Trees of the Mind

An Archaic, Anxious Look at My Excuse For Reality
Editor’s Pick
MAY 27, 2009 10:54AM

Equal Rights for Men

foundshit.com  



There are many, many ways I can think of that women are not yet equal to men. We still only make a fraction of what men do on a per-dollar basis. (76 cents I believe?) We are not allowed into full combat in the military. We are judged on our/… Read full post »

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NOVEMBER 19, 2008 8:55AM

Environmentalism For the Rest of Us

 Inspired by Mary's Divorce = Anti-Green Selfishness.
You owe it to the earth to work it out, evidently.

FutureKitty 
In the future, there will be cars which will only emit pre-neutered kittens. However, this dream has not yet been realized. Until then, here's a handy guide to sma/… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
APRIL 23, 2009 11:30AM

Don't Make Me Stop This Blog!

By now, most of us have heard about a Westchester County, New York mom, Madlyn Primoff, kicking her two daughters out of her car at a busy intersection because they were fighting. The girls were twelve and ten-years-old. The girls were three miles from their home. The 12-year-old ran after the… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
NOVEMBER 8, 2008 11:59PM

This Is Stupid - SML is Anderson Cooper.

anderson_cooper_buff 

First, I wrote a lovely piece about my husband.

Then, I refused to participate in this because it's foolish.

And sexist.

And pointless.

While I was busy with those things, I was doing my favorite activity: Watching ::cough!:: Anderson Cooper on CNN.

I see your Keith Olbermann… Read full post »

There will be no images in this post.
The images were always the worst.

In the summer of 1999, in Jackson, Mississippi, I entered the culture wars in a way I'd never imagined.

I had been married for five years and had two children, the youngest was one year old. I found… Read full post »

See Part One 

Now that you’ve become acquainted with a sampling of the words and phrases commonly used in the Kasten household, the natural second step will be learning more advanced and specialized terms.

·         MousekeRead full post »

OCTOBER 2, 2008 10:06AM

The Secret Life of $100,000,000,000

 Not natural. NOT I tell you! 
 Source: LA Times

 Around my house, we have a term we use for the process I go through when I buy books. It’s called, “Book Math”. Now, with all due fairness, I am not good at math. It’s not because I am a woman. It’s because I think the mix… Read full post »

Warning: Contains graphic nudity and blatant displays of lactation behavior 

Yesterday, MaryTKelly did a spectacular piece about young women being generally unladylike on Facebook. If Facebook is the new place to debase yourself as a woman and a repository for porn, it begs the question, wh/… Read full post »

DECEMBER 6, 2008 11:33AM

WTF?!? (Christmas Edition)

There are a lot of things in life I don't understand.

I'm not ashamed to be ignorant of the purpose of three-tined forks or shelf-stable cheese.

But there are a few things I've seen lately that I just flat out don't understand.

I'll share.

Santa Pyramid 

Image: Hermann’s Gifts

AccordingRead full post »
OCTOBER 15, 2008 10:41AM

John McCain's Last Stand

Tonight, John McCain and Barack Obama will have their last debate. It will be held at Hofstra University and CBS News’ Bob Schieffer, host of “Face the Nation” will be the moderator. Schieffer claims he’s not going to be shy about getting the candidates to stick to the questioRead full post »

SEPTEMBER 14, 2008 1:40PM

Do You Know How You Got Here?

 

Once upon a time, in the latest years of the 19th century, a young man we’ll call Isaiah (Names have been changed to protect the guilty. Or have they?) lived in England. He had a lovely girlfriend, who was mightily angry with him. You see, he had chosen to leave… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
OCTOBER 6, 2008 10:53AM

Holy Economic Indicators, Batman!

This year at the movies no one has wanted to see war (Anyone remember Stop-Loss?) or government bad guys (The X-Files: I Want to Believe? Anyone?) I’d guess it’s because we see enough of that in real life. Here's a gratuitous photo of David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson in bed together/… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
JULY 15, 2009 1:42PM

The One Where Jodi Loses Her Tempura

 

 COOK FREE OR DIE!!!

