By now, most of us have heard about a Westchester County, New York mom, Madlyn Primoff, kicking her two daughters out of her car at a busy intersection because they were fighting. The girls were twelve and ten-years-old. The girls were three miles from their home. The 12-year-old ran after the car and got back in. Ms. Primoff left her 10-year-old behind. She cried to the nearest stranger, who took her out for ice cream before delivering her to the police station.
After Ms. Primoff got home, she called the police, reporting the girl missing. The police informed her that they had her daughter. When the mom got to the station, they arrested her for child abandonment.
Here’s her mug shot:
Now, I’m not going to advocate abandoning your children on the side of the road. But, how is this different than dropping the two girls off at the movies alone? How about the kids allowed to roam the mall at that age? What about the mothers walking down the mall trailing their children behind and never looking back?
It seems to me that Madlyn Primoff made only one mistake. She let the 12-year-old back in the car. It was three miles. Here in my county, if children live less than two miles from their school, they have to walk. If those children had been told to get out and walk home together, would THAT have been child abandonment? I don’t think so.
As a society, we are extremely uncomfortable with women losing their tempers, especially mothers. This woman didn’t beat these girls. By all accounts, she is a patient, kind and good mother.
Last year, my 11-year-old daughter witnessed one of her classmates being dragged into a broom closet and beaten soundly by her grandmother. When I asked her why the teacher or principal didn’t step in, BigGirlChild said, “They aren’t allowed to do that! That’s her Gramma!” Who is going to tell a 70-year-old woman who is forced to raise her drug addicted daughter’s child that she can’t spank her? Before you think that’s a race or class issue, let me say that the family is white and reasonably well off.
Child Protective Services just doesn't have TIME to chase down all the spankin' grammas. But, evidently they have time to jail a mother for ousting her kid from the Volvo. The difference is that this woman will do her time and pay a fine. If they jailed the spankin' grannies, they would have to find new homes for those kids.
How many of us have turned a blind eye as someone smacks their child in a grocery store?
Yet this woman did EXACTLY what we’re told to do. She removed herself from the situation to keep her cool. Yes, there are a lot of bad things that could have happened to those girls. She should have never left the younger one alone. She lost it and she was wrong. How many of us have done worse, but not been caught? By that measure, how many of us would be sitting in a jail cell right now?
I lose my temper DAILY. But, I have a patented stress-relieving technique I'd like to suggest to Ms. Primoff. I beat the shit out of a large pine tree with cardboard Coke boxes in each hand. Before you think that’s racist or classist, the tree is white and reasonably well off.
Just yesterday, I wanted to take a shower while the two youngest children napped. Pudge wouldn’t go to sleep. So, I locked him in his (extremely baby proofed) room. NINE minutes later, I found this:
Nine minutes.
I’ve seen trashed rock star hotel rooms that weren’t this bad.
I employ an elaborate system of locks and dams to stop the children from drinking poison and wandering out into the street while I irresponsibly try to use the restroom or fold laundry. There’s a large gate at one end of the living room.
And two stacked small gates at the door to the kitchen.
Pudge can get over them.
All of them.
When he does, he heads straight for the bathroom.
Here he is filling his big sister’s neti pot with hot water and Germ-X:
God makes them cute so we don’t leave them at a hospital in Nebraska:
Folks, this isn’t an easy gig. We all lose our shit every once in awhile. This woman has made national news for getting pissed off. We are supposed to parent children these days with their self-esteem always in mind, never yell, never throw things, we can’t drink, smoke, do drugs or smack them. Now, it’s a big surprise that one woman said, “Don’t make me stop this car,” then made good on her promise. Are our children now so coddled that they can’t walk three miles to their half-million dollar house in WESTCHESTER?!? Really?
People are KILLING their children, abusing them, beating, hurting, molesting, degrading and neglecting them. THIS is the best we can do as an example of bad parenting?
It’s FAR too easy for people to look down their noses at this woman and say, “If you can’t handle it, don’t have kids!” Well, NONE of us can handle it. There isn’t a parent on the face of the earth that hasn’t done something that people would think less of them for doing. Before getting high and mighty, ask yourself if you could stand up to everyone seeing how YOU parent.
For those of you who don't have children, I'm sure you have people in your life that you love dearly and couldn't live without. I'm sure you've said or done things you regret with those people. It's no different with children. 99% of the time, being a parent is wonderful and most of us have done it for all the right reasons. But, we're all human and we say and do things we might not if we had longer to think about it.
Just a little compassion, people. Please?
Full Story from The New York Times
TIP:
Enter the amount, and click "Tip" to submit!
Ryan Soberg
Colony of Losers
astrid.in.lala.land
franishnonspeaker
Linnnn
vanessa seijo
Salon.com
Comments
~Robert Orben
Rated, for exceptional parenting humor.
At 12 I was babysitting twice a week. I think the 12 year old should have stayed with her sister.
I question your parenting if your 12 year old can't figure out how to navigate the three miles to your home. My friend and I could figure out how to get from Long Island to the Bronx.
undertow - I distinctly remember my Dear and Sainted Mama throwing a whole bag of McDonald's food at my head when I was 12 - and I deserved every bit of it.
George - I've never done it, but I have sure as hell thought about it.
1_I_M - Nothing, and I do mean NOTHING beats the full bottle of Astroglide on the wood floor. NOTHING. (But your mustard is close)
Red - I think kids go insane when they get out of the house because they are kept in the dark until the day they escape these days.
I say she should be commended for not resorting to beating the living shit out of her kids, or just letting them run ragged.
Well said, Jodie, not everyone can be a perfect with their children and the Cap'n. ~~choke~~
I do have a burning question, though. Is that a human head to the right of the laundry basket. A blond little human head, like that cute little Pudge?
http://www.nydailynews.com/news/ny_crime/2009/04/21/2009-04-21_westchester_lawyer_and_is_charged_with_misdemeanor.html
Seems mom is a lawyer, a Park Avenue lawyer at that. Not that it makes any difference.
While I don't necessarily disagree with you, Jodi, I think a lot of it has to with circumstances. In this case, she was driving in White Plains, NY. Don't know if you know the area, but I used to work there. Now, to be fair I haven't been there in nearly twenty years, but when I worked around there it was definitely NOT a place you'd want to leave a ten-year-old unattended. Lots of traffic, and although lots of people as well some of them were definitely the unsavory kind, if you know what I mean.
Thumbing this for intent, because I agree parenting is a bitch at times. But I think I'd need more info (even more than the Daily News provided) before I'd say she was wrongfully busted.
