You Floridians are all alike. If George said it then I believe it.

Ha Ha Ha, First! by the way, the drunken, violent Irish are still fair game. I notice that lucky Charms are still for sale.

YAY for Laura Ashley Cowslip yellow. I actually prefer Cowslip 4, but I see how "whipped butter" might not fit into the example.

This is very funny. Sometimes we need not take ourselves so seriously. You do that well ... plus, I never take yous seriously.

(finger)

bob - mmm... You're magically delicious!

1_Irritating_BFF - I never listen to you either. Put that in your format and smoke it.

bendan bendan - (finger) (ninja)

Years ago a guy wrote a letter to an editor complaining that Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer was insulting to handicapped people. I rolled my eyes. Today there are too many people just waiting to shout "You've insulted me!" even when no insult exists. I think we need more people laughing and fewer people whining, keep up the good work.

And anyone who wants to complain about my comments, consider this, did you laugh at Jodi's first photo? I did.

Well written for a short, round, Scots/Irish/British redhead with an inappropriate senses of humor!! In fact, I resemble that remark! The lego guy looks like he is holding a shakeweight! I love it!

ocular - It's sad that we've surgically removed our sense of humor as a nation. I think we can jettison the hate without killing our identities. I'm proud of who I am and where I came from. Furthermore, my mother boils the SHIT out of cabbage. That's very stereotypical of her.

MAWB - That's Lego Bill Hicks (American Hero). If you've never seen Bill's act, look him up on YouTube. He's beyond awesome.

is that Bill Hicks with a pipe bomb? Because that wouldn't really be a stereotype would it...more like a metaphor.

I want people to cause trouble on this post to see all the humorous offending...just sayin'

(50k page loads already? You're gold!)

The cool thing about my thought process is that it's still in beta.

This is about getting a sense of humor, right?

I hereby give everyone permission to stereotype short, round, Scots/Irish/British redheads as quirky spitfires with inappropriate senses of humor.

::ahem::

This is not about me people! Well, unless you add "drunken" in there - then stereotype away. Just be ready for the come back.

bbd - Thanks for putting the words "pipe bomb" on my stereotype piece. Please send me a nail file in your next letter to the federal prison.

Janie - We're ALL bad - that's the point. Guilt has started to override common sense. You've got it right - kill the hate and make with the funny. I LOVE humoUr!

Chuck - Ha ha ha!

WSFTC - I know the truth - You're actually an alien from the planet Meepzor. I'll be you get pulled over by the cops a lot, too.

Julie - I put you in the tags! Come on! Sheesh!

You've got it right in talking about intent.

You give a lot to think about Jodi! I think I will let it digest for awhile.

I adore your sense of humor and love that you can write with one! I give people free permission to pick on me, a Norsweede, a self-proclaimed Scandinavian contradiction. There are town where I wouldn't be allowed to talk to myself. ;)

I thought Laura Ashley went out of business--where'd you get that Cowslip?

Ash - I do think that intent has so much to do with it. I think that people that are hateful will be hateful no matter what. Anything done with love will come out in the wash. But then again, I'm a dirty hippie.

Sparking - There's a town where you wouldn't be able to talk to yourself? You need to write about that. Wow.

Con - Laura Ashley is alive and well and living in 1_Mom's house. The paint chip came from the Laura Ashley paint collection - available at finer hardware stores near you!

More than anything, we need to stop being a nation of bad sports and bullies.

That's not comedy, but it is GOLD.

And, uh, I 'm not offended. Which one of us is falling down on the job here?

Finally a Latin quote I can translate!

But I don't think you should pick on Bendan.

I haven't read past your third paragraph but wanted to say something before I forget: An award-winning writer for Cleveland's newspaper, The Plain Dealer, wrote a feature story last year that delved into horrible detail about her rape from twenty years prior that she'd kept hidden from everyone but had seriously affected her life. It was violent and random. Here's the key: it happened in a university theater after hours and she'd been talking to her future rapist and getting horrible vibes from him. He kept moving her with conversation toward the stage and into a corner, literally, and the thing that kept her from fleeing with fear? He was black. She was so determined not to be one of those people who was afraid of black men that she ignored her intuition and all the bells that were clanging in her head. Obviously I'm not telling this to support any stereotype of urban black men but rather to support your notion that a contrived avoidance of stereotype can be problematic if it prevents ordinary caution.

As a round, English/Irish/Dutch/Greman quirky spitfire with an equally inappropriate sense of humor, I thank you for this.

In Denver, the public schools system is taking a beating this week because they planned to serve a lunch of southern fried chicken, sweet potatoes & collard greens for lunch to honor MLK tomorrow with a meal he said was his favorite. Sterotypical, yes - but the stereotype applies to a lot of people from the south regardless of their skin color and is not the racist slight the local media is partraying it to be. If it is, then I surely must be a racist as well for loving my friend Charlene's fried chicken and going to 5 Points for collards & catfish.

The thing about stereotypes is that we, (that's an all inclusive we divided into applicable sub groups), have the ability to make them or break them, Stereotypes didn't get where they are because there wasn't a modicum of truth to them. Given the ability, the real test is in proving we have the intelligence to recognize...ow, this is making my brain hurt. I did make sense once, ya know.
Rated

A very funny post. I agree with you on stereotypes and common sense.

Hey, the Carlin quote wasn't in latin!!!!!


Yep, you're right. We are the most easily offended society in history. It is, to put it mildly, absurd. However, having said that, I find I am catching myself now looking at something I've written and fearing that it is offensive to some, so I will change it in order to placate my sense of duty.

Sometimes, a cigar is just a cigar though. What's the old saying?

It's funny until someone gets hurt. And then it's hilarious.

I think we need thicker skins in this day and age, and we need to stop worrying so much. I liked it better when PC was something that sat on my desk and showed me the internet.

Armadillo from Chowpatty.

Great post Jodi. I generally support a boycott of political correctness. But I'm not sure I actually agree about comedians today feeling limited. I was actually thinking the other day that they seem freer than ever to cross every line invented. I'm thinking of Stephen Colbert having his audience chant "Ne-Gro!" in light of that word's recent play in the news. A lot of the Comedy Channel and comedy radio programs seem really edgy to me (in a good way) as they abandon almost any conventional rules. I will say, though, that you're right that many of the jokes can only be made by people who belong to the target's population. I'm thinking of Jon Stewart's Jew jokes, for example. I'm not sure anyone else could get away with that and I'm frankly not sure they should.

I think this is the key: "More than anything, we need to stop being a nation of bad sports and bullies.". Even ads on TV are mean-spirited now - they usually involve someone "getting' someone else, someone being humiliated b/c they didn't use the product being advertised etc. I blame an over- competitive sports-saturated culture. 'Cause we know all jocks are dog-fightin', gun totin' ,makein' -kids-stand-in-closets arrogant idiots! (JK - sort of!)

You Scots/Irish/British redheads are also such foodies!

As long as the terrorists are profiling me, in turn, they need to be profiled. Sometimes it is dangerous to try too hard to ignore stereotypes.

Jodi, as always, I appreciate your honesty and bravery in putting what you think out there. I'm assuming you're open to dialogue on this, so I'm going to be honest in return:

I think there's a big difference between making fun of yourself (including whatever "groups" you fall into) and making fun of others based on their "group". Simple but fundamental difference. It's the same difference between me making scathing but hilarious remarks about my own lack of athleticism vs. my saying the exact same things about someone (anyone) else. The former is self-deprecating and funny; the latter is at least potentially hurtful and probably outright mean.

