big buts at the train tracks

Jon Henner

Jon Henner
Birthday
November 26
Bio
full time father, full time deaf activist, some times writer, most times thinker, all times wandering.

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MAY 18, 2009 11:59PM

Application to become Sheldon's new Sidekick

Rate: 19 Flag

Sheldon the Wonderhorse indicated that it was looking for a new sidekick.  Since I've been out of work for over a year, I figured that it wouldn't hurt to send in an application.  

 

 Jon Henner's Superhero Sidekick Resume


   

 
This is me, perched high above the city during my daily crime fighting rounds.  Every superhero sidekick needs to master the unerring gaze of Daddy Knows Everything.


I occasionally use my powers to deal with unruly toddlers.  This is a demonstration of my unholy chest lightning blast of Bedtime, NOW!


When necessary, I'm not afraid to grapple with the meanest demons hell ever spawned on this good Earth.  Above shows me locked in a death struggle with the Green Poop Beast of Hallows Eve.


From time to time, I've been known to bring it even in the water.  Here, I'm wrestling with the Red Shark of Kiddiepoolland.  Let me tell you, that wasn't an easy fight.




Well, Sheldon.  That wraps up my application, just like I wrapped up the baddie in the above picture.  Thanks for taking the time to view my resume.  Hope to hear from you soon.

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Comments

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Love the gaze and the adorable demon. :o)
That green poop beast is terrifying! Look in its mouth, its eating a baby!

Rated, most definitely.
is this like a reality show where we get to vote for the sidekick? I vote for you, for your striking face but more importantly for that ADORABLE baby.
SQUEEEEEEEAL!! Your little demon is the cutest little demon in the world (and you're not bad, yourself!). That is some stone-cold badassery right there--Sheldon would be a fool not to hire you.
a resume of wealth!
I like the cut of your jib. I especially like a fella who can turn his chest into a large disco ball. Consider yourself on the short list. Well done, indeed. Don't even get me started on the terror that is Red Shark.
Ahhhhh the horrors of the green poop beast! You are a brave, brave man, Jon Henner.

I like that you, as a sidekick, would come with your own (freakin' adorable) sidekick! Sheldon would be stupid not to hire you. He'd be getting two for one.
The cute sidekick and his adorable sidekick, who sometimes becomes the little beastie. This was delightful and creative!

Hollywood, look out!
aww!

I am awed by the unholy chest lightning.
Wow - you've got to be a shoe-in! The hellspawn gets points too. :~)
Adorable.

Kid is cute too.

Tell me about your ink!
Thanks to everyone who's commented thus far.

Sheldon: One note of clarification. What benefits are available for daycare. While I'm off sidekicking and occasionally doing data entry, someone's gotta watch the Hellspawn.

P13: Oh, my arms, wrist, and ankle are covered in ink. All of them are various verses from favorite poems, or metaphorical representations of poetry. I have Shakespeare, Brautigan, Ginsberg, Neruda, Keats, Masahide, and even the apocrypha. Also have a tattoo-ed wedding ring (an aleph).
I love tattoos, I love poetry, I love the classics, and I love well read, wicked smart men with balls and commitment big enough to tattoo on their wedding band. Between that and your nose, which I really love too, you are pretty much perfect.

So there, family guy with oodles of sex appeal.

Well done.
P13: Ah, the nose. In Phoenix, if I ever need to know the time, I just look up and ask a friend to examine the shading on my face. It's definitely an acquired taste among women, but I just love those it attracts.

You guys tend to be a sexier, cultured lot.
How smart of you to notice.

Heh.

It's a great nose, Jon...I love it.

(Gabriel Byrne and Liam Neeson are favs of mine...nuff said, no?)
Jon Henner saves the city from the terrifying and odiferous Green Poop Beast and then proves adept enough to cradle and protect the sacred treasure. Sheldon will never find anyone better qualified, never!
At least the beast's poop is green. We're getting there!
(wink wink ;)
and "ditto", persephone 13*
Sheldon has to agree. He'd be a horse's ass not to.
Adorable post and photos. Very enjoyable.
I'm late to the party but the application looks like it's in good order. Did you get hired?