I chose to pick on Martha Stewart for a reason. Sure, you can make fun of her for doing time in the clink and knitting her own Volvo warmer. You can giggle about her barely contained bitchitude or even her penchant for remembering the “little people” by backing over them with her car.
However, Martha Stewart has a few things going for her as well. Nobody does Halloween like Martha. She is a little goth girl at heart and loves Halloween like the Pope loves pontificating. (Martha’s costumes are better than the Pope’s. There. I said it.)
The other thing that Martha does right is recipes. Her fastidious attention to detail shines through in the complete, perfect instructions she gives – from the third sift of the flour right down to the last candied walnut. When Martha tells me what to do and I follow the directions, I get good results.
That is why it pains me to announce the first Jodi vs. Martha failure.
Chocolate Ricotta Icebox Cake
Ingredients
Nonstick Cooking Spray (Pam, Baker’s Joy, Crisco)
14 oz. semi-sweet chocolate (do not use chips)
30 oz. part-skim ricotta cheese (room temperature)
¾ cup heavy cream
1 package (9 oz.) chocolate wafers (about 44 cookies)
Directions
1. Prepare pan: Remove sides from a 9-inch round springform pan. Place a sheet of waxed paper over bottom, leaving an overhang; lock sides onto bottom, firmly securing paper. Spray inside of pan with cooking spray; line sides with a strip of waxed paper 28 inches long and 4 inches wide.
2. Make chocolate-ricotta mixture: Break 12 ounces of chocolate into pieces. Place in a heatproof medium bowl set over, not in, a pan of simmering water. Cook, stirring occasionally, until chocolate has melted, 8 to 10 minutes.
3. In a food processor, blend ricotta until very smooth, about 1 minute, scraping down sides of bowl. Add warm chocolate; blend until smooth.
4. In a large bowl, beat cream until stiff peaks form. With a rubber spatula, gently fold in chocolate-ricotta mixture.
5. Assemble cake: Arrange half the cookies in an overlapping pattern to cover bottom of pan.
::Note: These are the cookies in question. I learned from extensive research (asking another foodie) that they are plentiful and ubiquitous in Texas. However, I had to go to a specialty food store (Fresh Market) to find them here in Florida. Publix does carry them on occasion, but last week, they were nowhere to be found.::
Spoon half the chocolate-ricotta mixture on top of cookies; smooth top. Cover with remaining cookies; top with remaining chocolate-ricotta mixture, and smooth top. Cover with plastic wrap; refrigerate at least 6 hours and up to 2 days.
::Note: I cut off the excess wax paper to make covering in plastic wrap easier.::
Before serving, release sides of pan and remove waxed paper from sides. Using bottom piece of waxed paper, pull cake onto a platter; with a metal spatula, lift cake and remove waxed paper. Using a vegetable peeler, shave remaining 2 ounces chocolate over top of cake. With a knife dipped in hot water, cut cake into 10 slices (wipe off knife, and dip in hot water after each slice).
Martha's Cake:
Jodi's Cake:
Now, I think mine came out beautifully. Other than my lack of a food stylist and lifelong chocolate shaving disability, my cake looks very similar to Martha's. Because we do not have taste-o-vision on the internet, the photo is usually the only yardstick you have with which to judge Jodi vs. Martha.
Unfortunately, the cake tasted AWFUL. All through the process I was hoping that the texture made up for the lack of sweetness. In the end, the cake left me with that dry feeling in my mouth, much like when you first get the idea that if ricotta is so tasty in Italian dishes, mustn't it be lovely straight from the carton? Then you took a big old spoon and felt the grainy dry texture and you didn't try it again? Yeah. Imagine that with barely sweetened chocolate and cookies that are like Oreos without the cream. That's what this cake tastes like.
Inexplicably, the little kids loved it.
The big kids weren't with us, but The Man and I both agreed - it was dry, grainy, relatively tasteless, bland, boring and generally icky. Perhaps my tastes are too unsophisticated, but I enjoy chocolate that has at least a little bit of sweetness - if not, then a texture that I enjoy. Martha's looks smooth as silk, but I blended mine twice as long as she suggested and it never got the smoothness that I would expect.
If you're looking for a dessert that is hardly sweet at all, this may be worth a try. Be sure you have a very good food processor. I hope you have better luck than I did.
For this round of Jodi vs. Martha - Martha wins.
If you enjoyed this article, please visit my foodie blog at http://eatjax.com/blog/?author=6 - where every day is Foodie Tuesday!
Images:
Original recipe & Martha's cake - marthastewart.com
all other photos copyright © 2009 by jodi a. kasten • all rights reserved
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Comments
Julie - Don't be afraid to blend the hell out of the cheese. I think that might be where it all went wrong. Good luck with this. Let me know how it goes!
rated "A" for effort.
perfection is for assholes ... just sayin' ...
;0 stankopotomous
Whaddaya think about a processor to smooth out the ricotta? I do that when I make italian cheese cake. Then I strain it. Next time add more whipped cream and sugar because that looks like one really delicious cheesey chocolatey cake. I think you did good. It looks great.
She passes off faulty recipies then says "You just aren't as good as I am."
i will admit, i lurv her halloween stuff!
Don't feel bad about the cake. There are no positive reviews of this recipe that i have found.
Keep up phlogging Martha! Everyone likes it when she gets whipped
--rated--
designanator - Well, that would put me out of a job, now wouldn't it?
iamsurly - I have had desserts before that weren't especially sweet. I don't mind that too much, but this was DRY. Ick.