I have a full time job making fun of myself. I never lack for material. And when I mock myself, I often also hold up general human behavior for a good laugh. (e.g. when I make fun of how I try to control my partner's behavior...something everyone does in relationships.)

And that's the other thing...this may be just me, but I tend to find the real humor in human behavior, not in immutable characteristics people have no choice over like race or gender. It's our essential humanness and how we play it out that I think is truly funny.

So, make fun of my lack of athleticism, if you will, but why attribute it to the fact that I'm a woman? I don't, and I don't see why anyone else should. No, it's because I come from a long line of people who are better suited to desk jobs and reading books than throwing balls or skiing. My gender has nothing to do with it. But someone who's predisposed to see women as unathletic may zero in on my gender, even though it's coincidental. (And I've had that kind of thing happen even within the group in question -- e.g., I've heard many women slam their own gender in the context of a joke.)

The Natsue story reminds me of a white comedian's routine years ago about watching Hawaii 5-0 growing up and seeing the credit, "Kam Fong as Chin Ho," and laughing to himself, "Kam Fong? Chin Ho? What's the difference??!" But then as he got older, he realized that Asian viewers might have been watching and thinking, "Jack Lord as Steve McGarrett? What's the difference?!" He has a point.

I like something that makes me think and laugh. I would definitely be among those incapable of accurately describing an assailant to a 911 operator for fear the tape would someday be played and my liberal friends would judge me. R.

Without comedy... we would die. In the most weird fucked up moments... laughter comes in and saves the day. When used well.

I love George Carlin, Lenny Bruce, Richard Pryor all brilliant and their comedy really pissed people off and changed the world.

Smart Comedy gets people discussing the stuff that we are always afraid of talking about in mixed company.

But with great humor....comes great responsibility.

I say.. joke away.... but be a courageous comic... if someone gets offended by what you joke about... don't get defensive and just expect everyone to love and agree with you... be brave enough to find out what put that person off and see if you can find some understanding rather than just writing that person off as being over-sensitive.

Yes sometimes people just are raw nerves just walking around looking for something to be pissed off about.... look at the Fox network :)

And you may not ever come to an agreement but there is free speech and you will be a better comic for trying... you may even get some more material.

Great writing I look forward to seeing you on The Tonight Show... Perhaps you will be the host.

This should keep you at the top of the feed for awhile.

I always know one of two things will happen when I read one of your posts - I am either going to find myself suddenly starving for some yummy food or I am going to have to think. I really admire the way you challenged me to determine my own position and made me laugh while you did it.

Extra points for the Laura Ashlely paint - we fill up on the sample cards every time we go to the local hardware store, the girls make pretty crafty things with them.

Lonnie - I figure if I'm not getting hate mail, I'm not trying hard enough. Hee hee hee!

AHP - Have you seen Lonnie's bendan post? I mean really - I just ninja'ed the fool!

Lainey - I have heard stories like that before. It's sad that we live in a world where that is the reality, but I think we often put ourselves in danger trying to appear to be open-minded. It's not just about stereotypes either. How many of us do things that we don't want to do just because we want people to think we're accepting? Scary.

I agree about the Comedy Central folks, too. But, remember that Colbert has set up those jokes for YEARS by playing the "I don't see color" game and well, Jon's Jewish, so it's okay. Ha!



Wandering - Food is a big point of contention on stereotypes. I am deeply suspicious of anyone who doesn't enjoy watermelon and fried chicken on a summer's day, but how many African-Americans have to feel icky about that? Fried chicken should not be an emotional weapon.

junk - It did!

Dear reader - Thanks!

Bill - I think we all need to let go of the idea that we have the constitutional right to live life unoffended. Sometimes we have to correct customs by laughing at them.

Blue - Have you seen that commercial with the guy who brings the dead class rabbit back to life with two balloons full of static electricity? ::CLEAR!:: Oh my gosh... I *died*!!! I think there's a fine line between, "Ha! That's so bad!" and "Dude, that's so wrong..." Comedians have to tread that line and bring everyone together on the same side - not easy.

Deborah - Let's face it, my 87-year-old Grammy probably doesn't need a body cavity search.

Silkstone - I totally agree. I think the difference is in things that are truly offensive and things that are only offensive because we're LOOKING for something to be offended about. For Pete's sake, we name guys "Bob." (No offense to Bobs and bobs everywhere. Bobs are great. Bobs are spiffy. Bob Bob Bob. But, imagine what "Bob" sounds like to someone who doesn't speak English. Most English names sound like onomatopoeias. Don't start with me, Bob.)

I think the problem comes when people who are looking so hard to show that they are progressive devolve into NastyPantses that are scolders who teach no one anything. They become their own group of people that need a healthy dose of group identity reality.

Ann - Me too!!!

Jeanine - That's why I can't do stand-up. I need a LONG time to carefully consider my word choices and attempt to be non-offensive. I'd be one of those comics who would hit the stage on live TV and stammer... "PENIS!" Then I would die.

aka - That's actually my only aim in life. All things serve the feed. Given the choice between world peace and staying in the feed for a few minutes, I'd pick the feed every time.

I'm a horrible, shallow human being who needs constant attention. Please stay tuned for my next blog where I show my breasts. Wait... I already did that. Maybe I'll defend men... hmm... that's been done. I don't know I'll think up some ridiculous stunt. I always do.

Melissa - One day I'm going to come up with a way to make you think really hard about yummy food. Then a black hole will be created.

Interesting....
Good post. Bad sportsmanship ruins the world's greatest game... Life.
Rated.

I think you are right, my rule is, I can only make fun of the club I am part of, the Irish Catholic crazy woman club. Other people's clubs are off limits. It never feels the same coming from someone not part of the club. Bobot, you better be Irish *just kidding*

I used to have a stereo, don't remember what kind it was. I just mostly listen to my iPod and CD player now.
Duh!!!
XOXOX

N. Jordan - Thanks for reading!

rita - Ah! See? There's the problem. Irish women will get pissed at you for supporting the stereotype that Irish women are crazy. CRAZY people will resent the word "crazy" and women will probably have a problem with "crazy" too. Then the green grass grows all around. You don't get to have your own club! How dare you be so exclusionary! ::sigh:: It's sad that I've heard all of that nonsense before, eh?

Sharon - You know what offends me? The "Ale House" of the certain city we live in that I have a meeting at tonight. Their fish and chips is the work of Satan (and not in the fun, spanky way). I am also currently consuming a $1.29 frozen chicken burrito from Walmart. There is no justice in this world. What REALLY offends me is that they say I can't prepare it in my toaster oven. How DARE they lump my toaster oven in with other, less capable toaster ovens?

Hmph.

Will - I was born in Jersey, so I sense your stereotypical distain of my people.

As someone who's been told time and again he has a warped sense of humor or "that isn't funny", I can relate only too well to this post.

As for profiling, it may be fodder for comedians, but ain't nothin' funny about it when shoebombers are passed thru and a ninety-year-old white woman is frisked.

Thank you, Silkstone. Actually thank you twice.

Once for so eloquently stating what I also feel. My first though when I read "this may be just me" was "the hell it is!".

Secondly, thank you for saying what you did BEFORE I shot off my mouth and said how bad I felt about white, middle class, southern "comediennes", married to guys that think Nazi parodies are funny, losing all those good yucks because people no longer will tolerate being made fun of for what they are.

Gosh, I guess I said it anyways. Oh well, I AM just a silly blonde after all, so I'm sure that being a stereotype makes it okay. :eyerolls:


BTW, here's one of my favorite quotes:

“We are still conditioning people in this country and, indeed, all over the globe to the myth of white superiority. We are constantly being told that we don't have racism in this country anymore, but most of the people who are saying that are white. White people think it isn't happening because it isn't happening to them.”

