First, let’s get clear, the world is not ending tomorrow. Tomorrow, the “good” Christians will be raptured up to heaven leaving all us sinners (which I think includes damned near everyone here on OS) behind to ponder our fate. The world, however, is not actually scheduled to end until October of this year.
Many of you may now be quaking with fear over the coming apocalypse, but I’ve been thinking about it and there is an upside. The following, is a list of thirteen (the same number as people that attended the last supper..eerie) of the advantages that should occur after all the “chosen” have amscrayed on to the Promised Land.
1 Mike Huckabee will not change his mind about seeking the Presidency.
2 Here in Texas, I’ll be able to purchase liquor both on Sundays and after midnight. If I need a bottle of Glen Livet at 1:30 a.m. I will damned well be able to get it.
3 Gay couples will be able to marry, although they’ll never be anything but newlyweds.
4 In many states, consenting adults will be able to participate in any kind of sexual acts they choose without breaking the law. Which, for me, will actually take a little of the fun out of it.
5 We’ll never have to go Christmas shopping again. Although, I will miss all the women dressed as slutty nurses, vampires, cats and police officers on Halloween.
6 Christian bookstores will all be replaced by topless bars.
7 Madonna and Lady Gaga will no longer have anyone to shock or offend. Hence, all of their music will be relegated to the dustbin of irrelevance.
8 The Ten Commandments will be replaced by three or four handy tips. So much easier to remember.
9 We’ll all laugh as we watch Christine O’Donnell plead, “No, I said I’m not a witch!”
10 All those guys with signs proclaiming, “The End Is Near,” will be met with replies of, “Really?”
11 No one ever need worry about the interest rate on their Visa card.
12 Many of us will always be remembered as young looking. Okay, many of you will be remembered that way.
13 We won’t have Kirk Cameron to kick around anymore.
So, all and all, things might not be so bad.