House is staring into your soul
Sure, cliches abound. Cuddy has a nice ass. Chase is an ass kisser (thanks for the obvious reminder). House and Wilson continue their dysfunctional bromance (I hate you, Odette). Foreman and 13 pick up where Chase and Cameron left off (I guess there needed to be romance on the show). Taub is jewish, and Kutner continues to be my favorite doctor, although he really hasn't had a good story arc lately.
House's newest patient has a condition which effectively removes the social controls of his frontal love. Strangely enough, the patient doesn't romp around the room, flinging poo and raping the women he finds attractive (Cuddy apparently has a tush like the pistons of a Ferrari). Instead, he only says what comes to mind, without any sort of filter.
We see the man tells off his business partners, his doctors, his wife, and his daughter. A particularly chewed up scene consists of his wife sobbing that she never knew that her husband had these thoughts. He's not the man she thought he was. Personally, I felt that the wife was a big hypocrite. What? She's never had a negative thought about anyone in her entire life? The difference was she could filter her thoughts and he couldn't.
House is at his moral best. He saves the patient, but only after recognizing that the patient is a mirror of him; House (a point driven home by a very long shot with House looking at a mirror.).
During the course of the show, we see various characters talking about a social contract, but not the one we learned about in middle school. The House Social Contract mediates the appropriate balance between truth and lie. By using the unfilered man, we see that Taub finds out he has a big nose, which he knew, but he always was told it "suits" his face. Kutner learns that his bedside manner is a bit shoddy. In a discussion, Taub and Kutner pontificate whether or not complete honesty benefits them. They come to the conclusion that for our society to continue functioning without everyone getting all stabbity, some lying and ego-kissing is necessary. Being completely honest and being completely false benefits no one.
As a Deaf man, like many other disabled people, I'm very aware of the demacation between my actual self and how people perceive me because of my disability. There are many jobs I can't have, and many things I can't do because I'm deaf. If I want to attend a meeting or go to the doctor, I need to make arrangements for accomodations and hope that the receptionist or meeting-person or whatever doesnt want to pick a fight with me over that. Being daily reminded that I'm deaf means I accept wholly that I am.
So, I don't really understand why people become upset when others point out that they're fat/unfit/have a pimple on their nose. My own understanding of the Social Contract differs because I do carry a little tag on me that tells the world that I'm Deaf.
My SCA Fighting Shield. Marked for safety reasons.House is smart enough to recognize that he pushes people away by ignoring the Social Contract completely. He rectifies his actions, somewhat, by accompanying Wilson to the Mental Hospital where Wilson's brother meanders. But, House again becomes himself by making a phone call when Wilson really needed emotional support. We are who we are, I suppose.
The Game here on OS is trying to find the middle ground between alienating readers, and posting an appropriate opinon. How do we strike this balance without losing who we are fundamentally? Is it possible?
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And then there is big softies like me who barely dish it out because I can barely take it. I try for consistency, and probably fail, but I do try.
So who is right? The thick skinned person or the "sensitive" one? Pointing out the obvious is only painful sometimes, to some, because the "obvious" is loaded as hell.
Pointing out a pimple on someone's nose isn't loaded, socially...it's just....a way to make someone feel uncomfortable and self conscious. At least, someone who is embarrassed by their skin.
It's hard to accommodate everyone. I regularly step on peoples toes without having a single clue that I am doing so. I have been called rude and thoughtless many times in my life, and here's me thinking that I am trying sooooo hard to not do that.
No one wants you to lose who you are. But no one wants to lose who they are either. So who has to change so you can keep "you"?
You?...or they?
(man...I hope that made sense..)
Why would anyone need to point out that someone is "fat/unfit [although that is difficult to determine by simply looking at most people]/[has] a pimple on their nose"? Chances are, they know it. I think there are a number of reasons people feel upset when someone says it, but the idea that it's a new and valuable piece of information isn't one of them.
I don't know what it's like to be deaf or fat (I take the Fifth on the pimple issue), but my guess is that it's a lot easier to make a fat person feel inferior for their fatness than it is to do the same to a deaf person for their deafness, because we perceive fat as a lifestyle choice, and as such, it is morally suspect in a way that deafness is not (the controversy around cochlear implants notwithstanding). I agree that, to some degree, one can choose whether or not to feel inferior, but I suspect it's far harder to resist when an entire culture insists you are inferior.
I was surprised by the vehemence of the reaction to Sally's second post, but not the reaction itself.
It doesn't work like that for about 50% of america.
And the data she is using is old. There is a lot going on for people who are fat that is genetic and sociological. She ignores all that.
But she indicates her 2 year degree and her certification as an aerobics instructor, appealing to authority to back her up.
I don't thin anyone else's weight is anyone else's business and it is like commenting on how ugly or pretty someone is, it is just not something you do.
I know many people that are healthy well adjusted people with no hidden issues, that are fat as hell.
She hit it hard that it was a mental problem. That is bull.
