I share this brief tutorial in the interest of your health and happiness, as well as in the interest of developing
Curmudgeon Youth
who may have the right attitude, the right instincts, but who as yet may not have at tongue's tip just the right words in a world of
Aphorisms Out of Control.
Use this as a Primer, as a Guide.
You will thank me.
____________________
- "You lose most of your Heat from your Head; Wear a Hat."
Horse shit. A virile man never loses heat.
- "An Apple a Day keeps the Doctor Away."
You can never get a fucking appointment anyway.
- "To end a friend's Hiccups, wait for the Right Moment, then startle her with a resounding 'Ha!'".
Sure. Then get the shit beat out of you.
- "Every Person is the Author of His own Health."
Tell that to miners, asshole.
- "To Wish to be Well is the Largest Part of Becoming Well."
Yeah...That's right. Just think really hard:
Cancer, Cancer! Go Away!
Visit Someone Else Today!
- "Digestion is the Great Secret of Life."
No: throwing up on your enemy's shoes is.
- Superior Health follows a Noble Temper."
And a brimming trust fund.
- "Eight Glasses of Water a Day will Take all Your Ills Away."
Yeah. And piss you straight into Depends by the time you're 50.
- "Health is Wealth!"
No it's not. It's just a goddamned rhyme.
- "Happiness is the Path to Health."
Ommmm. Fucking. Ommmm.
- "The Healthy Man is the One Who Asks for Help."
WussieBoy.
- "Staying Healthy is an Expression of Gratitude to the Entire Cosmos."
People who say "The Cosmos" (or "The Planet") aren't fit to live.
- "I don't want to Live in a World where People go Without Adequate and Proper Nutrition."
So die.
- "True Beauty is on the Inside."
This isn't about marrying off your sister, moron.
- "Care for your Loved One in Good Health and Bad."
- "Health is Greater than Learning."
Yeah.
- "Avoid all white foods."
Racist shit.
- "Within Yourself, Create either Health or Disease."
No. Fucking. Duuh.
- "Life is Crisper when A Man is in Good Health."
And when you stick a fork in the fucking toaster.
- "To Maintain Good Health, Cultivate Cheerfulness." 
Cultivate T h i s.
* * * * * * *
Zei Gezunt.
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Max Rivlin-Nadler
Linda Seccaspina
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jmac1949
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Salon.com
Comments
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Brought a smile to my face this morning... and its only 6;51 am hahaha
Rated with hugs
~~R
r~
Oh the x-rated memories!
Noooooo! Not the flashbacks!
Hehehe. -R-
"Life is but a prune danish."
He never elaborated. He made about as much sense as most of these. While we're at it, remember to keep these two old sayings in mind, preferably at the same time:
"Absence makes the heart grow fonder."
"Out of sight, out of mind."
Lezlie
Way to go again!
Even though there is ALOT of humor here there is also a lot of seriousness underneath which all great humor has.
Great job, again!
Buddy