It is quite odd, being that the great State of Texas is some $27 billion in the hole, that some legislators have taken precious time away from important pencil sharpening and double-entry ledgers to waste time creating political hay about how concerned they are for the safety of college students, all the while picking up points in Redneckistan for showing just how much they believe in the hallowed power of the gun.  So be it. We put these idiots in office, so this is what we get, my fellow Texans.

On the other side of the coin, the libbie elites on the coasts are jumping up and down, clucking their teeth about how the poor little kiddies are going to be shooting each other down in cold blood. Right. As though the coasties gave a fledermaus' butt about state college kids in the southwest. If you aren't a precious Ivy, your life ain't squat.

But so much for Redneck (the author of the bill is actually a Dallas suburbanite and war veteran) Texas Legislators and snobby coastie elites. It's time to slow down a bit and take a look at the reality of the proposed "Handguns on Campus" bill and its actual ramifications. Honestly, if Van Taylor's bill, recently introduced in the Texas House, passes and gets signed into law - which it most likely will - it doesn't mean that every college kid in Texas is suddenly going to be packing heat on the quad and shooting up the lecture halls come September 1. Very little will change, if at all.

Before you get your knickers in a twist, be it to the left or the right, bear in mind these three facts: 1) The bill will not allow all college students to carry concealed guns on campus; 2) Under current Texas Law, some college students and other persons are already allowed to carry concealed handguns on campus; 3) Only 2 percent of all Texans have a permit to carry concealed weapons. 

HB 1167 will not allow all college students to carry concealed guns or other weapons on campus.

It will only allow those students who hold Concealed Handgun Licenses ("CHL") under Subchapter H of Section 411 Texas Government Code  to carry concealed handguns on campus, which, per below, is already allowed. Under Subchapter H, to obtain a CHL, you must:

1) Be a legal resident of Texas for at least six months; 

2) be at least 21 years of age (this is big since this disqualifies half or more of Texas college students);

3) have never been convicted of a felony (this disqualifies a few more);

4)  not be charged with a Class A or Class B misdemeanor under Texas Penal Code Chapter 42 (disorderly conduct)(this disqualifies a lot more);

5)  not be a fugitive from justice;

6) not a chemically dependent person (there goes about half of the University of Texas at Austin student populous);

7) be capable of exercising sound judgment with respect to proper use and storage of a handgun (there go all the Texas A&M students- really, is choosing A&M not a sign of poor judgment overall?);

8) have not been convicted of a Class A or B misdemeanor under Chapter 42 of the Texas Penal Code (even more!!);

9) be fully qualified under applicable federal and state law to purchase a handgun;

10) not be delinquent on child support payments;

11) not be delinquent on any state taxes;

12) not be currently under a court protective order;

and the list goes on. 

Then there is the application process itself, which requires:

1) a $140 application fee;

2) fingerprints;

3) photographs;

4) a birth certificate;

not to mention

1) the fees and time for classes you are required to take in order to get your handgun safety and proficiency certificate which will allow you to apply for the CHL in the first place; and

2) the background check and all that fun stuff.

Then, when all that is completed, there is about a 60-day wait. 

Then, if you actually make it through the process and actually receive the CHL, guess who knows about your license before you do- your local police department. Who says Texans are opposed to Soviet-style gun control? Really, how many college students do you know have the patience to endure this? The ones that do are probably the ones I certainly would not mind having a CHL. 

Under current Texas Law , students and staff with a CHL are already allowed to carry concealed handguns on campus grounds, but not in buildings.

Taylor's bill will allow guns in buildings on campus, too, if they have the requisite CHL. 

Only about 2% of all Texans have a CHL

That's right. Just 2 %, and almost 89% of those holding licenses are paranoid white folks. More than one-third of those holders are over the age of 60. 

So how many Texas college students will actually bother to get a CHL and then take those guns on campus?

Let's break down the numbers:

If there are 500,000 Texas college students, and roughly half of those students are over the age of 21, and let's assume for argument sake that they are all little angels who would not be disqualified for a CHL for any other reason, then 250,000 would be eligible for a CHL. Let's say that the 2% standard holds for the college students - which it won't, it would most likely be much lower, since most CHL-holders skew older - then there would be a whopping 5,000 CHL holders who are college students. 

At campuses like the University of Texas or Texas A&M which have around 40,000 students each, by the 2% standard, about 400 students at each campus would likely hold a license. Again, that is a very generous number. How many college students do you know would spend so much time on effort on something that would not 1) get them high; 2) get them laid; or 3) get them a better grade? Yeah. I didn't think so. 

And just in case the worst-case scenario comes to pass and all 250,000 Texas College students over the age of 21 decide to run out and get a CHL, keep this little tidbit in mind- the murder rate in Texas has dropped 30% since the institution of CHLs in the mid-90's. Coincidence? 

But in all likelihood, at most, maybe 2,000 or so Texas College kids (0.4%) will pursue and get CHLs, and I'm sure most of them will forget to take their guns to class just like they forget to tuck-in their shirts, shave, bathe, and whatever else they forget. 

Relax America- Texas college students are gonna be just fine.  Not that you cared about them anyway and you weren't just looking for  another excuse to wag your self-righteous fingers at the Lone Star State.  You may now return to your Michele Obama-approved gardening activities.