I’m sick. I’m not sure if this is, as we call it in our house, The Mexican Piggy Clap or not. (Remember back in the spring when it was supposed to have come from Mexico?) I only have a low-grade fever but I feel like a flaming sack of dog poo. If you put me on your neighbor’s doorstep right now, I’ll bet you I’d be more annoying. I am always in a horrible mood when I am sick. The SmallGirlChild and Pudge are sick too. That makes it worse. So, I’m taking care of two leaky preschoolers and trying to keep my sinuses from exploding through the front of my face with the force of several pounds of C4.
You’ll have to excuse me if I’m a bit testy today.
In other news, I filed a complaint with the Federal Trade Commission against a collection agency just because I was testy. They had my number as contact for a friend of mine that doesn’t even live here. After “Patrick” called me a liar and screamed, “GET A JOB AND DO SOMETHING PRODUCTIVE WITH YOUR LIFE!” at me, I called the FTC and told them they had a fully tricked-out nest of bastards at work in Oklahoma. Evidently that little line is in their script, as I have a job and don’t owe anyone any money. I’m going to leave out the part where I cried and called my Daddy. /whine
Speaking of Dad… he found my blog. (Hi, Dad!) Of course, I'm almost 34 and I write for a living, so I’m well aware that the internet goes all the way up to everyone’s house. I’ve never written anything I’m especially ashamed of or wouldn’t want my parents to know, but it’s still weird to think that I’m not just fussing at faceless readers, but additionally people who I will speak to personally in the future. I’m thinking I need to rein in my propensity to drop the f-bomb. We’ll see how that goes.
I’m very unhappy that I’ve managed to get sick just a week before I was supposed to get my flu shot. I always get it at the Southern Women’s Show (which I was scheduled to visit tomorrow for my "real job"). My theory is that most people get their flu shot at a drug store, hospital or doctor’s office in the midst of flu season, then they bitch because they got the flu anyway. Well, if you’re surrounded by sick people when you get the shot and it takes 2-3 weeks for immunity to kick in, of COURSE you get sick!
I’m “smarter” than that. So, I go to the Southern Women’s Show where everyone is at least well enough to walk around and shop for jewelry and StarMops. It costs $25 (no insurance accepted) but it’s better than going to the doctor’s office where I’ll get sick, paying $30 for the office visit and insurance “covering” the shot. Do the math, people.
I get vaccinated for everything I can think of. Last year, I stepped on a tack and went to get the tetanus shot. When I asked for the flu shot too, the nurse said, "Are you sure? Both of your arms will be sore!" I told her that I had two big 'ol butt cheeks too, so if she had anything else she should load me up.
This year, I’ve waited too long and one of the four walking Petri dishes that I routinely feed has given me the Mexican Piggy Clap. Now I’m too sick to go to the Women’s Show and get the shot. So, I’ll have to go to the doctor and get sick again because I won’t be sure that what I have now is the flu. The only way to find out is to go sit in the doctor’s office and get tested, where I will, no doubt, catch the flu because this may only be a really bad cold.
It’s enough to make me want to put all four of the kids in an experimental weather balloon so that CNN has something real to talk about instead of the castrated Health Reform bill. Wait... that sounds familiar...
Maybe I caught socialism along with the sniffles, but I want my universal health care and I want it now. At least then we could all sit in the doctor’s office and get sick together.
Be excellent to each other and stay well, kids.
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Comments
Seriously.
Too.
Really.
You don't have any pigs out there on the Rancho Del Tarp, do you?
::wink::
Rated!
rated especially for "catching socialism."
teendoc - Me too!
bobbot - It does, indeed, suck.
Torman - I should have copyrighted that.
femme forte - It's highly contagious, you know.
old new lefty - The germ counts are also exponential.
Owl - Since I can't TASTE anything, I'm going sheerly on texture to fill the void.
patrick - That's the great part about being home alone with two little sick kids... no bed and no meds. Yeeeee haaaawww! Plus, DayQuil makes me jumpy. You wouldn't want to see me jumpier than I already am naturally.
