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Jonathan Wolfman

Jonathan Wolfman
Location
Maryland, Northwest of The District,
Birthday
January 26
Bio
Visit, too, please: www.talkingwriting.com www.doesthismakesense.com www.reortergary.com (pal talk news network)

FEBRUARY 6, 2012 7:21AM

Words At My Father's Memorial Service

Rate: 38 Flag

    

 

     As I've shared here, my father died in the third week of August. As his funeral was in Philadelphia, our original home, and as Jewish law requires burial within three days, only a very few of his Boston-area law colleagues could attend his funeral. He taught there from 1976 on.

 

     On Friday his colleagues held a very upbeat, and, of course, bittersweet, memorial for him in the law library. I was pleased it was so well attended; students and faculty spoke. I was pleased, too, that I was asked to share a few words, words colleagues just could not. Theirs were wonderfully satisfying to me, as were those of my niece and my stepmother who, along with the law school, arranged it. I'm grateful to all of them.

 

     It was wonderful sharing the event with my immediate and extended family and many others, including a boyhood pal of mine who lives in New Hapmshire and found he'd be in the area earlier in the day. That he prolonged his visit, to attend, means a great deal to me.

 

     An avid Philadelphia Athletics and later, Red Sox fanatic, if dad were to have been there, he'd have loved  the string trio that welcomed us with classical fare, ending the late afternoon with a delightful "Take Me Out to the Ball Game".

 

     Thanks, in advance, for indulging me here. I share, below, my brief words from Friday afternoon.

 

 

 

--

 

 

     Thanks for being here to celebrate our father’s life. I speak for several of my dad's children and _____'s; I’m here to share thoughts reflecting our sense him.  

    

     My father was the most generous, giving man I have known. He taught generosity of spirit; he continually shared of himself. We, all of us here today, were recipients.

 

     I witnessed when I was not yet ten the single most remarkable teaching he shared with me, an active teaching that has shaped my life. Even at ten I was aware of the implications of his choice to leave his [law firm] partnership for teaching and writing and advocacy. I had some inchoate sense of what he’d be giving up and I also saw his fundamental happiness over the decision grow, year-to-year.

 

     This single decision has over and again reaffirmed for me the truth that what is most important, what brings the most sustained happiness, is to find your gift, pursue it, and give it away, and every day.      

      Now, as we all are, dad was a broader person than what he was as a professional. We recall his passion for us,  his unconditional love for us and for our children. One recalls his love of baseball, his Red Sox, his devotion to the sports one of his children played in high school and at college, attending so many college football games and genuinely enjoying it.

     Another remembers, among many other acts of generosity, how dad went out of his way to help him start out in his career by remarking to a  business owner how, while yet in college, he created a useful computer program. He stayed with that company many years and  is as yet in the same industry. His only ‘disappointment’ with dad came when he learned as a very young man that dad’s being  a tax policy expert didn’t mean that his passion for teaching would lend itself to teaching nifty April 15th trickery.  

    

     Another recalls, as I know all of you do, dad’s “heart, graciousness, and warmth.” It shaped who he was as a man, a dad, as a professional. Perhaps most of all, she’ll miss his voice, his excitement and engagement at hearing ours. We all hope our own children have that sense of our own voices. Dad also, I should tell you, shared with me how much he himself delighted in your voices and ideas, his colleagues’ and students’.        

      Now, sometimes you can get a sense of a man’s humility from a small thing that he does that’s so dramatically out of character, so spur-of-the-moment, so contrary to expectation, that in fact it underscores just how thoroughly humble he really was, because you remember it as a striking anomaly, and so vividly forty-two   years on.

     In my freshmen year I got it in my teenage head that I needed one of those then-faddish enormous bean bag chairs. Mom and dad rightly thought it silly and knew I’d never be able to do anything but crawl out of the thing once I plunked down. But I was his son and he was a pushover for my happiness even, at times, when he knew I was being frivolous.

 

     He called around one Saturday morning and finally found a giant bean bag, or so he’d thought, at a shop in a town up the road. When we arrived, the guy, against his over-the-phone promise to hold the stupid thing, had sold his last bean bag.

