Wake the fuck up!! 

It’s time for you to do your part and help trash the economy! 

That’s right, it’s your damned patriotic duty!!! 

Hell, it’s your human duty. 

You’re killing America!  You’re killing the world!! 

Here’s what you need to do. STOP buying all that worthless, needless shit!! 

Your 2,000 sq ft house is killing us! 

Making everyone’s housing more costly. 

Your stupid Lexus is sucking us dry! 

Driving up the price of Fords and Chevys. 

Your pleasure boat and your private jet are making it impossible for everyone else. 

We fight wars over gas for your stupid jet ski! 

Your stinking designer shoes are driving up the cost of all clothes for everyone! 

Paying tens of thousands of dollars for weddings and diamond rings and shit: You’re an asshole! 

Buying all your stuff wrapped in all that cardboard and plastic is polluting and depleting and destroying! 

Your fancy restaurants are a plague! 

Your shopping malls are a blight!! 

Buying and buying-into crap like body wash and teeth whitening strips and class rings for middle schoolers and baby-beauty pageants and abercrombie and nike and boob jobs and botox and leaf blowers and ginormous televisions and surround sound and bigger and bigger and bigger everything and ALL the other USELESS crap y’all spend all that money on. 

All that bullshit medication you’re taking makes all medicine more expensive. 

All those designer anti-depressants:   smoke some pot for god sake. 

You’re screwing it up for everybody else.  

Have you ever even been to the dump where all that crap is taken?  Go there.  Look around. This is why you're working your ass off. This is the shit that you think makes you better than your neighbor. 

THIS IS YOUR LIFE!!! 

Yeah, you’re such a compassionate liberal.  You feel sympathy for the homeless guy on the street and wish for him to be able to throw away three-fifty on a cup of coffee just like you. 

Aaah, poor guy.   

Wake the fuck up!! 

YOU!  Yes, you!

You are unsustainable.  You ARE global warming!  You ARE poverty!  You ARE classism and racism and every other screwed-up ism.  You ARE war! You ARE hunger! You are! 

Yes, I’m talking to YOU!! I’m not talking to someone else. I’m talking to YOU!! 

STOP IT!! 

Really.  Stop it, okay?