Believe it or not, my husband is a farmer, and I am - without a doubt - a farmer’s wife.

Our land is small, less than an eighth of an acre, but we farm our crop year-round. We live in Florida, so the climate is optimal for farming, but we aren’t very good at it. We don’t get any actual food from all of our toils, either. The fruits of our labor are only the knowing nods of sympathy from our neighbors. Here’s a photo of our farm:

Do you see it? Look closely.

It’s grass. We are grass farmers. If you’re a homeowner, I’ll bet you are a farmer as well.

A NASA sponsored study estimates the amount of land used in the United States simply to grow grass is about 32 million acres. Landscaping accounts for approximately 50%-70% of residential water use.

Originally, rolling acres of green grass lawns were a symbol of abundant land cultivated by the gentry in Europe. Such lawns sent the message that the landholder had so much land that they could afford to have vast expanses of their land holdings reserved simply for decorative purposes. It was the 18^th century version of lighting your Cohiba cigar with a $100 bill.

In today’s society, a nice lawn indicates to the neighbors that the inhabitants of the home are the “right sort of people”. A badly manicured lawn shows the owner to be lazy and lacking pride in his or her home. Many neighborhoods with homeowner’s associations go so far as to enact standards called “CC&R’s” (covenants, conditions and restrictions). These spell out very clearly just how long your grass can be and how much of your grass can die before you can be fined for noncompliance. In most cities, if you have tall grass, the city will contract to have the grass cut and then place a lien on your property to pay the contractor.
 

In order to move our country to a greener lifestyle, I propose simply allowing the average homeowner the freedom of choice about which crop to grow on their land. Basic standards of safety and cleanliness should apply, of course. But I think there should be no law anywhere in this country which states that it is illegal to have a vegetable garden as an alternative to a grass lawn.

I also believe that homeowners who convert their lawns to productive organic gardens should be allowed a tax credit to encourage this greener alternative. The average lawn could yield up to several hundred pounds of fruits and vegetables each year. We could virtually eliminate hunger in the United States if one quarter of the land used for grass lawns was converted to produce gardening.

I don’t think that people should be forced to give up their lawns. I would personally continue to maintain a part of my yard as grass for children and dachshunds to frolic upon. But, I do not understand why a neat and well-maintained vegetable garden in my front yard should be illegal. What should be illegal is the fact that I have to watch the hirsute gentleman across the street sweat into his back hair while he mows his lawn for the third time this week.

Of course, gardening is more labor intensive and time consuming. However, I say that a vast number of people in this country do not maintain their own yards. Lawn services could provide maintenance of productive gardens, which seems a much better way of spending money than mowing, preening and spraying leftover Agent Orange on a useless patch of grass.

When did we decide that a row of tomatoes in the back yard is worthy of a spread in Martha Stewart Living, but that same productive greenery in the front yard is worthy of a city citation? If we had a national campaign to educate Americans about organic gardening, we could reduce the amount of pesticides used on American yards to a fraction of what they are today. If we lifted the city and county ordinances against “public” gardening and made our gardens a point of pride, then we could produce food with the water, time and labor we now spend on growing grass.

In today’s economic climate, we could benefit by going even further with this idea. What if, instead of an economic stimulus package, we allowed Americans to order seeds and gardening equipment from the government for free? For my average-sized yard it would take about $30 (retail!) of seeds, $50 of organic fertilizer, $20 of earthworms and $50 of watering equipment and accessories (stakes, tomato cages, etc.) to outfit us for a growing season. That’s $150; such a bargain that I think Uncle Sam should throw in a tiller!

Let’s move into the next phase of environmentalism! Why buy a hybrid car, recycle and replace your light bulbs then turn around and pour chemicals on grass that will have to be mowed using fossil fuels?  How can we justify spending extra money on water efficient appliances then dumping hundreds of gallons of water per month on a non-productive crop?

It is time to redefine beauty when it comes to landscaping in America. In many areas of the country, the simple switch to “forest floor” landscaping would save millions of gallons of water and keep tons of pesticides out of our waterways.

It is time to stop maintaining our lawns and start allowing our yards to maintain us.