Image: BigBoyChild - Age 2 - He is perpetually frozen at this age in my mind - with this exact look on his face - though he is now ten and a half.
Today, while I was nursing Pudge, the school called.
Vice Principal - "Mrs. Kasten - We're just calling to check on your son, he's not in school today."
Me - "Excuse me?"
V.P. - "He is not in class today."
Me - "Yes he is. We put him on the bus this morning."
V.P. - "I'm sorry to worry you, but he is not in his class. He never showed up today."
Me - "I'm calling the police. Click."
First I called The Man -
Me - "Did you SEE BigBoyChild get on the bus today?"
T.M. - "Yes."
Me - "BigBoyChild is not at school. I'm calling the police. Click."
I called his Dad.
Me: "BigBoyChild is not at school. Is he with you?"
BBC's DaddyPerson: "No. Call the police."
Me: "Call BigGirlChild's school and make sure she's there. I'm calling the police. Click."
I called 911.
I had to say the words NO PARENT IN THE HISTORY OF PARENTING ever wants to say. I had to say, "My son is missing."
I calmly gave them a description, his name, the last time I saw him, the name of his school, my name, our address, etc. I answered questions about custody and whether or not my TEN YEAR OLD had ever run away or skipped school, if he was depressed or destructive. They sent a policeman to the house.
I called his school back.
Me: "This is an emergency. My son is missing from your school. I want you to send someone to his classroom and make ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN he is not there."
Secretary: "Well, there may have been a mistake, but we keep very complete attendance records. Are you sure he's not skipping school?"
Me: "Your school is in the middle of the inner city and he got on the bus this morning. You'd better pray he is in that classroom."
Secretary: "Please hold."
::Marvin Gaye sings, Let's Get It On::
I find it extremely disturbing that I remember what song was playing on the Muzak. No other song had time to play. Somehow that song is actually forty-five hours long, I just didn't notice it before. I find that song choice ironically disturbing for some reason.
Secretary: "There's been a mistake. BigBoyChild was tardy this morning and was marked as absent because he wasn't in by the time they sent up the roll this morning. He is in the cafeteria having lunch. Sorry for the inconvenience."
I don't know how he could have been tardy, since he RIDES THE FUCKING BUS, but there you have it.
I called back 911, let them know he was found and what had happened. NEVER before in the SIX YEARS I have had children in school has the school called when they were absent.
Evidently, the Universe is hellbent on scaring the shit out of me this week. I've had a tree fall in the yard, crushing my swingset to smithereens, a planter just about fell on my head yesterday, the Christmas tree box tried to amputate my fingers and now THIS.
Enough already.
These people want accountability for the teachers and parents so badly.
Let's try some accountability for WHERE MY KID IS LOCATED.
Hmph.
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Ryan Soberg
Colony of Losers
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vanessa seijo
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Comments
--Vivian, The Young Ones
Bumping for outrage!!!
Parenthood is a constant state of low-level anxiety, punctuated by these moments of sheer terror.
I can't believe that ... I can't believe that they didn't call you back ... or look for him again in the first place!!! That is jarring!!!
Hugs Momma ... he's fine (and one gorgeous toddler) ... but I see a nasty, nasty letter in someone's (several people's) inbox ... and I'm not even psychic!!!
Also renews my ever shifted debate with self over whether to install a gps locator subcutaneously in lil B.
and the muzak was the extra added insult... good thing it was you, not me. I'd still be at the school. or in jail.
I am so very glad that he is alright!
Obviously, they made a mistake, which for obvious reasons alarmed you. But I would rather know at 9 in the morning if he's missing than be panicking if he didn't come home after school. If he had been kidnapped, those first 8 hours or so (which are crucial) would be out the window. I'm in no way trying to diminish the terror you felt, but there seems to be a sliver lining in that story, just not easy to see.
I will never, ever be the same. When you have to call 911 and describe what shoes your baby has on, I don't know... it's just not okay. Not ever.
