teach her how to live for herself if I do not also live for myself.
This is what I discovered yesterday: Aside from the obvious cathartic effect of exercise, there is something to be said for putting every bit of energy and focus into an activity, releasing all fear of potential consequences. Fear of pain, injury, death, or reprisal prevents so many of us from finding out who we truly are and what we are truly capable of. I usually run my 3 miles in 40 to 45 minutes. Yesterday I ran with such intensity that I burnt out with about a quarter mile left and had to walk. When I returned to the locker room I discovered I had still made the entire loop in about 30 minutes.