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Joan Walsh

Joan Walsh
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San Francisco, California, US
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September 18
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Editor in chief
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Salon Media Group
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I'm Salon's editor. I'm Nora's mom. I'm Sadie's...person/slave. And I'm your friend!

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AUGUST 31, 2008 10:48AM

Move-in day

Rate: 13 Flag

I can't believe I didn't blog at all from Denver, except I did, on that other blog -- and in War Room, and I think I wrote a story, too. I can't remember, it's all a blur, but a great blur. You read about the Salon party thanks to marytkelly and my old friend Dave Cullen. They both wrote about the best part of the convention for me: Having my daughter Nora with me, on the eve of her going off to college.

I can get jaded about my awesome job and events like the Democratic convention (my fourth) can seem like work to me; having her with me made me remember how lucky I am. Everything was exciting to her -- especially getting several Salon photo credits for covering the police arresting a young anarchist, and a PUMA demonstration behind Hardball on Monday. Of course, this convention was particularly great -- it started out feeling so fractured, and then day by day, the party came together. I was thrilled with both Clinton speeches -- I seem to be in a minority, but I didn't expect anything different, they're skilled politicians and ardent Democrats -- and Obama's "surprise" appearance at the Pepsi Center was the highlight for me.

At least partly because Nora and I jumped in the car afterwards, and I drove her to the airport, to catch a redeye to New York by herself to start school. She applied to be part of a community service immersion program a few days before the rest of the freshman arrived, and she was accepted, so it meant she had to travel by herself, and miss Obama's speech. I felt terrible, but she was fine with it; she's been on her own in New York for the last three days, and I'm joining her today, for the official Move-in Day, even though she already moved herself in.

It seems strangely symbolic, and perfect, to me: She's already moved in, moved on, we just need a day to mark the passage. She's always been amazingly resilient and self-sufficient. I get way more praise than I deserve for raising her and doing this job at the same time -- she made it easy for me. We never had that period of mother-daughter fighting that's supposed to be nature's way of helping us separate, so this is hard for me. But having her on her own in New York for the weekend, texting me about the Obama speech, keeping me up on all of her adventures, has made it easier. Nora will be fine, and so will I. I'm hoping she'll post all her convention photos on Open, but she's got a lot to do.

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Move-In Day and associated family events on campus really do provide a sort of ritual for this rite of passage. I found it strangely comforting when my son started college last year. It was nice to feel a part of his college experience, however briefly.

It definitely sounds like you and Nora will both be fine. I know you will miss her--I miss Sam more than I can express--but your relationship with her will not diminish, even though your lives are now separating to some degree. I find that my relationship with Sam is different, certainly, but our closeness has not diminished one whit.

Congratulations. Her temperament no doubt made it easier to raise a wonderful child, but as a friend once told me, parents can screw up wonderful kids, but you didn't ;)
One of my great disappointments about being in Denver was not getting to see you, Joan, or meet Nora. I hope y'all have a great transitional experience in NewYork and will be looking forward to meeting up again in SF. Best of luck to Nora in her brave new world!
I've been there two times so far Joan, and one to go. I'm thankful that the two oldest are in Austin and Denton, so not too far away and we were able to go with them to help get them set up and comfortable. But really that was for our own benefit, they were quite capable of doing it on their own. Nora will not only be fine, she will flourish and you'll be all the more proud.
I really liked hearing how your daughter's excitement about everything helped you to re-visit that feeling of being fortunate in your work, and in your achievements. Thanks for a great post!
Kudos to you and Nora for doing your respective jobs with courage, self-reliance, intelligence, vision and love. Keep up the good work, the communication, the generosity of spirit ...and love... you'll both be fine.

Mazel Tov!
Oh, Joan, I'm so proud of you both. You brought a tear to my eye.
Joan, sorry you're not getting off that easily. Having the pleasure of meeting both you and your daughter...you done good! Nora is smart, bright, witty, friendly and full of life, just like her mother. She is wise beyond her years.

I have forgiven her for the "Vicky" comment, especially after being forced to look at pictures side to side and I have to admit, she had a point!

