The spongy black squshy ball's battery had long since died when my hero-son, knowing how much I enjoyed it when alive, performed the necessary ressurrective surgery and, once again, the
MOOD BALL
speaks.
The Mood Ball was years ago given to Tamar as a Holiday Gift from a sincere colleague who affirms whenever possible or impossible that
God Blesses
Sneezes, Coughs, Droughts, Over-Ripe Cheese, Mass Starvations, Pizza Toppings, Exzema, Overpriced Theater Tickets, Pinching Maidenforms, Tweens Who Mash Ginko Berries into Your Jock Strap...and like that.
The Mood Ball, when squeezed, emits a woman's slightly nasally voice, calm yet assertive, not unlike one you might imagine may belong to a faux-cheery group-leader at a 1970s Esalen offshoot or to a contemporary unlicensed "Life Coach".
---
Here's the Mood Ball's Squozen-Advice, followed by my sincere replies.
I'M IN CONTROL! (the fuck you are)
NOTHING CAN RUIN MY DAY! (fuck your grandmother)
NO ONE CAN STEAL MY JOY! (fuck your joy)
I'M NOT STRESSED! (the fuck you're not)
BALANCE IS THE KEY TO A HAPPY LIFE! (really? balance t h i s)
COUNT TO TEN! (then fucking die)
TAME YOUR TENSION! (tame t h i s, ya mo-ron)
BREATHE BEFORE YOU SPEAK! (go choke)
QUIET THE MIND! (fuck your aunt bessie)
THINK POSITIVE! (drop fucking dead)
RELAX, RELAX, RELAX! (yeah? you fucking relax)
MAKE PEACE WITH IMPERFECTION! (make your peace, now)
PRACTICE PATIENCE! (really? practice t h i s)
YOU'RE TOO BLESSED TO BE STRESSED! (oh BFD)
DON'T BE YOUR OWN WORST CRITIC! (BFD again)
EXERCISE THE POWERFUL WORD "NO"! (Fuck No)
Have a Nice Day.
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Poor Woman
Chicken Mãâàn
Dianne Schuch - Lindsey
nerd cred
jmac1949
Deborah Méndez Wilson
Salon.com
Comments
and i knew a woman who talked like that. two, in fact. one embezzled from a non-profit hospital organization, and one was a closet drunk. my voice may tend towards strident (a strident minnie mouse, an odd combo), but at least it aint hiding anything.
(p.s. Just to put your mind at ease, I asked my magic 8 ball if you are truly too blessed to be stressed, and it said "signs point to yes." (But, troublingly enough, when I asked it about the over-ripe mozzarrella in the fridge, and it said "don't count on it...") :)
squeeze her, and she spews oddly good
platitudes?
"breathe before you speak" is kahlil gibran-worthy.
"count to ten" is advice i get from alot of people, mostly calm decorous women, and i don't have to squeeze them to get it.
i say: squeeze a real woman, see what comes out.
love is teasing, love is pleasing,
love is squeezing,
love not an evil thing.
;)
R
I thought this was another post. I best get to market, wee
wee wee . . .
I no pea . . .
I wish James M. E (Emmerling) a happy birthday. Wear?
Wear birthday suite to the blac-bumper Mennonite church?
`
ecclesia
`
called out
ay delusion
no delete
`
I forgive . . .
You delete once.
I saved the comment.
You told me why? Ah!
I no fret. Why worry?
In afterlife? Ice cream!
Thanks for the good guffaw!
R
HUGGGGGGGGGGG
The Mood Ball, hmmmm, that can be taken in different ways....I think I'll reduce stress the 'other' mood ball(ing) way : )
(I literally just heard a voice in my head -- "Oh JT..., so vulgar on a Sunday..." Ha!)
...and Hey! My husband says "squoze" -- where the heck are you guys from with the "squoze"? : )
so as i began to read this the words: "Squozen-Advice" started my giggle...
then the visual of you using the word fuck repeatedly was so incongruous with my limited, internet, imaginary vision of you... well, i snort laughed.
so thanks....nothing like an early morning snort laugh to clear the head & start the day!