All I could see was Adam Walsh's face in my head. He's been a big deal in my family my whole life because I was in the same store with him the day he was taken. I was probably one of the last people in the world to see Adam Walsh alive. Of course, I don't remember it because I was five. But my parents are big on that.
I am terribly paranoid about my kids using the internet or showing their pictures. I don't use their names or post photos that they could be recognized from. I don't let them out of my sight. The older kids (BBC is 10 and BGC is 11) can't even wait for the bus alone, one of us sits there with them.
This was a nightmare. And let me say for the record, I don't believe for ONE FUCKING SECOND that Casey Anthony waited a month to tell the police that Caylee Anthony was missing because she "thought she could take care of it herself."
When it happens, you don't think, you don't breathe, you don't consider, YOU CALL THE COPS.
I am sorry your week sucks. Genuinely sorry.
When the school called me and requested that I come in for a meeting about my daughter's truancy, I told them that I got her to the school and it was their job to keep her there.
In your case, it's their job to do better record keeping.
Heart attack city. Damn.
I didn't freak out on anyone. I haven't yelled at anyone or even called them asshats, which I find highly appropriate in this situation. I'm just hoping they will be a little more careful the next time they do this.
As most of you know, I am very non-confrontational. I understand that it was a simple mistake, so I didn't hand anyone their still-beating heart.
But I thought about it.
I suggest penning a letter to the superintendent of the district with a cc to the principal. So far only us and that stupid school secretary knows.
Things come in threes. This is the last.
Elizabeth - Look out, lady! We know how the MindMeld goes!
Glad BigBoy was eating fish sticks in the cafeteria.
Thumbs up!
I would have been kicking ass and not BOTHERING to take names. "Oops, we goofed, sorry" is fine when you see a D that was supposed to be a B. When they tell you YOUR KID IS MISSING, that just isn't frackin' enough. Someone should be sporting a new asshole over that, sorry that's just how I feel about it. Good on you, Jodi, for keeping your head enough to make the right calls.
Geez, gotta hurry home and check on the mini-me's.
Thumbed.
And children should be lo-jacked.
Could it be they've never called on an absence before because you usually call in to excuse him? I know in TX and OR an unexcused absence is the only kind that will trigger the phone call.
Jaysus fecking cripes. nightmare...
"sorry for the inconvenience?"......scuza? I am going to take a bat to whoever said thats head!
I am considering my course of action right now. I don't know if I should say something or not. I'm sure they understand what a problem this caused. Plus, BBC's DaddyPerson is one of those people who exude scary angry vibes, so I'm certain they understand their error.
The person you spoke to at the school seems a bit cavalier: "There's been a mistake. Sorry for the inconvenience." Yeah . . . sorry for the STROKE we almost caused you to have.
Also, child being put on school bus on what was supposed to be the first day of an extra curricular activity, arriving just as I'm heading out the door to pick him up.
Then the sequel: Waiting in a snowstorm for bus, which is 30 minutes late, to find that child is NOT ON IT. Because there was a make-up class for the said extra curricular activity, and school didn't inform parents. So boychild is sitting at school as I head out to de-ice the car.
arg...
The ex scared me like that one day--he picked the girls up and didn't sign them out when it wasn't his day to pick them up and was of course unreachable. Police were called, everyone was frantic and finally, he decided to answer his phone.
And of course, the snotty school people looked at ME as though I'd done something wrong...
There is NOTHING like the panic you felt today. Nothing. Zero. Nada. I think you handled it much better than I would have.
Hugs.
Now, let's listen to Liz Emrich and follow her excellent advice:
"Okay, the attendance geek at the school needs to have his head banged about -- both for mismarking the file AND for not CHECKING FIRST before calling you and freaking you out. It is much easier to check first, and saves a lot of this kind of heartache, and taxpayer dollars for unecessary 911 calls. Perhaps you could suggest that the police station should review proper procedure with the school to prevent this kind of bullshit from happening to you again.
I know this is a minor blip on the radar of parental bullshit, but it was the actual act of calling 911 and saying, "My son is missing." Just beyond words. I do think I'll send a very reasonable letter to the principal cc'd to the district. I really don't want that to happen to anyone else.