 

     Dad looked at me, saw my insane, immature  disappointment and, wholly, extraordinarily-against-character-and-temperament, said to the fella, DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM? I AM THE DEAN AT THE UNIVERSITY OF…. The shop owner cut him off saying he didn’t care if my father were—I recall him clear-as-a-bell-- ___ING KING TUT!  Dad looked at me as if to say I’M SORRY. His ‘SORRY’, of course, wasn’t about the bean bag. The exchange underscores for me just who he never ever was save in that one wildly uncharacteristic moment, moved by his love for me, even when his better judgment would’ve said, JON--YOU DON’T NEED ONE OF THOSE!

 

     He was among the most loving and humble people we’ll ever hope to know. In sum, we love him, we miss him, we hope, for our children’s sakes,that we live up to the very best in him, for he gave it all away every day.

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I feel fortunate to have been able to speak this way about a man who, as luck would have it, was my dad.
Evidently your father was a wonderful man who loved you and thank you for sharing this.
I envy you this father, and the gifts he gave you. Well done, Jon.
The question remains, did you ever get a stupid bean bag?
No, the men and women of their generation were one of a kind, special in so many ways, each in their own way.. We all have these wonderful memories of our parents, on the reasons they were so unique, loving , concerned and caring... Hopefully we are half as good imparting these values and love to our children...
You were very blessed, as many of us were...
Greg, Thank you, friend.
Ray you are so right about the men and women who were our parents in that time and place. :)
Those of us who had "good dads" have wonderful memories. Indeed you were blessed and still are.
Ande uhmhmm thank you and yes, I really do know how lucky.
A touching and meaningful tribute.
OMG how lucky to have such a fine father. I could only wish the same for myself and I am sure his day is coming too and I shall follow your lead here and respect someone who gave me oh so much pain.
Algis I hope you'll be able to find in him something shining in the dark. Thank you for reading this morning.
Nice tribute JW. He sounds like a fine and decent man.
Abra Thank you; he was. And I do miss him.
You were very fortunate, Jonathan. I have no doubt you have been a wonderful father as well. ~r
Jon;Jonathan...
I have not had the chance to meet your father,but I know you,and many times when reading your posts,I felt the force behind them,the emphasis,the love,the compassion,the thruthfulness,your noble character.(your father's spirit)
As I believe in eternity,I KNOW that the spirit lives,lingers on,helps us that we are still living ,earth-bound,on this planet,to solve our questions and problems,aiming at the ETERNAL LOVE.

My hope and belief is that we can join,the living and the dead.
Jon;Jonathan...it's important to focus on the right spirit,stay connected.
To say thank you does not express my gratitude for you, your words which you shared with us in honour of your father.
Someone said to me once"A great spirit can't die;he will live on forever".This is my belief,too.

Rated???
A humble way of saying thank you to you and your father.
Heidi Thanks very, very much.
I appreciate your sharing.
You have said all the words; all I can do is say, your wonderful father would have been so proud.
HUGGGGGGGGGGG
Linda I really hope so. :) Thanks, friend.
You delivered a very beautiful tribute to your dear dad, Jonathan; it's one of the most difficult things to do - I know. My only consolation is that such great men have left their legacies in their sons and daughters, who keep their spirits and values alive in some way - as you do.
Very wonderful for you to share this. All can learn from this good man.
FusunA Thanks, and you already know how much I have appreciated your family rememberances and dedications here. :)
"But I was his son and he was a pushover for my happiness even, at times, when he knew I was being frivolous."

That's the hallmark of a loving, devoted father. Sounds like you had the best.
Margaret thank you so much.
You never forget our parents.
At funerals of phony politico-
I'm tempted to yell`Fibber!

My Father lived well and died.
His thoughts stick with me still.
He makes more and more sense.
He taught me to live. He died so-
beautifully - He said: `See Ya gin.
My family still ponder his riddles.
He lived and passed beautifully.
Thanks for sharing your Father.

I wrote down thoughst to share.
I found my heart spoke off-cuff.
My Father was my Best Man too.

My veterans friends were all drunk.
I doubted they could walk the isle.
He was my Best Friend and Teacher.
Makes me proud to be a dad. I only hope that my kids see me in half the light that you see yours.
What a sweet memory to have of your dad "going to bat" for you by trying to get you a bean bag chair. That was an intangible, but totally real, sign of his love for you. You must feel lucky and blessed to have shared part of your life with him.
Bob I'm betting they will.
cc i absolutely fel that; yes.
This is so wonderful, Jon, I had a great father as well and miss him every day. We were lucky to have these special dads.
Your father would be humbled by your words. Wonderfully said.
Cathy thanks; and yes, we sure were. :)
I've no doubt that you have, throughout your life as a teacher, inspired just as many to lead lives of courage, compassion and conviction as your father did.

