I was SO going to do my post on Somali Pilates instead of Somali Palates. Whew. Woulda hated to have to kick yer butt.

Oops, I mean, nice post.

Moving out of the realm of straight commentary! Excellent! Could it be you are channeling this person?

Brief but funny.

Sorry, my parrot fell of my shoulder and I lost my eye patch and I was listening to soembody say avast ye landbubbers! Can't remember what you were saying here. . . .

clever! too bad Chuck Norris and the Total Gym couldn't have launched a cardio-rescue...

Does the hat stay on while you do pilates? Do you wear a matching eye patch?

it's not as expensive as you think joan, tho you do rather feel like a hostage when you're doing it. very much worth the effort however, as a strenthened core makes you very much feel like a captain, with little need for ratings, EPs or anything common at all. oh, and you can do it at most gyms; no need to go to somali.

Ditto - no Pilates for this old girl.

Well, you know, it's kind of like all that hatred people seem to have about Rush.

Nice Rosanne Rosanadanna:)

Roseanne Roseannadanna would be proud.

The title is hilarious. It rates.

Oh hell, I'm so predictable: I played Roseanne Roseannadanna at our senior class play in 1976. I think it's all making sense now.

But it doesn't bother me: if Open Salon, with all of its assets and also funny bumps in the road is still around in 33 years, like SNL, I think I will be very proud of all of us...

Of course you know I already am, but just imagine the longer timeline...that's what all of us are all about.

One look at those machines with the Spanish Inquisition - like names and I clutched my Visa to my breasts and dashed out the door. I'll never forget that one machine, oh such tortures I imagined, it was called "The Reformer!"

I was out of there. Visa unswiped. Unreformed to this day.

There's a reason they pay you the Big Bux.

:-)

Jesus, I thought I was the only one. Thanks, Joan! Next, check out sandra's guided tour of the Midwestern pirate.

NO RATED!
I love the way you wear NO baseball CAP
I love the way you don the yarmulke hats
I love Ya if Ya chew Wrigley Chewing gum
No?
No RATED!

I always try to leave a little something on my Somali plate, it's considered polite, which is easy if they serve medames...not a big fan. The news stories about Somali plates this past week just had me all confused. I could never wrap my head around the stories.

I refuse to rate it, no love for Cap'n, no ratin' for the Joan!!

Yeah.

:)

This clacked me up, Joan. I had no idea your were Chinese! Lated!

Now that was funny.

Yes, best to avoid any physical activity that requires spotters. Especially when those spotters keep an eye on you through high-powered scopes attached to long range rifles.

Stellaa, thank you, I have also had major reservations about Pilates because of Pontius. I don't think we fully take in how totally confusing our multicultural culture is. I'm just trying to take a deep breath and appreciate all the difference.

i'm with Tinkertoy!!!! you need to give some props and some love to the Capn!! he may or may not deserve it but he's got the most gorgeous avatar going. hmmmm love love love and gratitude for this place, well, on my good days.

You should leave San Francisco and move to Oklahoma. With the savings, you could afford Pilates and hostages.

oh and i miss roseannadanna so freaking much. i loved the violins/violence in the subway and the, shoot, it was something about how do those crustaceans do things with their little claws but i forget what the right subject was. i'll go back to my corner now. ohhh, it was Croatians!!!! there is life in this old girl yet.

I hate Pilates, with or without the eye patch.

I have but one question: has Dr. Freaky Troll been influencing you? ;~)

My betrothed, Owl_Says_Who? Why would you ask that?

Thank god, Joan, if you'd stuck with your Pilates just a little longer, you could have been killed!

At least you didn't say "privates" like Obama did. Now *that* was a Bushism.

Pyrite is that shiny mineral found in asphalt. I didn't know it was Somalian.

I hear that Somali Pilates is a very cheap and effective way to keep from gaining weight.

You see, when you can't eat because a warlord has taken all of the food, well, you lose weight real quick.

