A Tylenol tablet does not cost a hospital $26. You are already paying for everyone else’s healthcare. Moving on…
If the Mayans knew anything about the apocalypse, they would never have given that Spanish guy a fruit basket.
There is a fine line between telling the truth and being a weenie. If you’re wondering where you stand, you should probably dial it back a notch.
We put a man on the moon, but we cannot manufacture a women's shaving cream dispenser that doesn't break the very first time we drop it in the shower.
The Fox Corporation has the highest rated cable news channel. Last week, four and a half million more people watched Two and a Half Men than the Octomom on Fox. This is a sign that perhaps the American soul is not yet dead. Rupert Murdoch is not an American.
The Wiggles are coming to PBS Sprout on Monday morning. In other news, on Monday afternoon I will be drinking my lunch.
There is not a sugar shortage. Stop inventing crises – we have enough real ones to go around.
Rush Limbaugh is a drug addict with a personality disorder.
People are allowed to wear shorts on vacation. If you had to look at 85-year-old men in shorts at the beach all day like Floridians do, you would be pleased as hell to see Michelle Obama’s legs on the news. Shut up or stop sending your parents to retire in Boca. They are dragging down Obama’s approval rating because they know they are first to go if the Death Panels have anything to say about it.
Blacking out sports doesn’t sell more tickets. It reminds people that there’s a Sopranos marathon on A&E.
Yes, you have the right to wear your bed sheets over your head and carry a gun at a town hall meeting. You also have the right to shove a watermelon up your butt. Both are a pain in the ass. Stop it.
Weren’t you the same people who were yelling at us three months ago because we were going to “shove socialism down your throat without public discourse”?
Good talk.
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Comments
I make the funny ha-ha, not the edumacational.
P. S. Your hospital only charges $26 for that Tylenol? Such a bargain!
I want it on a tee shirt!
Lady you speak the truth and my favorite truth was about Rush. That man blows hot air whenever he opens his mouth.
Thanks for this it adds to my Friday.
OldEnglishSheepdog commented:
I was only commenting in the spirit of your headline. ;) Murdoch is also Jewish, which is embarassing.
He may be circumcised but he's no Jew. Actually, he may or may not be circumcised, and no, I don't want to know. ;-D
We ride around in a big red car.........
OK, kidding. But hey, at least it isn't a Spongebob marathon.
Thumbed for Wigglelocity.
Toochie - I had to stop myself. No one wants to hear about my personal issues with three-tined forks again.
Fab - I won't have to watch it, but I will have to listen to it.
Lisa - They are just setting us up as an excuse to use more high fructose corn syrup. Just wait and see.
OES - I've used "boinking" in a title. I'm probably not a good person to hold accountable for truthiness.
ladyfarmerjed - I wonder what would happen if the far right was led by a sane person with decency and humanity?
Nah...
nofrillsmonkey - I didn't know that there was such an illustration until today. "How would you like a nice steaming cup of shut the fuck up?" has been a standard question in my house for years. It's good to know we are not alone.
screamin' mama - Thank you.
Bill - I still say we allow his fellow conservatives to decide if he's a "real American" or not. They would have to do so without knowing who he was. As in... "Is someone who lives the majority of their life in another country then comes to America just to take a job a *true* American?"
You totally managed to do this without sounding like a whiny cunt. Oooooops. I meant whiny bitch, of course.
Duane - Now THAT is a compliment! (I do strive to be neither.)
The Apocalypse will come from Down Under. Wait and see.
From an article in Time on Michelle Obama's shorts: "But the truth is there was a conflict. It is within each of us. While nobody would make Mrs. O wear couture in Arizona in August, the truth is, she just didn't look particularly good in shorts. "
Does Murdoch own Time Warner yet?
Good reading for a Friday morning! Now where's that coffee?
Bob - I think you would be greatly disappointed with me in person. I actually have a random bullshit generator that does these posts for me. It's all based on algorithms and things I read in Gourmet magazine.
'ella 'ella 'ella - We could have awards, but then the Usual Unmedicated Suspects would start flinging poo at bystanders from their cages. This is why we can't have nice things. (P.S. Do NOT google The Wiggles.)
Chuck - I think the Constitution says that only native-born citizens can be Major Weenies.
trig - TRIG!?! Trig. Yay! (Just glad you're here)
Delia - Thanks!
Leeandra - Well, *I* wasn't going to point that out, but yeah. I don't know who owns Time Warner, but I'll bet they look horrible in shorts.
Owl - The horrific thing about my kids being ages 12 to 2 is that I have had to put up with the Wiggles AND the Teletubbies. Now I get Hannah Montana as an added torturous bonus.
Deborah - I shouldn't have read that while drinking water.
MAWB - Didn't you hear? There's a coffee shortage!
Boomer Bob - Well, if we're all up in arms over the first lady's shorts then maybe we won't notice that the only thing left in their arsenal is an army of dipshits scared to death that something good might happen to anyone else but them.
This is what happens when I can't formulate a complete post about any one thing.
Definitely deserves to be repeated, often.
I just got the unexpected news that the SmallGirlChild will be starting preschool on Monday. I didn't think she would be starting until in the spring. So, I am running around the house like an idiot trying to get some stuff together for her.
As for my harshing on the Aussies - I do mention in my comments that there is nothing wrong with Australians. I know that they didn't get a vote about Murdoch or the Wiggles and I enjoy their beer.
Rated and appreciated.
Also, you are whatever is more awesome than awesome.
Or burqas.
The only sugar shortage I know of is in my baking cupboard. To soon be remedied by a trip to el grocery store. She who bakes birthday cakes and makes lemon curd can expect to run out of sugar now and then....
One of my favorite latin phrases is: Caeser si vivaret, ad remum dareris. (if Caesar were alive, you'd be chained to an oar.) I wouldn't mind seeing Rush Limbaugh chained to an oar, come to think of it. Think of all the flab he'd work off.... And he might even learn to keep his mouth shut once in a while.
Personally, I'd rather be around breakable shaving cream dispensers in the shower than rusty metal. Just sayin'.
Rated for laughs.