She clearly lost her cool at the expense of her children's well being and risked their lives and the lives of others in that busy intersection that day. Really pissed over this kind of adult irrational behavior and the potential for extreme damage to children, physically and emotionally. Those two girls will remember this for the rest of their lives and it is nothing short of traumatizing. Horrific!
http://freerangekids.wordpress.com/
It deals with the overprotectiveness of today's parents. I think I got it right, because my oldest daughter's boss said of Anne at age 23, "she can handle anything that comes up anywhere in the world." In her 20s she traveled to over 70 world cities as part of her work.
I recall the shit I got in suburban Long Island because I let my 17 year old take her 11 year old and 8 year old sisters to a Paul Simon concert in Central Park. I have known plenty of 17 and 18 year olds who are nervous about taking the Long Island Railroad for 38 minutes to get into Manhattan. That's pathetic.
Jodi. I'd call a trusted maid? okay.
I'd expect dimes? a penny? a nickel.
~
please send the greyhound puppy.
Beautiful children. Hug. Love 'um.
send a saddle for a great dane. (m).
When I taught for Head Start, dumping kids off anywhere for fighting would have cost everyone of us our jobs for a start. Two teachers with 30 kids who were fighting, drooling, running, reading, laughing, falling down, pulling on our jackets with great frequency, and then falling asleep in the afternoon.
Hmmm...this is a difficult one. You are a great mom, with a wonderful sense of humor. Great post!
My mom used a wooden spoon, my dad a leather belt and I don't blame them. I used to pull some shit. I walked everywhere until I saved the money to buy I bike and then I rode. Not through White Plains though.
I hope you made Pudge clean up his nine minute mess. I know he probably can't do it "right," but even the symbolic effort is better than no penalty. Never too young to learn there are repercussions. monkey fingered.
It's one of many things that makes me crazy about the national media. They pick up a stupid non-story and make it the cause of the week, complete with talking heads.
I hope the woman gets a good lawyer, and a judge who has been a parent - surely if "gay panic" can be a defense, there could be a "my children made me temporarily insane" defense.
My mother used to stop the car and read a book until we shut up. Then when we got home, we lost priviledges and were assigned extra chores for wasting her time. There are other ways to send a message than abandoning your child in unfamiliar territory.
Faith - I added that last photo just for you. ;)
Cap'n - Ain't that the truth?
Bill - She was actually in Scarsdale, according to the NYT. Not that it makes a difference, I don't know the area. I did see that she was a lawyer on the Today show. There's always more to the story, but it seems that folks are only interested in digging up what makes it worse on her.
sandra - I completely agree. There's is no room in our world for angry women. Ever. We are told that if we are pissed off, it's because we made the choice to be where we are. It completely negates the feelings of women. Not cool.
Boanerges - Thank you!
Cathy - I completely understand where you're coming from. I can't imagine my 11 and 10 year olds alone in a busy intersection. But, I think there are much worse things tolerated by our society. Hopefully, two well educated children of a lawyer could manage to make it home without getting run over. I do say that what she did was wrong, but I can't say she should be drawn and quartered for it.
Deb - Unsure whether they should pin a medal on her, either. ;)
Arthur - If I had a maid, we wouldn't be having this conversation.
Robin - I distinctly remember riding in my dad's 70's El Camino on the floor coloring. Good times.
Fab - There aren't any easy answers, are there? We must laugh. MUST.
BBE - You'd better f'ing believe I did. Pudge is 2, but he can learn that he has to clean up the messes he makes. A good one for all of us.
Owl - I have been temporarily insane for about 11 1/2 years. (And I haven't hit the little suckers yet!)
Bella - I clearly say above that what she did was wrong. It was bad judgment and clearly dangerous to the child. I do think that perhaps we could find a more evil scapegoat for the national news, however.
Julie - The thing that gets me about this is how UNIVERSAL it is. I just think a little compassion is in order, that's all.
Red - I think people are very overprotective. I'm one of them. I found it interesting that when they asked the "experts" what she should have done instead, they vamped for a solid minute before saying, "Stop the car, put her hands over her ears and count to ten." How helpful.
Oh my... I have to feed my babies, folks! See you after lunch!
Agree with you and Sandra- women are just not allowed to lose their shit, ever. Perpetual smiles for all, pass me the Benzos.
Motherhood is hard. I try not to judge.
April 13, 2009 AP (AP) Authorities say a 5-year-old boy slipped onto a New York City subway alone and rode for 34 stops from the Bronx to the southern tip of Manhattan before anyone intercepted him.
Samuel Sosa has been reunited with his mother, unharmed, after his hourlong transit odyssey Monday.
Griselda Sosa says her son got away from her around 7:40 a.m. while she got coffee near an elevated station on the No. 1 line in the Bronx. The boy apparently sprinted up the station's stairs, squeezed under a turnstile and boarded a southbound train before she could stop him.
Police quickly put out an alert, but Sammy made it to the end of the line in Manhattan before transit workers spotted him around 8:40 a.m.
His mother calls authorities' response "good and fast."
My God, Pudge is a heartbreaker, isn't he?
This was an ill-thought-out reaction by a mother under a lot of stress who behaved irresponsibly. Been there done that, have come to blows twice with my son in 21 years, my fault regardless of the provocation, I'm the adult, I'm supposed to know and do better. There are always better options, and if the adult can't find them, how can you expect the kid to?
The incident should have been duly noted by the police, and she should have been given a warning, and sent home with her kids -- unless there was a history. It would also have been a good idea to call the father in, too, not because he was a man, but because he was the other parent.
I strongly disagree with you and Sandra that things would have been any different if Dad had behaved this way rather than Mom. Or if they had been different, the police might have been even harder on a man who left his two young daughters to fight it out in the street.
I lived 30 minutes from Scarsdale and that area is hyper about kids and families. I think Sandra has a point about how we handle women and anger. But NY is one of those places where Child Services misses so much abuse, and there is so much real abuse, that they sometimes overreact.
Tom - I NEVER said this would have been different if it were a man. I said that people react to women getting angry badly. I COMPLETELY agree that it would have been bad no matter which parent did it.
ALSO, I said *exactly* what you and Cathy did. It was wrong, stupid, dangerous and horrible. I just think there should have been a warning, not jail time and a national public flogging.
Compassion. That's all I asked for.
I wasn't raised with time-outs and bargaining, yet I turned out fine. I overheard some lady in the store the other day explaining why her toddler couldn't have the cereal he wanted, using things like logic and adult reasoning,
"Darling, we're not getting this, it's filled with high fructose corn syrup and artificial coloring,"
and he answers, "why?"