Joan, way to step outside of the box! You get a rating and a comment for your bravery for expressing what was, at the end of the day, a big duh.

Who knew they had Kool Aid in Somalia? Welcome to the madhouse, Madame Captain.

I only ask because it's only natural for one's beloved to be of influence - and I've never seen this side of you. Very becoming, I must say. As for pilates, I've not had the pleasure . . .

If this is anything like Yogilates -- good lord, I almost put an eye out doing that once. And it wasn't my eye.

I know this is not exactly related, but I saw the headline, "Obama vows to fight piracy after captain's rescue" and thought it said "PRIVACY" I wondered why he would be fighting privacy...

I'm tired. Too much Pilates.

Perhaps we should all be grateful we're not dealing with Somali Pilots. Flying one eyed with a parrot on your shoulder has to be bad in terms of navigation. Let's not even get into trying to fly a plane with one hand and a hook. As Mr. Nader would say, unsafe at any speed.

For some reason, this is really hot. An intellectual, internal thing going on about Somali Pilates. Very Annie Hall meets Desperate Housewives.

I guess it must still be easter. Even more interesting is how how the story of the crucifixtion is moving from Palestine to Somalia to the Gulf of Aden.

Oh! I am sorry, did you mean PIRATES, rather than PILATES as you wrote?

I am sorry, I could not resist that. Sorry again for "stating the obvious". Sorry also for causing any offence. Is that apologetic enough?

Personally, I always referred to it as Pontius Pilates. You know, being whipped and tortured just like Christ.

Can I offer one more apology, Joan? I am sorry for spoiling your post with my bad typos above. I am sure you can see my bad spelling. mmmmm is this the season for apologies? Maybe, after all the Easter message is about forgiveness for the repentant .........

Funny you should say that about pilates. I've had two experiences with pilates teachers, they were snobs.
ANd uh, no, no acknowlegment,,,,,no
Rated! Ha!

O love to hear a Owl hoot.
I love pirates in Pittsburg.
My truck broke down in Pittville, Main. It was just junk. I got a Greyhound bus home after departing Nova Scotia, Canada. The underachieving [bog] bloggers happily share a peanut butter and blueberry jam sandwich with parrots in banana trees. Pirates who plays the game of pinochle, cheat? I still hope to play baseball in the pony bowling lanes. I get deleted from the baseball leagues? tease. I wish to be a umpire with a bristled brush and sweep-off home plate? I will wear a catchers mitt made from a boxing glove? I dream of placing Reese peanut butter cups in the groin area to catch a whiffle ball?
`Clunk.
The styrofoam cup?
Feed birds & hordes?
Hordes of stink bugs?
grey stink bugs? ants?
pirates Owl crocodile?
huh.
Tears of a crocodiles? fakes.
'Um shed tears and eat prey.
Then they devour more birds.
'Um say:`Yummy yummy, eat?

"I've had two experiences with pilates teachers," ??? Dakina Dancer, have I picked you up wrong? You had 2 experiences with teachers old enough to have been the teachers of Pontious Pilate ............... 2,000 years ago?????!!!!

I hear they teach a class on it in some of the the Darfur Starbucks. Not to mention all the Bed Bath and Beyonds in Bangladesh. Supposedly Harrods and Victorias Secret are opening a few stores in refugee camps in the mideast. Of course the Victorias Secrets in the middle east use a hell of a lot more material for their undergarments.

this reminds me of being pretty oblivious in some ways as a teenager - when i watched the news i kept wondering why all those underaged minors kept getting trapped in mine collapses

Good point, Tony. We may be the only country in the world where poor people go on diets on purpose. Then again, by those standards I've been practicing celibacy since I moved to PA. Clean living is easier when your life sucks.

I'm of an age--chronological and cultural--that I also heard this delivered in Roseanne Roseannadanna's voice. Now you just need to add "What?"... "Oh. Never mind :)"

Maybe Disney can make a movie about it with Johnny Depp and Keira Knightly, although I don't know if she takes any work after the 18th century.