Jane Elliot

clearly, to anyone with reason, there are good types of people, and bad types. Neither of them are dependent upon any of the things we usually use to stereotype people.

I've been guilty of not telling someone to go fuck themselves because of the perceived infraction it would cause. you can say, "No, because you're an asshole," all you want, and you'll still get your ass kicked.

I read this, and nod along, and I really want to cheerlead for you. But you left out the role that “ironic” humor plays, particularly in contemporary humor. George Carlin, may he be raising hell, didn’t have to deal with that problem.

I have watched years of The Family Guy, and their humor initially won me over for being outré, but eventually (or maybe immediately and I was too slow to notice) the show started sending the message, “Yes, we’re being racist/sexist/pickyourist, but we’re doing it *ironically* which makes it okay. The Family Guy isn’t alone in making those kinds of jokes. I’ve seen our age group make that same argument in print and in person: we can say this because we’re not racist (not like previous generations).

Making the joke ironically does not make those jokes okay. And falling back on a stereotype to make a joke work is lazy comedy.

oh yeah, and here: http://open.salon.com/content.php?cid=430742

Tom Cordle - I wonder if they'll ever tell us if that guy actually scorched his own balls off?

Safe_Bet - White, middle-class southern women are ALWAYS fair game. Good call.

Fudo - Some people will always miss the point, especially if you say "Go fuck yourself" subtlely.

Mrs. Michaels - I completely agree that hateful stereotypes are lazy. I also agree that Family Guy is getting flaccid. See? "Guy" penis joke. ::bah-dum-dum-CHA!::

This isn't about encouraging people to be hateful. It's about squaring up our pride in who we are sexually, racially, regionally with possible comedic ways to relate to each other positively.

“I believe that sometimes it’s downright dangerous to try too hard to ignore a stereotype. When my sister-in-law wanted to “hurry up and marry” a Mexican immigrant here illegally before the citizenship laws changed in the 1990s, the family tried desperately to accept him and not appear racist. When he left her two days after the requisite time period with a baby to care for as a single mom, I rethought that notion a bit. Of course I don't think he did that just because he was Mexican, bad husbands come from everywhere. But, sometimes, our need to feel good about ourselves outweighs common sense. We close our eyes to the obvious in an attempt to not give in to stereotypes.”

Jodi,
I get it that you are being funny, or attempting to be; however, you and so many of the previous commenters don’t seem to get what you are doing here. Stereotypes are labels often used by those in power to dehumanize people. It then somehow makes it okay to treat them as “less than.”

Look at what you wrote above. You claim he didn’t do it “just because he was Mexican;” however, you IMPLY that is the reason. What? He did it because he was here illegally? Because he was a man? Because your sister-in-law felt guilty he did it? No, partly because he was a Mexican.

Step back a minute, please, and re-think this. You say you are being funny while you suggest that Mexicans do stuff like this. This is, simply put, a racist stereotype that you have passed along in the media. I’m really a little surprised that the Eds were asleep on this too.


I respect you and your writing; however, this one isn’t setting too well. Thanks.

grif - The problem is that it happened. It happened, not just to her, but HUNDREDS of young women in the small town in Arkansas where she lived. If he had been from any other country, it would have been the same. The point is that we welcomed him and he used her to gain citizenship then leave her with a child to raise on her own. It's not my fault that we don't have a rash of illegal Canadian immigrants doing that.

I'm not being "funny" about my family members that are left with no husband and no father. It's a serious problem that could have been avoided if we ALL hadn't been so quick to look in the other direction. THAT doesn't sit very well with me at all.

Luckily, the laws have been changed to attempt to prevent this since then. But I also have another sister in law (other side of the family) that married a lovely man from Central America that did NOT leave her as a single mother. THAT is what I mean about "just because he was Mexican." That's not what I implied and the very same phrase says, "bad husbands come from everywhere."

I don't (for the love of all that is good and holy) encourage RACISM here. I'm saying that we shouldn't blind ourselves to HUMANITY because we're trying so hard not to see color.

here's a note about comedy stereotypes - what if it's your racism being mocked?

a friend who works in advertising was once telling me this idea he had (not one for an actual client, just a gag for a demo reel):

white guy steps up to a urinal in a men's room

white guy looks over at person of African descent standing next to him; looks down; eyes almost leave his head

another white guy walks up, stands on the other side of person of African descent; he looks down, too, and is also aghast with amazement

the two white guys exchange "wow! holy crap!" glances behind person of African descent's back, directing their gazes downward

person of African descent leaves and walks away; two white guys turn and watch

tag line: "Kenneth Cole, shoes that get noticed."

there's no way that would fly, not around here

Fudo - As a white, southern, middle-class woman, I resent the hell out of the implication that my German Nazi-loving husband doesn't have an enormous penis. You should be ashamed of yourself.

Jodi- You always manage to illustrate an societal shortfall while keeping the humorous angle intact. Nicely done. And I like it :)

amen sista

So, three short, round Scots/Irish/British redheaded spitfires with inappropriate senses of humor walk into a bar ....

I think you’ve made a solid point about humor and stereotypes. First, stereotypes often do contain an element of truth. Acknowledging that truth, alone, is not a problem; the problem lies in how we deal with it.

Intent is a key; are we intending acceptance or rejection? As you point out, are we acknowledging that truth with some element of hatred or are we actually being accepting of that truth and of the people it encompasses?

And the element of intent is a two-way street; it is a responsibility shared by both parties; the offender AND the offended. One may be offended for many reasons, some justified, some not, and the judgment of whether their offense is justified is not solely their decision. Giving too much authority to an offended party is not healthy.

Laughing at stereotypes that are true is one of the surest ways of disarming their destructive qualities, but everyone involved has to see that. If the offended party is considered the only authority on what is appropriate, then nothing is gained. Their perspective is not necessarily the clearest, and certainly is not the ONLY perspective involved.

And there is often just as much humor found in the fact that the stereotype exists at all as there is in the stereotype itself. The person espousing the stereotype may also be engaging in a stereotype that is worthy of a humorous exposure. Archie Bunker and George Jefferson (both TV characters for those who may not remember them) were classic examples of this; Archie the white bigot, George the black bigot who were always doing battle with each other.

Well done, Jodi.

RATED

Wanderer - Thanks!

Amanda - Don't encourage me. It's bad to associate yourself with a redneck racist Nazi collaborator.

Stim - ::snerk!::

Grif called you out. More will during the day.

This post is not funny,and doesn't do a thing to truly examine how, why and when stereotypes are used and/or affect others. Well yes it does but by that I mean no it doesn't. Clear?
Like this: " Stereotypes are destructive beyond a doubt - but the complete rejection of them in the other direction is just as destructive."
I hope it's not a tall fence you're sitting on. The tumble could hurt.

I agree that PC can go too far, and not describing someone accurately in situations of danger or distress is just insanity.

But I'm with silkstone--if a comedian of a certain race/ethnicity wants to share the absurdity and/or stereotypes of his/her people, fine. I'm going to assume s/he will have some original twist, coming from an insider's point of view, that might very well be funny or even illuminating, in that it will let us into a culture that we only perceive from the outside. When someone outside that cultural group starts using stereotypes, however, it's harder to laugh, not only because it can be offensive but, like any cliche, it's lazy and it's boring. How many "Asians can't drive" jokes (or whatever) can we listen to?

Rick - I completely agree and I'm especially relating to the Archie Bunker example. Bigots are bigots and if you made the world colorless, they'd find something else. The danger comes with intent. There will always be people who refuse to SEE intent, but those people wander through life numb, angry or both.

