Very clever Joan. Personally, I hate pilates--somali or otherwise. .

very very funny post, joan. pilates can kill a person who isnt ready for it, i think.

did you see my virtual you??

I was SO going to do my post on Somali Pilates instead of Somali Palates. Whew. Woulda hated to have to kick yer butt.

Oops, I mean, nice post.

Moving out of the realm of straight commentary! Excellent! Could it be you are channeling this person?

Brief but funny.

Sorry, my parrot fell of my shoulder and I lost my eye patch and I was listening to soembody say avast ye landbubbers! Can't remember what you were saying here. . . .

clever! too bad Chuck Norris and the Total Gym couldn't have launched a cardio-rescue...

Does the hat stay on while you do pilates? Do you wear a matching eye patch?

it's not as expensive as you think joan, tho you do rather feel like a hostage when you're doing it. very much worth the effort however, as a strenthened core makes you very much feel like a captain, with little need for ratings, EPs or anything common at all. oh, and you can do it at most gyms; no need to go to somali.

Ditto - no Pilates for this old girl.

Well, you know, it's kind of like all that hatred people seem to have about Rush.

Nice Rosanne Rosanadanna:)

Roseanne Roseannadanna would be proud.

The title is hilarious. It rates.

Oh hell, I'm so predictable: I played Roseanne Roseannadanna at our senior class play in 1976. I think it's all making sense now.

But it doesn't bother me: if Open Salon, with all of its assets and also funny bumps in the road is still around in 33 years, like SNL, I think I will be very proud of all of us...

Of course you know I already am, but just imagine the longer timeline...that's what all of us are all about.

One look at those machines with the Spanish Inquisition - like names and I clutched my Visa to my breasts and dashed out the door. I'll never forget that one machine, oh such tortures I imagined, it was called "The Reformer!"

I was out of there. Visa unswiped. Unreformed to this day.

There's a reason they pay you the Big Bux.

:-)

Jesus, I thought I was the only one. Thanks, Joan! Next, check out sandra's guided tour of the Midwestern pirate.

NO RATED!
I love the way you wear NO baseball CAP
I love the way you don the yarmulke hats
I love Ya if Ya chew Wrigley Chewing gum
No?
No RATED!

Joan, I avoided Pilates because of the whole judgment angle, you know Pontius and all.

I always try to leave a little something on my Somali plate, it's considered polite, which is easy if they serve medames...not a big fan. The news stories about Somali plates this past week just had me all confused. I could never wrap my head around the stories.

I refuse to rate it, no love for Cap'n, no ratin' for the Joan!!

Yeah.

:)

This clacked me up, Joan. I had no idea your were Chinese! Lated!

Now that was funny.

Yes, best to avoid any physical activity that requires spotters. Especially when those spotters keep an eye on you through high-powered scopes attached to long range rifles.

Stellaa, thank you, I have also had major reservations about Pilates because of Pontius. I don't think we fully take in how totally confusing our multicultural culture is. I'm just trying to take a deep breath and appreciate all the difference.

i'm with Tinkertoy!!!! you need to give some props and some love to the Capn!! he may or may not deserve it but he's got the most gorgeous avatar going. hmmmm love love love and gratitude for this place, well, on my good days.

You should leave San Francisco and move to Oklahoma. With the savings, you could afford Pilates and hostages.

oh and i miss roseannadanna so freaking much. i loved the violins/violence in the subway and the, shoot, it was something about how do those crustaceans do things with their little claws but i forget what the right subject was. i'll go back to my corner now. ohhh, it was Croatians!!!! there is life in this old girl yet.

I hate Pilates, with or without the eye patch.

I have but one question: has Dr. Freaky Troll been influencing you? ;~)

My betrothed, Owl_Says_Who? Why would you ask that?

Thank god, Joan, if you'd stuck with your Pilates just a little longer, you could have been killed!

At least you didn't say "privates" like Obama did. Now *that* was a Bushism.

Pyrite is that shiny mineral found in asphalt. I didn't know it was Somalian.

I hear that Somali Pilates is a very cheap and effective way to keep from gaining weight.

