FEBRUARY 9, 2010 4:11PM

Valentine's Day Open Call: Lover's revenge

Rate: 13 Flag

Ah, Valentine's Day: A time to shower your beloved with gifts and affection... or devour a heart-shaped box of chocolate alone in front of the TV... or curse Hallmark for commercializing romance...

Here at Open Salon, we won't tell you how to spend your February 14. But we do know how we want to celebrate it. If nothing else, V-Day is an excuse to share our juiciest stories of love and heartbreak -- and that's where you come in. In the immortal words of the poet we like to call "Lady Gaga," "I want your love and all your lover's revenge/You and me could write a bad romance."

That's right: We're asking for your best real-life stories of lover's revenge. How did you get back at an ex who betrayed you? How did your scorned spouse make you pay?

Write your bad romance by Friday (2/12) at 4pm ET, and tag your post lover's revenge

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Hmmmm. I got nothin.....
I'm so sorry but it's wrong. It's wrong to do bad things for the one you loved. When you do it don't you smell all the meals he/she made you just some time ago, don't you see the flashbacks of those amazing moments together, don't you taste the smell of his/her lips? Don't those smells, views and tastes embarace you. It wasn't nothing. It was love. Love is sacred. Love is enchamted. Love is anything but too juicy. Love is not only the sparkly Valentine's day. Love is being together no matter what. And if something didn't work out, if someone slipped there's no need to run around throwing things at him/her. For the sake of love... I don't want to offend anyone. that's just how I think.
This one time at band camp, I shoved a tuba up my gir...I mean, I got nothing.

**wanders off**
P.S. Rated for Lady GaGa!! God she makes me wanna dance!!! **swinging his hips**
Got nuthin.' I was actually deeply in love with Rebecca.
Already posted it - too chicken (and in love) to actually carry it through. (But I still think about it...)
Nope. Got nuthin' either. My husband is the nicest person I've ever known, and the ones who came before are only memories...
I really appreciate these open call ideas. I hope you keep it up, and I will make an effort to join the fun. This one, however, is not for me.
Whew. I thought I was the only one who thought, "Ick!" when I read this initially. Glad I came back and saw that I'm not alone. I mean, I hope we get some really over-the-top, couldn't-possibly-have-happened entries in a broad humor vein, but I'd rather not read about people I respect here behaving atrociously. Or being on the receiving end of atrocity. Or egging on friends/roommates to be cruel to somebody they once loved. Then again, I've freakishly tried to remain on good terms with as many exes as I can, within the boundaries of my own emotional health...
I think we are all capable of making a topic work for us, even if it entails flagrant disregard of the specific topic. I think no matter what Judy suggests, we will find fault, and although that may work for you individually as artists, it doesn't work so well for a community.
Looking at Stellaa's post, the community seems to be in agreement with a plan for poetry on Valentine's Day. But hey, OS only has a built in audience. Why give them what they want?
oh. i write under my real name. damn. can i tell my friend's story (no names)? can't tell mine. oh no. not unless i use i fake name that's not mine to tell my fun tale. ha!
Like Kathy Said YIKES...
I think a special day like Valentines day to be the front cover with love poems or stories. We do it for Father's day and Mother's Day. We not do it for Valentine's day. It is a Holiday where we show the ones we care and love what they mean to us.
I think there is enough negative everyday that we read on OS. Plus I think Revenge on ex lovers is a little impersonal and not to mention crude. The day is about love, caring and sharing that love with others.
Maybe do the revenge of lovers a week or two after Valentines day is over.
Where is the love??? I think it should be on a positive subject. Plus poets never get any recognitions here on OS and we don't even get an EP for poetry. So why not give us on day of the front cover to highlight some of the great love poems that are written here on OS everyday.
i see i'm the only one who sees nothing wrong with this open call, heh heh. there are many ways to look at revenge. my fave is that it's a dish best served cold ... on the flip side, it's also a confession of pain, and a shortcut to healing.
ah, love ... that backfires.
I also think that this revenge on ex lovers will stir up a lot of hard feelings, and several shit storms.
Plus like I said there is ready too much negative we read everyday here on OS. Why not do a positive front cover for the love letters and or love stories..
Have you noticed that "The Good News Sunday" That Jane Smithie started 5 or 6 weeks ago, has taken off so fast and everyone is loving them..
So why not give us a special front cover for Valentines day to put smiles and happiness in the heart of all the Oser's
Bad idea. Let people have their Valentine's day.
Oh I got one...but I didn't do it. My fiance did it to an ex that cheated on him. It's a real joy, I hope he'll let me write it! I hope, I hope, I hope!
C'mon guys... we're writers... be creative... twist it to fit you.
I am not good at revenge and the older I get the better it seems to just walk away. Perhaps I have aged out of this topic ;0)
The best kind of ex-husband is a happy ex-husband.... it's much better for the kids this way. Don't want any bad karma....
Nope. Sorry. We get too much "revenge" served up here, hot and cold. We don't need to stir the pot. Count me out on this one.
An excellent idea to avoid the V-day schmaltz.
I do have one. I stretched it just a tad.
I fortunately have no revenge stories. Sorry. No I'm not. But I'll enjoy reading a good story whether it is revenge or sweet remembrances.
Revenge stories are great. I've got one, if I have enough time to type it up.
Lovers revenge. Gads. We need more of this until Feb 14th?
My, oh my. I hope April Fool Day and St. Pat gets here soon.
I always fill the woman's pockets, who dare sleep with me, up.
You stay up all Valentines night and open apple sauce cans up.
You use your government issued, 3/4 inch, P- 38, from`Nam.
It weighs a miniscule amount. A P- 38 can-opener open sauce.
Oye. Open apple sauce, peanut butter, spaghetti, WW2's eggs.
Stay up all nights, Open-empty each forrest green can of sauce.
Sauce can now be gently spooned into the pockets of Ya lovers.
If the stay-over, a One-Night stand DC politico wakes, doodles.
Doodle and sing`Yankee Doodle shoot all the locals in the tree.
Oh, and if we are lucky - Hmmm. Maybe we buy frank @ Shea?
Frankfurters get gulped up by Wall Street cats who read of old lost Lovers`
Z. J. remains awake all day and night in white rages. Z.J. and good ole' pot-pals pretend.
Z.J. remains soothed.
tease ref. mad hatter.
No pot. Pot blew ups.
Z.J. holds his pacifier.
Z.J. pretends it's love.
Pacifier go wow-boom.
It's become his grenade.
Grateful, it's all pretend.
Grenade, it's hand grenade.
Grateful, it's a chocolate kiss.
Vet is not allergic to candy corn!
On halloween folk are lactose free!
Vegetarians eat Soy, peanut butter,
rye with crust cut-off, for Ya lovers,
all is gorgeous and, gluten intolerant.
I'll P.M.
P.M. this to Robin Sneed who's allergic.
Ya gotta Love Lovers who are sneezers.
Sneezers in bed get served oatmeal too.
I love to write a so-called lover "poem".
Dear _,
We 'boys' who lost 'our' wives form groups.
We can request Kathy Riordan to facilitate.

