These, of course, are not original to me. All of them, apparently, were written by high school students. Enjoy! Or weep.
. Her eyes were like two circular brown circles with big black round large dots in the middle of them, like in the center.
. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides squashed by a Thigh Master.
. From the attic came an unearthly howl -- the whole scene had an eerie, surreally quality, like when you’re on
vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.
. He was as lame as a duck -- not the political lame duck, either, but a real duck that was really lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was a room-temperature burger left out for weeks.
. The lamp just sat there, like an inanimate object.
. He fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with Campbell's vegetable soup with the tiny pasta letters in it.
. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.
. Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hairs after sneezes.
. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River.
. It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to a desk.
. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, like she was a garbage truck that was backing up.
. Oooo, he smells bad, she thought, as bad as Calvin Klein’s Obsession would smell if it was really called Enema and was made from spoiled Spamburgers instead of many combinations of natural floral fragrances.
. The baseball player stepped out of the box and spit like a fountain statue of a Greek god that scratches his testicles a lot and then spits brown, rusty tobacco water and also refuses to sign autographs for all the little Greek kids unless they pay him lots of drachmas.
. I felt a nameless, existentializing dread. Well, there probably is a long German name for it, like Geschpooklichkeit or something, but I don’t speak German. Anyway, it’s a dread that nobody knows the name for, like those little square plastic things that close your cheese doodles bags and stick on the fridge with magnets. I don’t know the name for those either.
. Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access T:flw.quid55328.comaaakk/ch@ung but gets T:flw.quidaaakk/ch@ung by mistake.
. Her lips were red and full, like tubes of blood drawn by an inattentive phrenologist. Phlebotomist. Whatever.
. The thunder was ominous sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.
. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.