You see, when you can't eat because a warlord has taken all of the food, well, you lose weight real quick.

Joan, way to step outside of the box! You get a rating and a comment for your bravery for expressing what was, at the end of the day, a big duh.

Who knew they had Kool Aid in Somalia? Welcome to the madhouse, Madame Captain.

I only ask because it's only natural for one's beloved to be of influence - and I've never seen this side of you. Very becoming, I must say. As for pilates, I've not had the pleasure . . .

If this is anything like Yogilates -- good lord, I almost put an eye out doing that once. And it wasn't my eye.

I know this is not exactly related, but I saw the headline, "Obama vows to fight piracy after captain's rescue" and thought it said "PRIVACY" I wondered why he would be fighting privacy...

I'm tired. Too much Pilates.

Perhaps we should all be grateful we're not dealing with Somali Pilots. Flying one eyed with a parrot on your shoulder has to be bad in terms of navigation. Let's not even get into trying to fly a plane with one hand and a hook. As Mr. Nader would say, unsafe at any speed.

For some reason, this is really hot. An intellectual, internal thing going on about Somali Pilates. Very Annie Hall meets Desperate Housewives.

I guess it must still be easter. Even more interesting is how how the story of the crucifixtion is moving from Palestine to Somalia to the Gulf of Aden.

Oh! I am sorry, did you mean PIRATES, rather than PILATES as you wrote?

I am sorry, I could not resist that. Sorry again for "stating the obvious". Sorry also for causing any offence. Is that apologetic enough?

Personally, I always referred to it as Pontius Pilates. You know, being whipped and tortured just like Christ.

Can I offer one more apology, Joan? I am sorry for spoiling your post with my bad typos above. I am sure you can see my bad spelling. mmmmm is this the season for apologies? Maybe, after all the Easter message is about forgiveness for the repentant .........

Funny you should say that about pilates. I've had two experiences with pilates teachers, they were snobs.
ANd uh, no, no acknowlegment,,,,,no
Rated! Ha!

O love to hear a Owl hoot.
I love pirates in Pittsburg.
My truck broke down in Pittville, Main. It was just junk. I got a Greyhound bus home after departing Nova Scotia, Canada. The underachieving [bog] bloggers happily share a peanut butter and blueberry jam sandwich with parrots in banana trees. Pirates who plays the game of pinochle, cheat? I still hope to play baseball in the pony bowling lanes. I get deleted from the baseball leagues? tease. I wish to be a umpire with a bristled brush and sweep-off home plate? I will wear a catchers mitt made from a boxing glove? I dream of placing Reese peanut butter cups in the groin area to catch a whiffle ball?
`Clunk.
The styrofoam cup?
Feed birds & hordes?
Hordes of stink bugs?
grey stink bugs? ants?
pirates Owl crocodile?
huh.
Tears of a crocodiles? fakes.
'Um shed tears and eat prey.
Then they devour more birds.
'Um say:`Yummy yummy, eat?

"I've had two experiences with pilates teachers," ??? Dakina Dancer, have I picked you up wrong? You had 2 experiences with teachers old enough to have been the teachers of Pontious Pilate ............... 2,000 years ago?????!!!!

I hear they teach a class on it in some of the the Darfur Starbucks. Not to mention all the Bed Bath and Beyonds in Bangladesh. Supposedly Harrods and Victorias Secret are opening a few stores in refugee camps in the mideast. Of course the Victorias Secrets in the middle east use a hell of a lot more material for their undergarments.

this reminds me of being pretty oblivious in some ways as a teenager - when i watched the news i kept wondering why all those underaged minors kept getting trapped in mine collapses

Good point, Tony. We may be the only country in the world where poor people go on diets on purpose. Then again, by those standards I've been practicing celibacy since I moved to PA. Clean living is easier when your life sucks.

I'm of an age--chronological and cultural--that I also heard this delivered in Roseanne Roseannadanna's voice. Now you just need to add "What?"... "Oh. Never mind :)"

Maybe Disney can make a movie about it with Johnny Depp and Keira Knightly, although I don't know if she takes any work after the 18th century.