Clearly President Obama doesn't care for Somali Pilates either. The question will be how do the republicans spin it to their advantage? I am certain it's in their by-laws to not approve of anything he does (you know, the party of "No" thing). They will probably draw similarities between pilates and exorcism (exercise and rythm).

Joan, you're not right in the head.

They offer Somali Pilates at my gym, but you can't get in without an automatic weapon. I only have a Luger so I have to go next door to the Somali Spinning which is just not as good of a workout. If you take a hostage though, you get the next class free!

Somali pilates is just a fad. Soon, it'll be something like disco belly dancing all over again.

Joan,

"That's still no reason to take hostages, obviously, but...it's one of those instances where, you know, you disapprove, but you still sympathize. A little." followed a a few sentences later with "I am just stating the obvious. . . . this is what we're all thinking."

I know I'm not the funniest nor the most quick witted (witty) member of this group; but without smilies I am lost. If I treat these comments as funny, I feel stupid because I don't get it. If I treat them as serious social commentary I am appalled. That's just not you. International piracy is not a light hearted subject which invites Jan Leno and David Letterman to include it in their stand up routines. International Piracy is a terrifying, dangerous behavior which is probably why, for many centuries it has been considered a crime by all countries at all times and over which any court has jurisdiction. If Bush pirated a vessel Obama would be proseecuting him how. Compare that to Obama's treatment of Bush's war crimes.
I don't mean to be harsh. I am one of your admirers and will continue to be so. You make sense and promote reason when the chattering class is busy making propaganda. But I don't know how to deal with this one. I know you didn't mean to cause this reaction in any of your loyal followers. But what did you mean?

See and I thought Somali Pilates was the advanced version, kind of like Pilates mixed with "Survivor". Thanks for clearing that up.

Joan, you missed it. It was a 5-day class at the YMCA and included self-discipline; fasting; swimming; wrestling, mental calculations; and the do's and don'ts of avoiding lead poisoning. Guest instructors from the USN did an outstanding job. Kudos for all!
Rated & Cheers!

For what it's worth, Leno has been making pirate jokes every night.

Somali pilates- it really burns off those calories. Motivation is seldom an issue when there are men with AK47's running after you!

It's just not Somali pilates, it's the whole issue of pilates on the high seas. Now c'mon! What are they thinking? I picture groups of ladies in leotards splashing around in deep ocean swells trying to do those high kicks. It's just crazy! We must put a stop to pilates on the high seas! Eh....what's that? Pirates on the High Seas? Oh.....never mind.

forgive me for correcting you, Joan, but they were talking about Tamale pirates.

I am so glad to see jokes based on pronouncing "Pilates" to rhyme with "pirates". It drives me nuts to hear it pronounced "puh-laa-tees". I actually heard that the sister of the guy who started it stopped a discussion at a conference (quell horreur! all those fanatics in one room!) to ask "Why the hell would anyone pronounce it 'puh-laa-tees'?"

Yes, jonmagee, I am even OLDER than that....watch your step......
LILITH and I are quite close, you know.

Dakinidancer...... sorry again. This apologising is becoming a regular feature.

I honestly meant no offence ............. (can I be forgiven?)

You kill me, Joan. (I rated you, but please don't tell Jay Busse).

Leigh R. articulated my sentiments exactly on this one.

As sexy as that profile pic is, when are you going to get a new hat, hon?

I have never ventured into pilates waters. Too freaking dangerous.

Obviously I was spoofing the MSM's "pirate fever," which was hyping the fabulous derring-do without any context. I meant no disrespect or lack of concern for the larger issues, which Salon covers regularly.

We can't stand by and simply watch these atrocities anymore. Core strength matters. It's almost bikini season, after all. Wake up people!

Those pilates - you gotta watch out for them!

Thank you for cutting me off, I could use a little cutting off.

I'm trying to monitor my comments as they have gotten me in a little hot water. Not that hot water is necessarily bad... I like a good shower. Just not to be boiled in a big pot.

Your post was funny.