No one is saying here that racism doesn't exist. I was saying that not describing a person's skin color to a 911 operator or ignoring that someone is using you for a citizenship card is wrong and dangerous - no matter what the person's skin color.

Remember when Sammy Davis, Jr. kissed Archie? That was priceless. We laughed, but it broke down a barrier. THAT'S what laughter should do.

aka - I have no fence. I have a point of view. Anyone can call me out all they'd like. I'm not encouraging racism. I'm encouraging better living through understanding each other without trying to gouge our own eyes out with shrimp forks so we aren't accused of being racists.

I'm not going to get my feelings hurt because people are looking for a reason to get pissed over a post that is about squaring up life experiences with stereotypes. If that's wrong, then here's a stick to knock me down off my fence with. Whack away.

reluctant muse - You snuck in there! Sorry I missed you! I agree. It's lazy comedy and, even worse, lazy living to use stereotypes as a measure of a class, race or orientation of people. Unfortunately, people who are hateful will continue to use them no matter what and people who aren't hateful will continue to ignore identities that should be filled with pride rather than shame in acknowledging them. That's the point.

Oh, Jodi, I know you're not encouraging racism. I just worry about stereotypes being used because they're the easy laugh. And I worry because ironic stereotyping muddles the whole discussion (at least for me, because I'm lazy, and I don't like having to wrestle with whether I can laugh at something).

And then fudo goes and makes me laugh and need to think on it some more, which is a problem because I have cookies I'm supposed to be making, and as a feeble-minded female, I'm not up to the double duty of cooking and thinking. And let's face it, cookies are more important than thinking, if you can only have one.

I used to get chicken nachos at Ale House that were very good and enough to feed about 4 people but don't know if they still have. I never order anything called "fish and chips" unless the guy cooking them has pasty white skin, crooked teeth and a weak chin and speaks that funny English that I can't understand. Know what I mean?
You wanna talk about stereotypes!!! Wal-Mart! Now there's the place for stereotypes. Funny but I don't see you as a Wal-Mart kind of gal!

Mrs. Michaels - I demand that you give cookies the attention they deserve! Sheesh!

Sharon - See? I'm a terrible person. Terrible. A white, southern, middle-class Nazi-collaborating, Wal-Mart shopping, chicken burrito eating racist. The good news is, I'm getting hate mail again. This is important to my self-worth! I MUST HAVE HATE MAIL!

Jodi,

I think there is also a point to be made about the suggestion that ONLY those who are members of particular stereotypes are “permitted” to joke about them. What that actually does is MAINTAIN the barriers, it perpetuates the divisions that are created by stereotypes. Getting past those divisions means the stereotype is fair game for all.

here's the thing, too many of us have gotten so afraid of appearing prejudicial that we cannot see reason

by now I've forgotten about what I was speaking, but one of the points in the story I was relaying to my mother while seated in a restaurant involved someone being gay.

"SHHHHHH!!!!" she hissed, "don't say that!" as if to whisper, but still loud enough that the two men who appeared, at least to my superficial, stereotyping eye, to be gay, turned their heads to look at what the fuss was.

She was mortified.

My roommate, very close friend, fraternity brother and future best man at the time, was (and still is) gay. That I lived with him caused my mother on more than one occasion to presume I was gay as well.

All of that presumes there's something wrong with it.

Think about that the next time you try to dance around what skin color someone has.

It's not a stereotype, or that any one person might fit one (my friend could not dress himself to save his life - I often had to advise him on which flannel plaid when with which other flannel plaid), that is at issue. It's your reaction to the stereotype that's at issue.

Rick - That's a VERY interesting point. I admit to being uncomfortable when comedians go "outside" that comfort zone. The ironic thing that Mrs. Michaels was talking about is something that I think about, but I'm not sure exactly how I feel about it yet. It's a touchy subject, and I completely expect to get a ration of shit for talking about it. But, we MUST talk about it so that things can improve.

Fudo - I think that's a big part of what I'm saying too. If we're afraid to talk about racial/sexual/gender/class identity, then we'll continue to be uncomfortable interacting in a meaningful way. We'll keep sticking to our comfort zones. We need to know it's okay to talk to each other!

Glad to hear about the hate mail. Isn't it wonderful to know you're appreciated? I want some hate mail, too. You don't get hate mail just for using the word fuck in the middle of a poem. Ha!

Hooray. The only thing I disagree with is your statement that Political Correctness is necessary. I believe it is not just killing out collective sense of humor but prevents real and substantive change.

Also, i hate, Hate, HATE it when people or groups fake, conjure or in any other way muster up umbrage or false offense in order to forward or promote their cause by mischaracterizing a joke or statement made by someone else.

Take Harry Reid for example. So what if he implied that Obama, at his choosing, can either sound like a black guy or not sound like a black guy depending on who his audience is! It's true. Just as it's true that Hillary Clinton was charged with affecting a southern accent when speaking to southerners.

It's exhausting living in a society where if you're not politically correct you have to walk on pins and needles because half of the population is just waiting to take offense at something you say!

Anyway - great post!

That was a peculiar and self-serving response from someone who stated their goal in the first paragraph as : "I hope to equally offend everyone".

Comments show you failed at that too. You have only offended some.

This whole take has been done much better by real comic masters over time, e.g. George Carlin and Lenny Bruce.

This isn't hate mail, I haven't lost my sense of humor, I laugh at the wrong stuff sometimes too, etc.

I just don't intend to jump on a Yay Jodi wagon over a post that fails to elicit the stated intended response.

Sooooo.....you're so funny I forgot to laugh. pfft.

I did a post back in the summer called (blogwhore) "Can A Mother Get Some Diversity Up In This Bitch" about a character from MadTV called BonQuiQui. My daughter and her friends were obsessed with her and had practiced her lines and accent and body language until they were dead ringers. It upset me a great deal, because we live in an almost entirely white area of Missouri and I didn't (and still don't) feel they had any understanding of the stereotpye being presented - it was a character to them, like Hannah Montana with a really bad attitude. I was incredibly concerned because they were taking their show on the road (everywhere we went).

At the urging of TeenDoc, I reposted it on a diversity website called The AntiRacist parent. I got lots of feedback there including comments that suggested that I was to blame for the BonQuiQui hilarity.

As BonQuiQui says, this is a "complicated order" and since everybody has different experiences with how race relations work, we can be sure that somebody is going to have to call "seCOORITY".

I didn't want my daughter impersonating BonQuiQui because I saw her as an exaggeration and didn't want my kid to offend anyone with a similar background, way of speaking, etc. Seeing/hearing a spoiled little white girl in that persona couldn't be considered anything but mockery, regardless of her innocent intent. But on both posts plenty of people stood up for the BonQuiQui character because in their experience, she is very real.

I'm still interested in what people think on the subject of BonQuiQui. She doesn't live here anymore. Now I live with FUCKING JERSEY SHORE!

Can I PLEASE get some di-VOI-sity up in this bitch, Guido~

Sharon - ::GASP!::

fins - I think that what we file under "PC" is often only the negative parts. Stellaa did a magnificent piece about the necessity of political sensitivity that I thought was right on target. I think the problem comes when we use "PC" behavior to make ourselves feel better rather than actually changing our perceptions or how we behave in the world. Simply surgically removing our sense of humor isn't the worst of it - it's being so self-conscious that we don't relate to people who aren't like us out of fear.

aka - I'm sincerely sorry that you don't find this amusing. As Bill Hicks once said to a reporter who asked him why he doesn't do comedy that offends no one and everyone thinks is funny, "Find me the guy that can do that."

