"You're watching Live With Doctor Phil. We're talking with Steve Roberts today, who is battling drug and alcohol addiction. You want to tell us a little about yourself?"

"Thanks, Dr. Phil. I guess it started about a year ago, when I lost my job and my wife left me."

"The drinking, and drugs?"

"Yes. But I've been asking God for guidance and and trying to work through this."

"Ok, Steve, but God  didn't tell you to drink a bottle of cleaning fluid and try to solicit sex from a transvestite behind the Piggly Wiggly.

"That's true."

"And correct me if I'm wrong, but God isn't the one who ran naked through a Walmart singing Lady Gaga songs."

"I know."

"At some point you have to take responsibility for your own actions, Steve."

"I guess."

"You guess? Did God tell you to buy a case of nitrous oxide containers and try to commandeer the Bullwinkle float during the Thanksgiving Day parade?"

"No."

"I didn't think so. At some point Steve is going to have to take responsibility for Steve. Do you see my point?"

"I guess."

"Look, Steve, I can help you, but only if you want to be helped."

"I know."

"At some point you have to quiet these inner voices telling you to do things you know you shouldn't be doing. Like dressing up like Meryl Streep and chasing taxi cabs down the street, screaming lines from "Kramer vs Kramer."

"I know, but it was such a great movie."

"I wasn't THAT great Steve."

"It won awards."

"So does Halle Berry, but I don't dress like her and stop traffic."

"I guess."

"So what are we going to do, Steve."

"Stop the drugs and alcohol."

"And..."

"Stop dresssing like Meryl Streep."

"Thank you. I think we all learned something today. Everyone likes a drink now and then, or a good movie, but there is a difference between acting and acting out, and the sooner we learn the difference, the better off we'll be."

"Thanks, Dr. Phil."

"Thanks Steve. We have to go to commercial. Next, we'll talk to Priests with Tourettes Syndrome,  on Live With Dr Phil."