Back in September, Tropical Storm Fay tore off part of my roof. Quite a few shingles were blown off. It rained in my living room. It sucked. I wrote about it. In fact, it was my very first post.

Before the skies had even cleared, I called my insurance company. If you live in Florida, you’ve seen their commercials about how they are a Florida company that will not drop their Florida customers and they understand Floridian problems and Florida is so spiffy. It’s as if they are the FIRST insurance company that’s FLORIDIAN. ::ahem!::

 I was impressed when an adjustor showed up within two days. He looked at the roof and said, “We’re going to get you a new roof, Mrs. Kasten.”

Splendid.

So, I waited.
I got estimates.

Suddenly, and I do mean suddenly, we got a check in the mail for about $5800. I was thrilled. There was no explanation, just the check. A few days later, we got a letter in the mail with the breakdown. It was for everything: our shed that had fallen in, a broken window, water damage and a new roof.

You can stop laughing now.

Yes, all that for $5800. Our estimates were showing a very different picture. One roofing “company” sent a guy in a pickup truck that didn’t look like it would live to see morning with two guys in the truck bed that were passing a beer back and forth. THEY wanted $6500.

A few more companies came and went. No one would do it for less than $7200, after the beer dudes that is. I got the bright idea of having the Home Depot guy come. They HAD to be cheaper, right?

$11,943.

I didn’t just make that up. I looked at the estimate. He said their materials were better than everyone else’s and they had a better warranty. For $11,943, I should have a gold plated roof and an attractive girl installed in the attic that does my husband when I’m busy.

 So, I called back the insurance company because Lisa told me I shouldn’t have to take this shit. They told me to submit my estimates. I sent them six. I told them I preferred the company that gave us a $7700 estimate. I begged. I pled. I called back over and over. I gave up on actually getting money for the other damage. Finally, they sent the adjustor BACK out again. At the end of January, (YES, JANUARY!) I finally got a check for $1500 more.

Here’s the fun part:

I had cashed the first check with my mortgage company. I had to send the check to them; they endorsed it and then sent it back. I deposited it in our savings account. Now, I had another check. But, my mortgage had been bought out when my first mortgage bank had gone under. Now, I had to deal with a new mortgage company. I called them. I told them what happened. They told me that I would have to fill out a “claim packet”. It had to be notarized. I had to send ALL the estimates. I had to write a detailed letter justifying the fact that I already had insurance money that they didn’t get to LICK FIRST.

I said, “Okay, bring on the claim packets and dancing girls.”

It was February 9^th.

I waited.

I waited some more.

This morning, I called the mortgage company back.

They said they sent the claim packet in December. They didn’t have my mortgage yet in December. I told them the exact date I called. February 9^th. They said they sent it out and they “just didn’t know what happened”.

I gave them The Man’s fax number. I told them to send it to him. I then asked, “With all due respect, how do I know you’re going to send my check back without losing it?” This is what I get:

“Well, Ma’am, if the check is lost, you would be responsible for that portion of your insurance claim. You would have to wait until the check expired then re-file, or you would have to pay for it yourself. You might want to overnight the check so that someone has to sign for it here. But, that’s no guarantee that it’ll make it back to you.”

!!!

???

!!!

So I say, “I would like a notarized letter saying you received the check.”

She laughed at me.

She laughed.

Then I said, “So, do I get a ‘Get Out of Jail Free’ card next time my mortgage is late?” (My mortgage has NEVER and I do mean NEVER been late!)

She laughed some more. “You’re very funny, Mrs. Kasten. Is there anything else I can help you with today?”

I said, “I would like to know how long it will take to get my check back if I overnight it to you.”

She says, “Well, you’d want to allow four to six weeks for processing.”

I am going to have an aneurism.  If I don’t respond to emails, please love me enough to send someone with a keg of Guinness and a funnel.