The hate mail didn't come from you and that joke evidently fell flat as well, I'll try harder to catch you in the JodiNet next time. I'm not here to offend anyone, just start a conversation about an important subject with humor. I apologize for not being the second coming of Lenny Bruce. Try the veal. Be sure to tip your waitress.

1_Mom - I was amused to go back to that post and see the comments. I was born in New Jersey and I can say with a great amount of shame that those people exist there - but so do a lot of very hard-working good people who don't act the way those kids do. Unfortunately, Jersey, much like the South, is fair game for people.

Spleeeeef to you too! You aren't in my club but I am spleeefing you anyway Jodi!

Jodi- and everybody.... this is what it's all about. Being able to talk about this stuff with respect and courage. We are all fairly smart folks and can put a couple of sentences together.

I think we can broaden our view of humor and have more creativity... for example...having had relationships with some fantastic German men... I , must agree with Jodi's "big German penis comments"... African American men aren't the only ones..... and that my friends is a good thing.

Also... I'm finding that many Germans, Austrians and Swiss Germans are really focused on changing the Nazi stereotypes that follow them around the world.

See... we all have something...perhaps all this stuff is inherently in us as humans.

bitter? hardly know 'er

rita - Are we spleefing or spliffing? I prefer spliffing. Ha!

Jeanine - Now you're going to give him a big... ego! Ha! If any of you haven't read it yet, PLEASE go see Jeanine's Confessions of a Colored Negro Black African American. It's beyond awesome!

JK - Surly is here in spirit always.

In England at the moment for some reason, there is a renaissance of humour about 'gingers' (red heads). Who knows why it's happening. Anyway, the massive supermarket chain called Tesco's sent out Christmas cards this year which said "Father Christmas loves all children... even ginger ones". There was an uproar and they had to pulp them. I still think it was pretty funny, though I can understand that if your kid was a ginger you might not.

I have decided to use my Philly accent and spell it the way I say it "Spleef" do you have a problem with that? Are you trying to say that my accent is not acceptable? Everyone is always making assumptions about people with regional accents. (Oh Yeah, you're from Joisey) Just funnin with you Jodi!

JK - I agree totally. There's just no good way to say that an illegal immigrant used my sister in law to get into the country then left her. There's no "right" way to say that - though I may have stumbled. I totally respect Grif's opinion, but I think there WAS racism there in my life, it's just not as we usually suspect. We didn't use due diligence because he was Mexican and we didn't want to seem racist. The result was a broken heart and a fatherless kid. Thanks for your perspective. (And thanks to Grif for his. We do need to be vigilant against racism - and NastyPantses that want to use us then leave us!)

MadamRuth - I noticed that in Sherlock Holmes. I have officially been dubbed "The Ginger Midget" by everyone I know that has seen the movie. (I'm 4'11" with screaming red hair. Thanks to Feria, but still...) P.S. I would like a Tesco's down the street, please - and a Boots while you're at it.

rita - I can do a dead-on imitation of my Dad, who is "Jersey" to the core. I was born in Woodbury, but I sound like I was just dumped off a turnip truck somewhere in Tallahassee because I've lived here most of my life.

Thanks for the great article. You're right, we need to quit taking ourselves so seriously. I used to feel so degraded when people commented on my southern accent. Now when they say "what a cute accent!" I say "yea, my parrot has a southern accent too." Imagining a bird with a southern drawl usually gets a lot of laughs.

Sometimes the problem is that we're looking for offence in everything. We need to lighten up.

I'm with you, Jodi....and George Carlin, of course.
Rated - for rational thinking and riotous laughs and a little extra for Natsue.

As I read this, all I could think was:

"Pants on the floor, pants on the floor. Looking like a fool with your pants on the floor."

Sherri - I have the added bonus of going to college in Arkansas and spending summers in the panhandle of West Virginia. I'm a mess. God help any parrots I might own.

Donna - Poor Natsue. She was so upset. I used to send her Christmas cards, but she passed away a few years ago. She was 94 when she died. She was a sweet, sweet lady.

Cap'n - Pants on the *GROUND*, man! Sheesh! "Floor" doesn't rhyme with downtown. Sheesh.

@JK Brady – I think what I am trying to say is that Jodi DID associate this behavior with being Mexican as her other descriptors all taken together are stereotypical too. If her point is that she is concerned that any man will not be honest in these situations, then why use Mexican and illegal in the same sentence. So say the guy is Russian – does that make him suspicious because he is Russian? No. We don’t have that stereotype.
This whole thing is disingenuous. It’s like the politician stating that he is going to refrain from commenting on his opponent’s marital infidelities. Damage done and everyone knows it.

I mean the first sentence of the paragraph is: ” I believe that sometimes it’s downright dangerous to try too hard to ignore a stereotype” This is about stereotypes, and in this case it’s Mexicans, illegal immigrants, and unfaithfulness all in the same package. That folks is perpetuating a racist perspective as you claim not to.

And anyway, maybe I’m just being cranky.

Stereotypes are so hard to explain to my two children with autism. They can't blurt them out loud, but sure as hell I think that siding on the side of caution along with a stereotype could make the difference between my naieve child getting mugged or not. They already strike the world as a weird, go ahead and be a little rude if it makes you feel safe.

As a young hip woman living in Portland Oregon in the early 90s I got mugged 3 TIMES! All by your stereotypical mugger and the liberal guilt I felt for being prejudiced and not wanting them to feel bad kept me from walking on the other side of the street! Just be rude dammit if your gut rings loud.

Grif - That hit the nail on the head right there.

I specifically put "just because he was Mexican" in there because I wanted to try to avoid this. I suppose if I hadn't mentioned his nationality everyone would have assumed he was from New Zealand? I was trying to be as careful as possible - which resulted in me being accused of perpetuating a racist stereotype. This is EXACTLY what I am talking about!

It's totally ignored that I said that our family went out of our way, even turning a blind eye to every other red flag, BECAUSE we didn't want him to feel discriminated against. This problem - THIS thing right here - is *exactly* what I'm writing about. There are/were women who marry these men who are here illegally (and vice-versa sex police) that do it because they don't want to believe that there could be any other motive than love. He never cheated on her, unless you count divorcing her as a function of unfaithfulness.

So very many of those women in that little town were in the same situation because they had been called racist rednecks their entire lives and they wanted to believe they were something different. They had swung so far the other direction that they ended up being duped.

It doesn't bother me that people may not like my phraseology or they aren't comfy with a real life experience or even how I describe that. But, that's the truth of what happened, not some hypothetical situation I dreamed up. My niece has no father and my sister in law has no husband and is living as a divorced, single woman in a very conservative town because she didn't even dare to ask the question of what a young illegal immigrant's motives were - and neither did I.

I think that's an important tale in my life. I also think that "Mexican" and "illegal" are not only not bad words - they are the descriptors of the situation. He was from Mexico. He was here illegally. I guess I'm not understanding, but I respect your opinion.

I think it's sad that people can't talk about those types of experiences without being in fear of being called a racist. I didn't have any hand in that happening, other than accepting this man into my family without question and without judgment.

To this day I treat him with respect in spite of his treatment of his family. I would have punched an American guy in the mouth. So, maybe I am a bit of a racist.

I think a person can form and express sound judgments without resorting to stereotypes.

To say that avoiding stereotypes prevents making judgments is false. Perhaps guilty-minded people may fail to express some facts because they are simplemindedly avoiding THE APPEARANCE of stereotypes, but this is the fault of the overcautious, not people who want to move beyond racial stereotyping.

