-- my take on a meme I've seen around --
I wholly understand your embarrassed rage: I keep you afloat; you take in federal tax redistributions far, far more than you ever give to the federal government. And yet you whine whine whine (spodee-odee) all the time.
I'm considering seriously your forced re-secession, that is to say, after I import people now living in you who believe they'd be
Better Off Blue:
- You get all the old slave states (save Virginia, Maryland, North Carolina, Florida) and the so-called "right-to-work", union-despising states.
- We get stem cell research and the best beaches.
- We get Andrew Cuomo and Elizabeth Warren. You get Bobby Jindal and Todd Akin.
- We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Stone Mountain and all the state flags with the tiny Confederate flags in them.
- We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom and Enron's Corpse.
- We get Ivies, Stanford, Michigan, Harvey Mudd, Cal Tech, The Ohio State University, every fine small college north, northwest, and northeast of Kentucky. You get every post-secondary high school masquerading as a univerity.
.We retain every United States military installation/base even if they are in Red States. Those military installations/bases are now Blue Zones.
- We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama.
- Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get Single-Mingles.
. We Also Get
.80% of the country's fresh water
.90% of the pineapple and lettuce
.92% of the nation's fresh fruit
.95% of America's fine wines
.90% of its fine cheese
.90 percent of the high tech industry
.all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, and the Pennsylvania Groundhog, Puxatawney Phil
.Universal Health Care
You Also Get:
.88% of morbidly obese Americans and their projected health care costs
.92% of American mosquitoes
.nearly 100% of American tornadoes
.90% of American hurricanes
.100% of televangelists
.38% of you believe Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
.44% of you are sure evolution's "just a theory".
. and more of you than that are certain climate change is, the Court's rulings on public-school forced bible reading, TITLE IX and women's abortion rights, along with the increasing acceptance of marriage equality... are responsible for Sandy's wreckage and the fact that, for you, Fine Dining is The Olive Garden.
Colorado and Washington State are ours: they have the good, legal, marijuana now.
So So Very Insincerely....
This is, of course satire, and in very bad taste. I know, as you do, that there are good people in all states and regions. I also cannot verify all of the stats, above. I'm feeling sincere vibes, though, that tell me they are sorta close to right.