"because food manufacturers think that's what we like"
"I like the box!"
"yes, dear, they call that marketing. We're not getting this. I made granola yesterday. It has dates. You like dates."
"no! dates are poopy! want this!"
"Ashton, don't make me tell you again. You saw the video about artificial coloring and processed foods. They are not nutritious, and we are not buying them."
"you're not nutritious! I want this!"
"when we get home, your privileges are being reviewed."
"Want this, want this, want this, want this!!!"
...and so on... which... was in my opinion, a conversation I could see myself having with my mother at this age. (She would probably be the kid in this situation, though.)
Sissy parenting should also be punished. Rated for lighthearted parenting humorous bits.
http://www.nypost.com/seven/04222009/news/regionalnews/mother_chucker_165622.htm
Apparently she lives in Scarsdale but was in White Plains when she kicked the kids out. It is a short hop from where she was to Scarsdale (3 miles sounds right). The Post said she has been hit with a temporary order of protection that bars her from seeing or being around her kids.
Being a parent I have no problem with the lady getting pissed off. I would be surprised if she hadn't yelled at her kids at times. And I totally agree with Julie that as parents we have to back up what we say. I'm just not sure that she used sound judgment considering where she was. It would have been more appropriate in my book if she had driven to an area much closer to home and THEN kicked them out.
Still, not enough facts. I won't condemn her out of hand nor will I shout for the charges to be dropped. But someone in the prosecutor's office needs to take a hard look at this one. Marshalling that many resources for this kind of an issue seems a little over the top, considering the facts in hand.
Yeah. I got you now, Jodi. I agree, definitely needs to be some compassion. The more I'm finding on this, the less I like the response all the way around.
She should have gotten smacked, definitely. Dad should have gotten involved too. But an order of protection for one incident?
My point is that I think we've all been in a situation where we made a REALLY bad choice - maybe even one that could have killed our child. The day you decide to let your kid walk home from the bus stop alone could be that really bad choice. It doesn't have be about anger.
I think we don't know the situation. But, I know MY situation. I would hope that if I did something this stupid I wouldn't incur the wrath of an entire country in addition to losing the right to see my children.
There's no easy answer. At the very least, I hope everyone gets a dire warning about what the world will do to you if you try this. All the way around, it's sad.
And yes, Pudge could set me on fire and I'd kiss his little cheeks. :)
I think this story makes for good press. There's a blog at HuffPo that makes these rich moms "victims". Let's face it, Attorney Primoff makes a lot of money. This is red meat for the tabloid press. Did the police overreact? Yes. However the Times reports she told the police she was "missing." Not entirely factual. She was dropped off in White Plans by Attorney Primoff. Lawyers use there words precisely.
Her alleged obfuscation is probably what got her charged. However I agree with your post, and this was not child endangerment, unless she dropped off the kid in the middle of the Cross Westchester Expressway.
Redstocking Grandma's comments are spot on. Good post.
If I was the Westchester County DA, I'd wouldn't bring this case to trial. We'll see if DA Janet DiFiore treats Attorney Primoff with "the expectation of fairness and humility" that the DA shouts about on the official Westchester DA web site. Interesting that the DA is a woman and according to her bio, a mother of three.
And I keep telling you - "God makes them cute so we don’t leave them at a hospital in Nebraska"
You can't do this anymore!!!!
And the argument about women not being allowed to have anger? Oh god. Don't get me started. Angry women make us shrivel. And we punish angry women. We like them docile. Of course, if they get beat up and then go back to the man who beat them up, well, she should be stronger. But if she fights back, or puts him in jail, then she's a bitch. And so it goes.
I am not defending what this women did, but I don't think she should be arrested.
After that, just the threat was enough. Until the nine-year old was 14 or so. Then she just got out and walked and refused to get back in the car.
I don't know if they were traumatized. It's not one of the stories they prick me with when they tell stories about how bad a mother I was.
rated
Those brats will act out in so many bad ways over something that should have been handled with a fine and *maybe* an order for family counseling.
And, may I just say, Pudge Rules.
I don't know the Westchester area, so I can't really comment on the traffic or general safety. But I certainly can comment on backseat squabbles, which I can assure you present a far greater driving hazard than people talking on cell phones. You think texting while driving is bad - try turning around and responding to screaming carnage.
I put my children out of the car once. I don't feel proud of this - the scene was highly charged, and I wish, I WISH I had had the zen-like patience to just ignore the fight and drive home.
But here's the interesting thing - I made them get out of the car and walk because I read this suggestion in a parenting book! I can't remember the name for sure - maybe Parenting with Love and Logic? Of course, I remember that these authors advocated using this consequence safely - going no further than a block away or some such - but I distinctly remember that making your children get out of the car was recommended as a logical consequence for fighting.
I have no way of knowing if Ms. Primoff was endangering her child by making her walk 3 miles. But I do know we have far greater problems to worry about, and really enjoyed your humorous and pointed call for a little empathy and tolerance. You're right; if you're a parent to more than one kid, you've been there.
If (and when) we acted-up, my aunt could (and would) slap at us with that wooden spoon. She could do it one-handed, the other hand never leaving the wheel and her eyes never leaving the road (except for the occasional glance into the tilted rear-view mirror to better her aim.)
Leaving any or all of us on the side of the road to walk home would have been a welcome change.
On the other issue---women and anger---especially in the work place as Sandra mentions, it goes hand in hand with the notion that female bosses are more nurturing. Bullshit!
That is a myth created by the male of the species. They *want* women to be perpetually nurturing---so, naturally, anger gets in the way of the constant coddling the male demands from all females.
While I'd never condone child abuse, I think the odds were in favor of those girls reaching home safely, perhaps a little wiser and realizing even mothers can't be pushed indefinitely.
Rated.
I rated it for that line alone!
I nearly kissed those round Pudge cheeks on my computer screen.
It was dumb for her to leave a 10-year-old alone. Buuuuut… Sandra is right, women aren’t “supposed” to get angry. Every now and then we make an example of one angry woman so the others will know they are expected to be quiet.
But I feel so bad for that tree!! I don't believe you. You ARE ANTI-TREE!
I know what *my* guess is.
Thanks for your honesty, and I'm still laughing at your first comment to your post.
I would never do this. I would never condone doing this.
It's not too far of a stretch for me to remember what ten is like. Once again, I MUST stress that this was NOT okay. Not at ALL. But there are plenty more things in the world going on which are not okay.
The primary thing that made this illegal was the fact that the child was alone. IF she was going to make them walk home, she SHOULD have kept the girls together. That's all I said on that mistake.