Also, even if you think a joke is funny, if it relies on often hurtful stereotypes, for its 'humor' than it should not be said aloud. People can be hurt by words even if my intent is ostensibly or truly benign.

We can probably get by on the 99% of jokes that are not racially or ethnically or otherwise stereotyping.

I am willing to try anyway.

Jodi,

all men's motives should be questioned when marrying regardless of ethnicity or legal status since plenty of women get left high and dry by native born white guys.

That hardly requires an embrace of racial stereotyping. It only requires a race and legal status neutral evaluation of the relationship and the motives behind it.

Moving beyond racial stereotyping doesn't require that you marry anybody or tacitly sanction any marriage, if the marriage is utterly foolish on non-stereotyping grounds.

JK, the non-racist way of putting it is this:

my sister married a guy with a strong ulterior motive and it didn't work out. We didn't advise her properly because we weren't clever enough to come up with a non-racist formulation like "ultierior motive."

Also, your comments about Mexicans being ones who bypass regular channels is a stereotype, and a very misleading one. People from all kinds of countries try to come to America and have no legal status. Also, many Mexican immigrants have legal status. So it is wrong in two significant ways.

Damn, I got here late and now everybody else has made the clever, often hilarious comments I would have made. But, then I didn't get a lot of what y'all were talking about, either. I grew up before stereo was invented, so all we had to make fun of were monauraltypes. Flat humor, I know.

Hmm. I agree that humor and being careful not to take certain things too seriously are important qualities. One of my favorite movies is the Mel Brooks movie "Blazing Saddles" for this very reason. No one escapes from ridicule, and it's extremely funny all the way around. ("You've got to remember that these are simple farmers. These are people of the land. The common clay of the new West. You know ... morons.")

However, stereotypes are not real. There is utterly no truth to them at all. The old saw of "there must be some truth to them" I read up there a-ways in these comments and was sad to see it there among people I like to see thinking critically. When someone does something bad, that person has done something bad. The skin color, the nationality, and so on is not the reason that that person did something bad, not intrinsically.

I believe seeing the stereotype as real is a defensive mechanism, associated with fearing the stranger or rejecting what is different. These situations start human beings on the path to stereotyping. But if a man who is black robbed you, it does not mean all men who are black will rob you. If some white dude in a big truck follows you home one night, drunk off his ass and scares the living shit out of you, that does not mean every redneck with a truck is a drunk rapist either. It is all about that one particular person. Period.

The problem is that, what I might find funny, someone else might be hurt by. I don't want to hurt anyone with my humor. Better it to never have been said than to hurt one person. If that means occasionally, there is an overreaction in a world where racism and sexism are rampant, well, then, that's the price I pay for taking care to do that.

I suppose I can understand your frustration. It's just ... I remember distinctly how very funny many of my male counterparts found every Hilary Clinton joke ever told was, during the election time. And I remember how, every single time they laughed, it hurt me. Really actually hurt. If I can prevent that kind of pain to someone else, I'll overcompensate every single time. That's my take, and I'm sticking to it. :)

So many comments!... I will just say two things: (a) as long as stereotypes are stuff for comedy, I have absolutely no problem with them. Hey, I'm officially supposed to be offended because, since I'm a Brazilian, many Americans think I'm Hispanic. Yet my response was to develop a fairly good Hispanic impersonation. ¿Si, como no?. (b) People who let PC blind themselves to the situations in which a certain person does happen to have features typically asociated with the cultural/ethnic group s/he belongs to, and who allow this blidness to lead them to problems, aren't thinking right. In fact, they're succumbing to anti-stereotypes, i.e. the belief that the group usually stigmatized or stereotyped is actually composed only of beatific angels. Or, in short, some Jews are evil, despite Hitler's opinions.

Hey, everyone. I just wanted to pop in and thank everyone for their thoughts on this subject. I try to approach everything with love and humor, so this topic is near and dear to my heart.

Unfortunately, I have had a family situation come up and I'll not be here for a few days. My uncle killed himself yesterday morning. There's not much for me to do about that, but I do have a lot to think about for a few days. I plan on playing a lot of Farmville and thinking about what to do with how I feel about that. Please channel any sympathy you may have in the direction of his two daughters. Energy matters and I'm sure they need it tonight.

I appreciate the tone of this site so much. I know I can always come here and talk about anything, but tonight I'm dealing with something that won't help to share. Thank you for being here, OpenFamily. Sometimes, you're easier than the real family.

Much love.
Be excellent to each other.

Oh, Jodi, I am so very sorry. My heart goes out to you and your family in this time. Please take care.

I can't believe there's such a long thread here, and nobody's mentioned Russell Peters. Jodi, if you haven't watched his routines, go search him on Youtube right now. With all that goes on in his routines about Indians, Chinese, whites and everybody else, there's also another level of humour. He's Canadian, and in Canada multiculturalism is religion and taken dead seriously. At the same time, almost everybody thinks it's pretentious nonsense. Rich vein for humour. You do notice when you watch him that it's not usually about skin colour. That's American.

I love your work, Jodi. And I had no idea your husband was German.

Condolences Jodi. Sincerely.

Great post, I wholly agree. Take care during this rough time. :)

So wait, it was *wrong* of me to laugh at the asian silverware joke? Maybe it was the novelty. I still think the "jesus was hung like this" joke is hilarious and catholic girls just roll their eyes like it's a knock knock joke. Oh not all catholic girls... you know what I mean.

Almost off to bed after a very late night. Thanks so much for all the well wishes, both public and private. You're all so giving of love.

A note about The Man - often, people don't realize that he is the youngest of eight children and his father is 82 years old. That means that his father is old enough to be his grandfather. So, when he says that his grandfather came from Germany, people do the "math" and ask questions, especially here in the south. It's common for people to ask if he was a Nazi.

Because of the unusual age of his dad, his grandfather's family was actually ejected from Germany for speaking against the Kaiser when he was very young - I'm guessing he wasn't doing the "speaking". So, we Kastens can truly say that there are no Nazis on the family tree as this was long before WWII. His dad was born here in the US in the late 1920s. The Man has been asked so many times though that he had begun to make that joke. I prefer the one where I say that we were oppressed by a finer class of bastard than Hitler.

Thanks again everyone for your messages. I'll be back in a few days. {{HUGS}}

Ocular:
The worst are the people who are offended on the behalf of some other group. They are the people who are jumping up to suggest that Russians are offended by Russkie (which means Russian in Russian, as pronounced with an American accent), that Eskimos prefer to be called Inuit (not all Eskimos are Inuit), that 'people of color' wanted to be called people of color (polls suggested they didn't), etc, etc, etc.

I've often heard it said that "stereotypes contain a kernel of truth."

I don't agree.

What they contain is a HUSK of truth. The outer shell. Real for what it is, but it doesn't count for that much.

One thing I've found out in my life- especially in my experiences in driving a cab for many years- is that a lot of people- most of them, perhaps- conform to the stereotypes they've been handed. Voluntarily. They buy into them. They accept them, and are comfortable with them. Class/ethnicity/occupation/locale, etc. whatever.

Given that, I'd like to offer some advice and suggestions on how to deal with as far as encounters with strangers, and making acquaintances.

No one should disregard the signs of an antisocial personality, simply because the individual in question belongs to a historically disadvantaged minority. Threatening and intimidating behavior is threatening and intimidating behavior, no matter what.

It's very important to screen for that.

The "good news"- if it can be called that- is that most hoodlums and people who rely on threat and intimidation aren't into concealing it. They like the stereotypical image of criminality and danger. They're high on themselves.

In other words, they send out warning signals. Often quite obvious ones.

