The Reset Button on the Backside of the Universe
Jonathan Jeffries
- Location
- New York, New York, United States
- Birthday
- April 14
- Bio
- I am now living my two thousandth life.
Actually, 2,784th.
First, I was a hippie. I danced whether there was music or not.
Whether alone, or surrounded by thousands.
I took college classes and
hung out on the Boston Common with my guitar.
We marched for the end of the War.
Then I joined the War.
I was in uniform,
(Okay. Hippies had uniforms too, but this was a real uniform.)
I marched.
(Okay. Not the same kind of marching that hippies do.
Real marching.
With a marching band and flags and very serious people on all sides.
I did not fit in well.
I opened a off-base off the base coffeehouse
where we sang hippie-ish songs and
waited for the end of our hitch
while some of our friends
serious and otherwise
died.
Really.
I started writing.
School books.
Little stories for fifth grade or third grade
that taught that the world was open
and how to spell the word raisin.
Then I went into television.
(Okay, not into the television, into television news.
Which was news then and not infotainment,
but saying that makes me sound like an old hippie.
Which apparently I have become.
And on the way
I married.
Several women.
but not all at once.
even I am that smart.
My grown up children are musicians and kinda hippie like.
I have days when I am glad about that
and I have days when regrets, I have a few.
(Apologies to Paul Anka)
I practiced yoga.
I ran 30 miles a week.
I refereed soccer games
and rode my bicycle thousands and thousands of miles.
Threw a paper route
painted apartments,
sold furniture,
bought wire and gears and god knows what
for a factory job.
and I stopped writing.
You know, writing is hard to do. It's painful.
Not as painful as not writing, but still.....
I tried to be boring for a few years.
The other boring people said I didn't fit in well.
Well.
So.
I wrote teeny tiny things for a tiny teeny neighborhood paper.
About how to fix things.
(That's how Eva knows me.
She was my editor. Poor thing.)
And we,
L and I,
got bored with living under gigantic Oklahoma skies.
(and I had ridden
every inch of chip and seal highway
for three states around)
So we moved to New York City.
That was fifteen years ago or two hundred,
I can't really tell.
Somewhere in those years one prodigal son returned,
we rejoiced.
He cleaned up his act.
We rejoiced.
He met someone and they had the cutest baby boy.
We were overjoyed.
And that sometimes is a problem.
He announced that, though I had been a part of his life
as his adoptive father, he wanted no further contact with me.
He thought it would be confusing to explain all the grandparents
to the cutest baby boy.
Um? I said.
So L worked in fashion
and I managed a hardware store
and I got fat from too many MaryAnn's Mexican meals.
So I started running again. I went from puffing to the bus stop
to finishing the 2007 NYC Marathon.
And my other boyo turned out to be the best kid ever in the world. No. Really. People have checked. The best.
January 1st, 2008 I said out loud.
"I think my life cannot get any better."
And by mid-August, it lay in ashes.
L left.
Left twenty years of marriage, left ... .
She was ......unhappy.
So I ran the Marathon again and now run just about every day. Back up to about 22 miles a week and I still occasionally cry through some of those miles.
I was writing this fabulous story now
about this guy who had 2,784 lives.
And my editor kept saying
"Pick one for christ'ssakes!!"
but I couldn't because
they are all my favorite lives.
So far.
But, maybe,
just maybe,
this 2785th life will be the one.
It has all the right elements of a comeback.
MY RECENT POSTS
- We Called It Sumo-Soccer.
June 15, 2010 02:10PM - The Bistro with the 30 Page
Menu
June 10, 2010 04:50PM - I Meant to Write This Before I
Went Mad.
June 08, 2010 10:38AM - Don't think about the
Distance, Choose your
Direction and go
June 07, 2010 06:32AM - Veteran or VietNam Veteran/
Lightning or Lightning Bug
May 23, 2010 10:45PM
MY RECENT COMMENTS
- “Frank, I love you, man,
but this is horseshit based on
hot
air. The economy's
go…”
February 23, 2012 08:48PM - “A horror story
wonderfully told. Rated. And I
made you a
Fav.
