I'm getting tired of people whining about how hard it is for writers. You all are surrounded by local papers with circulations in the thousands. Find out how to submit articles. Take 5 to 10 of your best and send them in.

I guarantee a lot of you will get published. They have Sunday papers. Entertainment sections. I would avoid politics since any asshole can give their opinions on it. They probably don't want any more.

But lots of you have personal stories, humor, food tips with Jpeg photos. Family history, travel, etc.

Most of the writing on OS is journalism ready and professional quality, so I know why you're whining, I'm just tired of it.

1) Stop whining.

2) Research the papers around you an find out how to submit - email, regular mail, what are the specifics? They are listed in the paper.

3) Don't bug the shit out of them. They will read it and get back to you.

4) Don't be afraid to syndicate. Every paper is a new audience. Just be aware of what you agree to with each paper. Exclusivety?

5) I may do this myself with a few humor pieces, though I have to find my Dave Barry rather than Hunter S. Thompson type pieces. I haven't written a lot grandma can read over coffee.

6) Don't expect to pay your mortage your first year at it.

7) Let me know how it works.

A friend of mine fancied himself a photographer. Went to the county paper, got an assignment - A revolutionary war re-enactment in color. He got front page. But refused to do any more because he didn't make enough at it.

Great attitude. Why pay dues? Writing success should be like microwaving food.

Take that sense of entitlement and stuff it in a draw, next to those literary agency rejection letters.

8) You have to go through hell before you get to heaven.

9) Grow up. No, you will not make much at first. But you may wind up with a steady column. Or syndicated exposure.

You are not going to get published in magazines or big papers until you can show them a portfolio of small papers or magazines, so

10) Be humble. An established writer has an audiencce. You have 100 people on here who like your work. That's not a lot of book sales, is it?

But writers are not really a dime a dozen. A lot of people here have a good shot. It's specifically because local papers are cheap bastards strapped for money that you can get in print. You are offering professional quality, original material for low prices.

11) Fuck the internet. Start with print. It lo0ks professional and they will pay you something, if not enough for a dinner out.  Circulation is taken more seriously than web hits in writing circles. But the money will not put your kids through college.

12) Tough titties. You have to start somewhere and we are, professionally speaking, green. There is quality, and there is credibility and credentials. We have the first, but need to get the last two. Money should follow. Eventually.

13) It should work. If you live in cities and have big papers that are hard to get into, try smaller papers first, or the surrounding areas. Hell, try anywhere in your state.  Clip your articles. Frame them, put them in a binder, make decorative hats, it's up to you.

This may come as a shock to people, but not many people get out of school and get hired as CEOs, outside of internet porn. You have to start in the writer's mailroom, so don't come crying to me the New York Times or Chicago Tribune didn't like your salad recipes or story about your girlfriend's skiing trip. "But everyone on OS loved the anecdotes about my cat. I was sure I would have heard from the Pulitzer committee by now, but it was never even accepted by The New Yorker Magazine."

14) Duh.

15) If it my advice doesn't work, are you much worse off for trying? "I spent 25 minutes researching my local papers website and submitting pieces via email. AND THEY NEVER PRINTED THEM!"

16) Stop whining.

Now go be writers. When you sell your first book with the thousands of readers you aquire over time, you can send me a nice commission.