Joan E. Kaufman

Joan E. Kaufman
Silver Spring, Maryland,
August 30
Writer, adoption rights advocate, healthy living proponent and bleeding heart liberal. My drugs of choice are ice cream and chocolate. My memoir - Call Me Ella - is now available on Kindle:, In paperback: and iBooks: Please visit: and


I always made the pumpkin pie. My mom never made a pumpkin pie. But she taught me how to make a great turkey. (I don’t eat turkey anymore, but I still have my memories.)

The first time I ever helped Mom make a turkey, she told me to go ahead and… Read full post »

More than just one woman’s search for information about the biological mother she believed had died in childbirth, this book, available now on Kindle, explores the mind and feelings of an adopted child. Call Me Ella is a heartwarming and uplifting story about a young girl who considered her ado… Read full post »


It seems like every day someone is worried the government is going to deprive citizens their constitutional right to "bear arms". So I decided to take a look at what the Constitution has to say on that subject. I also decided to analyze if the Constitution, as written, shouldRead full post »

I’ve never been a fashion plate. I am a middle aged woman who dresses for comfort, not style. I prefer jeans over dresses, whether I’m dining at a four star restaurant or the Silver Diner. I wear black turtlenecks in the winter, because I get cold. And ever since I entered… Read full post »

JANUARY 18, 2012 2:55PM

Sex and Words with Friends

 I could sense him getting close. His sweet breath felt warm against my neck. His strong hand, tenderly caressing my shoulder, was comforting, and exciting. Buzz, buzz. He was pulling me closer. Gently, he turned my face towards his. He gazed deeply into my eyes. Buzz, buzz. I turned away. He/… Read full post »

NOVEMBER 17, 2011 2:42PM

I Think I Figured Out My Husband, Maybe

“Yes dear. Whatever you say, dear.” He does get suspicious when I respond in that manner, but I'm no fool. It’s taken me a long time but I've finally learned to choose my battles. When we had to move to Maryland for his job, I was surprised when he didn’t put… Read full post »

NOVEMBER 7, 2011 3:32PM

Vomiting at the Unemployment Office

“I won! I finished dressing first!” I was so proud of myself for being the first one in the house ready to go out. I could never understand why it took my mom so long to get dressed until the first time I witnessed her whole routine. Sitting cross-legged on her… Read full post »

NOVEMBER 2, 2011 4:50PM

The Happiest Woman in America?

When the nightly news tease announced an upcoming story about the “Happiest Woman in America”, I was intrigued. Who is this woman who holds the secret to happiness? She must be rich, gorgeous, have a fabulous family. I was confident she wasn’t a Kardashian, although we all need to k… Read full post »

OCTOBER 24, 2011 2:49PM

I Was My Son's Bully

 “Mom, Mom,” my daughter cried out, all excited as she bolted through our front door, her best friend trailing at her heels. Fearing something was wrong I dropped everything and rushed to the living room. Stopping a second to catch her breath, she bent over and wrapped her arms aroun… Read full post »

OCTOBER 20, 2011 1:10PM

The "5 Steps To Be A Writer"

As I stare at my computer screen conjuring up brilliant metaphors hoping to add depth and meaning to the chapter I'm working on, I reach for my coffee mug. Not just any coffee mug. This is the coffee mug my husband bought for me months after I declared I was determined… Read full post »

OCTOBER 18, 2011 5:01PM

When Wall Street Hit Home

I found little pleasure reading the headline news announcing the bank I had worked for had failed. Before I resigned due to my husband’s job transfer, I was extremely depressed going to work each day. I still recall the evening news reporting the country’s outrage over Wall Street bankers… Read full post »

OCTOBER 12, 2011 4:56PM

The Confused Vegetarian

Is it just me? Or does anyone else think it’s strange to offer bacon on a Gardenburger?

I asked if it would be possible to pay less than full price for my Gardenburger since I did not want the mandatory cheese and bacon. "Yes," the nice server… Read full post »

OCTOBER 4, 2011 1:37PM

The World's Best Cook!

I miss my Mom most at the holidays. After she succumbed to her two year battle with cancer years ago, we felt some relief knowing she would no longer wince in agony with each an every movement. The morphine helped alleviate some of the pain, but not all. I felt so… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
SEPTEMBER 27, 2011 3:46PM

From Dorm Room to Hospital Room

You all know her. She was that shy girl in high school. The one who kept to herself. The one who seemed lonely all the time. The one who didn’t smile or join the clubs. The one you didn’t choose for your sports teams but you copied answers off her tests.… Read full post »

SEPTEMBER 20, 2011 1:44PM

If Only My Mother Had That Tattoo

Looking back I’m sure she meant well. Never-the-less I cried when my Mom told me, “Don’t wear your hair like that! It makes your nose look big!” By the time I hit my teens I felt everything I did was wrong. My hair was the wrong color. My clothes were not… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
SEPTEMBER 14, 2011 1:53PM

Mom's Confession: The Secret Box

Having been adopted in New Jersey, I was never able to obtain my original birth certificate. Growing up I begged my adoptive mother over and over for any possible information she might have about my birth mother until one day, shooting her foot through the kitchen wall she screamed, “Don’… Read full post »

SEPTEMBER 8, 2011 4:49PM

The Other "Woman"

I truly believe that my marriage has lasted this long and is better today because  of Karen. I have never been able to read a map. Thanks to Karen, I don't have to. 

In the “old days”, my husband and I would have argued with each other about the best… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
AUGUST 30, 2011 12:59PM

My Cheesecake Frisbee

We’d been going together for three months. I was ready to take the leap. I’m not so sure he was.

“Are you really sure we’re ready for this? It’s a big step,” he reminded me.

“I have confidence,” I said. I didn’t want him to know I… Read full post »

AUGUST 20, 2011 5:34PM

Apples Make Me Hungry


The drive home from visiting our kids in Ohio started out a little rough for me. Like a crack addict recalling her previous life sleeping in a refrigerator box in an alley, desperately trying to break her addiction by avoiding those places where she “used”, I began to feel… Read full post »