Peace,
still possi…”
July 26, 2010 08:32AM - “Rated.
I really like
the realness of
writing.”
June 18, 2010 01:07PM - “Holy cow.
I looked
in my mailbox and said "Oh,
another by Linda."
I
was…”
June 15, 2010 02:18PM - “You're right about the
scoring: an American football
game
which ends 14-7 is
the…”
June 15, 2010 01:26PM
Jonathan Jeffries's Links
- New list
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We Called It Sumo-Soccer.
In 1970's adult summer soccer leagues in Tulsa, Oklahoma we referees were not supposed to start a game if the temperature was over 100°F. It gets that hot a lot in July and August.
Teams hated that because they wanted to play. They would drive all the way out to the… Read full post »
The Bistro with the 30 Page Menu
I saw this sign one day when I was out and about and I laughed a
little. Twenty-Seven ways of doing Yoga. How would you pick? Take
three classes of each and then, if you remembered all the
differences, pick your top five and take five classes of each and
then… Read full post »
I Meant to Write This Before I Went Mad.
There were great ships in the harbor of the sky the day I finally knew.
Let me tell you so you don't have to wonder, I know a lot of people wonder
whether they will know or even have a feeling
just before the edge looms up.
You do.
… Don't think about the Distance, Choose your Direction and go
The hardest part about getting started or re-started is starting. I can't tell how many mornings I have stood outside my apartment building in my shorts and tee-shirt going through some kind of check list- got water bottle, got on sunscreen, got sunglasses, got on the ri… Read full post »
Veteran or VietNam Veteran/ Lightning or Lightning Bug
News Reports: Richard Blumenthal, candidate for Senate from Connecticut, admitted last Friday that, on occasion, he may have misstated his military service record.
Good morning and welcome to my third press conference regarding statements I have made in the past about my past. I thought I woul… Read full post »
Nabisco to Sue All Owners of Animals Named "Oreo"
In papers filed in the Seventh District Federal Court on Monday, the Nabisco Corporation will pursue infringement of trademark lawsuits against 686 owners of dogs that the company has identified as using the name "Oreo". Company spokesperson Max Breedlov… Read full post »
Pilgrim's List Open Call
1. What is your favorite word? Calmness
2. What is your least favorite word? "Attention passengers"
3. What turns you on? Smiles. Warm midnights. Chilly dawns.
4. What turns you off? Airs of superiority… Read full post »
Law and Order Killed! New York Changed Forever.
What did e.e. cummings say about 'true, beautiful things'? That they'd be gone 'in a moon or two'. Now comes word that they have canceled Law and Order. Huh. This is going to change everything. How will those folks up near Riverside Drive and Ft. Tryon Park make it through the… Read full post »
Foods I Eat Which Others Eschew - Chopped Liver
The Asian Sage says "Compulsions pass in moments, I remain calm and let them go!" I really wish I could learn to do that, it would, I know, save me a lot of time and trouble. Then again, all the best things seem to come to me when I leap after… Read full post »
A Dozen to See Repeatedly
By request and I'm happy to join in.
I'm lucky. I have no memory for movies. I watch them and enjoy them and then, like Gena Rowlands in The Notebook, I can watch the same movie again and not remember how it's going to end. How does The Notebook end anyway? It's… Read full post »
Foods I Eat Which Others Eschew - Number One
I am the odd one at the restaurant table who asks "Are there anchovies in the Caesar Salad?" hoping to hear the answer "Yes.". Caesar Salad is supposed to have anchovies, not just anchovy paste, mixed in with the greens. Invariably, the waitress promises to remove all anchovies and I have… Read full post »
They don't get used to dying when they fall.*
It will be 35 years on Friday.
(James Santora)
35 years since the last ten
gyrines jumped onto that last helicopter getting out of Saigon.
(John Hall)
then that whole thing was finally
over,
(Mike Ingram)
sort of,
for most of everybody
(Ray Sibley),
but you co… Read full post »
Blogging the Saturday Morning Run
0.0 --- Get Pandora started on the Talking Heads Channel, head South on Overlook Terrace, turn left and left again onto Bennett Avenue.