Debbs - I wish they would eat *everything* I make just because they love me!
1_Irritating_BFF - I'm going to send the Pudge to you someday in an Omaha Steaks box with holes punched in it. Prepare yourself.
nofrills - That's the worst of this. I DID use the food processor to do this. I blended for almost 3 minutes, rather than the suggested two. I'm no scientist, but I was afraid that at some point I would turn it back into milk or some sort of other cheese. (These things mystify me, though it all makes sense when explained on Modern Marvels.)
I processed the bejeezus out of that cheese.
Gothique - You nasty, nasty boi. You should be careful.
She can hear you!!!
Fab - I will give myself that much - I am funnier than Martha. I do feel a little better now.
btw, am making the smitten kitchen marble brownies today, gluten free of course. hoping they come out cause it has been two months since I've eaten a cookie......
L&P - I have a bottom mount Black & Decker. It's no RobotCoupe, but Christmas is coming. It makes dough without smelling funny. It should be able to handle some ricotta cheese. I would be interested to hear from someone who has one of those spiffy jet-engine powered processors. I agree - maybe hers was fresh. It was probably rennetted (is that a word?) with the blood of prepubescent orphans. That's what I'm missing.
Bobbot - You get the cookie today. It will not be sandwiched between layers of dry ricotta faintly resembling something that has chocolate in it. I forgot to mention that I got that the first time! I'm not paying attention. Failure hurts.
For the rest of you...
"Let's all wear mood rings!"
sooo... instead of whipped cream, whip up the egg whites, water bath it and bake the sucker.
however...recognizing you might have wanted a no bake variety. so far as I can see, what's missing is the sugar, which adds a liquid quality and may have nutralized the graininess of the cheese. add superfine sugar to the whipped cream, follow the rest of the recipe and martha minion, be damned!
these are difficult times.
As for the texture, I'm wondering if the chocolate mixture was too cool when you mixed it with the ricotta? Maybe it needs to be quite warm so it changes the texture of the cheese. Just a thought. I don't think it's worth trying again, though.
I had no idea Martha loved Halloween. I think better of her now.
I think your effort earns an A for presentation.
I actually dressed up as MS one Halloween that year before she went to jail. I wore a jailbird costume with ruffled cuffs and collar that I added on later, plus I wrote all kinds of perfectionist slogans on the shirt. And I "tattooed" my knuckles with "NEAT" on one hand and "TIDY" on the other. It was a blast and everyone at the party I went to loved it.
For the record, my cake used a complete 9 oz. box of cookies, as instructed. I did not "skimp." What would be the point of modifying the recipe then comparing it to her results? When I do a Jodi vs. Martha, you can be assured that I follow her recipe in all respects.
New Buddha Fun, I haven't seen you comment on this series before, so you may not know that. As for the chocolate shaving garnish, I did address that in the piece. I don't know where you live, but shaving chocolate in September on a rainy day in Florida two blocks from a river is a stunt that not even Martha could pull off. Even if you can get the chocolate to shave, it quickly collapses.
My, my, my...
I would go as Martha for Halloween this year, but I'm afraid it would put a real damper on my sex life for awhile. The Man calls her names.
OKAY...one last thought (I'm sure you're considering swatting my comment away into oblivion)...I'm thinking fresh made ricotta. it DOES come out sweet. sweet enough for a cheesecake? no. IMO no...its only as sweet as the milk it's made from...but milk that isn't quite so fresh will develop more a stronger lactose flavor .
so perhaps in Martha Stewarts Kitchen Prep Heaven, there sat a container filled with just made Martha Stewart Fresh Ricotta and not the usual PollyO or whatever the rest of us use.
I'll go away now.
I got about 1/3 of the way through this recipe in your post when my hands got sweaty and I felt the tingling, thirsty sensations of an imminent panic attack. I have Julia Child's cookbooks and the Joy of Cooking and they're old, yet so pristine they crackle when I open them. I just can't handle complicated food instructions, and I have so much respect for people who can.
I think Martha left something out of this particular recipe. Not saying out of spite, just (probably) an editorial oversight. But your version looks absolutely fine. Sorry it tasted like yecchh.
You are now my go-to food person at Open Salon. Cheers!
I started cooking professionally for very high end clients back in the early 80s and Martha had a reputation in the Northeast, and it was not all wine and roses. Don't get me wrong, I have a lot of admiration for her but she's not infallible.
I still want that poncho she wore when she got sprung from de big house!
Can I hijack your post and tell a little story?
I can?
Thanks
When I first starting dating my ex I casually mentioned how much I loved Gingerbread cake. And apparently she didn't realize I meant the prepackaged stuff that sold for about 75 cents and required just an egg, a spoonful of oil and a cup of water.
So on my birthday I'm invited down to supper with her and her parents - a good time and a splendid meal.
Then in honor of the birthday boy, my future mother in law brings in a flaming birthday cake. I blow out the candles and a huge slice is cut off and handed to me.
'Oh boy', right?
Wrong.
This cake had a taste that can only be described by using the words sour and satanic. After that first awful bite and chew I looked around for signs that this was some sort of prank .
There were no signs.
I had to eat the whole piece!
I mean my GF and her Mom spent an entire unholy afternoon creating that abomination!
Oh, to have been served a piece of your creation that night.
My mouth waters.
My house, that's a homerun, baby....