Leeandra Nolting wrote a great post yesterday called, "Your Wedding Cost What?" It got me thinking about weddings and commitment, goulash and racism, and all the hundreds of other important things that went into my wedding day.
Twenty years ago my husband and I got married at a courthouse in Maryland. We crossed the line from D.C. to do this but I can't remember the original reason. I think it had to do with the fact that Maryland did not require a blood test. My husband hates needles.
A small sour woman read the words we were to repeat without emotion and without a smile. It was clear she didn't like having to marry an interracial couple. She smiled at other couples. I saw her. She walked away without looking at us as she pronounced us husband and wife.
My mother ignored the letter I had written to say that even though you don't approve, please think about attending. It's an important day. The letter was presumably thrown in the trash and I never heard from my mother again.
My husband decided to keep the marriage a secret from his family until it was done. He was afraid of any negativity spilling onto our day.
Our two closest friends travelled a long way to be our witnesses. They were dressed as though they were at a fancy wedding. A real wedding with flowers and dancing and family members dabbing at their eyes.
Of course it was none of that. I dabbed at my own eyes throughout the two minute ceremony. My husband was so handsome, so sturdy looking.
Sturdy was what I craved.
That evening my new husband and I held hands as we walked from the Mayflower Hotel to Dupont Circle for dinner. We decided on a little Hungarian restaurant. It was warm and inviting and the goulash was delicious. We finished the bread in the basket and wiped our bowls with the last bites.
I liked looking at the thin gold band on my left hand. The "something borrowed," part of the rhyme.
My friend never asked for the ring back. It would be bad luck to take it off now, she said a few months later. My husband had bought a new gold band for me. I wore them both.
A year or two later he gave me another ring with tiny sapphires and tiny diamonds. I wear all three.
It was not the wedding of my childhood dreams.
But it was a good day. A very good day.
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It's all you need.
Rated with hugs and memories if bliss
big hug to you and thank you for sharing this.
we love you joan, and mr. joan too.
hungarian goulash must hold sweet memories for you!
R
Your completely unsupportive mother , and a gemini and a scorpio- and you are still together. You beat the odds, baby.
If you come to L.A my mother will make you and your husband ghoulash.
Blessings...
And that's a fantastic friend you have.
Thank you for sharing this day, Joan... I would have loved being there to support you.
Congratulations!
But, I wouldn't sell them cause they're just too darn valuable
There have been plenty of those, and sometimes they do not last. What you had was unique and began the journey of a lifetime, and you have some twenty years into it. That is a real achievement. As far as your mother, that must have been very painful and be a memory of pain still. My guess is it was her loss and her tragedy. I think to have missed your bliss is to deny what love really is. Some are incapable of real love, unconditional love. I cheer for understanding. I cheer for respect. I don't know if she ever regretted her decision, but in my experience I have known many who have and would have fought if they could for some way back to that moment to have it to do over. I have resolved to be supportive in my life because I have seen the damage wrought when one is not. Belated congratulations on your Wedding~blessings. R
r
Still...I remember the day. I remember the hope and the warmth and the promise. Some of that promise was fulfilled, too.
Thanks for this. And of course...I had to rate it!
My parents had a not-so-great wedding, but a fantastic 60th wedding anniversary. Beats having the dream wedding and never making it to the 5th anniversary.
Good for both of you!
So few words say so much.
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Congratulations on the 20 years!
I'm with your husband--can't stand needles!
But now I just rememberred when I went with them to wait in line in downtown Chicago for the marriage license. What a line that was! Soldiers and their girlfriends, regular people, drunks who looked like they just met that weekend, young women propping up feeble old guys with resources, and old guys with "defective" young women .... you name it! what an eye-opener that was.
When I was a kid, we would travel to the coast each year and stay at an old beach house called "The Sturdy Bird". That old place looked like it might fall down at any minute, but it withstood hurricanes and summer after summer after summer. Even well into adulthood, friends and neighbors travelled down to stay there.
Sturdy. What an incredible compliment for someone you love so much.
Beautiful story, beautifully expressed. This is rich and sparse at the same time. You are two lucky people. But you know that already.
An EP and Highest Rated by your peers! You Go Girl. At the top again! Where you belong. xo
I think it is a sad thing when parents can't accept their children's spouses. My own parents refused to attend my wedding because I was marrying a non-Jehovah's Witness. A stark contrast to the acceptance my Jewish family gave my Mormon grandfather back in 1948 when he married my Jewish grandmother.
Commitment and love are always worth a gathering and celebration.
So glad to see this got editor's pick.
We always say love knows no boundaries, no color.
You and your husband prove it.
Thank you for your love and your courage.
Lezlie
Regardless of the negativity, you've been married twenty years! That's awesome! Rated
I am happy for your 20 - I'm having my '10' this year. Love to you always Joan.
Annie, my biggest regret is that she did not acknowledge my daughter, yes...
ladyslipper, and Linda, thank you for your kind words.
HAAAA, (I like your name) thank you so much for coming by.
Lea, how right you are.
Foolish Monkey, I hope you will write about your experience. Thanks for such kind words.
Elisa, your comment just says it all. I heart you, my dear.
AHP, yes, I still shake my head at the ignorance and stupidity.
dianaani, thanks so much! I don't think I ever have had goulash since that day...The restaurant closed a little while after that day.
You must have got married in jr. high school.
{[R]}
Gia
The content counts, in other words, not the dressing.
You left me dreaming of a brighter tomorrow.......
~R~
The overinflated weddings, with the couture dresses, makeup artists and golf tournaments look glamorous... but really, it's the marriage that counts. Congratulations on twenty years.
Dear Reader, thanks so much
Hugs, much appreciated...
Buffy, thank you for reading. I agree completely with your last sentence.
Donna,thank you very much.
Yarn, I appreciate you reading and commenting.
greenheron, I definitely consider my daughter to be the icing on the non-existent wedding cake!
Densie, maybe there is something to be said for courthouse weddings after all.
Aunt Mabel, I like hearing you have the man of your dreams this time.
Mime, many thanks and hugs.
Cranky, I'm always glad to see you and always surprised when you're speechless!
scanner, thanks
Linda, yes, she was a true friend.
Leeandre, thanks for the inspiration for this post!
sophieh, I appreciate you reading and commenting.
Amanda, You would have dressed up too, I just know it!
Outside, you know it!
Great post Joan!
My husband and I married at the airport with just our families in attendance. We flew out to Vegas directly after (Seinfeld was playing) and had the best time. Total price? $200 for the dress.