Clearly President Obama doesn't care for Somali Pilates either. The question will be how do the republicans spin it to their advantage? I am certain it's in their by-laws to not approve of anything he does (you know, the party of "No" thing). They will probably draw similarities between pilates and exorcism (exercise and rythm).

Joan, you're not right in the head.

They offer Somali Pilates at my gym, but you can't get in without an automatic weapon. I only have a Luger so I have to go next door to the Somali Spinning which is just not as good of a workout. If you take a hostage though, you get the next class free!

Somali pilates is just a fad. Soon, it'll be something like disco belly dancing all over again.

Joan,

"That's still no reason to take hostages, obviously, but...it's one of those instances where, you know, you disapprove, but you still sympathize. A little." followed a a few sentences later with "I am just stating the obvious. . . . this is what we're all thinking."

I know I'm not the funniest nor the most quick witted (witty) member of this group; but without smilies I am lost. If I treat these comments as funny, I feel stupid because I don't get it. If I treat them as serious social commentary I am appalled. That's just not you. International piracy is not a light hearted subject which invites Jan Leno and David Letterman to include it in their stand up routines. International Piracy is a terrifying, dangerous behavior which is probably why, for many centuries it has been considered a crime by all countries at all times and over which any court has jurisdiction. If Bush pirated a vessel Obama would be proseecuting him how. Compare that to Obama's treatment of Bush's war crimes.
I don't mean to be harsh. I am one of your admirers and will continue to be so. You make sense and promote reason when the chattering class is busy making propaganda. But I don't know how to deal with this one. I know you didn't mean to cause this reaction in any of your loyal followers. But what did you mean?

See and I thought Somali Pilates was the advanced version, kind of like Pilates mixed with "Survivor". Thanks for clearing that up.

Joan, you missed it. It was a 5-day class at the YMCA and included self-discipline; fasting; swimming; wrestling, mental calculations; and the do's and don'ts of avoiding lead poisoning. Guest instructors from the USN did an outstanding job. Kudos for all!
Rated & Cheers!

For what it's worth, Leno has been making pirate jokes every night.

Somali pilates- it really burns off those calories. Motivation is seldom an issue when there are men with AK47's running after you!

It's just not Somali pilates, it's the whole issue of pilates on the high seas. Now c'mon! What are they thinking? I picture groups of ladies in leotards splashing around in deep ocean swells trying to do those high kicks. It's just crazy! We must put a stop to pilates on the high seas! Eh....what's that? Pirates on the High Seas? Oh.....never mind.

forgive me for correcting you, Joan, but they were talking about Tamale pirates.

I am so glad to see jokes based on pronouncing "Pilates" to rhyme with "pirates". It drives me nuts to hear it pronounced "puh-laa-tees". I actually heard that the sister of the guy who started it stopped a discussion at a conference (quell horreur! all those fanatics in one room!) to ask "Why the hell would anyone pronounce it 'puh-laa-tees'?"

very funny. I especially liked the 'they want to strengthen their core, but they can't afford it."

Yes, jonmagee, I am even OLDER than that....watch your step......
LILITH and I are quite close, you know.

Dakinidancer...... sorry again. This apologising is becoming a regular feature.

I honestly meant no offence ............. (can I be forgiven?)

You kill me, Joan. (I rated you, but please don't tell Jay Busse).

Leigh R. articulated my sentiments exactly on this one.

As sexy as that profile pic is, when are you going to get a new hat, hon?

I have never ventured into pilates waters. Too freaking dangerous.

I posted this on the Somalia-related article that you chose for your cover, and I'll post it here also. It's not that I don't have a sense of humor, trust me, it's just that it's very hard to listen to you joke about this after watching what your government did to that country, journalist.