If every convicted child molester got this kind of coverage, there would be no opportunity for them to reoffend. Every parent in the world would know them on sight.
I think it says a lot about our culture that pointing out that this woman COULD be a good mother who made a bad decision in the heat of the moment makes people so uncomfortable. Sometimes, good people do stupid things. My ONLY point was that perhaps we should consider how the world would judge us if they saw us at our worst.
No one is saying that there shouldn't be compassion for the child in this case. I just can't believe it's so offensive to suggest compassion for the mother as well.
Rated.
At one point a neighbor drove by, stopped, and asked if we were hurt, where were our bikes, why were we walking, did we need a ride? My little brother told said neighbor that we were thrown out of the car for fighting. The neighbor said, "Oh...well, be careful then!" and drove off.
Then we got in ANOTHER fight about him being an idiot for saying that, because there went our ride.
Rated.
It'll straighten you right up.......... until the next time.
That two mile law is a state law, I think. Same thing down here. I walked a mile and a half to school nearly everyday until sixth grade, weather permitting. And beating....er, disciplining never ended with parents in jail. Look how well I turned out!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I lived in NY about 35 miles up the pike from White Plains. My children, too, had to walk or be driven when they lived less than two miles (grade school was 1.8 miles away). I agree with you, Jodi: I think the local constabulary overreacted. I know downtown White Plains and a "busy intersection" there has got nothing on a busy intersection in a real city. DT White Plains has lovely coffee shops, book stores, a Cheesecake Factory. Little miss 10-year-old should have gone to one of those. And the Mom definitely should Not have allowed the 12-year-old back into the car.
I just want to thank everyone for commenting.
I've been dealing with housebreaking a puppy (post tomorrow!) and all the kiddos today. I am about to escape thanks to a friend and do some shopping.
Aloooooone!
(A rare and beautiful treat)
I'll be back in a few hours to make sure you're all behaving yourselves.
More than once I was tossed out of the car within walking distance of home - my mother had 4 daughters with attitudes, the exercise didn't do us a lick of harm.
:) Rated
Show me a parent who claims to have made no regrettable mistakes with their children and I'll show you a liar.
I don't disagree in general about a lack of acceptance for women being angry. However, I've never had anyone try to tell me to calm down and stop being angry...perhaps they're too frightened.
I have read only this article of your
writing. You may have commented
otherwise, on the massive strength
and Saving Grace you release in
li'l quantums, 'n quintums, (eventually
sextums?! --of 'salacious solace'?*?):-(
You write well. But U R Fun-ny!!
better still, it is Credible Funny
because at the end, you slouch
back into the Profound Weariness of
the jolly sage whose serenity has been
rudely displaced by obnoxious dolts.
You probably write from a carefully
constructed personal Pisa tower from
which your view adjusts the declination to compensate the unfunny chaos at ground level, -occasionally dumping
hot oil down the stairwell at any
of the common herd who dare interlope your grasp of a serenity, briefly salvaged.
Posts I impatiently anticipate:
'A really Funny thing happened on
the way back from the Motel.'
& Stepping through the debris
of the very Smelly Collapse.
More! Infinitly More.
Send me some mail
.....:-)
There is a huge difference: Intent is the difference, fear is the difference, shock and awe is the difference.
Sorry, though your post was humorous, and I often like your writing, I disagree. She abandoned the kids, frightening the Hell out of them, she deserves the fine and community service and were I the police I would keep an eye on her, in fact I would monitor her. She strikes me as a dangerous parent. Too many women killing their children the last few years, too many allowing their boyfriends to kill or beat their children, women deserve no less punishment than men for such actions, and I have seen the book thrown at men for similar actions, especially in the South.
Sorry, children are sacred and if one does not know how to deal with them, one should be watched.
"Jodi, you say something here that is really at the heart of this story and the media attention it is getting, and the oceans of snark no doubt being directed at this woman: this society has a real issue with women and anger. We don't tolerate it, not for one. Single. Second. Why is that, do you think? A man yelling is just a man yelling. A woman is a harpy, a shrew, a nag, a bitch, a harridan, blah blah blah. If I get irritated or angry about something in my work , no matter how legitimate, I'm told to drop it, let it go, relax, calm down. Meanwhile, the men are free to express anger or irritation whenever they want. I can't help but notice that when a male client gets irrationally upset about something, the men respond swiftly to placate him and the discussion is about what we did to cause the irritation. When it's a woman that is getting upset, the eyes roll, the jokes come out, or she's branded an evil bitch. What's up with that?"
BULLSHIT!
I was once reported to the police for turning and forcefully ordering my (autistic) kid at a traffic light not to detach his seatbelt as he was attempting to do in the backseat. A officer showed up at my house that very evening.
If you think a man could abandon his 10 year old daughter at an intersection with impunity, you are delusional. Not everything is an instance of gender bias and discrimination.
Parenting is frustrating and many do much worse. For all I know maybe they even waterboard them making this seem pretty insignificant. But dropping off a 10 year who was likely frightened deserves something more than the compassion being asked to give. She needs some skill awareness and a bit of a scare herself.
My wife has spent 30 years working with the most battered and defenseless children in our society. It starts somewhere.
I think you were having a bad morning and this struck a chord for you. Your comments indicate how much you need a break. Will all four of your children have their own GPS devices for the day you just need a little compassion?
And letting a stranger take you out for ice cream before taking you to the police station? Huh? Does McGruff the Crime Dog no longer come to schools? And who, in this age of paranoia about child molestors, takes a strange child out for ice cream BEFORE taking them to the police station?
So the idea that it wouldn't happen to a man is a bit unfounded and adds nothing to the conversation.
On the other hand, I feel remiss if I did not convey a very grizzly story that happened in Mass a while back. I cannot actually recall.
But it was an immigrant couple and their kids. I think they were indian, not that it really matters. The kids had acted up, and the father had pulled the car over on the highway to give them the basic tongue lashing that likely any parent of kids over the age of 10 has done at least once in the car.
A truck driver dozed off at the wheel, veering into the breakdown lane taking out most of the family, but I think not the father who had gotten out of the car to open the mini van door to the back to let the kids have it.
Truck driver was a law abiding family man from Maine, I think, returning from hauling wood somewhere. His life was ruined, to boot.
So this is not offered to say never snap and need to talk to your kids when they are in the car. It is offered to say to pull over and get well off the road.
I do that now for any reason, be it merely a piss break. I get over on the grass, and try to know that I have a guardrail in my rear line of fire in the event of something like that.
Call me over cautious, but that story made me sick to my stomach when I read about it however many years ago.
