Quietly and with great secrecy the administration has called in the services of the International Metaphysical Psychic Society, or IMPS,  to investigate the possibility that the President's teleprompter is haunted.

No one will admit that IMPS representatives are on the scene, but a White House staffer who wanted to remain anonymous for fear of a tax audit,  said that the occult investigators have already concluded that there is, indeed,  a promptergeist in the White House.

"It is the only possible explanation," said another staffer, who would only speak to this reporter while inside a locked closet.  "No one is taking responsibility for all the fuck-ups in the White House," he or she said, "so since it wasn't human, it has to be a ghost."

And now it's attacking the one thing most cherished by the President, his teleprompter.

The most brazen promptergeist haunting was at the White House St. Patrick's Day party for the Irish Prime Minister, Brian Cowen.   After the President spoke his telepromptered speech, the Irish Prime minister approached the prompter to give his speech, but after twenty seconds he realized that the teleprompter was showing the President's speech.

A fuck-up?  Perhaps.  But no one copped to it.

Laughingly, the quick witted but slow-tongued President went to the podium to save the day and started reading what was "his speech," but after reading for a few moments he realized that the teleprompter was now scrolling the Prime Minister's speech, and not his.  He discovered this when he arrived at the point in the speech where he thanked himself for his own St. Patrick's Day party.

Another fuck-up?  "Not from THIS White House," said Press Dreckretary, Robert Gibbs.  "We don't fuck up in this White House," he  added adamantly. 

Given the President's suckling reliance on the teleprompter, there is growing apprehension in the White House that the promptergeist will wreak more oratorical havoc on the young president.   He relys almost exclusively on the teleprompter when he speaks to cabinet members, makes his phone calls and orders lunch.   He depends upon it especially when he speaks "off the cuff."

And now the haunting has  gotten personal.  The other day,  Michelle Obama complained that the prompter Barack uses during their lovemaking went berserk.   She reported that the verbal foreplay Barack usually reads from the prompter suddenly scrolled by so fast that the President was unable to keep up, or keep it up.

Mrs. Obama said she had set the prompter at a leisurly seven minute tempo, but the prompter raced along so quickly that everything was over in forty-five seconds.  It was the promptergeist at work again.

Later, the Presidential children, Sasha and Malia, told their mother that "Daddy's goodnight comments were in pig latin.  "  However, when the secret service examined the prompter in the kids room, the President's nightly  speech to his children was in perfect English, with the uh's removed.

"It has to be a promptergeist," said a White House spokesman, who was calling from Mongolia, with whom the United States has no extradition treaty.  "No one will say it, but the teleprompter is haunted by a promptergeist."

The last straw was the prompter's behavior during the president's appearance on Jay Leno.  The President said that he "bowled a 129, a Special Olympics score."  Staffers agree that his statement was all wrong.  The prompter had listed his score as 87, which was a better special Olympics joke.

IMPS spokespeople were unavailable for comment but are presumed to be doing their mysterious work in mysterious ways.   It's said they hope to exorcize the President's promptergeist before going over to the Treasury department, where there are reports of a printergeist that's grinding out hundred dollar bills by the bushel.