Fishing? Toxic dumping? Problems, yes. But...you invaded the country, Americans. In partnership with the brutal Ethiopian dictator, no less. Do none of you remember the brief "Mission Accomplished" day that flickered across your news networks a couple of years ago? When all the Iraq war architects went from channel to channel crowing about their victorious regime change in Somalia, and the destruction of all evil-doers? Not to mention their new model of using "friendly nations" as proxies, while supporting them with air power and Special Forces? Did none of you even notice? It’s been front-page news in all of the African and Middle Eastern newspapers for years; it ranks right up there with Iraq and Afghanistan and Palestine in the minds of the people of those regions. And it’s been a horrific bloodbath. Half the population of the country is slowly starving to death in refugee camps; the currency is all but devalued. This is what is causing the piracy to skyrocket. That and the fact that Al-Qaeda has been moving in to exploit the chaos that you caused, once again. The whole story is heartbreaking, and too much to lay out here. But it’s a war, a third front that was opened up without your press being bothered to report it, or any of you even noticing, until your luxury yachts became threatened. I’m not exaggerating, or making any of this up. Do some real research. Honest to God.

As I said, I’m not making this up. You can check with some of your colleagues in the African and Middle Eastern newspapers if you want to find out what really happened. It’s far worse than you can imagine. Sorry I didn't kiss your ass, like the rest of them.

I hope you understand also, Stellaa, that when I said "do some real research," I wasn't talking to you specifically, but to all of you, Americans. It’s a good article; I meant no offense to you personally. But I've watched that horror unfold, as has most of the world; I've watched courageous journalists risking their lives in Somalia to get the information out, and dying by the score, only to have that information run over by a car chase and a gossip frenzy and a scandal when it reaches your media. The whole thing is surreal, and obscene. They did it again, and you didn't even notice. But everybody else knows.

Obviously I was spoofing the MSM's "pirate fever," which was hyping the fabulous derring-do without any context. I meant no disrespect or lack of concern for the larger issues, which Salon covers regularly.

Here’s what I was trying to say: Somalia is Iraq. It is as big as Iraq, it is as important as Iraq, and it is as horrific as Iraq, also. It is the third front. The only difference is that, instead of sending in American troops, your government sent weapons and money, and diplomatic support, to a brutal dictator as he was maiming, torturing, starving, and cleansing his people, so that his soldiers could comprise the main invasion force. They sent Special Forces along with them, and bombed everyone in their path. And they ripped another country to pieces. They massively oversimplified the situation, and created another seething cauldron of anger and chaos, and growing extremism. They sent American agents to stand in the dictator’s torture chambers, and direct the torture. They draped an American flag over the army of a brutal despot, and supported him openly as his troops were torturing and maiming innocent people, and slitting their throats in the streets. You see, they knew that if there were no American soldiers involved, and the whole thing was taking place in Africa, that your press wouldn’t bother to cover it. And none of you did.
I realize that these sound like extreme statements. They aren’t. You are detached from reality. And I apologize only for singling you out like this, because it isn’t just you, it is all of you. Go onto Google, type in Somalia, and start reading non-Western papers. Follow the links, and do your own research. Follow it back to see what really happened. Talk to journalists from outside the West. And the few from within the West who have actually been following the situation. In their spare time, because none of it has been reported. There are dangerous people on all sides in this terrible conflict. There have been terrible crimes committed by all sides. But once again your government and military has exploded a dangerous situation, and made it massively worse; they have strengthened the hardliners, and have hardened everybody; the rage is spreading, and Al Qaeda is moving in. The entire population of the country is dying. And I watch your media, and it’s like it never even happened. It’s unbelievable. Sorry to vent on you; you joked out of ignorance. But your ignorance is in itself an obscenity.

...it's hard not to get intense about something like this. Again, nothing against you personally. But I get all of your media, all of your TV channels, everything, and I watch and it simply didn't happen. Not to you. But in the Middle East, and in Africa...because it did actually happen. And it is that important. And that big, and that ugly. Even worse, and every statement I made can be backed up with evidence. Don't tell me you already knew about what I just wrote, because you would be covering it if you did, and you aren't. None of you are. I watch, and I simply can't believe it.

We can't stand by and simply watch these atrocities anymore. Core strength matters. It's almost bikini season, after all. Wake up people!

Those pilates - you gotta watch out for them!