I know you will have an amazing time in New York with her. Nothing can break that bond. It is the most precious of times...the in between times when our children travel from dependence to independence.

My oldest son just dropped in after driving 2 days from Palo Alto. His girlfriend is going to London for a master's program and he was driving with her so she could spend time with her folks before she goes.

I got 2 hours with him...2 full hours before he blurred awa to the now famous Invesco field to watch a college football game. It was a tease to see him for those 2 hours. I'm in a total funk. All four of my children live out of state. They live in great places to visit, but at some point, I hope they realize "there's no place like home".

Best to Nora and to you...

P.S. I never experienced the fighting with my daughters either. I believe it does not have to be inevitable.
Congratulations on launching your baby! While I'm a new(er) mom, I do notice that my cyncism does retreat when viewed through the appreciation of my child's eyes. Hopefully that holds in the moments to come when I could cheerfully return him to sender. Enjoy the moment!
I am in the same boat with you Joan, launching a girl off to college in just a few short days for the first time. It's an odd feeling, to be sad but awfully happy at the same time. Good luck to her, and to you.
I'm out of my funk. When I got back from taking my youngest daughter to college 2 years ago, I sat on the couch for 2 days in a stupor. There was no transition. After 25 years of raising children, I was done. I was heart broken.

Then one of my other daughter came to visit for a week. One of my sons came to visit during the same week.

My empty nest syndrome lasted 5 days.
Joan, thanks for this post and sharing with us this right of passage. My own version of this day remains a very strong memory, 27 years later.
Hi Joan--My son leaves in about three weeks for OSU--the biggest school in the country (51,000 students!). But you know what? We can't live without his technical savvy, so somehow or another we are giving him remote control of our computers. I don't know how this is happening, of course, but when I'm stuck, I'll just call him and he'll fix the problem from there. It'll feel just like old times.
Joan, I wish I had run into you and Nora in Denver, I would have loved to have met her. Thanks for sharing this experience with the readers. She is going to have a great experience at that wonderful school, and I hope you get to visit her often!
It sounds like you did an excellent job raising a daughter, but I still don't understand why you left the Eagles to pursue a solo career.
Hi Joan, I see you on Hardball and agree with most everything you say. My daughter is a junior, and it's hard...so hard especially if she's your only child? Mine was. Time takes care of it but sounds like she's at a NY college-- easy to make excuses to visit her! Even cross-country.
Thank you everyone, for so much support. I think this is one of those rare passages where, even if you do it right, it hurts. It's nice to know so many of you have done it and survived, and I've appreciated all the private messages as well. Open Salon rocks...
Joan,

This piece moved me. Good luck to mother and daughter!
Here is a poem that I wrote about my daughter, that I think that you might appreciate.

Best,
Mikel



To Show Me The Stars

There is nothing to calm
the fear of the day
full of creditors
who cant be satisfied,
dunning letters that
cant be replied to

Except for...

A walk in the dark
to the store for ice cream
with a dog happy to see me,
and a daughter
who brings a flashlight
to show me the stars.

--Mikel K
Wow, I felt great reading that post. Too bad I came to it two weeks later.

I hope she's doing great in NYC. Tell her I'm jealous. Hopefully I'll be there soon.

What an exciting city.

It's hard for me REALLY to put myself in your shoes, parting like that, finally, but I keep trying and it feels sad, but electrifying, too.

My nephew graduated college in May and just moved to Manhattan for his first job, and his mom, my sister, has been a wreck. I can understand why she is, but it's easier for me to relate to him. He is deliriously excited to be there.

Having met Nora very briefly, I think it's a safe bet she is too.

Tell her to check in here sometime. Although as a college freshman, adding distractions is probably the LAST thing to do. But I want her to anyway. hehehe.
mikelkpoet, thanks for that, I completely feel what you wrote. And Dave, when things slow down, I'll nudge her about Open. She has a profile.

She spent the weekend with me in NY with my sister and best friend, for my birthday; we had the greatest time. I'm extraordinarily lucky.