Hellspawn is at a time in his life when he wants to meet new, and interesting things, and destroy them. While before we allowed him to explore his environment to the most of his physical capacities, Hellspawn's becoming strong enough that he can inflict serious harm on the items he wishes to forcefully introduce to ballistic physics. Just last week, Hellspawn thought it would be funny to lauch silverware at passing waitresses.
We haven't had much luck trying to rein in Hellspawn's destructive tendencies. She Who Spawned this Child of Hell (Moh) and I don't believe in capital punishment (not that Hellspawn hasn't tempted me a couple of times, like when he decided that it would be fun to kick Daddy in the wumbly mumblies). It's been difficult trying to find effective punishments for a strong individual who hasn't even reached his second birthday.
We try time-outs. When Hellspawn casts forth his demons, we make him sit by our feet for at least two minutes. He's not allowed to touch anything but himself, and I mean that in the most clean way possible. But, that's not an effective punishment when he's eating, and not one that I'd like to enforce when we're out in public or in restaurants. I'm quite terrified that someone's going to call the cops on me for attempting to discipline my child (Officers, the bearded man over there is making his son sit by his feet. He's exposing the poor baby to a toxic environment!).
I've started to assess all the things I've begun punishing Hellspawn for and am quickly coming to the conclusion that our social rules are pretty damned complicated for any human to understand, especially the young and those with social-interaction disorders (e.g. Autism). For example, the following is a list of all acceptable things to throw in the Henner Enclave
- Balls
- Pillows
- Hellspawn (provided there's a soft landing)
- Sippy Cups
- Silverware
- Food
- Hard Edged Toys
- Books
- Fits
- Daddy's Wumbly Mumblies
- The Dog
- Other People
- Breakable Things (Hellspawn shattered some glass in my parent's entertainment center)
Social rules are very situational; however, children, like dogs, prefer absolutes because it's easier to understand. Their brains simply aren't able to wrap around the concept of situational flexibility (to be fair, some adults aren't able to do that either. That's why they "stay the course").
Things are very confusing for Hellspawn at the moment. I try to respect that while figuring out how to discipline him appropriately. My ooglie booglies will appreciate it.
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I've taken the positive reinforcement route while baby sitting. You know - reward all positive behaviors, ignore most negative behaviors. I thought it worked well, but then again, I got to go home afterwards while someone else cleaned up the results of my experiment.
In short- you are at the start of a losing battle. You will lose. Hellspawn will overcome. Your wumbly mumblies will be numbly humbled.
Rated.
IMC: The little beast already discovered step stools. All is lost. All is woe.
Tytle: A chill? Bummer. I'm usually working the *hot* angle.
Odette: Negotiations are ongoing. A mini-cease fire was shattered when Hellspawn decided that a bag of graham crackers would look better on Daddy's shirt. Daddy retaliated by sending crack troops into Lebanon/Hellspawn's room for nappy time.
Rated
"Get off the watermelon" comes to mind. We'd just got home from the store with said gigantic melon. It was on the kitchen floor. Small male child decided to stand on it and move it with his feet like a log in a pond. Hmm.
"Don't feed pickles to the dog. She'll get sick."
My best to the survival of your mumbly wumblies.
Thankfully, some of them have been trained to sit at our feet!
Toni: I'm convinced my Sheltie is smarter than Hellspawn. It only took a few weeks to housebreak the dog, and convince her not to bite me. Almost two years in, Hellspawn still hasn't figured out the former and the latter.
Little Man gets a countdown. He gets until three -- The last thing he hears before the number three is "Do you want a time out?" This makes it his choice. Comply or time out. Either way, his choice.
I've used this system not only with Little Man but with other kids, including one kid that probably makes Hellspawn look like Ghandi. Your kid is smart. Most kids who turn into Hellspawn are. Give him a system to work in and he'll get it.
Oh, and don't be embarassed to do time outs in public. I do it all the time. My favorite parent story that I've heard is the mom who actually did a time out by the side of the road on a lawn chair. Public time out can be a very effective discipline tool and it is actually quite humane. Most people will take issue with a parent who is NOT disciplining a misbehaving child, but will cut a lot of slack to a parent who is trying to discipline a child.
Good luck. With Destructo-Boy, you'll probably need it..... :)
Right now, the sit-by-daddy's-feet-for-x-amount-of-time appears to be working. He knows he's in trouble for something. For a time, we considered putting him in his crib when we were mad, but I stopped that because I really didn't want him associating the crib with negativity.
When Hellspawn is a bit older, I'll mark off a corner of the house and make that the TimeOut corner. But, when we're out and about, the sit-by-daddy's-feet rule may still apply, especially since younger brains don't have the mnemonic ability to make delayed punishment worthwhile.
Your 1...2...want-timeout? tactic may be applied. I remember my mother trying to use it with me. But, hers went something like 1...2...2.5...2.75...2.83...you're going to get it...2.95.
LM, Stop banging
(banging Continues)
One....Stop banging, please.
(banging continues)
Two....stop banging, please.
(banging continues.)
LM, do you want a time out?
(banging continues)
Okay, THREE! You're in time out.
(I pick up Little Man and set him in the time out chair, where he stays until he is calm and collected, and can hear me when I tell him, "LM, we don't bang on things with rocks, okay?')
He must say "I'm sorry" before he can leave the chair.
These days, we usually get to the question of whether he wants a time out, he says "no" and does what he's been told to do. Very rarely does he end up in the chair anymore.
Punishment is about meaningless at that age. Redirection and time-outs as reboot time rather than punitive action, plus a big glass of wine (or mead) for you are about the best you can do. I applaud you for both your stance and your (ruefully) patient attitude!
Speaking of redirection - do you carry activities with you? They may not help at Grandma's house - you're there too long and the distractions lose their value after a little while. But they can be invaluable in restaurant booths and grocery carts. Paper, stickers and crayons; tiny things of playdough or putty; Wikkistix or even just a few twisty-ties; a small stacking toy. Or if you're stuck without something like that in a restaurant, try ordering a glass of ice with no liquid. My girls would be entertained by ice for an absurdly long time - pushing a piece around the table top, trying to pick it up with a spoon, sucking on pieces.
Good luck, and I swear - when he gets to four, the memory of this age will fade and you'll wonder where the time went. I didn't believe it myself three years ago, but we made it through!
We would order Ice for Hellspawn, but we're a bit concerned that he'll bean someone with the ice cubes. You have daughters. I'm convinced they're much, much easier to raise than little boys. All the girls I see that are Hellspawn's age are the sweetest little things.
In any case, I've seen both boys and girls grow increasingly frustrated with their inability to communicate and more physical in their demands as a result in Hellspawn's age range; then settle down a *lot* when they figure out how to articulate their needs. I hope that works out for you - and in the meanwhile, keep in mind that almost every parent in the history of mankind has survived this phase. This, too, shall pass! Just keep on keepin' on!
---bwahahahhhahaa. Must...pick...myself...off...floor...now.
Um, no. At least not with my Monster #1, she of the feminine persuasion. She was Hell Incarnate at that age. I empathize deeply.