Judy Mandelbaum

Judy Mandelbaum
Brooklyn, New York, United States
June 01
Freelance writer, editor, and first citizen of Judy's World.

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JULY 29, 2010 9:58AM

His crime: Having sex while gentile

Rate: 19 Flag

A guy talks his way into a girl’s bed by claiming he’s something he isn’t. Who hasn’t heard that story before? Isn’t it just another – melancholy – aspect of the human condition? Well, in Israel these days this sort of escapade is not just a slice of life, it’s a ticket to the Big House. 

Sabar Kashour 
He lost his case: Sabar Kashour

That’s what thirty year-old Arab Israeli Sabar Kashour found out earlier this month. On Monday of last week, the young married father of two was sentenced to 18 months in prison, a 30-month conditional sentence, and $2,800 in compensation for “having defrauded and thereby raped and committed indecent acts upon a Jewish young woman, who only yielded to him because she thought he was a Jew.” According to the Israeli court, back in September 2008 Kashour met an Israeli Jewish woman while leaving a convenience store in Jerusalem. They came to talking and he told her in Hebrew that his name was Dudu (his actual nickname, which is usually Jewish), that he was single and interested in a long-term relationship. Just 15 minutes later the couple - who were both 28 at the time - engaged in consensual sexual relations on the roof of a nearby house. “After having carried out his scheme, he departed from the building and left her naked, on the top floor of that building.” 

It was only weeks later, after the woman learned that her one-time lover was really an Arab, that she called the police and accused Kashour of rape. During the trial, she first claimed that he had used force against her during intercourse, but then told the judge that she had agreed to have sex with Kashour because she believed he was Jewish. Eventually, Kashour agreed to a plea bargain. The judge’s ruling: the Arab was guilty of rape and indecent activities as the result of fraud. 

“If she hadn’t thought the accuser was a Jewish bachelor interested in a serious romantic relationship, she would not have cooperated,” Judge Zvi Segal stated in his argument. “The Court must protect the public interest against sophisticated criminals with a smooth tongue and sweet talking, who can lead astray innocent victims at the unbearable price of the sanctity of their bodies and souls.” 

Both Kashour – who has already spent the last two years under house arrest – and other Arab Israelis are outraged. In an interview with CNN, Kashour asked: “If I told the woman I was a pilot and later she finds out that I was not a pilot, then she goes and says that ‘He raped me’? If I told her that I was a millionaire and it turns out that I am a poor man, then she goes and says that ‘He raped me’?” Or as Salon’s Tracy Clarke-Flory asked a few days ago, “How do you draw the line between sexual seduction and fraud?” 

Today Kashour, who has no criminal record, formally appealed the sentence. According to his petition, "It appears that we, in Israel, would also feel a sense of unease had we heard that a Jew was convicted of raping a Christian woman abroad - even though they engaged in consensual sex - just because he did not reveal his Jewish roots.” Moreover, the petition states, the mentality behind the ruling represents "an outdated, patriarchal worldview whereby only a man can enjoy sex, while the woman cannot enjoy it at all and would only consent in exchange for a promise of a relationship, and only as long as this relationship involves a man of identical ethnicity." 

Outdated and patriarchal is right - not to mention stark raving racist. In the 1980s, Israeli-American firebrand Meir Kahane unsettled average Israelis by proposing to make sexual relations between Israeli Jews and gentiles a criminal offence. Nothing ever came of his efforts, but the way things seem to be heading in Israel it wouldn’t surprise me if this idea reappeared on the agenda one day soon. It looks as if some people are determined to prove that Judaism really is a "race" after all. Thanks for nothing, Judge Segal!

Aside from the distasteful racist overtones, the judge's distinctly un-Solomaic decision may represent a step backward in the struggle to bring genuine perpetrators of violence against women – and they are legion – to justice. As an editorial in Haaretz this week reminds us, “Kashour's conviction, in light of the circumstances that have been made public, is likely to harm the critical struggle to convict and punish rapists to the full extent of the law. For the act of rape, it is worth keeping in mind, is not sex; it is sexual violence. The problem with the Kashour case - on top of the issues of racism - is the blurring of this significant border.” 

Don’t get me wrong: Mr. Kashour is not entirely “innocent” in this matter, and as far as I’m concerned he deserves everything his wife has been throwing at him. And yet, I would like to keep the police and courts as far as possible away from my courtship activities, thank-you very much. If everyone who is guilty of making amorous advances under less-than-forthcoming pretences can be charged with “rape,” prosecutors would be swamped investigating on-line dating services alone. Women might as well stay home and only venture out when their husbands and brothers give them their permission. Hmm, now where have I heard that before…?


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(updating my AshleyMadison profile to show the truth and nothing-but-the-truth, so help me gawd!)

