This year at the movies no one has wanted to see war (Anyone remember Stop-Loss?) or government bad guys (The X-Files: I Want to Believe? Anyone?) I’d guess it’s because we see enough of that in real life. Here's a gratuitous photo of David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson in bed together anyway:

Source: Rolling Stone

The only things doing well at the box office are superheroes (Yes, I count Carrie Bradshaw as a superhero, you got a problem with that?), talking Chihuahuas and Abba.

Movies are pretty much out for me anyway these days, so this weekend, the husband, the spawn and I went out in search of something fun to do.

Here was our first choice:
The Jacksonville Home and Patio Show

These shows are held twice a year at our Prime Osborn Convention Center. It’s a collection of every sort of home service or merchandise business you can imagine. Builders, roofers, pools, cleaning, air conditioning, you name it. Phoenix and I go at least once a year, primarily to get free pens and magnets for the refrigerator, but also because I thoroughly enjoy baiting the guys at the Florida Times-Union newspaper booth by telling them, “No thanks, I get my news online.” This makes smoke come out of their ears.

This year, we had a purpose. I still have a Blue Roof. For those of you who live in areas which do not get periodically blown off the map, I’ll show you a picture of what I mean:

My roof.

If you go back to my very first post, you’ll see that my roof has been like this for a very long time. I have called dozens of roofers and I’ve only gotten two estimates. Both of them were from companies who don’t use anything but architectural shingles. As you can see from the photo, I have a very low pitched roof. Architectural shingles look stupid on that sort of roof. Honestly, I think architectural shingles look stupid on any roof, like a fake HoJo roof.

3-Tab Shingles, what I have now, what I want again

Fake HoJo Roof Shingles

Anyhow, our plan was to go to this event, chock full o’ home service businesses and sign up for estimates, since no one will return our phone calls. Here’s where the economic indication comes in.

In the “event profile” section of the JH&PS website, the pitch to possible vendors gives demographics for the audience:

For the last four years we’ve gone to the Home Show, the parking lots have been FULL. You could barely get a stroller through the crowd inside. Bags were checked at the door to be sure you weren’t going to blow up the enormous collection of Jacksonville’s elite inside, that's how many rich people were in one place at one time.

Well, at 11 a.m. on Saturday morning, the lots were not full. In fact, we parked in the lot in front of the main door and the lady who helpfully relieved us of $5 to park said we were the “second car today”. The show was so badly attended that people were able to park at the meters. THE METERS!

Once inside, there were no lush displays of landscaping set up as if they had grown there. There were no celebrities cooking chicken quesadillas. There were very, very few pens. We were able to wheel TWO strollers, mostly side by side, down wide aisles. We were accosted by desperate young women asking, “Can I ask you a question?” while holding a bottle of hand lotion. In the past, we were ignored while tapping people on the shoulder because we didn’t look like we could afford their decorative concrete driveways.

My driveway:

Okay, I might concede that point.

So, after signing up for two estimates from the only two roofers in the building, we decided to go elsewhere. If I had been smart, I would have gone to see Louis Bayard out at the beach. I was not smart. Plus, I don't think he'd appreciate my toddlers at his event. (Though Louis strikes me as a nice guy.)

I thought we’d get some lunch then head over to the Babies R Us to get Pudge a Halloween costume. We went to our customary Babies R Us location. It is closing. There were “20-40% markdowns”. There were teenagers standing on the corner with big signs on sticks proclaiming "EVERYTHING MUST GO!" We went to have a look. They were selling the fixtures. Nothing was left but Dora diaper bags and Easter bibs. Evidently, everything already went.

So we tried Toys R Us.

Source: westportnow.com

That isn’t my Toys R Us, but don't they all look the same anyway? It was closing too.

We had heard that both stores were going to be opening a new location down at the spiffy new outdoor mall on the Southside. I detest this mall because there is no shade and you can’t walk the whole thing in a circle. It’s a giant strip mall. It may be a strip mall with Cartier and Louis Vuitton, but it’s still a strip mall. The two “R Us” stores have not opened there yet.

So, we drove over to get some lunch at Five Guys. We had to park in front of the “Rejuvanence (sic) Life Spa.” This is a spa/yuppie groomer which specializes in Botox, sandblasting your face and injecting the ass fat from a crocodile into your “marionette lines”. Not only are they having specials, they are FINANCING BOTOX. I’ll repeat and translate for those of you who did not get it the first time because your brain rejected the idiocy of what I just said: People are getting credit to have their facial muscles paralyzed then paying INTEREST longer than the Botox lasts!

Now, I have absolutely no problem with folks who like to do things to their face. I dye my hair, I shave my legs, everyone has their own level of landscaping. But when you have to FINANCE YOUR BOTOX, there might be some problem.

That’s my point today, kids. There isn’t just trouble brewing here, no. There is a full on PROBLEM.

Meanwhile, McCain has his puppet squawking that Obama is a terrorist because he sat in a room once with one of the Weathermen.

Somehow I doubt she’s financing her Botox.