I think there can be no greater testament to the man than this, a living testament. r
RW trust me when I say that your comment means a great deal to me.
To be at the feet of such a man is not an accident, but an anointing of his wisdom to your wisdom and a legacy of caring that continues. All the adjectives, a good father, a good and honorable man, a wonderful and competent teacher, all these things passed to you as a gift, so that you will take some from it and do the best to your ability to share this gifts, these precious gifts in your life, with your own. I sense the greatness of a son from such a father.

I am happy you had this opportunity for reflection with friends and family and sang, Take me out to the Ball Park, again many times in your heart.
This single decision has over and again reaffirmed for me the truth that what is most important, what brings the most sustained happiness, is to find your gift, pursue it, and give it away, and every day.

Your gift, which you give away daily, is your ability to make us more aware of our gifts, and I thank you for reminding us to give our gifts away every day.
Sheila thanks very, very much, friend.
Thanks for sharing this, Jon, I love how your love for him shines so brightly....
JustTh what I'd hoped! :)
Very beautiful tribute, Jonathan. I love the bean bag story.
Your dad would have been very proud. Very proud indeed - especially of his son.

r
What he did for love. It is amazing what a good parent will find himself doing to make his child happy. Thanks for sharing this vivid picture of the man who shaped your life.

Lezlie
Eloquent tribute to a remarkable man.
Matt just, of course, the surface of the man. :)
My father was also an August death, aug.5th of 2005..almost a yr after his companion Eleanor died.

At my mother’s funeral, I spoke. For 20 minutes. But at dad’s , no, no speaking allowed, though he had been a man of words and ideas his whole life. Retired in 1977 from 40 yrs of teaching…..






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“ My father was the most generous, giving man I have known. He taught generosity of spirit; he continually shared of himself. We, all of us here today, were recipients. “ is something I might have said of my dad.

“ an active teaching that has shaped my life ……..”


My father’s voice and gentleness is still remembered here in this town, where he taught, from 1947 on…
Out of character stuff came when he got dementia…he became a big fat loving teddy bear of a man………
Humility was his strategy. Not a strategy, but ..still a strategy. For peace and the flourishing of “gentlemen and scholars”…

He & your dad may have clicked. Poor old dad, he was a bit anti-Semitic for no damn good reason, but all great men are greatly faulted………….
He sounds like a terrific guy, Jon.
James thank you very much. :)
Erica Thanks, friend. :)
Jonathan,
sorry about the twisted sentence in my comment.You KNOW why it happened.I got caught in between two languages.
It should have said:...it helps us who are still living...
I'm glad you were able to give this tribute to your dad. It is touching.
Great stuff, thanks for sharing.
Jon, thank you for sharing this with us. It was just wonderful and your Dad would be so proud of you! (I had a brown couderoy bean bag chair and it was hell to get it in the back of my Chevette when i moved.)
Amy ya know what? I delivered the talk in a chocolate brown cord suit. Honest. :)
You should be a proud son and I know he was a proud father!
Jon, I can't tell you how moved I was by your descriptions of your father, his love for you, and your obvious love for him. You touched me very deeply because I know I'll have to write something that will pay tribute to my mother, and I'm already crushed by the mere thought of losing her, never hearing her voice again, and living the rest of my life remembering her laugh, her smile and her kind, kind heart. R.
Deborah I so get it, friend. Thank you.
Has everyone said it already? ...that you, in the image of your father, are a similar unsung hero? doing the right thing even when no one is watching and making sure others attend to what would otherwise be easier to turn away from. Your father was one of those great men that you have been becoming all along. The day must have been a wonderful celebration of his life!!!! Am happy for you, Jon.
Nothing can describe having a good father. It is a unique blessing; what a beautiful piece for a beautiful sentiment. R
God, you were lucky. I'm lucky too. When you look back and see such a tide of love carrying you forward through life, it makes you feel so badly for those who never had that...what must their lives be like?