1.)  I have been married 23 years and don't cheat. But I see sexually every woman I see. I have learned to be discrete and polite about this.

    2.) I used to curse profusely. Not so much now. But I still think with these words and must translate before… Read full post »

     I entered journalism in 1976 at Southern Illinois University. I read a book by Woodward and Bernstein and another by Tom Wolfe and decided this was my calling. Democracy needed me. Literacy itself needed me. Plus, a lot of cool chicks worked at The Daily Egyptian.

   &nb… Read full post »

CHANNELING NEBUCHADNEZZAR

     I have to be a detective if I want to do a good job. Old guys don't tell you what they need. I have to poke around, see what's up. I never hear this:

     "My mind is entering various stages of dementia. It's usually harmless,… Read full post »

LET'S PLAY OUTSIDE!

     Taking care of old guys is like raising kids. As soon as you figure out what they need, they need something else. I figured my father-in-law, Mike, needed to go outside. What he needed was protection from a fool like me, but I didn't know that till… Read full post »

DREAMS AND IDEAS

     Whirlygig seeds flitter down on me as I doze on my deck. I am enveloped in oak and elm trees and the arboreal jizz they release, mixed in with clouds of cottonwood spunk, which floats in on the breeze from cottonwood daddies throughout the neighborhood. A… Read full post »

     Five boys and a dog stood in front of the pregnant oak tree. The tree had a collection of knots the size of a watermelon on one side. The oldest boy joked it had been made pregnant by a maple in the front yard. The youngest didn't know why that… Read full post »

     I sold pleather. Check that. I tried to sell pleather. For three days. I never convinced anyone to hand me cash in exchange for the plastic purses, vests, jackets, wallets and briefcases I hauled around office buildings in the Loop and Chicago's surrounding suburban strip malls. B… Read full post »

     I chose my sponsor in the usual way. He chose me. In two years I had completed three of the Twelve Steps. I was miserable. Patrick grabbed me by the ear one night after a meeting.

     "Why are you so miserable?"

     I smiled, a delaying… Read full post »

     Years later I asked her why she married me.

     "I was pushing 30 and I didn't think anyone was going to ask me."

     So she chose me. She settled on a fixer-upper.

     We met at a wedding. An old friend of mine was… Read full post »

SHAVING WITH CONNIE FRANCIS

    God wanted us to know what love sounds like, so he gave us Connie Francis. "Please do not forget..." she soothes "...that our lips have met." She wraps her lips around us as we begin our day, Mike and I. Mike is Michele Bernardi,… Read full post »