As most of you know, my “real job” is as a food writer in Jacksonville, Florida. A large part of that job is staying on top of restaurant openings and closings, food trends and the latest Martha Stewart/Rachel Ray outrages. I spend a good deal of my time reading… Read full post »

Valentine's Day  

 Image: Xkcd.com

 

I don’t think there is a man alive who has not at some point in their lives said, “Why didn’t you just TELL me that?!?” to a woman. Women – and subsequently the things women want - are notorious for being “The Great… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
SEPTEMBER 18, 2008 10:58AM

How to Evict a Squirrel (A Drama in 3 Parts)

SuperSquirrel  

Were you aware that a squirrel can eat through a two by four?

I was not.

First, let me extend my deepest apologies for what is about to be blogged to a certain beloved Squirrel. I adamantly assert that no actual squirrels were harmed in the production of this blog./Read full post »

FEBRUARY 16, 2009 10:48AM

Why the Oscars Will Suck. Again.

You will not see Peter Gabriel perform his Oscar-nominated song Down to Earth from the movie Wall*E at this year’s ceremony. Why?

There's just no time.

The producers asked Gabriel to cut the song down to 60 seconds to be combined in a medley with two songs from the movie… Read full post »

 UPDATE: No one was reading this post, which is intolerably rude. Therefore, I made the executive decision to add Lonnie's ass to my post in a cheap attempt to get your attention.

MAUDE CRASHER! 

See? It worked!

However, Lonnie's ass crashed Maude. So, it has taken me 20 minutes to rebootRead full post »

Editor’s Pick
SEPTEMBER 21, 2009 9:11AM

My 4-Year-Old Homophobe






My sweet baby 
First Day of School

  

This is the story of how the sweet baby girl above was recently indoctrinated into homophobia.

When my first two children were in elementary school, they were haunted by my bad decisions. Well, really ONE bad decision - I homeschooled them/… Read full post »

DECEMBER 16, 2008 6:00PM

I am SO offended!

LOTS of things offend me.

Three-tined forks…

Fucking USELESS!

Image: karlribas.com

Shelf-stable milk products…

This color does NOT occur naturally in nature.

Image: elizabethinchina.com

Those little tiny tires on giant wheel rims…

They're SPINNIN'!!!

Calliou…

Whiny little fucker!

I hate that little Canadian bastard.

Sororities…

All you… Read full post »

 

The day after Halloween I went to Walmart.
The Man and I do this every year because, as you’ve seen from photos of my house, Halloween is not a holiday, it’s a decorating style. Everything is 75% off. It’s usually a veritable utopia of Halloweenity. We moved to the

Read full post »
SEPTEMBER 30, 2008 9:16PM

Relax, America. I Have a Plan.

MoneyPaper  

 

I think it is rather important for the fortunate to provide the less fortunate with tips on how to spend their disposable income and deal with their overflow of assets. (There’s a joke in there somewhere, but I would be loathe to digress.) So, I will provide you with… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
OCTOBER 13, 2008 10:32AM

The Ballad of GenX (Poetry Warning)

I am totally tubular. 

I would be the one pretending to sing into a highlighter.
Do NOT miss the stonewashed, pleated jeans.
My friend Dasha is blameless.
Except for the hair.
1987, in case you're curious.

The Ballad of GenX

(stay tuned after the show for visual interpretation)

Sit down, my children, gather near,… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
SEPTEMBER 9, 2008 3:30PM

Jesus Hates Boinking (AND SO SHOULD YOU!)

 Abstinence

 Thanks to bartblog.bartcop.com

Evidently, there was a bit of a kerfuffle at the VMA's about the Jonas Brothers wearing abstinence promise rings. (I love the word 'kerfuffle', it reminds me of 'fluffernutter')

So, ever the hip and progressive program, the Today Show took time… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
FEBRUARY 19, 2009 11:57AM

My Favorite Movie of All Time - The Bad Seed

 Movie Poster

Image: imdb.com

My favorite movie of all time doesn’t have special effects or whiz-bang car chases. It’s a horror movie, but there are no supernatural elements, if you don’t count the genetic predisposition for being a sociopath. There isn’t a cast of thousands a… Read full post »

Glastonbury Tor... a.k.a.   

Image: maestre.org

I personally believe that the “New Year” involves a thirteenth month, Ogham runes and a very large bonfire. Therefore, the rest of you are about two months late with your Spumante in my book. I made my resolutions while I still had glitter in my hai… Read full post »