Monte, you touched a nerve for me with your recent post on the etiquette of managing replies. I’m new to OS, and I’ve been feeling a little overwhelmed by it all. I feel like I’ve moved to a new high school 30 years after graduating. There are no real rules here. I’m very new to blogging. My Facebook site is a ghost town I visit once a year just to make sure there are no squatters. I was thinking the other day that some of you more seasoned OSers should put up some sort of FAQ to help us new folks out. But if this is high school, then it really is every new kid for him/herself. My first post garnered a fair number of responses…because I put OS in the title. I didn’t realize what I was doing at the time. In that first frenzy of activity, I inadvertently blog-whored myself (thank you Mungular for pointing that out), a phrase I was completely unfamiliar with.
After my first post, I realized I didn’t have the anonymity I wanted, so I started again with a new account – same avatar and screen name, but I wasn’t sure whether I lost a little steam there. I reposted it, but I now realize that there are a number of replies that I didn’t go back to. I apologize for that—I did leave a breadcrumb trail to my new account. (ah, the guilt.) Yesterday, I made the front page with a “Canadian” post, but it didn’t get much attention in light of the Obama inauguration. In trying to respond to everyone who did chime in, I felt like it was getting to be a bit too much about me, and I was making myself nauseous thinking about it. I would have loved it if more people from the US had weighed in on the list of Canadian music your little cousins from the North chose for the new President. But I also realized that we are mostly the sound of a mosquito in the ear the US most days, and in light of the inauguration, we were more like squished mosquito, so I didn’t think much of it. In a truly Canadian kind of way, I was just happy anyone weighed in on our Canadian music selections for Obama – even if most who replied were Canadian. J
There seems to be some obvious “prom queen/king” personalities here who are beloved by all. That’s a little intimidating to say the least. As I writer, I bring all the emotional baggage I have into this arena. And you wouldn’t know I had this baggage if you met me in person. I’m not sure how the friending thing works exactly. I wasn’t sure that I could just “friend” anyone without looking like some sort of desperate stalker or if I had to wait to be friended. I’m not sure I want to invite rejection into my life. I’ve sent out messages a couple of times, but felt like I might be being too forward. (am I sounding too Canadian here?)
So, here’s my take on replying to posts. I really appreciate every reply in that kind of desperate “look at me” kind of way. I also feel completely crushed when I get just a smattering of replies. And then I shake my head and realize that I’m a grown woman and the Internet is a huge arena, and besides, this is all in my own head, and I need to get over it. At the same time, I almost feel like this place it taking over my life. I’m fortunate to have a great contract right now and I really don’t want to screw that up by spending more time on unpaid writing then I spend on paid writing, but OS is like a drug some days.
Overall, I am finding an incredible amount of inspiration here as a writer. I am now writing for myself more than I have in years. But I am also losing sleep and this is creeping into all parts of my life. My husband thinks I’m having and online affair. I can live with the reply, no reply thing, but I really don’t want to feel guilty if I don’t give a personal nod to every single reply. As others said in response to your post Monte, not every reply requires a response. But, I’m also hurt-ish if I don’t get a response to a reply. I guess, I’m dancing as fast as I can; I’m trying to figure out this world of OS; and I appreciate the efforts of all who post and all who reply. If I fail to understand the “unwritten” rules of OS, please accept my heartfelt apologies. This place is great, and I don’t want to get voted off the island, but I can’t say I’ll be any more compliant with the rules here than I am in the corporate world.
Also, I recently read an article on psychopaths, and one of the indications was “being the first to comment on a web post.” That has me a little freaked out since I’ve done a few first comments lately. And this is not an attempt to blog whore Monte’s original post…or is it? Hmmmm.
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Ps: I've been to Guy Lombardo's hometown a number of times, so don't think I don't know anything about Canadian music! :-)
...no, seriously...don't let the Kewl Kids (whoever they are..I'm not sure, really) intimidate you. I never know what is going to be responded to or not. My most eyeballed posts are often the ones I am least proud of..go figure. Don't mean a thing.
This post was honest and very open and brave ...the need you expressed, the desire for recognition. Well written and I salute ya.