.75-- 1.0 Try not to be too smug about how good it feels to be running down this long long long hill. It's going to be the last long… Read full post »
We Spelled It Grainola
Thirty five years ago we spelled it Grainola. We spelled it that way for a couple of reasons.: 1) There is a little bitty town up in the Osage by that name. We had ridden our bicycles up out of Pawhuska to get there. The way back was by the narrowest, prettiest, two lane… Read full post »
The Pink Window
It's early. Too early. I'm out on a pre-dawn run, trying to shake off the last of my sleep, trying to get myself lifted into moving at more than a walking pace, but I am lagging. I'm up and out, but my mind… Read full post »
A Cultural Event You can Sink Your Teeth into :Boobquake.
Blag Hag, a wonderful perky sort, has offered a rebuttal to the Iranian Cleric who thinks scantily clad women cause earthquakes. (Well, they do, but not the kind he is thinking of.) Here she is:
http://www.blaghag.com/2010/04/in-name-of-science-i-offer-my-boobs.html
In the name of science, I… Read full post »
I'm 63. Here's 55 years of Job Experience- Part 2
Where was i? Oh yes.... went to Montana. Stayed until Spring, drove to visit friends in Tulsa.
Tulsa
1971- Wrote children's stories for Elementary Teaching Programs. They offered me $75.00 for each one I could write containing the right vocabulary words. I wrote 4oo or s… Read full post »
You Go by Stopping
You go by stopping
You stop by listening
You listen by seeing
You see by grasping
You grasp by letting go
Then you go. Read full post »
I'm 63. Here's 55 years of Job Experience. Part 1
Job seekers are advised to make a list of all of their job experiences, but first here's a picture of what this felt like:
1955- Mowed lawns, raked leaves, shoveled sidewalks.
1956- Mowed lawns, raked leaves, shoveled sidewalks.
1957- Mowed lawns, raked leaves, shoveled sidewalks, threw… Read full post »
I fired my most incompetent employee today......me.
It wasn't the easiest thing to do. I am, if nothing else, a compassionate boss. The kind of boss who says "Atta, boy" and "Way to Go!" and tries hard to find nice things to say about any particular success. I do not believe in creating hostile work environments, I like… Read full post »
Because the Red Wine Reduction is still simmering...
Staring
Staring at the big stainless pan with the beautiful red-red sauce trying to birth itself is taking too much out of me. I have to look away. This is going to take some time so
In the weekend news from the Heights of New York I offer these… Read full post »
I'm not organized enough to be unemployed: Chapter 1
Every morning I go up on the roof deck and take a picture of the
dawn. Some mornings are full of fog and clouds, some are glories.
I send the pictures to my Facebook page and then make some coffee, get a grapefruit out of the refrigerator, try to get… Read full post »
It Dawns on Me, I Have Been Doing Everything Wrong.
Is your brain like mine? Wait. Don't answer that. That's one of those questions like "Are we alone in the Universe?"
Yes, we are alone. Yipes.
No, we are not alone. Yipes.
I mean is your brain like mine in that it is brilliant at thinking of things… Read full post »
Sweet Tea Moonkiller Plays A Joke on A Coyote Boy
To see the future, stand on the edge of Sleep
No meeting should last longer than one hour, that was a rule Russell had followed throughout his whole career. So it was like sitting on sandpaper to be in Mr. Eric Emerson's office for more than two and half hours, even if it was really sitting on a butter soft leather… Read full post »
Jonathan Jeffries's Favorites
Susan Creamer Joy
diane freeman
Joan H.
Homer Langley
Half-Assed Attempts At Adulthood
lorianneUpdates
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I'VE GOT A SECRET ---- True lies to weep to!
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I Didn’t Vote for Obama in 2008; but I’ll be First in 2012
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Vertigo of the Golden Gate Bridge - 75 Years
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Memorial Day in Washington, D.C.
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Inspiration for more comedy on Big Salon's "oy vey"
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Summer: A Preview
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When the Dead Won't Stay Dead
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My Movable Feast ~ Fiction
Salon.com