"Welcome to the 2010 Mercedes Benz Fall Fashion Extravaganza in New York. Our first ensemble is a silk dress with a wool pullover by Dana Koran.

It goes for $25,000 and was hand crafted by Indonesian factory workers for 25 cents an hour. They could have used American workers, but it would have raised production cost an extra $90o, and when you're walking down the runway or red carpet, nothing says success like an outfit made by slave laborers with dysentery, living in grass huts. "

"Haute Couture has never been so fabulous! The model, Numan, who's real name is Jenny Finklestein is not just svette, but smart, studying animal husbandry and abnormal psychology at NYU.

She's in several support groups for eating disorders and says she is beating bullimia one day at a time with the help of her savior, Jesus Christ, and a 4-bag-a-day heroin habit. Doesn't she look sublime?"

"She sure does. Pale, emaciated. She has that concentration camp survivor physique that says, 'It takes more than a lobotomy and an eating disorder to wear this outfit.'"

"I can see Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes in attendence."

"Does she look glasssy-eyed to you, Naomi?"

"She's married to Tom Cruise. Can you imagine doing that without medication?"

"Good point. There's Mel Gibson and his date."

"It's good to see he's finally gotten over his fear of race mixing. Now if only he woud take the swastika stickers off his Sedan."

"There's Oprah."

"I think you're right. I can tell by the bucket of wings she's carrying around."

"There's nothing like the Colonel at a gala event. I like Original Recipe myself."

"To tell you the truth I prefer Popeyes, especially since I'm only going to regurgitate it anyway."

"Ok, we have to take a commercial break so our sponsors can tell you about feminine itch, whole foods, and insect spray. This is Naomi Campbell in New York, saying stay tuned for more of the Fall Fashion Extravaganza!"

"When I'm not feeling fresh, I....."