I won't be able to respond to comments for a little while.
I have to go shopping.

Maybe there will be a Part II.

BUMP!

I don't have bobblehead Jesus, but I do have skating on wheels Jesus. The cats like to play with him.

poor jesus. poor santa. lucky us 'cause jodi's doing all the shopping!
Thumbed for that exquisite red white and blue santa onament.

(grabbing keys, grabbing wallet, running out door, hurrying to jc penney, buying black prospector cowboy santa ...)

Scaaaaaary. My eyebrows reached my hairline.

Rated for sheer wtf-ness!

Heresy!

What is there not to get?? The idea is to be a tacky and overindulgent as possible.

What are your expectations?

Frog walks into a bank and asks for a loan. The loan officer, Mr. Paddywac, asks if he has any collateral. Frog pulls out a collectable pyramid and puts it on the desk. The secretary, an avid pyramid collector herself, notices. Loan officer says, "What's this?" and secretary interjects:
"It's a knick-knack,
Paddywac
Give the frog a loan

I have an uncle who is a sucker for all things Christmas which is funny considering most of the tribe is either agnostic or atheist. (All the believers died off.) He moved a couple of years ago to look after an ailing relative and I am now storing his collection in the overhead of the garage which is a rather large space. I think I recognize some of the things from your photos.

That Paddywac joke is most excellent.

(rated)

The patriotic Santa cracked me up. It has to be one of the most mis-guided uses of patriotic imagery I've seen in a while. Thanks for sharing!

Jodi, I have at least one WTF? moment every day, usually plenty more. They usually leave me with a smile on my face.
I truly couldn't pick out one of these as "worst of the worst". They are all equally ridiculous. John Deere Christmas is up there though.

rated

I think that's actually a Cat Stevens bobblehead.

The top two are modeled after (if not originals) traditional Bavarian toys, so I don't have a problem with them. But the gold Deere tree -- calling it a steaming pile of excrement is actually being too nice. And though I don't believe in Santa, I found the last picture traumatizing.

Ahh Ahh Lonnie, Yusuf Islam! Cat Stevens took a ride on the "Peace Train".

Man, decorating is the only damn decent fun about xmas and now I'm feeling kinda sick about it. Exactly what tools did Jesus use to shave his combination soul patch/goatee?

Lordy, this was funny. The black prospector cowboy really struck my funny bone. Is that why there are so very many rich blacks around today? Because of all the gold they discovered in the Rush?

Would like to comment but I'm suddenly feeling a little queezy.
I'm glad you take your camera shopping!

What Stellaa said. That "pyramid" (and I've never heard it called that) is a bastardization of a traditional germanic christmas ornament. There are SUPPOSED to be candles, the heat of which turns the little propeller-looking thing on top, which then makes the tier(s) turn. If there are no candles, then there is no need whatsoever for the propeller-looking thing (yes, that's the official name, I wouldn't lie to you ;).

The ones in my family were generally natural wood, multi-tiered (typical is 2-3 tiers, but I have seen as many as 6 tiers), and have angels, nativity scenes, etc. They can be really beautiful. I got my mom a very ornate one for Xmas many many years ago.

A much better example of a pyramid is here: http://www.blackforestgifts.com/detail.aspx?ID=10449

Make sure you check out the video so you can see why these things are so cool. :)

(And yes, they are hellaciously expensive. Prices have gone WAY up since I bought my Mom's about 25 years ago!).

Christmas always brings out the retailers fondest hopes and pornographic fantasies, don't it...?

Yeah, we have one of those pyramids, too. Just one level, though, and with smaller characters. It's not complete (well, okay, it really is) without a little incense-burner carved in the shape of a woodsman with a mouth hole for the smoke to come out. A Räuchermännchen.

Whoa- weird morning. Sorry Jodi, for continuing to make your thread all about Christmas in Germany, but between that pyramid and incense guy I'm crying for some stupid reason. I think my parents sold the pyramids. I haven't seen them in a few years, and I asked last year and my mom made some sliding remark, which usually means in mom speak "I'm not talking about that." We still have a few smokers- my favorite is one of a house where the smoke comes out the chimney.
So, laugh, that is probably why people like the weird and tacky :D they grew up with it and it reminds them of a time when they believed in a benevolent man in red suits handing out gifts to everyone and a benevolent god wrapping them in security. Bleh, never underestimate the power of indoctrination.

Rob, I hadn't seen one of those little smokers before! Very cool.

The pyramid thing--we called them carousels. It seems weird to me to call them pyramids. I mean, there's no POINT on top! :)

Oh, how I would love to answer each and every one of you, but shopping and a scathing case of cold/flu/equine encephalitis has brought me low.

In response, I will say, I am familiar with the wedding cake-type decorations you speak of. The Man's family is so German that they know the Kastens were kicked out for speaking against the Kaiser.