Just another sensitive male of the aughts public service announcement, BAY-BEE.
I really don't have all that much globe trotting experience, so I'm relating what my friends have seen. Neither of them suggested this difference had anything to do with women, just that Americans in general seem to have a problem with, and simultaneously get grief for, anger.
I think I'd make their butts get out too. And while I wouldn't have let them out of my sight they would have walked or stopped fighting. The older one would have had to go get her sister before she could get in the car.
We used to walk miles and miles in the dead of night and during the day. We'd walk two to three miles to the pool, my younger brother, my cousin, and I (ages 9 to 13). We walked to our elementary school a mile away every day that the weather cooperated. (3/4 of it you could still see us though) We used to beg to walk or ride bikes to the store, pool, bowling alley, and other kids houses. What's up with that?
I know it's different now but kids can also be abducted from their bedroom window or ran over in their own driveway...
And being one of those children who was molested when she was around 11 yo. I know for a fact I would have rather been dropped off 3 mi from my house with or without a companion.
Good job Jodi and cute pix. Love the sign. rated
I really don't understand why she reported the child missing unless she backtracked and couldn't find her.
My take on the incident is that she lost it. She could have handled it better. In the future she probably will. That is true of most parents.
I don't believe in heavenly judgement, but those who do consider this. What if the question for heavenly admittance is - have you ever over reacted to any child, an otherwise vulnerable person or animal in a way you have always deeply regretted? Anyone who says no goes straight to hell, since they are lying.
I see no point in punishing this mother. Since she has resources and probably health insurance they might want to recommend a few counseling sessions to see what's going on with her that she is dumping all her anger into one incident.
That said, why is it the kids that have to be ejected? Why don't the adults bail? Pull into a parking lot, get out of the car, thumb through a magazine or stare into space, and ask your hostages (er, kids) if things are going to calm down. If somebody asks if your car is broken down, just say no, everything's fine.
Personally, I just turned the radio to a station they hated and jacked the volume up.
This was as good as she could manage at the moment. I always cringe when I see folks subjected to national humiliation and censure just out of the blue because we love to do it.
Right now... tonight... there are millions of children in *this* country who are hungry, neglected and abused. Yet, we find this woman who made a stupid decision and make her the poster girl for bad mothering.
None of us are acceptable at our worst.
The best part of me feels bad for her AND her children.
If that's wrong, then I don't want to be right.
At least this mother stopped the car. My mother would have slowed down to maybe 5 miles an hour and given us the option of shut the *%$k up or start jumping.
I am not defending this women at all. But I admit that the helplessness of the ten year old bothers me. By 12 I was babysitting infants. Children are much more resourceful and competent than they are allowed to be in our oversupervised world.
Really?
Come on.
Should this woman lose her children for doing something that at least a dozen people here had done to them? I don't know, but it's certainly worth searching our hearts about.
Are we really so reactionary that a call for compassion for this mother has to equal not caring about the child that it happened to?
Really?
(Seth?)
This story reminds me of the time my younger brother wandered into my mom's workplace in downtown Phoenix when he was ten years old. We were latch key kids and we were on a school holiday. When my mom saw him she took him by the shoulders and asked him if he was alright. She demanded to know what the hell he was doing probably ten miles from our home. He said, "I'm just 'sloring." He couldn't even pronounce the word 'exploring' yet, and he had taken two city buses downtown and was just checking shit out! 3 miles in one of those quaint million dollar communities and this 10 y/o still doesn't know the way home? Did the family never go on a bike ride to town or a long walk together? I feel for this woman.
The "worst" parent on our group, interestingly enough, was the one
who wrote a bestseller about child rearing. She was so busy with her books and appearances she forgot to raise her own children so they didn't become drug addicts and use abortion for their primary means of birth control.
Whenever there was a problem with my daughter, like when she wanted to drop out of ballet school because the teacher was too hard, I would make "deals" with her to stick it out awhile longer and then decide. Both my wife and I never let her think she was not loved from the bottom of her feet to the top of her head.
Today, she is considered one of the top five artists living in San Francisco at the age of 33 and runs a program teaching art to children in poor neighborhoods. She no longer has her mother to be proud of her since she is deceased, but I don't let an opportunity go by without letting her know that she is the joy of my life--even when she gets pissed as hell at me for my many defects.
Be careful: child rearing is a self-fulfilling prophecy. One day, before you know it, your work will be done, and then you will mourn these days that test you so today.
omission you do not easily overlook.
I remember seeing on EnglishRussia
. com a photograph of children
abandoned by their fleeing Russian
parents. They looked curiously
and apprehensively at the Germans
taking the pictures. It was in a clearing
in a coniferous forest, in summer. They
wore light thin clothes, and looked
somewhat dazed and confused.
They were starving, and probably
had not eaten for days. Their parents
abandoned them in the hope that the Germans would feed them. They did.
So what am I saying here? I really
dont know. Is there anything anyone
can ever say, after seeing childrens pictures from the middle east?
I am burned out from these images.
On good days I write absurd satire
On bad days I write weapons grade plutonium filled 'letters' Then delete
them.
I am writing a fluffy love story
on my blog. It is harmless.
I have stopped accessing Finance
and political blogs.
At some point you know what is going
to happen, so you stop. More of the
same is a rather simple algorithm to
follow.When the ' images ' of the
future become worse than those from
from the past you stop. ---and write
fluff. Meanwhile, at 'Auberge Indochine' people live die eat and
make love with a regularity that I
know well, and to which I regress.
I think everybody is so in lockstep that we're off on tangential issues. It's clear to me that just about everybody thinks it was concerning at best, seriously wrong at worst, for that mother to drop off the kid, especially without the older sister. It's just that most think it wasn't criminal. That some of us are relating our own experiences suggests to me that we have moved beyond this particular situation.
(In other words, I agree with Jodi that we don't need to constantly reiterate our support for that little girl. For the record, I would not drop off my child, who just turned 12, three miles from our home in anger. I know I wouldn't. I also can't imagine him doing anything bad enough for me to want to do that. My crazy days are past and I can't decide if that's because the kids are grown older--their preschool and early school years were harder--or because I've become wiser and more experienced, or because I'm on drugs. ;)
She had to call the police because she didn't know where her daughter had ended up. Fortunately, it was with kind strangers. But she didn't know.
You're talking about a woman who endangered her child. Yes, I'd say she lost her shit. She doesn't need to have her children taken away from her, necessarily, because she lost her shit at a criminal level one time. Sadly many parents commit many criminal acts against their children, and for the most part, the children are better off with their abusive parents than in any alternative situation the state can come up with. But this was a criminal act, and she definitely needs to have the shit scared out of her as badly as she scared her daughter. She needs to seriously rethink her priorities and her life.