I really appreciate everyone's comments. The BigBoyChild is thoroughly pleased with himself for making the cover, since his sister was there at Thanksgiving. His exact words were, "Now we're even."
Plus, the word for the day is "Asshat".
I swear, I don't know what I did before I had you people to complain to. (with... for... about...)
I ::love:: my OpenFamily.
Unfortunately, for you, for us, the fear never goes away. I had a similar experience not long ago re my oldest, and he's a junior in college. I wrote about it here. I was so mad I could have screamed, once the need for the defibrillator wore off.
rated for kin trauma
Dear Ms. Principal of the School,
My name is Jodi Kasten. I am the mother of BigBoyChild, a fifth grader in Mr. Fifth Grade Teacher’s class. First, I would like to say that I am very pleased with the experience we’ve had at The School. We’re very happy with Mr. Teacher and the opportunities our son has had with your school.
Unfortunately, I got a very disturbing phone call on Thursday, January 08, 2009, at about 1 p.m. I was informed that my son was not at the school.
I understand that this is a courtesy, in order to be sure that parents are aware when their child is absent. I appreciate that effort very much. I have never received a call like this when BBC has been absent in the past, so I applaud this new policy.
After being told that BBC was not at school, I immediately checked with his father and stepfather to see if they had picked him up for some reason, which they had not. His stepfather had put him on the bus that day and saw him get on it. Our next step was to immediately call 911.
I had to tell the 911 operator that my son was missing. I gave his description and they sent a police cruiser to our home. After the missing child report was made, I called the school back, as did his father. As we were on the phone, over a half hour after the initial call was placed, we asked that someone physically check to see if BBC was with his class. We were told that a mistake had been made and he was, in fact, with his class.
We were given the explanation that BBC had been tardy and the roll had been sent to the office before he reached class. This was also inaccurate. BBC was one of the first people in class that day. This was a simple clerical error evidently.
While I understand that mistakes do happen, I would like to request that absences be confirmed with teachers before these calls are made in the future. I would never again want another mother to have to describe her child to a police officer when the child is in fact safe in class.
At the point that I told the person calling that BBC was supposed to be in school and that I was calling 911, I believe someone from the office should have checked where he was, but it didn’t happen until we had contacted the police and called back to ask that they check.
As you can imagine, this occurrence was one of the most terrifying experiences of my life. There is no fear in the world like having to call 911 to report your child as missing.
I in no way wish to discourage the school from calling parents when a child is absent. I appreciate the school’s diligence in doing so, but I believe close attention must be paid before reporting a child as not being at the school. Thank you for your attention to this matter.
Sincerely,
Jodi Kasten
What do you think?
I'm glad it worked out and was only a minor blip in the big scheme, but yes, they f*cked up, and you should definitely send the letter.
My kids former ES was so messed up that the one time this happened to me, I assumed they had screwed up before panicking, and insisted they double check. That was only after several, "sorry for the inconvenience" screw-ups that took years off my life -
BGC not getting off bus (ok, she didn't make it to bus on time), but she was at school waiting in the office
BGC not getting off bus and being UNABLE TO LOCATE for about half-an-hour (she got in the WRONG bus line and went home with her BFF - whose Mom had the good sense to call me, thankyoujesus)
my bichon has an implanted chip - why don't my kids?
I can just see BBC being pleased with himself. He will have no idea, until he's a parent, of what kind of terror you went through today.
It bounced.
::glowering::
I guess snail mail will have to do.
And I will forever love you for quoting The Young Ones here.
I just freaked into the phone and said I was not hanging up until she went up to Serena's room right now to check first because if I did, I was calling the cops to the school. She sure enough was back on the phone (and completely out of breath) 3 minutes later.
But those were without a doubt the longest 3 minutes of my life. I am so so sorry you went through this.
rated
Greg
Glad everyone is safe and BBC finally made the front page :p
"Mr./Mrs./Ms. Parent, we have your child marked absent today? Is your child ill or at home for another reason?"
