My lover tricked me into eating meat (and I liked it).
He said, “You should try this,” as a plate of mysterious golden morsels landed on the table.
“But what is it?”
He smirked, “Just try it. You’ll like it.”
I reached and grabbed the delicate-looking thing and plopped it in my mouth. My taste buds exploded. The Chanel people were ordering more Champagne, flutes still full. I hope it's not meat, I kept thinking of saying but I said nothing because my mouth was busy having an orgasm.
“It’s foie gras,” he said and I nodded. I don’t know French but he knew I was vegetarian.
“Goose liver,” someone at the glossy black table added, helpfully.
“Sorry,” he said, and the 13 years of denial crumbled as I shrugged and told myself that I was ready for it anyway. I liked it. I was not uptight. I was having the best sex of my life with this man. I was wearing a new dress. Tilda Swinton was in the room.
I became vegetarian after watching a PETA film about pigs going for a slaughter. The soundtrack was Carmina Burana. I remember sitting cross-legged in our living room in Warsaw, Poland, crying, arms and brain going numb from what I was seeing on our dinky black-and-white TV. By the time the film was over, I had made a decision I was never going to eat meat again. Shortly after that I almost died from a form of Anemia. My panicked family members reworked my menu and I started putting on weight. We moved to a small town in Canada where I developed two ambitions: to be liked and to be skinny. I refused to eat with my family.
I achieved both of my ambitions. I became a thin girl who was a sensitive vegetarian. Certain boys flock to that type and I carried my tortured self around, clad in black and cigarette smell, and talked about animals’ furry faces and innocent eyes if asked. My diet was vodka, salads and defiance. I liked being looked at, but not touched.
I love animals. As a child my chosen future profession was “Queen of Animals.” When I was six, I had a hysterical fit when I realized what chicken was made out of. So the predisposition was always there. But as that small-town teenager and later a 20-something, my vegetarianism was not ideological, it was more like a corset: it kept me thin, and the thin – in my mind – kept the boys close by. Looking.
In my 20s, I moved to Toronto. I was interviewing a woman who worked with troubled teenage girls, for a story for the school paper, when she said something along the lines of “Some of the girls are vegetarian, but that’s just another name for an eating disorder.” The woman was overweight, single; I pitied her. At home I was having okay if infrequent sex with a beautiful elfin vegan who thought high heels were ridiculous. We ate lovely vegetarian meals because he was a good cook but my body kept being hungry.
I started dating an older man. He was 14 years my senior and a man-about-town type. He showed me filthy fun. He picked out clothes for me and took me to nice restaurants and introduced me to smart and famous people. We did some drugs. He thought my vegetarianism was charming and he laughed that he promised himself he’d never date a girl who smoked and/ or was a vegetarian. I was both. He was corrupting me quickly and I wanted to be as corrupted as I could get – my veggie corset was getting tighter and tighter. We had fantastic sex that involved leather too and real corsets. High heels. Sometimes he made food for me and called my plates “Grass’n’Leaves.”
One day in September we were at a film festival party when he said, “You should try this,” as a plate of mysterious golden morsels landed on the table. Later that night, I cried in the bathroom because I thought it was appropriate that I at least cry about the fact that I had betrayed my diet so thoughtlessly. I mewed something to my older man about having to go to hospital now to make sure I won’t die from some kind of toxic shock. But the truth is I wasn’t sad about eating meat, nor was I worried that anything was going to happen. I came home back to my vegan and announced my contamination and my departure.
I’ve always loved meat. As vegetarian I was the first to try out the new veggie ham or veggie bacon (yes) and I know that lots of vegetarians actively pursue meat-like flavours. Even my vegan ex joined me years later for chicken dinner a few times. I still eat mostly vegetarian and grocery shop like one out of habit, but I love a juicy, filthy steak once in a while and I could probably fill a small-sized body of water with the amount seafood I’ve consumed since that September years ago.