I was trying to figure out how pudge was laying .Looks like his head by the basket but can't see no body..
Sad. If I found a child lost and scared, (not saying *this* child was lost or scared), but if I did, I'd wish that I would be able to comfort them with ice cream or some other benelovent treat without fear of being somehow labelled a miscreant.
A sad reality. I say, bring back ice cream for lost kids! Or else, fear, once again, prevails.
But I do appreciate the post. Motherhood is complex. Reading Ayelet Waldman's Bad Mother for review now (You will see it here) and honesty is always appreciated.
So hopefully, waaaaaay down here at the bottom, for the sake of my sanity and yours, I'm going to say this again:
What she did was wrong.
Legally, her only mistake was leaving the child alone. If she would have kept the girls together (in or out of the car) that would not have been illegal.
I have FOUR children, one is ten-years-old, the same age as the child left behind. My call for compassion for this woman does NOT mean I don't care about children. It doesn't mean I'm cruel, callous or unfeeling.
I am aware that the child was endangered. We're kind of at the point with this piece where people are saying "I think you're wrong" and then saying they feel the same way I do. "I think what she did was criminal but they shouldn't take her kids away."
Please use a little kindness and common sense before telling me that I don't understand that the little girl was scared and my momma dresses me funny.
Thank you.
Redstocking Grandma
April 23, 2009 11:43 AM
In my time my friends and I would leave home on a saturday morning and not return until supper. We feared nothing except being late for supper.
Today's children are pampered to death. There are actually parents who MUST take their children to school because little Buffy and Todd just cannot mingle among the great unwashed.
Discipline doesn't exist anymore. The 60's "do your own thing" children have become the 21st century "let's not hurt litte Johnny's self esteem by actually punishing him" parents.
And the children of the 80's and 90's have grown up with so many new toys they barely know how to communicate person to person.
Spolied brats we used to call them.
Rated for humor.
How does this stack up against Jodi's story? Just asking.
I had two boys like Pudge. Oy! One is out of the woods, an actual adult. The other is still in the forest of the damned (think of an 18 year old Pudge).
I didn't kick them out of the car but I probably could have.
Thanks for your post. It's a reminder to have compassion for parents.
denese
We kids used to bicker in the car (who doesn't). My mom had a special voice she saved for times when it was getting to her (she had a high threshold, in retrospect). It was loud but also ominous; it ripped through everything. If she used that voice, silence would ensue. Rated for the images as well as the text.
I loved your take on this, including about the taboos on women's anger - yes!!
I have no kids, but I feel entirely sympathetic to mothers. Actually I babysat a friend's toddler for 90 minutes the other day and joked when she returned that I didn't know how she did it. And the kid was in a great mood and just wanted to play. (In my defense, I'm 50. I can only crawl on the floor for so long...)
I had an emotionally abusive mother, so I don't take child abuse lightly. But this ain't it. Poor judgment, yes, probably -- again, I'd have to see the location, find out if the girls ever walk that route on their own anyway, etc. There are many potentially mitigating factors, as the lawyers would say.
And I agree with those who say kids today tend to be overprotected. Like most other baby boomers, from the age of about 5 or 6, I was allowed to roam completely unsupervised all day long in the summer - we just showed up for meals or if we needed first aid.
Yes, it was the suburbs, but even then there were plenty of dangers -- cars mostly (and kids did get hit by them now and then), and we did lots of stuff like roaming in the woods nearby, and yes, there were child molesters that we were warned about. But our parents also grew up roaming unsupervised and they didn't even consider that we should be kept under their eye all the time.
And I walked over a mile to school (including in snow) all by myself starting at age 7. In first grade, my 11 year old sister walked with me, but then she went on to junior high. And that was normal those days. I also started babysitting other kids at age 11. 11 used to be considered a pretty capable age!
And I lived to tell this tale.
That's right - he immigrated to a new country, all by himself, including spending weeks on a boat with strangers before arriving at Ellis Island to be processed by immigration workers (not always a very nice experience). My own grandfather did the same thing (from Russia) at a not much older age. And he grew up in a very rural area, so had no city smarts or anything like it.
As Jerry Seinfeld says...and now we'd hesitate to let a 15 year old go to Disneyland.
http://cityroom.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/04/23/seinfelds-back-story-about-something/?hp
(Well, other than the kind soul who suggested my children might need GPS tracking devices because I am obviously one step from going postal. ::Head pat for you!::)
No matter how we may feel about this particular case, I think it opens the door to examining how we behave as parents in a clearer light.
Those of us who suffered abuse at the hands of our parents or other adults understand with bright clarity how damaging those things can be to the young mind and soul.
I respect *everyone's* opinion who has shared it with me here. Compassion and love are my goals in this world, even when it's hard -
Compassion for everyone-
even the asshats.
May God grant me that sort of heart.
As always, be excellent to each other...
Party on.
Not to mention many kids throughout history have had adult responsibilities at very early ages, sometimes even under 10. You still see that in rural areas of the US and in most of the non-Western world.
It's all about context - what is the situation and how prepared is the child to handle it. A kid raised to be self-sufficient and/or take on responsibilities for others is far different from one who is protected from all that until s/he is 18.
Here's the question again "Will all four of your children have their own GPS devices for the day you just need a little compassion?"
And of course the answer was going to be a resounding "No" because you do take care of your children. Never thought you would need them.It was a question, not a suggestion.
Others, especially the Professor and Incandescent were more eloquent in their comments certainly, but I think that common point is that this sort of behavior is the precursor often to much worse behavior. The foolish concept held by some that "anger" is not tolerated when it should be, obscures the issue of child safety. Not overly pampering them and turning them into whining little snobs ordering their parents around, but doing the right thing and defusing when it is needed. This woman did not suffer to spend a night in jail and the suggestions that she be accorded community service to work with children in need is excellent.
So the question worked well. Made you mad enough to respond a day later. Albeit in a farcical manner.
Head pat refused. I'd rather just get out of this blog and walk home.
I don't claim to know your experiences, nor will I attempt to claim that mine are somehow superior to yours.
We can disagree without a huff. I respect your right to do that. I thought your comment was funny. I assumed you meant it that way and I responded in kind with a joke about it. I have no desire to play the "let's squash each other's soul" game. I'm sure you're a good and kind person. I hope you'll give me the same respect.
O.k., now I'm walking home.
Really. I mean it. I will.