I always watch House but I don't want him to be a model for OS:)
Good post, rated.
I did the same thing that Sally did and caught hell for trying to tell people that it was diet and exercise.
People would rather believe that illness was involved instead of working out three times a week for a year and not overeating.
Some folks need to just walk away from a fight that no one is going to win.
I think the defensiveness comes from the idea that it SHOULD be dealt with, despite the fact that, as you say, it's a long process that takes work.
Moreover, I think it comes from the widely held misapprehension that all, or most, fat people are fat because of some underlying psychological problem. Not only is there simple "fat stigma" (in that fat is considered unattractive), but there is also stigma related to mental illness, which fat people are assumed to have. Fat people can avoid at least one of those by blaming their weight on something obviously beyond their control.
sigh.
I give up.
Meant to say that what is perceived as defensiveness may be nothing more than the fact that some people are simply bloody tired of discussing their weight.
I've been watching this argument all day, well, okay, on and off all day, because my child has ANOTHER goddamn ear infection and we've been at the doctor's. But ...
I agree that our society is really, really stupid about people who are considered or actually are overweight or "different" in any way whatsoever.
Try living in Southern California. My god. I had a doctor tell me I should weigh only 90 pounds. I'm short but lordy ... thank the stars I found a new doctor who laughed and said 130 would be fine.
I also think that Sally has every right to be proud of and talk about her weight loss, because, it sounds like for Sally, that weight loss represents something much beyond society's dictates. It sounds like that weight loss represented to her what Persephone's beautiful post about going clubbing represented to her.
And Sally's amended her words a bunch to categorize that all her words only apply to her, etc. etc.
Sometimes, when I read someone else's work, I automatically reapply their words/problems/ideas to myself. Sometimes, this goes badly if my perception is very skewed toward defensiveness because of the stupidity of our culture or because someone somewhere hurt me and/or so on.
For example, when dealing with weight. The truth is I've seen pictures of all these women, Sally included, and I can only wish I looked like any one of them. But I look like me, and so that's that. However, I'm betting that there have been moments out there in Real World Land where some of the people here, who are really beautiful, were treated like complete SHIT by someone else because of our culture's fucked up ideas about weight.
Just as Jon, I'm certain, has had to deal with dumb and/or insulting things relating to his deafness, because our culture does not deal well with things like blindness or deafness.
I'm not sure that there is a middle ground. Here's why: We can never know what another person has been through or what kind of light/experience our words are funneling through. So, we just have to kind of muddle along with hope and know sometimes people are going to get pissy. Sometimes, this pissiness will lead us to be more thoughtful or to a nice dialogue. Sometimes, we will help that angry person see that it is not the post but all the things that came before that, most of which have nothing to do with us ... or with one post on how Sally became an independent person in her own right, one who didn't need anyone to complete her.
P13: Makes sense. Very much a “Your right to offend ends where my right to not be offended begins.” I think it’s an impossible rule to enforce because there’s so much to be offended about and so much in the way of oppression. Is it therefore up to us to lessen what we’re offended about?
Scanner: House wasn’t the man for most of the season. But the last two shows have him well on the way to Manhood. It’s like the writers finally remember that House is awesome.
Squillo: I still think we need to distinguish between being fat and being unfit. The two are often seen as the same thing, but physiologically speaking they’re not. Being fat may not be a choice, but being unfit often is. In other situations, we’re forced to accept that our choices have consequences. Why not here, too?
ePriddy: I love you, but 50%? I’m 3.141592% sure that’s a made up statistic ☺
Zuma: You’re right. I’ve not returned to Sally’s thread. I know when I’m going to get worked over some more.
Squillo: Something to consider. I saw a Broadsheet posting some time ago where a feminist centered website wasn’t happy that most most beautiful women lists don’t have fat women. I looked over the Salon most beautiful men list, and didn’t exactly seen John Goodman, or even Kevin James. I’m convinced that women aren’t attracted to obese men, too. Lord knows I couldn’t get a date until I bulked up in the right way.
Odette: Right on. But 90lbs? I once dated a girl that small. That’s tiny.
(I often think I should just have that made on a t-shirt....She is a smartypants...)
You say you don't know why people get upset when confronted with the truth (weight, pimples, etc), and I think it's because it is not the truth to them YET. Like the first step for the addicted, they have to admit to the fault, the defect, whatever is outside of the expected. They have to "wake up" to it, which may never happen.
At the hospital, I help treat people who may be hospitalized because their action or inaction has led to a life-threatening situation, but they still deny responsibility. I had a diabetic who "didn't feel like" taking insulin for a few days, then ended up with diabetic ketoacidosis. A few small shots would have saved her a lot of trouble, and the taxpayers a lot of money. And the sad thing is, she will be back, despite the diabetic teachings and the pains and hassles of hospitalization.
I can think of one famous, gorgeous, large woman off the top of my head - Queen Latifah.
(Oh and a side note - why is it that lots of House/Hugh Laurie photos make me feel like my clothes are falling off???)