Hi dad!!
Seriously, hope you and all the Kastenettes feel better fast. I'm up for my regular flu shot next week and I hope I can hold out that long.
Thumbificated.
So sorry. That was just awful of me. I'm sorry you guys are leaking and feeling like crap. Chicken soup is my recommendation and lots of it. I hope you guys start feeling better soon.
BTW, Christopher Kimball was here last night at the bookstore and I tried to get in the door. It was so packed that in the 2x4 bookstore I couldn't even see his bald head. Sigh. I left. But thought of you.
Rest and lots of fluids, including bottles of nyquil...sending good thoughts.
I completely believe that NyQuil counts as a fluid!
I'm actually attempting Cooks Illustrated's empanadas tonight, if you can believe it. I'll try to put a picture of them on Facespace if I'm successful. Even in the throes of misery, I cook on...
::patriotic music goes here::
Don't worry about me. The Jager I'm planning to consume tonight should kill the bug ASAP. You know that's the active ingredient in NyQuil, right?
I learned the hard way that all the shots you had as a kid eventually wear off. I got whooping cough about four years ago. At first I thought it was just a cough, but then my mom was reading an article about how a group of kids came down with it and there might be an epidemic. At first I dismissed it, but then I looked it up and I realized that I could be the poster child. So I told the doctor, who dismissed it. (Unless you're coughing, you don't look sick). Then I proceeded to have a coughing fit in front of him and he said, "but just in case, I'll give you antibiotics". Yeah, right, I never get antibiotics unless I'm near death because I'm allergic to half of them.
Anyway, boosters - good for you!
Second thought: "Poor Jodi; not only is it flu, it's treif flu!"
Third thought: I wish my drug store would get the nasal spray vaccine in; I really hate needles.
Hope you feel better soon. In our house, Sami, Joseph, and my second cousin Katie all got it; Maggie, my cousin, and I have escaped thus far. School has begun, yessir!
Douglas - I don't know what this glunk is, but I can assure you that it has cloven hooves.
By the way, thank you for this:
most people get their flu shot at a drug store, hospital or doctor’s office in the midst of flu season, then they bitch because they got the flu anyway. Well, if you’re surrounded by sick people when you get the shot and it takes 2-3 weeks for immunity to kick in, of COURSE you get sick!
DING DING DING DING DING DING DING! Ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner.
There are nurses at the hospital where I work who are walking around saying they don't want the (dead virus, can't make you sick) flu shot because it'll make 'em sick. The mind simply boggles. I'm all, "OK, you can believe whatever you wanna believe, but when you pick it up from a patient and you get sent home for 10 days and you're coughing up a lung and wishing for the sweet release of death*, don't come crying to me."
*Based on anecdotal experince of confirmed H1N1 victim. N=1. Your mileage may vary. Taxes, title, gasoline, and that stupid Calvin-Pissing-On-Something sticker extra.
Deborah - The problem with Tamiflu is that you have to take it when you first have symptoms. I got sick on Monday, but you see, I was only PRE-sick on Monday. It was the virus giving me the old shot-across-the-bow. I only THOUGHT I was sick, but now I'm seeing what sick really is. So, I'm not a Tamiflu candidate.
I do have those tissues that have Vicks and lotion in them, though. They are great until your nose gets really sore. I would also advise against using them around the eye area. Pain.
This is how I keep my world view intact. Ha!
Kaiser (to which I belong) used to do a drive up flu vaccination thingie in their parking garage which avoids the contamination you speak of but global warming killed that. So I just hold my breath when i'm in there each year to get my shot and try not to touch anything. They do it in a big lobby so at least there's lots of air and the sick people are supposedly elsewhere.
and I hear you on the family and your blog thing. That's why I decided to use a pseudonym here. I used to think I had to wait till my parents were dead to publish a lot of what I wrote, but they died over 10 years ago and after that I realized there were many more relatives that I didn't want reading some of my stuff and I can't wait for them all to die. It's a conundrum.