I know that I used my vegetarianism to cater to the image I had had of what was attractive. I now agree with the woman I interviewed years ago – it can be a form of an eating disorder. It’s what I had used to control my life and my love life. Yes, I know that I let a man control what ate, and, essentially, I let him trick me into eating meat again, but damn, I did love that foie gras. I know that maybe should’ve been angry at him but I can’t be angry at being liberated from my unhealthy motivations. It was going to happen sooner or later and although I’m no longer that easily impressed 20-something, I love being good to myself and indulge in what the world has to offer. And that includes high heels, good sex and delicious, fatty foie gras.
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Comments
Most of all, I've learned to "enjoy all things in moderation" except wine, as I am most immoderate there.
I enjoyed this piece. Thank you!
Plus, the only pair of heels I owned (after a HUGE fight) "accidentally" got lost during the move...
this has got to be the headline of the year.
HAHAHAHA
"Nothing will benefit human health and increase chances for survival of life on earth as much as the evolution to a vegetarian diet."
---Albert Einstein
"Each year, the meat industrial complex abuses and butchers nearly nine billion cows, pigs, sheep, turkeys, chickens, and other innocent, feeling animals just for the enjoyment of consumers. Each year, nearly 1.5 million of these consumers are crippled and killed prematurely by heart failure, cancer, stroke, and other chronic diseases that have been linked conclusively with the consumption of these animals. Each year, millions of other animals are abused and sacrificed in a vain search for a 'magic pill' that would vanquish these largely self-inflicted diseases."
---Alex Hershaft, PhD, president, Farm Animal Reform Movement
When analyzing 8,300 deaths in the United States, United Kingdom, and Germany among 76,000 men and women in five different, large studies, researchers concluded that vegetarians have a 24 percent reduction in death from heart disease.
Similarly, in the famous Oxford Vegetarian Study, where 6,000 vegetarians were compared with 5,000 meat-eaters over nearly two decades, scientists found that the rate of death from heart disease was 28 percent lower in vegetarians than in meat-eaters.
One study analyzed eighty scientific studies in leading medical journals. The analysis found that vegetarians had lower blood pressure, and were less likely to suffer from stroke, heart attack, and kidney failure.
A large German study of nearly 2,000 vegetarians found that deaths from heart disease were reduced by over one-third, and that heart disease itself was far less than that of the general population.
Another large study examined the coronary artery disease risk of young adults ages 18 to 30 and vegetarians were found to have much higher levels of cardiovascular fitness and a greatly reduced risk of heart disease.
"The process of gradual blocking of the coronary arteries begins not in adulthood but in childhood...and the main cause of this arteriosclerosis is the steadily increasing amount of fat in the American diet, particularly saturated animal fats such as those found in meat, chicken, milk and cheeses. If there was another disease that caused half a million deaths a year, you can be sure that the public would be acutely aware of the danger, and that the cure or prevention would be universally practiced."
---Dr. Benjamin Spock, author, child expert
"I don't understand why asking people to eat a well-balanced vegetarian diet is considered drastic, while it is medically conservative to cut people open and put them on powerful cholesterol-lowering drugs for the rest of their lives."
---Dr. Dean Ornish, author, Reversing Heart Disease
Stroke is the third leading cause of death behind heart disease and cancer. Vegetarians have a 20 to 30 percent reduced risk of having a stroke. Stroke, like heart disease, is associated with diets high in saturated fats, and the vegetarian diet is naturally low in these fats.
The Oxford Vegetarian Study found cancer mortality to be 39 percent lower among vegetarians when compared with meat-eaters. The European Prospective Investigation of Cancer found vegetarians suffer 40 percent fewer cancers than the general population.
Studies have shown that decreasing a woman's animal fat intake can reduce the chances that she will die from breast cancer. A large-scale, long-term study in the Netherlands found a powerful connection between the amount of animal fat consumed and the rate of prostate cancer. A review of a dozen studies found dietary fat strongly correlated with prostate cancer.
Ovarian, uterine, and endometrial cancers have all been shown to be strongly correlated to the amount of animal fat in one's diet, and vegetarian women have significantly lower rates of these cancers.
"The beef industry has contributed to more American deaths than all the wars of this century, all the natural disasters, and all automobile accidents combined."
---Dr. Neal Barnard, Executive Director, Physicians Committee for Responsible Medicine
"Vegetarians have the best diet. They have the lowest rate of coronary disease of any group in the country. They have a fraction of our heart attack rate and they have only 40 percent of our cancer rate."