Dear Kathy ask Z.J.`Do Ya have a white dog?
This is way boo coo fun. `Do Ya kiss a puppy?
Jittery support-group attendees ... pace floor!
Poor Z.J.
He's tag.
He lays on the black tarmac with a tag on his toe.
He ask to be relieved of humping the jungle bush.
Old geezer is no young. Z.J., stiff as a night scythe.
It Don't Mean Nothin'
You sure stir a pot can.
Pot can is a 55- gal drum.
Ya pour low-grade diesel.
Ya see the goo and drops.
Ya never burn war poops.
Ya vow to be`Love ignited.
I am popping-off in morn.
I gotta mail book &`duck.
If bullet swish in the`airs.
Ask deadly metal to`curls.
Bullet curls & zooms`past.
I shall spend Time`dazed.
Tam biet- B.B. King`blues.
No broadside Amish`buggy.
Mennonite allow `bumpers.
Paint auto bumper`whites.
Then Ya be real blackballed.
It be 'deja' vu & Pope go shul.
Shul is the Yiddish synagogue.
After Sunday Shul eat low-fat.
Order gluten blueberry fat-day.
O, eat fat-lard dunkin'doughnuts.
Z.J. goes to batroom to read book.
He reads 'Genesis' on a potty chair.
Gates sounds like Don Duck muffin.
DOD Gates needs a muffler. O! Bill?
Bill Gates support`eat organic beet?
Where do one find`virtuous woman?
A limerick that isn't erotic

Is likely to sound quite robotic

And doomed to be texted

By just the sub-sexted

Whose pleasures run to the narcotic.