The spongy black squshy ball's battery had long since died when my hero-son, knowing how much I enjoyed it when alive, performed the necessary ressurrective surgery and, once again, the
The Mood Ball was years ago given to Tamar as a Holiday Gift from a sincere colleague who affirms whenever possible or impossible that
Sneezes, Coughs, Droughts, Over-Ripe Cheese, Mass Starvations, Pizza Toppings, Exzema, Overpriced Theater Tickets, Pinching Maidenforms, Tweens Who Mash Ginko Berries into Your Jock Strap...and like that.
The Mood Ball, when squeezed, emits a woman's slightly nasally voice, calm yet assertive, not unlike one you might imagine may belong to a faux-cheery group-leader at a 1970s Esalen offshoot or to a contemporary unlicensed "Life Coach".
Here's the Mood Ball's Squozen-Advice, followed by my sincere replies.
I'M IN CONTROL! (the fuck you are)
NOTHING CAN RUIN MY DAY! (fuck your grandmother)
NO ONE CAN STEAL MY JOY! (fuck your joy)
I'M NOT STRESSED! (the fuck you're not)
BALANCE IS THE KEY TO A HAPPY LIFE! (really? balance t h i s)
COUNT TO TEN! (then fucking die)
TAME YOUR TENSION! (tame t h i s, ya mo-ron)
BREATHE BEFORE YOU SPEAK! (go choke)
QUIET THE MIND! (fuck your aunt bessie)
THINK POSITIVE! (drop fucking dead)
RELAX, RELAX, RELAX! (yeah? you fucking relax)
MAKE PEACE WITH IMPERFECTION! (make your peace, now)
PRACTICE PATIENCE! (really? practice t h i s)
YOU'RE TOO BLESSED TO BE STRESSED! (oh BFD)
DON'T BE YOUR OWN WORST CRITIC! (BFD again)
EXERCISE THE POWERFUL WORD "NO"! (Fuck No)
Have a Nice Day.