---William Castelli, MD, Director, Framingham Heart Study
"Human beings are not natural carnivores. When we kill animals to eat them, they end up killing us because their flesh, which contains cholesterol and saturated fat, was never intended for human beings, who are natural herbivores."
---Dr. William Roberts, editor-in-chief, American Journal of Cardiology
Les Brown of the Overseas Development Council calculates that if Americans reduced their meat consumption by only 10 percent per year, it would free at least 12 million tons of grain for human consumption--or enough to feed 60 million people.
PETA on Toronto:
There’s too much to like in Toronto that a weekend escape should be considered just a teaser. The current exhibit at the Royal Ontario Museum (ROM) provides a sober and exceptionally well-conceived tour of ecosystems and humans’ impact on them, provoking thoughts of what people can do to reverse the damage. I pored over contrasting comments from the logging industry, the government, environmentalists, and everyday people. ROM’s Earth Rangers teach visiting students to be aware of the lives around us.
The revitalized Harbourfront Centre includes a lovely dog-and-people park with Lake Ontario views. The Ontario Science Centre, while currently dominated by the Harry Potter exhibition, has dozens of interactive stations that prompt visitors to think about what it means to be human. The art teacher at the Gardiner Museum offers a bargain-priced clay studio on a drop-in basis and has an affinity for charming animals.
Throughout Toronto, there’s an awareness that humans must take better care of the planet. Perhaps there’s a Torontonian respectfulness that explains why this worldly city is quite clean, safe, and easy to get around on classic bell-clanging trolley cars, the subway, buses and bicycles.
Naturally, I was glad to find many vegetarian restaurants, and even a few that are vegan. I’ll mention the places I tried, but rest assured, there are many more! That’s why it’s worth checking out the Toronto Vegetarian Association online or looking for its “Vegetarian Directory 2010.” It’s based at 17 Baldwin Street next to the superb Vegetarian Haven. If you arrive after-hours, grab a guide from the door rack.
Chef Michael Smith has made ROM’s Food Studio a tasty, healthy, and enlightening place to eat when visiting the museum. “I’m trying to lose the stigma of ‘cafeteria food with everything cooked in the deep fryer.” The market-fresh Cookstown salad was enlivened with some extra touches, such as blanched and skinned heirloom cherry tomatoes.
Urban Herbivore in the neo-hippie Kensington Market neighborhood excels in veggie subs and sandwiches, while its upscale cousin Fressen offers a creative plant-based menu. There, I recommend a trio of small plates, such as the ginger-mango salad. If sodium’s an issue for you, choose carefully.
Hot Yam is the student-run vegan co-op open for cheap-lunch on Thursdays at the University of Toronto. Another café, One Love, serves up island-style vegan fare.
At Fresh on Queen Street W., the dozens of mostly vegan choices include made-from-scratch health juices, quinoa puff-coated onion rings, sweet-potato fries, coconut-sprinkled dosas-and their signature bowls of brown rice or soba noodles with fresh, seasoned vegetables.
Like veggie hot dogs? Many of Toronto’s famous hot-dog vendors grill them. Pizza? You must visit one of the Magic Oven eateries. All based in Toronto, their mission is to make delectable, healthy foods with local ingredients. Try the $9 Vegan Magic pizza and mixed beans and powerhouse grains with curry-lime tang.
My hands-down favorite restaurant: Vegetarian Haven. Co-owner Shing Tong has been working with Chef Jack Li nearly 14 years to create all-vegan Asian fusion cuisine that’s lightly seasoned and shimmering with flavor. It’s clear why the compact Baldwin Village dining room was packed with date-night couples, a large group of birthday celebrants, and a cross-country bicyclist who eats there at least once a week.