I have to say this one last time, because I still can’t believe it. You all talk about Somalia like it was six years ago, and all you are facing there are warlords. There was a war. A major war. There was a dangerous and complex situation, there was the rise of an Islamist movement, spurred on by your government’s direct support of the warlords; there was a reaching out to the Americans by the leader of the Islamist movement, asking for help and offering to work with them, only to be rebuffed; there were stubborn hardliners on all sides, and some dangerous radicals; there was a push for war by your government and their Ethiopian allies. Then there were the battles. This time, the bulk of the ground forces were supplied by the Ethiopian dictator, with your bombers in the air and your Special Forces on the ground, and in the dictator’s torture chambers. And since no non-classified American soldiers were involved, your press simply ignored the whole thing. Except for the one brief “mission accomplished” day, which you would have missed if you had blinked. In any case, the battles were quickly won, much as they were in Iraq and Afghanistan. And then the chaos began, once again. The dictator’s army committed many atrocities, all of them viewed by the people of the region as American atrocities, since they view the war as an American/Ethiopian war. The Islamic courts grew more and more radical as the hardliners won out amidst the chaos, committed many atrocities themselves, and were more or less driven to the Mujahideen on a search for allies; Al Qaeda was given the foothold they had long sought in Somalia, and are moving in. The population was driven to refugee camps, to face slow starvation.

Do I sound like some kind of crazy 911 conspiracy theorist to you? The problem is, I’m not the one who is crazy. This is major news outside your bubble, Americans. The human rights organizations have hundreds, thousands of pages of documentation. All of the Middle Eastern and African, not to mention the Somali press, have been covering it every step of the way. All the proof is there. It’s your press that’s the problem. They simply ignored it; I still can’t believe it. If you go to Google news and type in Somalia you can start reading non-American and non-Western newspapers…if you put in some time you’ll see that I’m telling the truth. There was a war. A major war, as big and important, and as botched, as Iraq. It has not gone well, once again. Particularly for the people who actually live there, once again. It is that big, and that crazy.

Thank you for cutting me off, I could use a little cutting off.

I'm trying to monitor my comments as they have gotten me in a little hot water. Not that hot water is necessarily bad... I like a good shower. Just not to be boiled in a big pot.

Your post was funny.

You see, when the Islamic Courts rose, they managed to unify a large chunk of the country. Unlike the “government,” which was a coalition that had been put together by the U.N. and the Americans, and which had sat for several years in a single town, governing nothing. Most Somalis didn’t even know it existed. Really, it didn’t, not as a government, in any case. When the Courts drove out the warlords and took territory, the Ethiopians piled over the border to protect the “government;” this was viewed by the Courts, and most Somalis, as an invasion. Did I mention that the Ethiopian dictator had spent decades deliberately playing the warlords off against one other, in order to keep Somalia in chaos? Or that the Ethiopians were regarded by the general population as natural enemies, even before this all started?

The courts were dominated by one clan, and could not have unified the whole country. They needed help. But the war began before this was allowed to become evident. The period of their rule is now remembered by much of the population with longing. They were dictatorial by nature, being theocrats, although it has to be understood that there were moderates among them, and they weren’t structured like a military organization; many of the excesses committed by Courts members in the months in which they ruled were committed by individuals, acting on their own, and overturned afterwards by the leadership. The question is: could they have compromised? Could they have, in return for assistance and aid, bargained with the “government;” accepted a solution that involved free elections, and a constitution that would have limited their powers over those who didn’t support them? Could they have treated their fellow Somalis as fellow adults, instead of as children whose every decision was theirs to make? Could the two sides have been pushed towards a structure that would have allowed the moderates to thrive, and isolated the radicals, while the Somali people worked out their own issues, and their own problems? Maybe. There was a precedent; Somaliland, next door, populated by Somalis and once a part of Somalia itself, has established and maintained their own homegrown democracy for years without any outside assistance. But Bush and Zenawi, the Ethiopian dictator, wanted war, and the courts were stubborn and allowed themselves to be goaded in. And now it is a catastrophe.