Why are people so obsessed with breastfeeding? Mary Elizabeth Williams writes in A Victoria's Secret star's model breastfeeding that the first picture of Miranda Kerr’s nursing her baby boy is a great reminder that boobs are not only for play and that there’s nothing gross about—yawn.
I’m only kidding. It is fascinating, people’s reactions to this purely biological event. Although I really didn't think so until I breastfed myself. Before, I thought it was just what you did and no one would really care about something so natural and normal. Unlike, for example, peeing – also natural and normal, and frequently suggested as contra argument to the “natural and normal” argument – breastfeeding has always been considered somewhat noble, beautiful, something to be celebrated even. Think about good old Virgin Mary who tends to flash her boobs left, right and centre, all over art history. Anyway, I thought it was no big deal.
But it is. It started in the breastfeeding class. There we were, a bunch of exhausted women who have just given birth; some of us, like me, with multiple staples in their bellies (C-section), barely able to walk. I suppose decency above all: four new moms – I counted – showed up with bizarre personal tents that they draped over their shoulders to cover their breastfeeding shame. From what? From the eyes of other breastfeeding moms? On the 9th floor of a maternity ward? With not a single deranged male in sight? Seriously. Who told them that this was a great idea? Who sells these things?
Well, whoever does, we buy them. I got a few tent-like things for my baby shower. Various ridiculous shirts with flaps and secret capes and other wonderfully “inventive” clothing contraptions that were supposed to hide all that sick breastfeeding I was thinking of doing. I never used them. Just as I would never use special Mormon (under)garments – it made no sense to me.
Consequences: Over the last 19 months (I still breasfeed – imagine that), I’ve been told to leave a waiting room in a hospital, have been shown a “breasfeeding area” in a store, had people cover me with scarves and had received at least a couple dozen of gentle suggestions to take my breastfeeding business elsewhere.
Fine, fine, I’ll go. I’m not one of those leaky-league ladies who’s going to organize a breastfeeding rally in a mall. I’m as political as a kitten. But I refuse to cover myself. All of my friends have seen me breastfed and not once I’ve been made feel uncomfortable. I don’t really flaunt my breasts in public, nor do I go out of my way to feed the baby in unusual places if there are more suitable areas. At the same time, I’ve been caught in a few situations where my screaming baby was way louder than any common social norm (of shame). So I’ve breastfed on the floor of a store once. I've breastfed on wooden crates outside of a restaurant. I’ve breastfed on a train. And on a plane. But I had been aware many times of how uncomfortable this act was for those around me, even the ones who never asked me to leave. It was – and is – all in the averted eyes.
What is it? Is it the nipple? The baby? The baby’s mouth on the nipple? Are you getting uncomfortable right now, reading this?
Miranda Kerr is a beautiful woman. She looks beautiful when breastfeeding. I’m sure the positive reaction has a lot of it has to do with her beauty; she just may be the modern-day version of virgin Mary. I only wish that this sort of a picture was also not such a shocker, not something that makes the news and not something that needs to be defended. But I know why it does. Those who are ashamed shame others who then, eventually feel the shame.
Last weekend I went with my son to the Royal Ontario Museum. In the European section of Decorative Arts, we came across a woman with a child about the size of my son. She huddled on a bench in the darkest corner of the section, ironically, near the display that housed “Women’s Furniture” (furniture especially made for women). She was breastfeeding. She looked up, startled when I walked by and mouthed “sorry.” She saw my son running ahead of me. I wanted to tell her that there was nothing to be sorry about, that I too, partook in this shameful ritual. But I said nothing. I was too embarrassed for both of us.
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Comments
I think nursing is one of the most sacred, magical and poignant aspects of motherhood and something we should not penalize, but embrace and encourage. It makes us human.
Interestingly, companies like Gerber are some of the biggest secret-opponents of nursing. Some companies of formula actually dump money into "public decency" organizations that try to maintain bans on public nursing. This inability to nurse in public helps corporate formula producers, because if you can't nurse in public, you will be forced to purchase their products and feed these to your baby in public.
You will be forced to choose between corporate junk and mobility/freedom. You can't have the latter without embracing the former.
It all comes down to economics and class.
http://open.salon.com/blog/sophomorocat/2010/04/15/breasts_as_the_exemplar_of_all_that_is_love
I knew mothers who went all out -- they didn't mind the second glances, considered public breastfeeding an educational/teaching moment for the public (with the knowledge that the more people see it, the more they'll accept it), and I knew some who preferred to use a cover. I breastfed my children for two years each, and as a young mother, when I discovered that I could easily cover myself and breastfeed while walking through a grocery store -- that was liberating to me rather than constricting. Just because a woman chooses to cover doesn't mean she's making an anti-feminist statement -- and I know you weren't setting the tone for that sort of show-down. I just think if we all work toward having the confidence to do what feels right to us as mothers, and if we withhold judgement from other mothers who are working toward their own "right," we'll all be better off.
As for Rwoo5g - it doesn't make us human, it makes us mammalian!!!
Friendinator: Nursing babies can't even eat in restaurants. They're expected to eat in public restrooms. Unlike you, nursing babies haven't had years of experience denying their needs.