Standouts at Vegetarian Haven include grilled tofu with house pesto and sizzling eggplant with house-made tempeh-the aroma is heavenly, the presentation is colorful (look for the signature purple rice), and the taste divine. In keeping with a Buddhist tradition related to soul-calming foods, Shing says that onion and garlic are not used in their dishes, and there’s no extra salt added. “We like a cleaner, brighter flavor,” she told me. For a sweet-and-spicy option, there’s Singapore Pad Thai with pineapple-peanut sauce. The superbly textured seitan is also homemade. The “desserty” looking drinks are all plant-based. The huge chocolate birthday cake with sparklers on top? Now that’s a dessert. And flesh-eating skeptics may have an epiphany over the vegan version of crème brûlée. This friendly bistro is open for lunch and dinner weekdays except Monday and for dinner on weekends. I was happy to see a stack of cruelty-free eating brochures at this restaurant.
AND for being gracious and sharing your post with a comment hijacker...
I can here your accent in the voice of your writing. Don't lose that! It really seasons your prose well.
Less meat, not no meat, and more vegies may not be a bad idea, I'm glad you got over the no meat mistake.
Now you can work on the men only love skinny chicks thing. Men do like women with a little meat on their bones. Some like lots of meat.
You corrupted woman, you.
I'll pick up the tab AND the tip;-)
This was a fun read.
MMMMMmm, high heels, good sex and raw meat.
I saw that somewhere and I totally agree. I have struggled with a lifelong love of animals, but also a lifetime as a carnivore. I really like most meat (rabbit is one exception--too gamey). I think it's a shame that most beef takes far more resources to produce than maybe it should, but I love a good steak.
I admire the mission of PETA. I believe in humane treatment of all animals, even those raised for consumption. Many ancient societies believed the same way. There was respect for animals and their part in nourishing our bodies. I think if you honor your food (veggies, too!) it honors you back. (R)
Also, can't wait to get a hold of that COACH bag only $30 -- what's up with the SPAM here? And is it the real SPAM or is it a veggie SPAM?
Vegetarians - what is it with them? I don't proselytize to them, why do they insist on always trying to convert us?
I love foie gras but stopped eating it when I learned how it is created.
I eat meat sparingly, just enough to keep my incisors sharp.
ps. It's not a veggie spam if the Coach purse is made of leather! (or is it?)
Foie gras (French for “fatty liver”) is the product of extreme animal cruelty. Factory farms produce it by force feeding ducks so much that their livers become diseased and enlarged. This causes a tremendous amount of suffering and can make it difficult for the birds to walk and breathe normally.
Nice job, author.
This is a blog. I thought this was a pretty well written and fun personal story.
Animals are great, but PETA is not the best role model for their well being. They are hypocrites who spend more on self promotion than helping animals and they employ terrorist tactics like threatening people to get their way. There are much better organizations promoting animal rights.
And all you foi gras haters out there, you are ignorant and spoil it for everyone. Geese might be uncomfortable, but in American and Canadian farms they are not force fed by machines. Bird mortality on such farms is much less than on most chicken farms. The geese roam free, at least here in US, I am not talking about France, where old fashioned foie gras farming, by the way, is also getting more humane than horrible propaganda from PETA claims it to be. The birds want naturally to eat more and this trait is used, it is true. But the problem with foie gras is that it is a tiny industry and by targeting it freaking PETA intends to claim an easy scalp. That is scapegoating on a small number of farmers and leaving huge chicken torture factories to do the dirty business as usual.
I am glad you have grown into a woman who can both think for herself and enjoy little life's pleasures once in a while.
"It is the position of the American Dietetic Association that appropriately planned vegetarian diets, including total vegetarian or vegan diets, are healthful, nutritionally adequate, and may provide health benefits in the prevention and treatment of certain diseases. Well-planned vegetarian diets are appropriate for individuals during all stages of the life cycle, including pregnancy, lactation, infancy, childhood, and adolescence, and for athletes."
~ American Dietetic Association (July, 2009)
You can find this quote here:
http://quotesonslavery.org/the-position-of-the-american-dietetic-association/
Lois
From one "pervert" to another...This was well written, I have been there...and don't let the fuckers get you down.
As to the wild eyed veggies and vegans out there who feel they were duty bound to "shame" you....I'm not sure that verbally berating someone helps them come to your point of view. In fact, I am absolutely sure its the opposite..so well done..
(and yeah...foie gras IS pretty evil..in spite of its astonishingly lovely taste...the devil wears a tux....)...
jowita = daily read for me.
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