Woo hoo!

I was not aware that the little wooden thingy was part of one of those. Now I want one with Allen Ginsberg smoking a joint, simply for the wry Jewish humor of such a Christmas object. Santa?

I am, however, strangely aroused by Rob's use of the word Räuchermännchen. It probably has some blurry connection to the fact that The Man speaks German. Dunno.

I do believe there will be a Part Zwei, comprised entirely of crap I find whilst shopping. No Webernet photos. Stay tuned.

I think they're all sexy hawt.

Gee Jodi, I am just about sorry I went to a xmas party and missed the comments here. these pics tell a story if I ever heard one. I can't decide which one is the worst. I give up, they all suck.
I think of the polar bear. sa commentary of global warming.
I do hate this season. I do so little now.
I have now made hubbie so mad laughing at the Jesus bobblehaeds he has went to bed in di smay at my lack of being Christian on xmas,
Oh well.
Suzy

First, thanks for making Texas look not quite as bad. :)

I am amazed at the black prospector Santa -- at JCPenney, no less. Your shopping/sleuthing skills are amazing.

We have a metal version of the candle/propellor thing that we call a carousel too. Ours also works like a wind chime as it turns.

I've graciously told my sister she can have it when my parent's pass on. hehe

I don't know if I'll ever recover from the disappointment that Patridiotic Santa is sold out.

Hey ... I bought you that bobble head Jesus for your birthday ... guess I'll have to send it back!!!

Santa's colours are red and white. He lives at the North Pole, not on the North Slope.

Ergo, he is Canadian. Like many Canadians, he travels extensively and blends into other countries (the US anyway) well, without losing his essential Canadianness, which goes unrecognized except as a slight undefinable air of difference.

::thud::

Jesus bobbleheads? Does this mean dashboard idolatry is back?

You forgot Santa on the toilet. I hear it's a big seller. #2 in popularity.
Thanks for the laugh. R

Someone will actually buy this crap. Oh sorry squirrel. That Santa is kind of a conversation piece. #r> o/e

I got a cat nativity on ebay. One of the pieces -- Baltazar maybe? -- lost its head thanks to one of my real cats playfulness. He just want to sit there on the top of the table with all the other fake cats and kitty geez-us.

The John Deere Gold Christmas tree has me wondering. How much inventory do you think they have of this item. I want Salon to do a feature story on the customer (assuming there must be at least one) to understand the motivation and need.

I didn't find anything unusual about any of these decorations -- they can be found in any of my relative's houses this time of year.

A friend of mine bought her super religious brother a Jesus bobble head one year just to screw with him.

I was so proud of her, lol

The Egyptians found pyramids to be very collectible. Polar bears on wheels--not so funny. Bernard the Polar Bear on loko.tv (Youtube channel)--hilarious, especially 'Bernard Saves Eva.' Life as a series of catastrophes. Also, I want the bobblehead Jesus to put next to my Barbie in Whore Outfit (torn red miniskirt and bourbon-stained tank-top). I'll run them as a presidential ticket online in 2012.

Why is this a top rated post? Oh...we're rating ourselves by way of other identities.

Robin - It's not top rated, it's most viewed. It's a joke post I did over a year ago. Evidently, one of the photos has made it into the Google image search engine.

Nothing says Christmas quite like a urine-colored tree.

I still think it's rate-worthy. :-)

There's allot of people out there who don't celebrate Christmas and think, WTF is this overated holiday for anyway... Commercial Consumption~ ? ;)

Bobble-head Jesus is exactly the kind of thing George Carlin needed in Dogma, don't you think?

Freaking fabulous. I love it. Here is a bit more amunition for you. "The Twelve Days of Kitschmas"-http://www.ship-of-fools.com/kitschmas/2008/index.html

I work with a lady who keeps a bobblehead Jesus on her desk. I'd laugh at it, but she takes it and her Christianity seriously, so I don't dare.

Shouldn't there be a candle on the first one? That way, the hot air could make the propeller go round, and suddenly it would be really cool.

Must . . . have . . . polar . . . bear . . . on . . . wheels. . . .

I shopped all day Black Friday, but never found the likes of these. You are a genius! And WTF...!!!!! Rated

ok so now post images of your own xmas ornaments, and we'll try to tell the difference :p

I want a house, because Kmart sells light up flamingos in Santa hats as well as light up Christmas hippos and pelicans and octupii.

I will have a yard full of this crap. Oh yes, I will.

BTW, my Christmas tree is a white, pre-lit job with multi-colored bubble lights. Tres tacky.

I have Nightmare Before Christmas decorations. They are MUCH tackier than these. (Except the John Deere tree. NOTHING beats the John Deere tree.)

It's the most ludicrous time of the year...

