^{Gilbert Valle, New York Police}

     Such a punim!

     It's a face your grandma would love!

     This punim is Gilbert Valle, under indictment in Manhattan in a scheme to

          stalk,

               kidnap,

                     rape,

                           torture,

                                          cook, and

                                                           serve (and, on occasion, sell)

up to a hundred New York women and girls. 

     The tabloids tell the tale far better than I could hope to tell it. The The Daily News and The Daily Beast report some of the back/forth between Mr. Valle and his co-conspirators.

     [A thoughtful, if inordinately hungry, civil servant, Mr. Valle, apparently out of consideration for Internal Affairs and D.A.'s investigators, used a police computer.]

Feb. 28, 2012:

...for the first time openly discusses with an unnamed co-conspirator kidnapping an unnamed woman and selling her to a co-conspirator for $5,000. The conversation begins with price dickering:

CO-CONSPIRATOR-2: “About the price . . . would you do a payment plan or full up front?”

VALLE: “Full payment at delivery. She may be knocked out when I get her to you. I don’t know how long the solvent will last but I have to knock her out to get her out of her apartment safely.”

VALLE: “$5,000, she’s all yours.”

CC-2: “Could we do 4?”

VALLE: “I'm putting my neck on the line here. If something goes wrong somehow, I am in deep s---. $5,000 and you need to make sure she's not found. She'll definitely make the news. . . . It's going to be hard to restrain myself when I knock her out but I am aspiring to be a professional kidnapper and that’s business. But I'll really get off knocking her out, tying up her hands and bare feet and gagging her. Then she'll be stuffed into a large piece of luggage and wheeled out to my van.”

CC-2: “Just make sure she doesn’t die before I get her.”

VALLE: “No worry. She'll be alive. It’s a short drive. I think I would rather not get involved in the rape. You paid for her. She is all yours and I don’t want to be tempted next time I abduct a girl.”

CC-2: “Anything I can trade you, knock down the price a bit?”

VALLE: “No, this is very risky and will ruin my life if I'm caught."

May 31:

...uses his position as a police officer to access the National Crime Information Center, gets information about yet another woman.

July 9:

CO-CONSPIRATOR-1: “How big is your oven?”

VALLE: “Big enough to fit one of these girls if I folded their legs."

CC-1: “You really would be better to grab a stranger. The first thing the police do is check out a friend.”

VALLE: “Her family's out of state.”

CC-1: “It’s really hard to dislocate a jaw. How could we put her over the fire, spitting kills the girl. Have to put her into a kind of cage. What is your favorite cut of meat?”

VALLE: “I was thinking of tying her body to some kind of apparatus, cook her over a low heat, keep her alive as long as possible...she's asleep right now not having the slightest clue of what we have planned. Her days are numbered. I’m glad you’re on board. She does look tasty doesn’t she?

CC-1: You do know if we don't waste any of her there is nearly 75 lbs of meat there!”

July 10:

...creates a computer document titled “Abducting and Cooking (Victim 1): a Blueprint.” The FBI discovers the document has personal information about his would-be victim, including her name, date of birth, weight, height, bra size.

Under the subject line “Materials Needed”:

- Car (I have it)

- Chloroform (refer to website for directions)

- Rope (Strongest kind to tie her up)

     Other reports indicate that Mr. Valle created, again on NYPD equipment, what the District Attorney calls a "massive surveillance database" that the state expects will not redound to the defendant's credit at trial.

     Mr. Valle's wife describes the couple as, even as they are the parents of a one-year-old daughter, "estranged".

     Ever upbeat despite his recent professional and personal setbacks, Mr. Valle describes himself  on a popular NYC dating site as "a guy who can find humor in just about everything!" 

    I'll bet his cooking classes at Sing Sing will be just hilarious.