"No."
"We'll have someone check his class to see if he's there. Please hold a minute." [cue music]
"Yes, he's there. I'm sorry, it looks like someone made an error/he was tardy/other reason. I apologize for inconveniencing you."
If everyone knew what the system was and that mistakes can happen but will be remedied instantly, it would be best for all parties.
hugs for a traumatic day ((()))
It's almost as simple as... uh.. let's say putting a functioning e-mail address on the website.
That wouldn't bother me so much if I hadn't had to buy a thumb drive for the kid because they are a "technology portal".
I agree that when you said he had gotten on the bus they should have looked into it. However, school secretaries, in my experience, are not the most well-paid, motivated, or bright people in the world. They rank just below doctor's secretaries in Indifference to Suffering and just above them in Having Seen it All.
Sorry you had to go through this! Hope you manage to get through to someone!
thumbed
This should not happen to any parent. Thank God he was okay. But the fear they put you through is inhumane.
I am so, so sorry for what the school put you through.
My own BBC was lost for about 1/2 an hour at a county fair last fall, and I turned into Righteous Mommy. Some poor sheriff's deputy was trying to buy a concert ticket at the grandstand and I was ready to rip the ticket seller's head off: "BACK OFF, LADY! He can't buy a ticket until he helps ME! MY SON IS MISSING!"
Turns out my BBC was already at the sheriff's office at the fairgrounds, using the potty. He walked out and I dissolved into big, hicupping sobs. I'm tearing up right now, thinking about it.
Jodi, send the letter, and make sure you copy the superintendent and the school board. Common sense should have told them you would be scared out of your wits. Unfortunately, common sense seems to be one of the least common things out there.
I said, she got on the bus this morning and the nice lady on the other end said, "ok, let me call the class she's in." I could hear her on the intercom call the teacher, "Is Miss girl in your class now?" and the teacher said, "yes she's here." My heart was coming out of my ears by that point. And the nice lady on the phone said, "she must have been tardy to miss roll call." Thanks.
I am thankful for the school's policy of calling the classroom while i was on the phone. Wow. you must have had your life drain right out of you in those few moments. Write them a letter. I bet the person who called you was not familiar with a procdure they probably have in place, maybe her 2nd day on the job. but make it clear, they need to have a policy if they don't because you lost 4 years of your life in those 15 minutes.
I was dismayed to find out that this policy was only started since returning from Christmas vacation because of state standardized testing. They want to be sure all the kids are there every day to be properly taught the test, I suppose. :|
When she told me that, I said I thought they should start doing it year-round, not just to try to raise the test scores.
My exact words: "I am much more concerned about my child's personal safety than his state testing scores."
So, evidently it only took four days of school before they screwed up the new policy royally - all for higher standardized test scores.
I'm satisfied with her apology and response, but the reasoning causes me to conclude the same way I did originally ---
Hmph.
A failed sync connection between my Palm Treo and Outlook that cost me six months worth of contacts to be lost forever when my phone was stolen in Beall's Outlet.
A contract's untimely disappearnace from an agent's email inbox then that seller refusing an offer 1.5% less than list price with no explanation other than he doesn't want to take it... Another offer lost forever in a bank's foreclosure website due to the offer's expiration over the Memorial Day holiday.
A fight with an office mate over her rude behavior, then five fire ant bites and what appears to be a pernicious spider bite marking up two inches in diameter of my lower calf with an ugly welt from one tiny minute standing in the yard.
A rotten pork shoulder roast in its original vacuum sealed wrapper, opened while my aging parents were making demand after demand for food, comfort, cake and singing on my mother's eightieth birthday...The cake tasted worse than normal to boot...
It has been a stress laden, mishap filled week, My Dear. Glad we can commiserate...Always worse with kids, however. I would have been in a state of pure panic over that incident.
Have a glass of something delicious for me? Gave up the alcchol, again. 40 days with none...maybe that accounts for being out of step with the Universe! Do you have a good excuse?!
I must learn to read comments before posting!;)