On my own. Just leave me alone.
Don't touch my head !!!! DO.NOT.PAT.MY.HEAD!!
can i get back in?
Kids don't learn how to navigate by riding around in their parents' cars. That doesn't teach them how to cross six lanes of traffic on foot. Even if her mother frequently drove along that very route, landmarks look very different when one is on foot. If her mother (or her nanny) had pushed her stroller down that street, and then held her hand as they walked down the same street, and then walked beside her before eventually letting her make the trip on her own, she would have known her way. If she's never walked that route (and I would question whether her mother ever has either, as many people live their whole lives without walking two miles in any direction from their homes), then she has had no opportunity to develop that skill. She cannot be held responsible for learning what she has not been taught.
I am not a visual person. When my husband drives, I frequently have very little sense of place, because that is not information I'm responsible for keeping track of at that particular moment. If, in the heat of an argument, he pulled over and pushed me out of the car two or three miles from home, I most certainly would find my way, but I might not be able to shift gears quickly enough to calmly plot a route — particularly if I were not sure of my reception when I did make my way home.
All of this romanticism about how we all walked miles through the snow is beside the point. How many of us do it now? How many of us believe that it is only parents who have changed, and not for the better? Few, I suspect. The whole world has changed, and most of us have good reasons for parenting differently than we were raised.
I just applaud when it happens. If the mother *really* punches the kid, I get her autograph. Great post.
And, as I pointed out, me and my brother WERE once put out of the car for fighting a couple of miles from home, when we were the same ages as these two girls. Neither of us were frightened by the experience, we returned home perfectly safely, and we would have returned safe and unfrightened even if we had been put out alone.
That said, our folks were well aware that we knew the way and wouldn't freak out and have all sorts of abandonment issues from this. Lesson learned--don't fight in the car bad enough to push Mom over the edge because she WILL make good on her threat.
Obviously, this particular little girl was NOT yet able to navigate her way home and was extremely frightened by the whole experience. Her mother should NOT have put her out of the car. But I don't think that what she did makes her a monster or a child abuser...just guilty of really bad judgment when it comes to what would be effective discipline for her particular kid.
(Oh...and I don't automatically think "child abuser!" when I see a mother spank her kid in the grocery store. Yeah, I've seen a kid smacked just for being a kid, and that sort of thing IS child abuse and makes me sick, but just as often I've seen a kid acting like a complete and total brat, and he/she and finally stops throwing his/her tantrum when mama smacks his/her butt and says, "I. Said. NO." The second sort of thing doesn't bother me at all.)
It was a very rough day at the popular wing joint where I work, and as usual, on such days, I was not the pillar of concentration or alerness that I pride myself on being for the most part; I was drunk on exhaustion. Thus when reading the paper to keep myself awake in my seat on the bus, I was not prepared to deal with 'Britney' in the seat ahead of me harshly smacking her toddler (who was freely roaming the walkway.) Before I knew what I was doing, I looked up from my paper and let out a loud 'Wh'h'HOA!' shaking my head and returning to my paper. The kid was obviously in pain, rubbing his arm and screaming.
I usually choose my battles more carefully, but as exhausted as I was my inhibitions were down. I wasn't going to allow myself to process the resulting stress in silence. I am no enforcer of good parenting, as economy of energy directs me to reserve critique for situations within my spiritual jurisdiction -- the sphere of my own actions.
She did not approve of my peanut-gallery remark. She turned around, newborn in arm and the two toddlers rummaging outside her gaze, saying "What? What? You don't like that huh? You don't lack it that I smacked my baweh cawz he don' listen?"
I looked up, raising my eyebrows. A smirk crossed my face, an attempt to cover up the internal battle of neural subroutines. Little did she know I was trying to overcome the prejudice which was screaming "Oh my... she's Britney Spears without the fame and money!" C'mon Joshua, don't be a chav...
She was still yammering on without giving me an opportunity to reply to her inane question, her jaw rotating in a nervous 'smack!smack! smack!' as she chewed her gum like some kind of cud-piston between words. When she included the question "What, you don' thank kids shou'be hit?" I forced in a reply of "Actually, no I don't think any child should be hit for any reason."
I did not expect that to go well. She said something like "what you don't have kids?" I ignored her from that point on.
However, it got me thinking about the fact that, yes, I do have a son -- not that I needed or was going to tell her that -- and yes, I have made my share of mistakes with him. Did that make me a hypocrite? Yes, I have smacked my kid's hand. Yes, I have spanked him. Yet I concluded that my statement to her was not hypocritical, as I no longer practice that form of negative reinforcement. I had stated a simple fact of my current beliefs and let the matter drop as far as I was concerned.
However, I read your post after walking from the bus only moments later and I was in complete agreement with you call for compassion. I was especially struck by the passage "There isn’t a parent on the face of the earth that hasn’t done something that people would think less of them for doing. Before getting high and mighty, ask yourself if you could stand up to everyone seeing how YOU parent."
Indeed. I have seen far worse 'abuse' commited by others than what Ms. Primoff did.
Had it been a man smacking a toddler, I'd have challenged the coward to smack ME. Does that make me slightly sexist I wonder? Hmm, maybe not. Different reactions for different circumstances perhaps. I'll have to explore that double standard some more.
I have not yet read any other comments, but hell yeah I say sister, wear my shoes, then you let me know... cut some slack mothers...
WE ARE ON THE SAME SIDE HERE>
here you have a story where nothing has happened. the kids are fine, the mom is being investigated: but still you get comments about what might have been. when do we get to talk about what is? i applaud the way you tried to do that.
I hope she gets a lawyer who sues the cops.
Monte
According to the Department of Health and Human Services from 2007 child abuse and exploitation data:
Of the 192,321 unique perpetrators in the data set, 89,028 (46%) were male and 103,293 (54%) were female. Figure 2 shows male perpetrators by their relationship to their victims. More than one-half of all male perpetrators (51%) were biological fathers. The second largest group was male nonparents (26%), who included male relatives (12%), male nonrelatives (13%), and those with a combination of nonparental relationships (1%). Boyfriends, stepfathers, combination fathers, and adoptive fathers accounted for 10 percent, 8 percent, 5 percent, and 1 percent of all male perpetrators, respectively. Among female perpetrators, 86 percent were biological mothers, 10 percent were nonparents, and the remaining 4 percent were stepmothers, adoptive mothers, fathers' girlfriends, or combination mothers.
So, only 49% of abused children were abused by someone other than their fathers. Of those, only 13% were abused by someone not related to them inside their family unit. Of those a scant minority are strangers to the child.