And as long as people have enough sense to take that antisocial behavior for what it is, rather than attempting to explain it away, rationalize it, or feel an unwarranted sense of guilt over rejecting or steering clear of someone who's employing threat and intimidation in their body language, speech, or gestures...most everybody else is more or less cool.

They may live up to stereotypes as far as music taste, favored recreations, places they like to hang out, what they like to eat, etc...but that's harmless stuff, unimportant. It's at least possible to initiate a friendly acquaintance with them.

And underneath that surface image, that husk...almost everybody has a part of themselves that breaks the mold. Something you would never suspect.

When manipulative, intimidating dominator people show that part of themselves to you, it's often part of a trick- it's a way of trying to disarm or charm you, while at the same time playing the threat and intimidation game (if it's part of their act, they seldom set it aside for very long.) That's why it's important to screen for intimidating, threatening, aggressive behavior first. Before any other communication. You may have to interact with an antisocial, intimidating person. You don't have to do what they say. The key is to notice the warning signs far enough in advance that

And it isn't simply about one sign, like some item of clothing. It's the body language that counts. It's usually fairly easy to read the difference between a group of school kids and gangsters wearing the same clothes, giving off attitude.

Reading mood is a little more subtle, since male teenagers and youth often game aggressively. The age stereotype, ha ha, "don't trust anyone under 3o... (especially the males.)" Hey, as stereotypes go, that combination may be the most important one...speaking as someone who was one, once.

Still, it's mostly about meanness. Threat. Mostly, teenagers are just trying to impress each other. Internally focussed, dealing within their own peer group. If they're paying too much attention to you, pick up on it and act accordingly. If the vibes are wrong, steer clear.

Once the threats are foreseen and avoided...that leaves the rest of everybody else. Most people. And when they show that mold-breaking, stereotype-defying side of themselves to you, it can be the coolest thing ever.

The key when meeting other people is- do they know how to act? Are they kind people?

The "set of all people who know how to act" is the group to be in with. First and foremost.

Once that's established, don't blunder by assuming that you know how they are. Because as much as people may seem to conform to their surface images, it's just a husk.

Start by listening, don't talk. You stay out of trouble that way. It's easy to cause friction where there was none, by trying to read into things too far. Don't start in with "I bet you...(do this or that, like this or that, hate this or that). Don't ask stupid questions (for instance, leading questions for which you think you already know the answer.) Don't comment on appearances, like dress or hairstyle- except with a sincere compliment. Sincere ones only. Don't lean too hard for a stranger.

If you can avoid errors along that line at the outset, everyone can feel free to act like themselves. A level ground for communication. And that's when it's possible to get beyond the husk, to the kernel of where someone is at as an individual.

That's when you can tell things like whether they're happy, or stressed, or bereaved, or in a hurry, or overjoyed that their sister had a new baby, or glad that their work day is over, or whether they're coming down with a cold, or worried about something, or in need of a cigarette...things like that. Things their dress, hairstyle, ethnic/gender/class trappings don't indicate. The experience of being a human being.

That's where it's at. People may not share the same surface images, but as a rule, ordinary decent people are able to communicate with each other. And that can be amazingly enriching.

One of the coolest people I ever had as a passenger in my cab was a black guy- mid 30s, I'd say- who had done some time in prison. (Prison is different than jail, it's more serious. A lot more serious.) A little, skinny, wiry guy. He was like a Buddha. That's how much self-possession and inner peace he gave off.

He was only in my cab for a few minutes, and a brief conversation. He left me with this piece of advice:

"Watch your back, and feel the world."

Wisdom.

@ Griff: so if someone marries a family member to gain legal immigrant status, then leaves them with a child, are you supposed to not mention they happen to be Mexican?

I think the issue is, what if someone does something that does fit an albeit negative stereotype - are you duty bound to ignore it? never mention it as if it never happened?

Jodi I'm so sorry for your loss... sending you love.

j9

Jodi,
First, I am sorry for your terrible loss. Truly. And it seems inappropriate to comment on your blog post, but I wouldn't want to do it behind your back in any way.
I have tremendous respect for you, but I don't find anything funny in racial stereotypes. Having had friends who have been pulled over for driving while black (and had guns pulled on them for having a briefcase on the front seat); a friend humiliated for smoking on his front stoop while black; students who tell me stories about being followed around stores for being black or Hispanic; my brother's black friend arrested after being hit by a car driven by a white woman because it was assumed he was trying to jack her (even though she was drunk); students who have been called names or beaten up for being gay or not-white; I cannot find any of this funny. Yeah. The stereotypes against the Irish are awful. And yes, in parts of Boston, you can still get beaten up for being Irish. And I'm sure you're sick of jokes about southern womanhood. But until we stop engaging in this type of stereotyping, it's going to continue to hold power over us, even if we dress it up as jokes. And it's a bit off-putting when someone who is white decides that it's time for us to just get over our fear of stereotypes.
This is said with all due respect and love, but with disagreement with your point.
And I send you peace in dealing with your recent loss.

Jodi –

I pray for your strength in your time of need.

@ Robert Reed

I can tell you are a student of human nature. Direct observation is a valuable tool that supersedes any preconceived notion about group tendencies. As for the relationship between comedy and political correctness, I find its best to leave risk taking to the professionals, unless in the company of people one knows very well. Why risk offending a casual acquaintance for the sake of entertainment, unless you are being paid to perform.

The phrase "First do no harm" comes to mind for me. Sometimes we do harm without intending to and when we are educated, the appropriate response is: "I'm sorry." I think that the key thing is: are they laughing with you? Some of the best belly-shaking, can't catch my breath, tears streaming down my face, laughs that I have had in my lifetime have been at myself, either by my own recognition or someone's dead on portrayal. Especially those times when my kids, coming into that age of separation and the knowledge that their parents are not the final answer, have presented me to myself with love and affection and humorous exaggeration. For instance: apparently just about any activity they engaged in with abandon had the possibility of causing one of them to poke the others' eye out from my vantage point. As my youngest is now 18, the occasions for this fun are many. Of course, I have a few on each of them also.

I enjoyed this and think that you made the point.

Rated

is this horse dead yet?

(and I know you didn't ask for it, Jodi, but you have my sympathy)

here's the reason we have stereotypes at all - it's not because a few of us are too narrow minded to accept that there is a wide range of personalities and insist on pigeon-holing people into neat little categories (we do, but that's beside the point) - it's part of our brain function. An animal part, to be sure, but it is learned behavior.

The amygdala is responsible for much of our trained reactions to things. You see a spider. Your higher brain takes time to try to recognize the spider, match it to a type you may be familiar with, consider what the spider may be doing, where it came from, what it's currently doing in your bathtub. It's trying to reason if this spider presents a threat. Your amygdala makes you jump out of your skin and scream - almost immediately.

That is what keeps us, as animals, alive. Our own survival first, apologize for risk of offending later.

Try telling someone who's been mauled by a dog that your little snookums wouldn't hurt a fly, no he wouldn't, would you boy? Please lock him in another room before they come in.

Consider the hoodlum. There are different species of that particular genus. There is the homeboy, the schoolyard bully, any model of disenfranchised youth thoroughly vested with enough insecurity to act out sometimes violently towards any one and any thing it perceives as a threat, if not to prove it to their friends but themselves that they're a true badass. You know them, you've met them - you may even be one.

You only have to get your ass kicked once by someone who fits a model of outward behavior (or even seen examples of it) before your brain is trained to fear that model of behavior - regardless of who actually fits it.

As was just mentioned, outward displays of aggression are just that - aggression. Doesn't matter if it's an act, if it's only to impress their friends. You could bump into someone who's the nicest boy at home, rocks his baby sister to sleep every night, but in front of his friends he's going to let you know you shouldn't have done that - with mixed outcome.

