With apologies to the Sherman Brothers, who wrote the songs for the move Mary Poppins:

Isabella Martinez:

[Spoken]

Wanted: A nanny for one adorable (well, most of the time) child.

[Sung]

If you want this choice position,

Have a goth chick disposition,

Sallow cheeks and warts!  

Play games, online. 

You must be kind, you must be smart,

Or I will let you know you aren't.

Leave me alone, give me treats,

Sing songs, bring sweets.

Never be cross or cruel,

(My parents only tease about feeding me gruel).

Love me as an only child

And let me run a little wild.  

If you won't scold and dominate me,

I will never give you cause to hate me. 

I won't tell you that you are dumb,

Hack your Neopets account

So you can't play,

Watch Sponge Bob all night

or iCarly.

Hurry, Nanny!

Many thanks, 

Sincerely,

... umm ...

Okay, it's late and I'm too tired to think of that final rhyme.  But -- after 10 years of being a stay-at-home mom -- I'm returning to work this fall. The high school where I'll be teaching starts at 7:25 a.m., and Isabella's elementary school doesn't open its doors until 8:50 a.m. Yes, there's dad, but he's an attorney who often must be in court by 9 a.m. And we don't have any other family in town.

So I'm tearing up this advertisement, wadding it into a paper ball and throwing it into the fire. Never mind that it's summer and the fireplace flue is closed. I need some magic to carry the ashes up into the atmosphere where the perfect nanny will reassemble it and report to my door promptly tomorrow morning.

I'm waiting.

Mary Poppins, where are you?