It may be fashionable in some parts of the world (like my tree-hugging socialist living room) to fuss about the negative aspects of America at times, but July 4th is a time of pride and positivity. Who among us has not teared up - lump-in-throat - at Neil Diamond singing, "They're comin' to Americaaaaa" while old photos of Ellis Island fade in and out of one another?
So today, I humbly offer examples of what Americans have contributed to the world rather than our foibles. Sure, we go around mispronouncing words, using the wrong fork and starting wars, but at least we're inventing while we are doing it. I am proud to be an American because when we aren't generally causing trouble, we are rather ingenious. The American people have brought the world many useful inventions such as (in alphabetical order):
Air bags
Anal beads
Black lights
Breakfast cereal
Crayons
Credit cards (You're welcome)
Dental Floss
Escalators
Flashlights
GPS
Holographic Drives
Jeans
Lasers
Microwaves
Monopoly (The game, not the concept)
Nuclear weapons (Shh...)
Plasma TV's
Preparation H
Real Dolls
Scrabble
Supermarkets
Teddy Bears
Volleyball
~and~
Zippers
Try to imagine your life without those things. (Okay, you're probably better off without anal beads or Real Dolls. Probably.)
We also brought you the light bulb, radio, television, sewing machines, artificial hearts, roller skates and the coffee pot.
Though it may be said that American ingenuity has come and gone, I would respectfully disagree. In the past few years, while we were mapping the human genome and contributing to the International Space Station, we also brought the world the following:
The Flowbee
The Snuggie
(Not to mention that little thing she's holding in her hand)
And the Magic Bullet (which, admittedly, I thought did something very different than blend things):
We even managed to find a way to put beer in shampoo:
Sure, there will be those in the world who think we are lazy, fat, stupid, arrogant and ignorant -- but they wouldn't be able to voice their opinions online if Al Gore hadn't invented the internet. (Joke. Please send all complaints care of: George W. Bush, 1725 Lake Point Dr. Lewisville, TX. 75057 .)
Images:
As Seen On TV - affordable-mobility.com
Flowbee & Snuggie: contractor-books.com
Magic Bullet - cookware.com
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Bernadine Spitzsnogel
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Comments
~Oscar Wilde
Procopius - I love the 80's for the wide array of products we installed velcro on - wallets and Kangaroos were my favorites. (If you're wondering why we put velcro on kangaroos you should google image "kangaroo shoes."
mam - Me TOO! It even *smelled* like beer! Shampoo with Body on Tap, a little dab of Dippity Do, a splash of Jean Naté™ - irresistible.
I was in the middle of changing the title when you commented!
Ha!
Did you know that this is post #245911?
Dick Cheney would know that.
Now that I think of it, he probably does.
velcro was invented in Switzerland, not the US. just sayin...
This is full of American pride, girlfriend!
and you know what I have to say about that ...
FREEEEEEEEEEEEEDDDOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMM!!!
now get your ass out of my castle!!!
Steve - Google it. Go ahead. I dare you.
Mom - Now all I need is about 200 American flags and a screwdriver.
Well, I'll differ with you here as had it not been for "That Eye-talian", Enrico Fermi, we wouldn't have had the means to develop nuclear weapons.
Still, we are an inventive bunch of delinquents, aren't we? We also introduced the world to fast food, I do believe, though I'm not sure that's something to be proud of. ;-D
Thumbed. Wherever he is, Billy Mays is smiling right now.....
JK - No thwack. I admire your restraint.
At Home Pilgrim - I'm not a big fan of "sport."
I try to avoid all activities that involve balls flying at my face.
That puts a real damper on my social life.
(I'm so tempted but then I remember your post....)
looks as tasty as Schlitz
i think that was invented on July 5th by college students wakeing up after their July4th bender.
rated
clicked
saluted
Remember - I am NOT a role model.
Gothique - It's almost as good as pie. in a jar.
I do not use the wrong fork. I spear all my food with the knife.
And I for one would like to apologize for the Boer War. That was all me.