Furthermore, I repeatedly say that I would NEVER do this. Even the miniscule chance of my child being abducted, hit by a car or even just afraid is unacceptable to me, as I stated repeatedly. I also say more than once in the article that I don't condone it. I also give my own handy tip for stress relief.
I need no wake-up call Monte. I work as a human shield for predators on the internet in my spare time between these articles that outrage everyone so much. The crap I have seen doing that has made me want to lock all my children in the house until they are 30.
The woman undoubtedly put her child in danger. I'm simply saying we've all been there, we just made hopefully better and less public choices.
I think the issue comes down, for me, to how you handle children and how the children react to bad treatment? Incandescent has said it better than I can ever say it.
Perhaps the authorities are over the top on their reaction to it. Again, I do not know the facts. So if that is something that is eating at you I will give you that.
But the focus should be on the children. I guess what amazed me about the post is that someone who is so clear about her own children, your love for them, your care, etc. would focus so much on what you think is an injustice to the mother. I only wonder what you would think were you to actually have done something so heartless to your own children and then had the book thrown at you by the authorities. Would you have lied about what happened, declared your child "missing," gotten a high powered lawyer to the rich involved, confused an arrest with conviction and screamed the victim in this case? Somehow that does not sound at all like the you I have come to know.
Finally, I think that turning this into a thing about gender is really pushing the envelope. If a father had done exactly the same thing does anyone actually think that the father would have gotten better treatment than the mother? I surely doubt that.
But it is all speculation because none of us know all the facts. But based on the facts I do know I do not think that the woman was treated overly harshly. SHE has to learn a lesson here that is much more important that the one the kids have to learn about fighting in the back seat of the car. That is my take on it.
Again, I never should have written "Wake up, Jodi." I apologize for that.
Monte
You ask if I would have lied, gotten lawyers, etc. Nope. No friggin' way. I wouldn't have left my precious child out in the street either. If I thought that I couldn't handle it, I would have parked the car, exited the car and stood outside of it until the urge to smack the little suckers subsided.
If she *was* going to do something so stupid, her BIGGEST mistake was letting the one girl in and leaving the other alone. A child alone and scared is a horrible, unthinkable thing.
At the time I wrote this, the story was the top of every newspaper and channel on television. I was absolutely outraged that serious abusers and exploiters aren't given the same treatment one pissed off mother from Westchester was. I thought it was blown out of proportion and stupid.
Of course, I would never, EVER do that to my kid. But, I also know that if there had been cameras in my house for the past 12 years broadcasting to the JodiIsAWhacko Channel - I would have been drawn and quartered long ago.
I just wondered if each of us had our worst moments as parents publicized how well we'd be judged. My own grandmother gives me "The Look" when I put Pudge in time out. Really. Ha!
And Monte? I know where your heart is, hon. Never fear with me.
Unfortunately, a righteously pissed mother with bad judgment was a much better media story than those thousands of abusive parents out there who beat, neglect and rape their children. That ticked me off. I think it gives people a chance to feel superior to someone who had mind-numbingly bad judgment without the child having actually been physically injured. I just hope her kids will come out of foster care that way.
But today, some parents try to reason with their misbehaving children. They would sue the school system if a teacher spanked their child – even though that child is a real problem child – the parent would rather drug the child with Ritalin and send them to a psychologist.
Jodi, you have the right tune & compassion of how to help one’s children grow. – post well done.
- rated
I agree with you that every single parent has moments of parenting they are not proud of, and to pronounce wholesale judgement on a person's immortal soul on the basis of one of these moments is a dicey proposition. Sometimes people don't think things all the way through, and this instance is evidence of just such a thing.
I am FROM the area, and I am here to tell you that Westchester County is not all nice suburban houses and quiet streets. Without knowing the exact town and intersection I'd hesitate to make a judgement as to whether what the mom did was illegal, stupid, or an example of heroic parenting.
If it were a quiet suburban town with a low crime rate and peaceful streets, that is one thing. But if it is a busy intersection in a part of town that is highly developed and plagued by crime, that's an entirely different thing.
My personal take on discipline is to do the minimum amount possible to get the desired result. Do not escalate unless you have to. And if you do, always always always say what you mean and mean what you say. The second you make a threat and fail to follow through on it when challenged, you have taught your kids that you don't need to be heeded.
On the one hand, it appears this mom did that. But on the other, did she really? Weren't there other options available to her that did not involved dumping the kids into the street? Of course there were. She made a poor choice driven by her inability to be creative with her punishment. A prosecutable offense? Not sure.
Good post, tho.
But, hey, you gotta take care of number one, don't you. And who said we have the best parents here.
Again, and for the last fucking time. If you have children, they are YOUR precious children and yours alone. You get children, YOU take care of them, completely, not the school, not the state.
The woman in the story is a heartless fucking CUNT.
Chez Elliot, that's what we call "a little vacation for Daddy."
Also, I like the idea of free-range kids. They're much more tender and flavorful that way.
My kids wandered pretty much all over the city from the time they were 13 on; their school was on the other side of the city and they took the CTA bus every day. It made them more independent and better able to deal with whatever might come their way. And probably kept me from tossing them out of the car. While it was still moving.
It's easy to be sanctimonious about other people's ways of being parents and other people's lapses as parents. Personally, I think everyone but me sucks as a parent. Oh, wait, no: I suck as a parent too.
Rated, because--and this comes as a huge suprise, you know--you are again making sense on a subject about which very few people do.
What has happened to the world? At age 9 (starting grade 4 for me), I walked a mile to school by myself everyday, and home again. I walked miles all over our neighbourhood and surrounding ones. I actually walked to school from age 6 in grade 1, but I didn;'t count that since it was a small town of 250 people. From grade 4 on, I was doing it in the largest city in Alberta.
Seems much ado over nothing, frankly, and another example that we over-coddle our kids today. No one batted an eye when my parents used the threat "Don't make me stop this car ..." and it wasn't because it was just an idle threat. It was a threat that WORKED because we knew it wasn't idle.
They are less than worthless. Sorry. I just have a deep seated hatred for them and their countless fatal failures.
Of course, a figure called "the father" was never mentioned in this story. Or undermentioned. So if he's off playing golf, shirking his parental duties or at least not sharing them with Saint Mother, well, whaddya do? He's certainly not held accountable for adding to the pressures of mom-gone-wild. We just read about mom-gone-wild. So not only should she be saintly and perfect, she should go it alone.
In short, why aren't dads looked at with the same scrutiny? If he wasn't there and she's been shouldering too many parental responsibilities, shouldn't he be just as culpable?