It doesn't matter the color of the person's skin, nor their nationality, your brain forms a reaction to that type of person. That every person you've come into contact with that fits that type is of a particular ethnic origin is immaterial. There are assholes everywhere. Does't make you racist.

The error we all make is in assigning blanket judgments. All black men are thieves and rapists; all Mexicans are here illegally.

If I talk about the Mexicans standing around the Home Depot, looking for day labor, am I perpetuating a negative stereotype? I just drove by my local Home Depot and that's who's there. Illegal immigrants? Say that and everyone assumes you mean a Mexican. But one town over from me is a large Polish population, where the ATMs are in English and Polish. There's a huge percentage of the population that's illegal. Around here, you hire a contractor to work on your house, I'll bet money that the white guys are here on expired visas and the "tan" ones are citizens.

Are all black men thieves, or just the ones dressed like low-class punks? I used to work in a department store. 3-4, shall we say, "urban" youth, go into the shoe department, looking for the latest Ralph Lauren Polo sneakers. I used to ride the bus with these young men. I would witness them unzip their coats on the bus to reveal 3-4 high-end jackets underneath. Plain-clothes security was everywhere. They bought their shoes and left. Clean-cut, well-dressed black man in a business suit, carrying an attache case, sits down to try on a pair of dress shoes. Salesman comes back out with another pair and the man is g-o-n-e gone.

The point of my anecdotal evidence is this: small-time thieves fit a stereotype. Professional thieves exploit them. If most of your high-end items walk out of the store with help from a certain type of person - not just their skin color or manner of dress, or perceived socio-economic background, but a combination - you're going to watch any one that fits that group like a hawk.

Big-time, professional thieves frequently employ these young people to go into the store and occupy the security, sometimes stealing, sometimes not, while they unload 6 racks of leather jackets on the other end of the department.

Yes, this happens, and I can bear witness.

No one's sending security to watch the black man in the business suit. He could be a lawyer - he at least looks like he could afford one. You're not going to "harass" this man based on the color of his skin. Besides, he doesn't fit the stereotype of the kids you usually catch. He knows this and is free to walk out of the store with 3 brand new $100+ pairs of shoes.

Oh, and those guys who unloaded 3 full display cases of Ralph Lauren sweaters? They were white.

Jodi,

I wrote and posted my comment without reading through the preceding ones first. Now being aware of what has ensued in your life, let me please express my heartfelt sympathies. You uncles two daughters will receive my good thoughts and energies.

I like you very much. I like Hicks very much as well as Carlin, Stanhope and a dozen others who exhibit rhetorical skill with sensitive subject matter.

This post not so much but I imagine I have written many you might not care for.

I wish that MLK Jr. was alive to respond to you. I just don't think that the day of his birthday is the right one for racial humor.

My shiftless ex-brother-in-law was a white educated Catholic ex-Marine guard. I guess "they" are all that way. I will avoid white marine guards from now on.

Racial stereotypes might be great if it were not for the fact that humans use them. Human beings just dont have the ability to avoid attaching some "truth" to what is massively misleading.

set aside victimization, which i think is a distant by-product. the first loss is knowledge of one's neighbors, and possibly oneself. As long as i can remember, people have presumed that i could not swim. as long as i can remember people have been astounded by my "erudition" or "articulate" manner of speech. As long as i can remember, people have seen the container and vastly misunderstood the essence. Aside from victimization, which is not my point here, aside from that the result is not being known or understood by those who reasonably would and should. They know Lionel from All in the Family, and presume I am the same. They know Rerun from Good Times, and presume I am the same. The stereotype is powerfully misleading and addictive because it is a readily available handle, and it is reinforced by peer acceptance. But that readily available handle has an opportunity cost. Leaving victimization aside, it separates. It creates mistrust. It dis-informs. It leaves us behind where we should be. It is regressive when we can't afford to go backwards.

Then there is victimization.

I swore I was going to give myself some time to deal with my family stuff. ::sigh::

In spite of the cutesy title and various actually non-offensive jokes, this piece isn't saying that we should be racists because it's funny. I am not saying ANYWHERE in here that I think we should revert to racist/sexist/etc. stereotypes. I'm saying that we are isolating ourselves because we're afraid we'll make a mistake.

That's what every single bit of this blog is about: ignoring our world because we are afraid of appearing racist. If you TRULY believe that I am suggesting that racism is a good idea, then I'm afraid I can't help you.

I refuse to not have an opinion just because I'm a white woman. I have had the business I worked for burnt down by the KKK because the owners (dear family friends) were gay. My kids go to inner city magnet schools where they are literally the only white kids in their classes. My family includes members who have been welcomed in (as stated above) with EXTRA love because they were Hispanic, African-American, Arab and Asian.

That's not just blowing smoke. That's my first cousin (whose father just hung himself) who is marrying an Arab-American this spring, my uncle Roger Chang, my sister-in-law's husband Benito from Venezuela, the dozens of multi-ethnic children in my family and my personal relationships with each and every one of them. What I hear from these "mixed" (as they are called down here) families over and over is that they feel like their friends and acquaintences are afraid to spend time with them because they are afraid they will stick their foot in their mouth.

Folks are folks. That's what this piece is about. I don't ever preach hate, so why would I start now? I'll gladly participate in a spirited debate or dialog about what I actually say. But, I find it ridiculous that the blog above is characterized as being about thinking racist stereotypes are a good idea.

There's a lot of hate in this world. As a child, I watched the KKK march proudly down Palafox Street in Pensacola. (Those ridiculous assholes haven't gone away - they've multiplied like rats) I've lived in Little Rock and Jackson, Mississippi. I've lived in Jacksonville, Florida for 10 years. You want racism? Come on down.

Just to be 100% clear - I am not saying that we should not be careful about stereotyping. I'm saying that when you're so careful that you aren't talking to someone of another race or using common sense because you are afraid to appear racist, we all lose.

I respectfully request that you share your comments about what I'm saying - not what you're afraid I'm saying. I appreciate all opinions on the subject with respect, as I always have about every subject.

I am actually going to turn this thing off and deal with what I need to deal with now.

I've tried reducing the argument to its most basic, logical components here: http://open.salon.com/content.php?cid=450286

I'd appreciate comments and feedback

that you don't use a description of someone's race in a 911 call says just as much about your racism. If you thought there was nothing wrong with it, you wouldn't hesitate to point it out.

Again, here: http://open.salon.com/content.php?cid=430742

Still at the top of the feed I see. Not reviewing comments, just sticking my head in to say, "What she said", mmm, yeah. I'm all for the facts ma'am, just the facts.

I appreciate a lot of what you are saying and I DEFINITELY appreciate your bravery, because I have none when it comes to matters like this.
I think the key to many situations is to look at the actions apart from the ethnicity whenever possible. For example, with your sister and the Mexican who was illegal---if someone from any country had overstayed his visa and was in a hurry to marry a family member, it would send off red flags, not because the person was Mexican or Irish or Belgian, but because he obviously had a strong motive other than love to push for the marriage (just as some people hurry into a marriage for money, etc.). Mexican or not, you would want to warn her. Take away the illegal status and the hurry and leave the Mexican part in place, and he's fine.
You are right that some are too afraid to even involve race in a basic description. Respect is one thing, but fear gets us nowhere. And, there are those who know that you will try to be the 'understanding, non-bigoted' person to a tee and bend over backwards, putting yourself in a dangerous situation. Dangerous people come in all ethnic and socio-economic categories, so one should never let guilt lead them into a dangerous situation.