Also, I wonder if Preparation H was invented before the anal bead, or the other way 'round? It's kind of like the chicken-and-egg conundrum, but, you know, down there.
Hula hoops
Yo-yo's (Maybe not, but there are plenty of them here.)
Viagra (need to try some one day)
And Velcro! Yay!
Wooooollllyyy - You said you didn't want me to call you that anymore!
Floyd - You get points for inventive use of utensils. I think the anal beads came first. "Pleasure" always comes before utility.
Michael - I couldn't list *everything*!
(It seems very unlikely to be Swiss.)
But I'm betting we invented bath beads.
Brie - I wish that was the worst thing in my Google history.
Michael - That's a good attitude!
FTS - Billy may be gone, but his health insurance ad goes on. and on. and on.
kim - Well, I know we invented the Sears catalog.
Silkstone - You need to write Wikipedia a strongly worded letter about that. Oh, and be happy the ::thwack!:: was already given out.
very funny read! rated
Thanks for allowing me to plug it.
TS
Fun blog, and well done!
jon stewart.
american cheese.
barbie.
T.S. - Now, that's an interesting idea. Is that going to most be used to retrofit bathrooms and such for folks who need it?
Verbal - From your lips to Kerry's ears!
Buffy - I'll be disappointed if you don't find a way to make that controversial!
Toochie - I admire a woman with such tenacity.
L&P - I have just learned that baconnaise has fewer calories and less fat than regular mayonnaise. How cool is that? I may have to try it. I am all about the bacon!
(I've always wanted to say that)
Baconnaise is vegetarian.
This is wrong.
Very, very wrong.
Rated
How could you forget???? The best one of all and every teenager's Saturday night dream, each and every Saturday night of each and every summer. The bastion of passion, the palace of love, the stronghold of starlight freedom. The place where we all discovered the back seat.- THE DRIVE-IN THEATER
IT'S INTERMISSION!
WHY NOT COME ON BY THE SNACK STAND. GRAB A BAG OF POPCORN AND AN ICE-COLD COCA-COLA. WHILE YOU'RE AT IT, HOW ABOUT A NICE HOT HOTDOG. WE HAVE IT ALL, RIGHT HERE AT THE STARLIGHT THEATER OF BEAUTIFUL SHAWNEE OKLAHOMA FOLKS!
And Please! Remember to replace the speaker on the post when you leave the theater!
"Hey, Susie!"
"Yes Bobby?"
"What show are we watching anyway?"
"Oh silly! How would I know? Now put your head down before someone sees us and complains to the usher that we're in the backseat."
"Oh! OK Susie"
Oh the days!!!!!! (rather NIGHTS)
http://www.driveintheater.com/
Frisbees
Hula Hoops.
G.I. Joe
Easy Bake Ovens.
Oh yes.. and Hostess Twinkies.
Conspiracy Theories involving Area 51
All of which might fit on the "Dubious accomplishments list.
Fun Post! By Gosh, I'm so dang proud to be an American. =o)
Only because I have some respect for you, did you not lose me right there. Not to put too fine a point on it, but Neil Diamond singing is almost identical to fingernails on a blackboard. Well except I'd rather hear the fingernails. ;-)
"Teddy Bears"
My great grandparents, Morris and Rose Michtom, invented the teddy bear.
The Magic Bullet blends things?
I am currently cleaning up glow sticks and barbeque sauce (don't ask) so I can't respond to each of you, but I'll try a few.
Boomer Bob - There's nothing finer than the drive-in!!! If you go to www.driveintheater.com you can see a list of all the theaters still operating in the U.S. and check out some of the old ads, photos, etc.
Silkstone - I strongly suspect that Wikipedia is actually an archive of every Weekly Reader ever published and some guy named Gus in a cubicle in Scranton copying the USA Today weekend section.
Bill Michtom - THAT is cool!!! Yay to the Bill Grandparents!
Bob - I think my fame is greatly exaggerated - sort of like statistics on anal bead usage.
'ella 'ella 'ella - I KNOW, RIGHT?!?
And recliners! Where would we be during football season?
Funny post; great list Jodi.
Rated.