And I breastfed my baby in restaurants all the time. No one ever objected. It was most amusing to freak out the 20-something male waiter at a Mexican place once. Hee-hee.
I did breastfeed but with a strict rule - when you can clamp down with your teeth in order not to lose your grip while looking around the room, you have asked to be weaned, even if you are only 6 months old.
And the snaps and straps and contraptions, at least the ones that were available way back when, I thought were for easy access. The burp rag (aka cloth diaper) provided for adequate modesty.
Rated for hilarity and attitude.
When out in public, my wife used a clean cloth diaper to cover the bare necessity. It was entirely her choice to do that – I did not meddle with it.
Personally, I believe that some of the women who flaunt their uncovered breastfeeding in public could be somewhat of an exhibitionist.
Women who would never show their breasts in public, as in walking around the grocery store or sitting in a coffee shop, who suddenly feel licensed to expose themselves, need to ask themselves, why?
What is the payoff in showing a naked breast with your baby attached to it, when you could maintain some modesty by using a clean diaper or a small blanket?
Just because a woman is breastfeeding is no reason to put everything on public view. That IS a way to get noticed. As in, look at me, I have my baby sucking at my breast!
Actually, it should be a private matter, between the mother and the baby, and not for public view. I realize that in other countries, bare breasts are the norm, and breastfeeding takes place anywhere. However, we are not living in a third world country.
Over the years, I have seen dozens if not hundreds of women breastfeeding their baby in public. Most of them, probably 99.875%, used a clean diaper, and sometimes a napkin, to be discreet. There is nothing wrong with that.
There is no shame in being a tad modest, by using a clean cloth diaper during breastfeeding.
There is a time and a place for everything. I breastfed in waiting rooms, restaurants, and in the middle of shopping malls. Even though it was obvious what I was doing, I was sensitive of other peoples' feelings. Plus, the objective was to breastfeed my child - NOT try to stir up controversy or, pardon my English - stick my tits in someone's face just to prove I had the God-given right to breastfeed, even if it meant making other people uncomfortable.
I didn't, and still don't, give a rat's ass about forcing people to accept my bare breast and nipple - which is basically what this woman is saying. She's not saying, "Accept my public breastfeeding" - she's saying, "Accept my bare breast and nipple - and ooh, men, doesn't it just turn you on? Uhuhuh - can't touch THAT!"
That's called exhibitionism, honey, and it has nothing at all to do with breastfeeding and everything to do with wanting to be the center of attention.
Grow up. Be a lady. Go ahead and breastfeed anywhere you like - but have a little class, huh? It's that little something that separates us from the animals, who don't know any better....
I gave up on the bathroom after the time that breastfeeding in a bathroom stall took too long and tied up the toilet inconveniencing other women. I gave up on the chair in the restroom because my son was startled, broke off and cried every time the hand dryer turned on. It would take five minutes to get him to latch on again.
Bringing a bottle that has to be kept cold until it is needed when it has to be warmed up, then if the baby changes his mind, the warmed bottle should be discarded and if the baby is hungry again in an hour, another bottle needs to be warmed up. At the same time, I had to have big, bulky pads covering my swollen, sore and leaking breasts (they leaked and were sore past feeding time) to prevent damp spots on my shirt. Frankly, I got more lascivious stares from the gargantuan size of my padded chest than when I just breastfed my baby when he and I were ready.
It sure as hell wasn't exhibitionism. It was common sense. It was listening to what my body and my baby were telling me.
It takes about a second for a kid to latch on, hardly long enough to scandalize the public with a possible flash of nip. And FWIW, it always makes me smile to see a woman and her baby together in that lovely act -- it's beautiful, and it brings back such happy memories
Thank you for your comments. I'm from Europe originally so it's possible that this is where my attitude comes from -- I grew up seeing friend's mom's breastfeeding their younger siblings; it was no big deal. I'm not going to address the "exhibitionist" remarks because the fact that I may or may not be one is completely irrelevant to this particular issue.
I have to add that I've also used formula during the baby's first year. I used it a lot. It was expensive but necessary and so convenient. (Among other things, it allowed me to leave the baby with his father for longer periods of time.) It was about half and half and I often ended up doing "pump'n'dump" especially when I was away from the baby for a few weeks.
Now I nurse about twice a day (in the evening) and once or twice at night -- mostly for comfort and sometimes to supplement the picky-eating tendencies of my toddler. I actually haven't pulled out the breast in public in quite some time because the baby eats solid food and can be easily distracted with snacks, but if I had another infant that mostly depended on the breast I wouldn't really worry too much about being "classy" (klassy?) over having a screaming, unhappy baby.
Motherhood and maternal instinct trump ignorance and prejudice hands down.
Why people continue to turn something natural into something controversial is disturbing.
Whenever I breastfed my children in public places, I knew there were judgmental bastards, so I covered the "nipple-to-babe's-mouth area" with a receiving blanket.
Get over it, people. Ever heard of freedom to express one's breast. ;)
"But I had been aware many times of how uncomfortable this act was for those around me, even the ones who never asked me to leave. It was – and is – all in the averted eyes."
On a scale of 1 to 10, where averting my eyes is 1, and ogling to the point of making you afraid is a 10, I will err on the low end. Once I have averted, it is your choice to engage me in polite conversation. Or not.