Like you, I am excellent at knowing thoroughly people I've just met, barely met, haven't met, will never meet or want to meet...
...as when I'm swimming at 6:30 a.m., when I'm delightedly alone with the DooWop in my head, requiring of others only blessed
s i l e n c e.
I am jealous for my silence, for my silent swim.
Anyone pushing on me chatty-annoying conversation let alone a newly-hired pool matron with a fast-bobbing Adam's-Apple throat who sees herself as My Eternal Life Guard is exquisitely and immediately liable-for-the-death penalty.
LEMME TELL YOU HOW JESUS CAN MAKE YOUR DISABILITY--YES I SEE, I SEE! YOU WHEEL YOURSELF DOWN HERE IN YOUR WHEELCHAIR!--MY LORD WILL MAKE YOUR DISABILITY DISAPPEAR
SNAP! 1 2 3
DISAPPEAR IN SNAP!, 1, 2, 3
I WATCH THE MAN ON CHANNEL 20 EVERY BLESSED DAY DO YOU? WHY, THAT MAN IS DEFINITELY BLESSED OF THE LORD, THAT MAN IS BLESSED!
I suppress a tidal urge to Walk Upon the Chlorine, step out of the pool, cover her Chatty-Cathy Missionary Mouth and Snap her garrulous, gangly neck as I whisper
How's that for a Miracle, sister?
The story goes that when Jesus Met the Woman at the Well, he told her (Gospel of Peter, Paul, & Mary, In Concert, 1964) "everything she'd ever done"! in the time it took her to draw him a cup of water.
Well, Well, Well.
This morning, in the time it took this GoodyGoody Samaritan to pour herself a cuppa Joe, chomp down two sugar jelly donuts and smile beatifically, My Eternal Life Guard, I assure you, came as close to meeting her Sweet Jesus as she may ever Kingdom-Come.
My problem is that I am, after my father, a Gentleman, and I keep far too much welled-up when it should Flow Like a Mighty Stream (the Gospel of Martin, 1963).
At the onset of the required Neck-Snapping Ritual
I wanted to Shout It From the Mountain Tops:
Sister, I know more about your backwater first-Century itinerant rabbi than you'll ever know.
I wanted to Sing It:
Sister, how many delicious coma-inducing donuts have you denied yourself and your family with offerings to the holy lifestyles of Televangelists?
I wanted to Speak It, Slowly, in her Ear:
Sister, Get Ready, Your Train's a Comin'!
... on and on....
Of course, as I am My Father's Son, I did not.
I contented myself with:
Ma'am, I am not interested in religious discussion. I'm here to swim.
And then, Sweet DooWop-In-My-Head Silence.
Free At Last.