Good grief! I suspect that if we were to prosecute for every "misrepresentation" made (by both sides) during our various courtship and wooing rituals, very, very few of us who would come away with an entirely spotless record.
Because of two cases (one involving a man posing as a doctor, another involving a man posing as his own brother, the boyfriend of the female involved) an attempt was made to make rape by deception a crime in Mass. As far as I can tell the law didn't pass.

Thanks, the possibilities are truly endless, aren't they?
Wow. This story also suggests why-- if one is being discriminating in one's choices of sexual partenr--it might be wise for everyone in the game of seduction to get to know one another a bit longer than 15 minutes before engaging in sexual activity.
Another reason to be 100% honest with your girlfriend. Thanks for sharing this extraordinary story, Judy! Rated with a modicum of Bewilderment.
Where do I begin? First of all, one of the biggest problems with Israeli laws that involve Judaism are super-flawed. If my grandparents had tried to marry there, I would never have existed. A Jewish woman who married a Christian (Mormon) man. They actually make people who want to marry as Jews go through ridiculous examinations. A lot of loving couples are denied every year.

I take serious issue with the facts of this case from the "victim's" side, too. Who has sex with a person within a half-hour of meeting them and actually expects a long-term relationship to come of it? I was taught (and rightly so) that waiting for sex while you get to know someone actually enhances the chances of long-term love.

The guy is a first-class lying jerk and an adulterer, but the woman is no angel, either. I am Jewish, but Israel will never be my motherland with stupid laws like this.
What if claimed in court he was Arab but his dick was Jewish?
I hate it when women throw the rape card out when there's no game in play. Both these people are suffering from the same condition: buyer's remorse. They fell for a sales pitch and then found out the product wasn't what was claimed. I'm angrier with her than with him. She is doing real damage to the credibility of women who have truly been raped.
Oh, and insensitive comment of the year goes to Bonnie. Here we have a she-devil diminishing the word rape for all women and putting a man in prison for a year and half all to protect her personal prejudices and this was tough on her??

And the ironic part, of course, is there's no such thing as a Jew or an Arab or a black man or a white man or any other garbage like that. Souls don't have creed, color or races and it's sick to think so.
Um, a verbal contract wherein both parties agree to participate with certain considerations. Hers were assumed, not spoken. She is out. She assumes he is marriage prospect, he enjoys the fruit of her assumption. She should have asked for more proof than a name; proof of his culture, religion, race, true identity. Methinks he has done this purposely before. Why? Certainly he would have realized she was Jewish,and most probably would not think an Arab would speak Hebrew to them, just a thought. Maybe by framing the case thus, she brings attention to this kind of behavior and women are alerted to be sure of what they are doing. Not sure really what to think. R
Oh shit!! Does this mean that if my wife of 37 years finds out that I'm predisposed by my genes to be chubby rather than the fit 21 year old she married she can have me executed by lethal injection???
I think I should be okay. My partner lied to me about her age, she knocked off 4 years and I lied to her about having all my original hair and teeth in tact, when I actually have a denture.

I guess that makes it even.
he said his name was Dudu and he was full of Sh%$....how appropriate! all jokes aside however, I also agree that consensual sex is NOT rape, despite the lies he may have told her...i despise a liar, but i also believe in the punishment fitting the crime...such is not the case in this scenario....perphaps one should get to know a potential suitor a little longer before engaging in sexual intercourse if marriage is the eventual agenda!
Wait a minute . . . this twit is crying rape because the guy wasn't jewish? Well piss in my Sake and burn my rice! WTF! He's an asshat for lying and she's tramp for throwing around unjustified cries of "rape"

Both of them get the "EPIC FAIL" of the month!

I'm very concerned with what the religious parties want to foist on Bibi. And that he's acceeding. Particularly as to conversions. R.
A couple of things:

1) Did he actually lie to her? I don't see that, she assumed and he didn't offer anything different. He may have led her to believe something - but that's different.

2) I'd have an easier time of believing she felt defrauded of a committed LTR, if they hadn't actually had sex within 15 mins of meeting each other, it's not like they dated for months, and he courted her under false pretenses.
She clearly did not give him a blowjob or else she might have seen his penus is not mutilated "jew style"
This essay completely misrepresents the situation. The accused DOES have a history of sexual assault and the victim, who is not mentally sound, testified that the sex was NOT consensual. The only way to get a conviction, even on a lesser charge, and protect the public was to use the 'deception' statute. BTW, this law is rarely used and has never been used before in this way.

The anti-semitism in many of the comments, especially those by Kat Hudson, rw005g, and smulder002 are disgusting.
Because lying to get sex usually almost never happens.
"Just 15 minutes later the couple - who were both 28 at the time - engaged in consensual sexual relations on the roof of a nearby house."

15 minutes: let that sink in. They emphatically were not acting responsibly -- or their age. She also thought he was Jewish mainly because of his Moslem circumcision. That's not deception, but ignorance.