And Grif, I wonder what it means if you are the first to comment on your own post. That'll keep me up for bit - not. :)
I want to mention each of you by name, but then I have to keep scrolling to get the crazy avatar names spelled correctly. so Grif 82600, Persephone 13 and emma peel (could you make these names more difficult?) thanks for weighing in...seriously.
But who is Guy Lombardo? Wasn't he the original drummer for the Beatles? ;)
Keep swinging
I notice Monte has not bothered to comment yet! (Ha, that was a joke.)
High school, indeed! I think of OS as an open writing site, not another soul-sucking social network. Feeling guilty for failing to keep track of comment debts is conducive neither to writing nor to peaceful living. Thankfully the people who see their posting as creating an obligation to you to read and comment and keep checking back for replies to your comments etc., have no power to vote you or anyone else of the island.
By the way, I think the psychopath thing refers to people who occupy their time waiting for a new post on a commercial blog, and then frantically dial in only to say "FIRST!"-- or sometimes FRIST!
I think you're okay...
You go! Please keep writing, as you find the time and energy. Glad to be getting to know you...
now we can go smoke cigarettes behind the gym together....
Use the OS search box to find posts labeled "OS tips" and "OS user manual". There are posts on lots of more specialized topics that can also be found in this way, like "etiquette" and such.
Sciencechick, that's exactly where I developed most of my bad habits. But I quit smoking 10 years ago thanks to an Indian guru and a puja ceremony. I'll write about that one day. :) Thanks.
Caruso (nice looking cat) and Rick, the "search" tool is such an obvious answer I'm a little embarassed. I tend to be the one who wades in and gets lost for hours rather than going straight to what I want and getting out. You never want to go shopping with me. Rick, I read your etiquette post right after my first post. Mungular pointed it out to me. I found what I was looking for, but I have to admit that it was a bit more than I was prepared to digest at the time. I have it bookmarked for future reference. Thanks for weighing in.
Well glad you're here!
It can be overwhelming at times, to read everyone you want to read, to comment, to respond, to check back, etc. etc. Where's the time for writing? It shouldn't be a chore, though. If it becomes that way, you need to allow yourself some space. That's what I had to do over the weekend when the requests to "please read!" in my inbox were overwhelming. I am STILL trying to read them all, but at my own pace and with my sanity hopefully intact.
In my opinion, there are no "right" or "wrong" ways to enjoy OS. Just do what feels right to you, as long as it's respectful. Friend whomever you want and you will find that others are friending you and reading you. But make sure you leave time to write because you write some terrific stuff. :)
"There seems to be some obvious “prom queen/king” personalities here who are beloved by all. That’s a little intimidating to say the least. As I writer, I bring all the emotional baggage I have into this arena. And you wouldn’t know I had this baggage if you met me in person."-- You are so right on this, I really like for you stated this part. I feel the same way about it.
I am very inspired by the talent that is here on OS, it makes me more compelled to write even more then I used to. But it is like going back to high school again.
Thank you for a great post.
Either way, I love your post. Keep it up - screw the cool kids!
Rated.
Moana, Lisa, sheepdog, fireeyes, thanks for the support and for weighing in.
Sheldon the wonderdog, what can I say. Now I have to imagine people reading my posts naked. I'm just not sure how that will affect future posts. My smile of the day award goes to you. thanks
The other thing I would say is that this is not just a writer's blog, it's a community. We are (for the most part) a friendly bunch that interacts with each other and off each other most of the time. There are some surreal characters here for sure. One's like I've never met in reality, but that's cool.
Monte is my good friend (and I KNOW you aren't attacking him, but embracing him, just to clear that up ahead of time), but I know exactly where he's coming from. None of us can answer EVERY comment (although I try to out of courtesy and NO other reason), but some people blog and simply leave it be. Nothing. Nada. To me, that's rude. Unless it's one of the writers brought on by the Editors for the front page (and don't tell me that isn't the case). They never have any intention of coming back. They're connected to all the other, "Reddit", "Digg", "Facebook", etc... and they blog here only to be read. That's fine too. But, some people make no or little attempt to reply to kind comments. That's a bit perplexing.
Yes, we have our Prom King and Queens on here for sure. But 95% are pure gold. Welcome to OS (a little late), and you're always welcome to blog whore me. I've never turned anyone down yet.
Greg
Great post.
Yeah, until you helped them with their homework then you were cool. But I digress.