Get well. And by the way... you ain't not got jokes. You got plenty. Very funny post. Now I'm going to wash my hands.
Thanks to you all for your get-well wishes. I'm actually doing okay. I'm upright enough to make empanadas (though I typed "empandas" several times. PANDA JERKY!).
Yeah, I'm gettin' loopy.
Much love, everyone. Stay well.
Also, that kid kissing the pig is cute now, but if he's still doing it in ten years, he's going to be a problem for law enforcement.
>>I’m thinking I need to rein in my propensity to drop the f-bomb.
Nooooooooooo!!! (Crows, flying off the trees...)
You want fish or medicine first? (For me, it would depend on the fish.)
seriously, I can't believe you're that ambitious while sick. I don't even want to eat empanadas then, much less make them.
Rated
I had what I suspected was the Piggy Flu last year, and I didn't run the highest fever in the world, etc. It was the coughing and sheer exhaustion that went on for five months after that made me suspicious. But they refused to test me for it.
I mean consider this: Someone without a face can't read can they 'cause they got no eyeballs, right?
This sounds kinda bitchy, I know. Maybe I'm coming down with something....
Meanwhile, I've trained the kiddo to oink when he hears the term "swine flu", so all I can do is I hope that that wards it off.
Hope you feel better....
And "Mexican Piggy Clap" is genius.....just genius.
I am ever-maddened by folks who say they don't go in for medicines, vaccinations, etc! Holy Cats! Are you kidding? I have four Petri Dishes (love that expression--so true!) myself--and when they were little getting sick was basically the Domino Effect all winter long while they were active in Sunday School activities, etc.
It's just pure pig-headedness to refuse to take Ibuprofen or get a flu shot! So would these folks skip their Insulin, too? Hopefully, they go in for hand-washing! Or is that too much to ask?
My husband is typically one such nay-sayer (he does wash his hands)--but the Flat Screen TV bait quickly turned the tide!
Hey--whatever it takes to get the job done!
But then, according to you comments concerning vaccines, you believe your asthmatic daughter requires pharmaceuticals when, in fact, she could be cured by homeopathy, herbal medicine, or TCM, etc., which also cures migraines, allergies, on and on. After a life time of taking pharmaceuticals, how long do you think your daughter's liver will last? At such a rate of toxification, I'd say she'll need a liver transplant by age 45-50 or thereabouts, maybe sooner. And will she ever be a candidate for pregnancy after a life time of taking toxic drugs?!
But, whatever. She's your daughter. It's her karma to have you as a mother with your unsubstantiated, undocumented, unproven, unqualified faith in our profit-oriented system. You'll have to defend your choices, and when she asks you whether or not you considered every possible treatment option for asthma on the planet, what will you say other than, "No, I was brainwashed by AMA propaganda that eliminated all mention of other health systems from the American media, and instead, pushed the American medical establishment as 'modern and high-tech' even though said establishment never offered proof of its excellence, nor did I require any proof. I was the kind of American who never questioned the status quo, never asked for evidence or statistics or research, and accepted all things American as 'superior'."
Hope that works for you!
I did that after I discovered the huge difference it made in my allergies and ended repeated sinus infections which resulted in surgery that didn't work.
I do not have complete faith in some giant, scary system. If you don't like vaccines, don't get them. I would personally prefer to avoid illness if possible because I do have to care for my children.
Unfortunately, nothing can innoculate us against people assuming the worst of us when they don't have all the facts. I'm going to assume that you've probably been burned by a broken system, one that I've written about before in numerous blogs about the rejection of homeopathic medicine, the exploitation of people for monetary gain and the abuse of the public by the pharmaceutical industry.
On the other side, I also had people in my family who died of polio in the 1940's and my sister-in-law is a infectious disease researcher at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester.
I'll assume the best of you because it may not protect me against someone accusing me of being a horrible parent without knowing my situation, but it will keep me from becoming a bitter person without compassion in my heart for other people.