And of course there is always the song regardless of the time of year...

Well, I don't care if it rains or freezes,
Long as I have my plastic Jesus
Riding on the dashboard of my car ...

Santa laid out in his skivies........Jaysus! What is this world coming to?

Where's the fake hamster -- the one that's so popular with kids and their parents because it's so damned hard to take care of a live one?

Hysterical wtf!!! Can barely keep my laptop still enough to write you. I love the things you found!!!! You just put the "merry" back into my Xmas! Thanks.

Is this a great country, or what?

Jodi - I used to think it was a southern thing but I was recently up north and they are every bit as by-god stupid up there. Have a pecan log on me.
CB

Hee hee hee - indeed, Coog.
My Nana - bless her heart - had an unopened key-tin of fruitcake with a date in 1958 stamped on the bottom of it. For you young'uns, that's a big tin can that had a key attached to the top to roll back the lid - like the sardine cans on Tom & Jerry. Dear Lord, you DO know who Tom & Jerry are - right?

Anyway, she lived in Woodbury, NJ (where I was born). There is no where less southern on earth. Yet, she kept that tin because "it was decorative." Bad taste is not regional.

Jodi - I think John Deere is catching on
http://surelyyourenotserious.com/share/funnies/SkittlesXmasTrees.jpg

Hope you're feeling better. Damn, take care of yourself, young lady, equine encephalitis is not something you wanna take lightly.

As a kid, we had glow-in-the-dark Jesus on the crucifix. Hope it wasn't radioactive...

gads, Jodi, an oldie but goodie. This post put me in the bestest mood today!

WOW... that last picture is just too much... hilarious!

Have you seen the billy bob thoartin angel tree toper with a sling blade

I'm so tempted to do this at our Navy Exchange - whomever buys for the home section has the worst taste, especially during the holidays!

WHO exactly is conducting the WAR on Christmas? that's all I want to know.

I find it interesting that patriotism and Jesus go hand in hand. Didn't Jesus say "Render to Cesar what is Cesar's?" The pyramid doesn't look particularly collectible to me although we have one at home we got years ago in Germany. We did have two, but we gave one to our son. They are an old tradition in Germany and very beautiful. As far as the John Deere tree goes, I have to agree. But then again, what is Christmas but a reason to advertise?

I want a bobblehead jesus.

Is it just me or does the bobble head Jesus resemble a more slender Oliver Platt?

Love the little feet on the bobble head JC.

To Blumenthal: Don't laugh, someone gave me a Christmas ornament with....Santa in the outhouse. I kid you not.

I came late the the Christmas party. Boy! Those are all pretty awful.

If I ever run out of stuff to fill my house with...

Google expands tracking to logged out users

http://joshfulton.blogspot.com/2009/12/google-expands-tracking-to-logged-out.html

I think you have found the true meaning of Christmas,,, some where between black santa and Jesus bobble heads, is the Rainbow Connection so often sung about by Kermit the Frog.

We can only hope that Santa riding a rocket ship made of bologna products is in the works for some companies wish list of must builds.
(I get one nickel per unit if some company makes the Santa on a rocket ship made of bologna.... Or any holiday character, riding any no terrestrial vehicle, made of any meat or cheese products)

That is truly glorious WTF-ery. I am trying to imagine who would buy black prospector Santa, and coming up empty.....

A great read - thank you. And the last days of Santa Claus is a hoot - did you find it by accident? I've never encountered it before.

Yeah, I found it by accident by putting "Drunk Santa" into the Google Images search. That's why this one has risen from the dead - because it made the Google Images search. I doubt it's a flood of people looking for "Black Prospector Santa."

I don't decorate for X-mas, but I always said that I would get a little Pink tree if I did, preferably with the lights already on it. That gold one might be a good substitute. It would look nicer with some red bulbs and if someone would straighten it out.

OK, first two images, meh... not bothered by them in the least.

Then it goes downhill.

Black prospector cowboy santa? are you fucking kidding me?

I imaging the types of people enamored of stars and stripes santa, or bobble-head jeebus, are the same ones angry at retailers for not publicly recognizing theirs as the one, true and only religion (which is apparently shopping) when they say, "happy holidays."

Bobbleheads always remind me of some of my elderly Parkinson's patients. I don't like to look at the toys, because I am afraid that they will come to mind at an inappropriate moment. Giggling uncontrollably while someone is donning an unflattering hospital gown would most likely cause the gowned to take great offense.

And seriously, I love Jesus but the bobbling is incredibly undignified. Go ahead. Love Jesus. But if you must purchase a statue to show others how much you love him, make sure his head is firmly secured!

Luuuuuuuuuuved it!
Can't wait for a Part II ... please Part II!

The bobblehead Jesus is all wrong. The head needs to screw down tight or the whisky will spill out.