Ignore any high schoolishness. Its about simple courtesy and common sense. If I make a mistake, it'll be forgiven, I hope.
I long ago gave up on conquering this place. I am grateful to have the handful of friends I have, and concentrate on writing the best I can. There are only so many hours in a day. I also find it helpful to creep out of the cave now and again and snuggle up with my spouse, who likely harbors suspicions similar to your husband's .
Good post, JK.
http://open.salon.com/content.php?cid=62521
I'd made one post in August, and gotten exactly zero responses, which silenced me for a long time. Then I happened on Lonnie's post in one of my infrequent revisits to OS, and it encouraged me to try again. I started with a recipe and got a couple of nice comments (thanks Emma Peel and CoyoteOldStyle), slowly worked my way into the fringes of the family.
Warning: it does get addictive
Anyone up for making an OS Wiki? We could include all those hints, tips, faqs and more, all under one banner.
Perhaps I need to propose this in a blog post.
Who's up for writing the page(s) about Queen Freaky?
As a professional writer, too, I have the same arguments with myself that you do about writing for free when we should be writing for profit.
But it is addictive to write in the moment, isn't it?
Each has to find their own comfort zone as to how, when, who, what and where they do this and that on OS. You are starting to do that and it takes time. In the end all any of us can do is the best we can.
It always helps to remember what we felt like when we were newbies and had that overwhelmed, "What the hell am I doing here?" feeling. It gives one a bit of perspective and helps avoid having to buy new hats when our heads swell up thinking about how great we have become.
We all have to remember that even if we are worshiped here, and some are, but not me or you, OS, while over 15000 members, now is still but a tiny spot, a mere pixel, in the internet universe and allow that to humble us just a bit.
My style is quite different than many others here. I ask or have been asked each friend on my list if they want to have a mutual friendship. Each person on my list cannot be blog whored (I hate the sexism in that term) since we all agree to receive notices of when we post a new piece of work. So my list is not so large and grows slowly. That is fine with me because I make it a point of getting to know my friends work, and them, and supporting their efforts, etc. Many of us have rich discussions out of the public eye in PMs and regular emails.
That doesn't work for a lot of people and it is no universally applicable system. But it works for me.
And you will find what works for you. This post is a good example of testing the waters and seeing if you want to swim there. Good job.
Monte
Undertow, thanks for making a post just for me. I will peruse all those links right after I take my ADD meds (kidding)
Gayle, wise words – thx
Jimmymac, I’ll have to get to the bottom of your Connie Francis posts. Maybe I’ll just sit back and read for awhile.
B1…thanks for letting me know where GL comes from she said sheepishly. I think Grif’s been everywhere.
Roy, thanks for the link and all your great comments so far. I’ll try to inch into the fringe behind you. But would someone please explain where things like Foodie Tuesday and Top 25 things are documented.
Wayne, good idea on the wiki, but who’s Queen Freaky?
Hawley, yes totally addictive since it is 3:30 in the afternoon and here I am trying to do right by my repliers.
Ah Monte, the man who started it all. I like your approach to OS. Maybe as I get deeper in I’ll adopt some of this. Sorry about using the term blog whoring on your web. After I saw the Rev in front of your name I was a little embarrassed…but it’s not my term.
Thanks everyone.
You must be happy that you have so many good comments. And I am happy for you. Just keep plugging away and you will be just fine.
Good job.
Monte
I'm not sure who the cool kids are, actually. Some of the people who always get the cover are actually semi-famous writers onto themselves and rarely post on anyone's blog but their own. I think they get lured here with promises of The Cover.
I've actually noticed new faces out front recently otherwise, although the subject matter remains pretty similar.
I promise to try to respond. Monte's post gave me the guilts, actually, as I often didn't post back because I'm so busy. My only concern is keeping it going. I'm not sure I can do it time-wise.
In the meantime, actually, there are no rules. :) Just do what you want in the way of meeting people.
I also don't 'friend' anymore because within about two months, often, the stupid software 'de-friends' my friends without my permission. Very annoying. I'm hoping that's being fixed so that I can do that.
Plus, sometimes rather than reply to a comment, I visit the person's site and return the favour by reading and commenting on something they posted...like I just did for odetterroulette. :)